Am just doing my mysterious world weary loner thing

2012-02-06T02:19:00.001+08:00

Inevitably, it was Something Blue.

2012-01-24T20:54:00.001+08:00

Singapore needs a Lelouch

2012-01-22T16:33:00.000+08:00

The problem with love is that it cannot be reduced into an algorithm.

2012-01-01T04:51:00.001+08:00

It's scary to realise that you're growing older all the time, and life is an express train that won't wait for you.

2011-09-23T22:33:00.002+08:00

Religion is like a penis.

It's fine to have one.

It's fine to be proud of it.

But please do not start whipping it out in public and start waving it around.

And PLEASE do not try to shove it down my children's throats.

2011-06-12T21:46:00.003+08:00

Maybe Lelouch was right

2011-06-12T21:46:00.001+08:00

Something blue or something borrowed?

2011-05-26T22:46:00.000+08:00

Even a stray has some modicum of pride

2011-04-20T01:53:00.000+08:00

"I'd have stolen you the whole orchestra"

still the saddest line ever

2011-03-27T23:07:00.001+08:00

the system will only work if all of us play our roles in the system properly. if not, the system will collapse as no one would believe in the system anymore

2011-03-27T21:53:00.000+08:00

we are all slaves to our endocrine system

2011-03-24T00:55:00.002+08:00

are they wrong or it's just because I'm too immature to understand their point of view?

2011-03-14T23:59:00.001+08:00

there must be a evolutionary reason why humans feel sadness

2011-02-25T22:25:00.001+08:00

talking about you makes you seem closer to me than you actually are

2011-02-11T00:23:00.001+08:00

always lead the questioning life

2011-02-09T00:09:00.001+08:00

only legal highs please

2011-01-30T22:56:00.003+08:00

I haven't done this in some time, but why the hell not?

Not that anyone cares about this place anymore, now lost amongst the other more pertinent websites.

Perhaps this relic from my adolescence shall serve a purpose again.

Cryptic though my words are, the emotion that drives them is always the same.

It is just the unfulfilled, unsatisfied life. Those who tell you otherwise lie, and you believe them as you want your life to transcend this drudgery, this weakness where you can only the sum total of nothing.

Be unsatisfied. It is too easy to be happy. Happy is an emotion that comes easily, as all of us want happiness to belong to us and never leave us. It is the drug that sustains your life. Yet it is only those who are truly brave that stare at the easy release of happiness and reject it. Those who turn their backs at happiness because they know such falsehood will only hold them back, they surge forward to break new ground as they know if they were to stop, that drug will take over them and they too will lose themselves to that hallucinatory intangible feeling.

It is too easy to be happy. Happy is being contended with what you are, never seeking to step ahead. And once you have this happiness you guard it jealously, you fight off any attempt to take it away from you, and fight it to prevent it from leaving you. At times, you may throw away your dignity and beg for it to stay.

I say, lead the unsatisfied life, but at times indulge in the drug of happiness. But never overindulge, for it would lead you to not want to lead the unsatisfied life anymore. Do not look for easy ways out, nor look for others divine or not for guidance. You live your life for yourself. Never be ignorant. The key to making good decisions is having knowledge and using it.

I have been indulging a bit too much. It's time to be unsatisfied again.

2011-01-22T01:10:00.002+08:00

The part where he rants at those above for not being able to hear anything meaningful from his father, that part hit me hard.

Life can end so easily without any last words. And yes it is senseless. Life is cruel in that bad things can happen to anyone, be it good or bad. Ranting and raving is inevitable, the only way we can deal with it in the end is to accept it and move on.

In that, we show our weakness as a human being, a person who wants to have control over his life but has no real control over anything at all. That is just the sad plight of being human.

If he were to exist, he has a cruel sense of humor.

2009-10-27T00:07:00.001+08:00

The other case is Zbyszko v. New York American Inc. (1930) 2239 N.Y.S. 411 . A newspaper published a photograph of a particularly repulsive gorilla. Next to it appeared a photograph of the plaintiff above the caption: “ Stanislaus Zbyszko, the Wrestler: Not Fundamentally Different from the Gorilla in Physique.” The statement of claim alleged that this had caused the plaintiff to be shunned and avoided by his wife (who presumably had not noticed her husband's physique until it was pointed out to her by the newspaper), his relatives, neighbours, friends and business associates, and had injured him in his professional calling. The New York Court of Appeals held that the caption was capable of being defamatory. The case was presumably cited to us as persuasive authority. I find it singularly unpersuasive except as a demonstration of the lengths of absurdity to which an enthusiastic New York lawyer will go in pleading his case

Millet LJ in Berkoff v Burchill

2009-09-07T15:31:00.002+08:00

Icarus

The guy who flew too close to the Sun, and died when the Sun melted the glue that held his makeshift wings together.

We can fight all we want sometimes, but you can't fight fate.

Still, I want to fight, because I can't bear to live my life on auto pilot.

2009-08-28T23:32:00.003+08:00

Drive

What I really want to do is be able to drive a great car on a nice summer's day along the countryside roads of UK, without a care in the world and just admiring the scenery.

2009-08-20T14:05:00.003+08:00

23 years old

When you get older, things seem far less attractive. When you were 18 you wanted to club, join those gyrating bodies on that dance floor and get high on hard liquor. Now you think of zouk and shudder of the thought of those nubile young people who look suspiciously underage and those NSFs who throng the club in hopes of chatting up (if possible, given the loud music) some girls.

At 23, I don't feel that I'm old in a sense that I can't do all these stuff, nor do I mean it in a cynical way. It just seems that, when you get to the age when your female peers are all working, you're entering your final year of formal education, when you meet with your friends you talk about internships and work and other stuff you heard your older siblings talk about with their friends. (not that i have any older siblings)

When we had our 10 year gathering, we planned it way ahead to ensure everyone could attend, and barring from fabian we succeeded. It's unlike those times in army, where an sms would bring about a quick positive response. A last minute call for anyone who wanted to watch GI Joe only yielded ed.

Yet some things don't change and I don't want them to. That night we had dinner at a tze char place which we shared 9 plates of food. Then we went to pomo (the newly renamed paradiz) and played CS for the first time in ages. The graphics look really jaded. Then we went to my place and played mafia with 10 people, a real crazy night.

As I grow older, I cherish my friends more. They have seen me through my awkward secondary school/JC years, made the time in army less harsh and make a return to Singapore all the more welcoming.

To all my friends, be it those who are from my university, army, JC, secondary school, scouts or japanese class, it has been a blast to hang out with you guys again.

Strange, normally I'm rather cavalier about going back to London, but as the date comes again, I feel a sense of loss, like there's a lot of unfinished business here. But I know, I'll be back, and I'll carry out all that I planned eventually.

For this new academic year, I feel a new sense of purpose, a sense of me wanting to be even better. It feels like the time for me to shed the bad parts of me and focus on being a better person.

But words alone don't do anything. I shall show it.

One of the things I shall do more is blog. So those who actually bother to read my blog, I'm back.

2009-07-06T19:06:00.002+08:00

From How I Met Your Mother:

The steps normal people go through before saying "I love you".

The moment when you think you think it.

The moment you think you know it

The moment you know you know it, but can't yet say it

And finally, the moment you know you know it, and can't keep it in you any longer

2009-07-02T08:35:00.002+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTWmMCliPsU&feature=related

Sweet Memories
by Seiko Matsuda, Olivia Ong

なつかしい
痛みだわ
ずっと前に
忘れていた
でもあなたを見たとき
時間だけ
後もどりしたの
幸福？と聞かない
でうそをつくのは上手じゃない
友だちならいるけど
あんなには燃えあがれなくて
失った夢だけが　
美しく見えるのは何故かしら
過ぎ去った
優しさも今は
甘い記憶
sweet memories

Don't kiss me baby
we can never be
So don't add more pain
Please don't hurt me again
I have spent so many nights
Thinking of you longing for your touch
I have once loved you so much

あの頃は
若過ぎていたずらに
傷つけあった二人
色褪せた
哀しみも今は
遠い記憶
sweet memories

The song that is stuck in my head now. I guess it fits the type of song i like, the piano solo, the haunting voice and most of all it was released in 1983 by an old renowned singer.

2009-06-22T16:42:00.003+08:00

'Uni can wait, I'm taking a gap year'

More youth taking time off to volunteer, travel or gain work experience

By Alessa Pang & Rachel Au-Yong

WHILE her peers fret about which university to choose or which orientation camps to go for, Miss Tiffany Liew, 18, is thinking about writing up menus and picking out pots and pans.

Having scored 3 As in last year's A-level exams, the former Raffles Junior College student will put off her pursuit of a degree to start her own food and beverage stall and gain some work experience.

'I know it's not the conventional route, but it'll be good exposure especially since I'm going down the business route,' said the business-major hopeful.

She is negotiating for the operational rights of a local delicacy stall, and hopes to set up shop in VivoCity or Ion Orchard. She has taken a loan of $100,000 from her businessman father. 'I know it's a lot of money, but with his guidance and some luck, I hope and intend to repay him with interest,' she said.

Miss Liew is one of a small but growing number of youth who are taking a gap year before university - a practice slow to catch on among Singaporeans, who are known to prize the pursuit of education.

For some among this small group - particularly those whose parents are able to support them financially - a gap year is a way to have a break, gain some work experience, or do volunteer work.

No one keeps track of how many youth take a gap year here, but the National University of Singapore (NUS) said about 250 students are granted leave of absence for academic or personal reasons each year, excluding those who have to complete their national service. NUS has an average annual intake of about 6,250.

At the Nanyang Technological University, 'less than a handful' of its annual cohort of about 5,050 request a gap year.

The Singapore Management University does not keep track of such students because potential students who wish to take a gap year are advised to apply in the year they are ready to start.

The United World College campus here has a gap-year programme for its graduating students which links them to volunteering stints in neighbouring countries that usually last several months.

Singaporean students, though, have to chart the road less travelled themselves.

Miss Natalya Twohill, 22, decided to take a gap year after her studies at Ngee Ann Polytechnic. After getting a diploma in mass communications in 2006, she did not rush off her university applications.

Instead, she set up the Singapore branch of the United Nations Youth Association - which has now grown to 450 members and volunteers. The group discusses world issues, much like the ones world leaders do in the UN headquarters.

Miss Twohill was selected to attend the Global Leaders' Youth Summit in New York, where she visited the UN. She also visited a refugee camp in Chiang Mai, Thailand. The NUS political science major said: 'It wasn't always easy, but my gap year gave me the assurance I needed that serving the community was really my passion in life.'

But more often than not, students take a year off simply to give themselves a break from the education system.

Miss Claire Oei, 20, said: 'I was tired of studying so hard continuously for the last 12 years. I wanted to be able to do things I want to do at my own pace.'

She spent a year working at an events management company and travelling around Asia and Australia while doing volunteer work. Miss Oei paid for most of her trips, with her parents chipping in.

Then there are those who do not want to be bogged down by the hassle of applying to an overseas university while studying for exams.

Miss Sarah Tang, 19, finished her International Baccalaureate last year but is going to apply for a place in the Wharton Business School only this year. 'I didn't want to have to deal with my examination and applications at the same time.' said the former Anglo-Chinese School (Independent) student. Meanwhile, she took up a sales job in clothes retailer Hermes and started her own stock portfolio.

Miss Grace Teng, 20, also decided to take a year off after completing her studies in 2007. The aspiring film-maker spent a year buffing up her portfolio for her application to the famed New York University's Tisch School of the Arts for film and television studies.

Armed with a strong portfolio, she got a place in her dream school. 'There was no way I would have got in if I had applied in 2007 because my portfolio would not have been strong enough,' she said.

Taking a gap year is no easy decision.

Most, like Miss Connie Tan, 19, are worried about losing a year. 'I'm afraid I would end up wasting time. It may also be even more competitive if I were to apply for admission next year.'

Miss Lim Hui Meen, 19, decided it was too 'risky' and did not want to 'sap any more of my parents' retirement funds'.

Others said they did not want to be 'separated' from their friends from junior college or secondary school.

Most who have done the gap year said they would not have been able to do it without their parents' support or approval, at least.

Mrs Wendy Yeap, whose daughter Cassandra, 20, took a year off to gain working experience, said: 'I watched Cassandra become much more confident about herself and she is now very clear about what she wants to pursue.'

What I found interesting about this article by our national daily is that, there is not one guy who was interviewed or referenced. I find this detail severely lacking, because I think any critical and analytical person who reads this article can spot that fatal flaw in the article. To have not noticed this before it went to publication is surprising to say the least, you would think a newspaper would try to give the most unbiased account possible.

Maybe they didn't write about guys, because, let me make a few wild guesses, have to do NS, thus taking up 2 years of their lives and hence would be less likely to take gap year as they are already behind their female peers as it is.

To take a gap year is not an easy decision, and there are many reasons why people do so. I just hope our national daily can be more vigilant in their reporting and not leave out an important and crucial perspective when writing an article.

Seeing it for ourselves

I RECENTLY bumped into an old friend who had just completed his degree in the United States.

He was due to return here to serve his scholarship with a local statutory board. However, his time overseas had exposed him to a plethora of alternative career options he never even knew existed. Too good to pass up, he found, was the rare opportunity to work in Tokyo as a computer science researcher.

Hence, he made the bold decision to terminate the scholarship and pay off the bond, heading instead to Tokyo for better pay and prospects.

Having lived in Singapore for most of my life, his cosmopolitan experience was indeed inspiring. His words to me were: 'If you never venture out, you'll never know what you're missing.'

While Singapore strives to be a hub for everything, our lack of natural and spatial resources will inevitably constrain us. Our tiny shores are not enough for some of us to fulfil our greater aspirations, be it in academic life or the arts.

We will never know if the grass is really greener on the other side until we go there and see it for ourselves.

Chew Zhi Wen, 21, has completed his first year in law at NUS.

Home ground is best

WHENEVER I tell friends I have never travelled in a plane, they usually react with disbelief. 'How can that be,' they stutter. 'Surely you must have gone overseas at some point in your life!'

Well, I've only been to Malaysia, but it's not because I'm afraid of flying or I can't afford a ticket; it's just that I've never felt the need to fly overseas for holidays.

Through television and the Internet, I'm fully aware that there's a host of experiences around the world that I've been missing out on.

Yet Singapore - this sparkling city of perfectly spaced trees, with rubbish bins around every corner - exerts a magnetic pull of familiarity that I cannot shrug off.

There is a comforting sense of security here, with a top-notch police force and professional armed forces. Law and order may not seem like a big deal until you find yourself in the middle of a riot.

There is also no compelling need to head overseas for studies: We have world-class universities here, and my primary academic interest is South- east Asian society. Besides, I can always go on short-term exchanges if I am really bitten by the travel bug.

For now, it is fine to stay.

Ow Yeong Wai Kit, 20, has a place to read arts and social sciences at NUS.

Everyone knows one or two of them. You know, the bond breaker. I remember there was this whole campaign back when I was still in secondary school vilifying them, so much so i had write a bao zhang bao dao on them. There were talks of publishing their names in the news to "shame" them. But now it seems that people take it as par for the course. Which is good as well.

Even when I wrote those essays back in sec2 condemning those evil bond breakers who because of the fact they can't honour a contract will end up to be adulterers and fraudsters because of their past record of not keeping their word, i never really bought into that idea. And now that I'm overseas, I don;t really blame people from breaking their bonds once they see how things are different when they go overseas.

The second writer seems a tad too self righteous about him not travelling. But nevertheless, he appreciates my home for what it is, its safety and greenery and etc. I think the world is made up of different people, and everyone has different ways of looking at things. But in this case, I espouse the mantra of the first letter, that you need to go out to appreciate what you left behind. And right now, after spending 2 years in London, I have learnt to appreciate it and it has become my second home of sorts, but one's soul still hankers for home.

2009-06-09T02:03:00.001+08:00

All Hail Me

I hate to sound pretentious, but I do think now that I am the real life equivalent of Lelouch Vi Britainia.

2009-05-23T04:52:00.003+08:00

If You Don't Wanna Love Me
James Morrison

When you lower me down
So deep that I, I can't get out
And when you're lost, lost and alone
Yes you'd think it was the last place
You'd come back for more

If you don't want me to leave
Then don't push me away
Rather blow out the lights
You can watch it all fade

But I'm going nowhere
I'm gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
When you're closing your eyes
'Cause you don't wanna love me

I'm gonna stay
You can't push me to far
There's no space in my heart
Where I don't wanna love you

And when there's no stone
Then how can I feel the corn
If there's nothing, nothing, nothing left to lose
Then what is this feeling
That keeps on bringing me back to you

So I'm gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
And you're closing your eyes
'Cause you don't wanna love me

So I'm gonna stay, yes I will
You can't push me too far
There's no space in my heart
Where I don't wanna love you

And if you ask me to leave
And I walked away
We'd still be alone
And we'd still be afraid
I'm going nowhere
I'm going nowhere

'Cause I'm gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
And there's tears in your eyes
'Cause you don't wanna love me

I'm gonna stay
All the tears that I've cried
I could leave them to dry
If you don't wanna love me
Could leave them to dry
If you don't wanna love me

2009-04-19T14:08:00.002+08:00

Reborn

It's been ages since I blogged here frequently, and since the exam madness is getting to me I decided to hit the keyboard again to share my thoughts with the cyber world.
Can't believe that this blog was created way back when I was 17, 6 years ago. I must get down to saving all the entries before Blogger goes kaput.
It's been a trying time for me these few weeks, but am still hanging on there. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, so I want to recreate myself and be a better person.
Humans are really pitiful sometimes. We strive to change things in our life, but we know ultimately it is futile. There are things you can try as much as you want but you can't change.
But that shouldn't stop you from trying.
Which is what I'll do.

2009-04-07T15:23:00.002+08:00

Change

Down this lonely road of change I must take.

For although it hurts, it hurts for the other more.

What is now past can not be regained,

But rather a new path is to be carved.

2009-04-03T15:58:00.001+08:00

Paroxysms

Left clavicle muscle. Right thigh muscle. Heart.

Pain.

2009-01-29T06:25:00.002+08:00

Revive Revival

Never thought I'll start writing here again, but I guess life has its way of making things go full circle.
Oh well, quit whining, apps, hasting bass essay, fiduciary duties tutorial, hire of the coach bus, come up with qns await me.
I always said a happy person does not blog.
Well, as of now, I'm not feeling happy.

2008-08-12T20:36:00.003+08:00

Keeping the faith

Recently I read an article about people converting from Taoism to Christianity and one of the reasons they cited was that Taoism placed emphasis on respecting parents, wealth and other worldly pursuits, which they found very shallow and unfufilling. I'm not here to debate this point about religions, but I just want to talk about this point.
I think, the main point is that people rather place their faith in things that are rather intangible than earthly people. I can understand why. You place your faith in people, and invariably, like it or not, they will let you down, despite their best efforts. When you were growing up, you thought the world of your parents, thought they knew everything and anything, and were in awe of them. But as you grow up, you realise that they don't know everything, they are as flawed as any human being in this world. And then you decide not to follow their advice anymore, for you think that they don't know any better. And what if your parents did not fufil their duties very well, the case for respecting them and placing your faith in them is further weakened.
Friends may stab you in the back faster than you can think about it. Friends you know from young can drift apart over an argument, or just merely distance.
Your lover may get so fed up with you, until the point she'll leave you. There can be only so much love can take, until it warps into hate, then the scariest emotion of them all. Indifference.
We human beings are evil. We are irredeemable, disgusting creatures that love ourselves only. Even those people whom you thought were heroes and are worth placing your faith on, sooner or later someone will tear down their facade and expose their ugly side, and the worst part is people do that to feel better about themselves, to let that guy know, hey you ain't any special, you're just like us, selfish creatures who can't give a damn about other people. People cheat, lie, hate, plot, harass, procrastinate, act in manners that are so despicable, and the worst part is, they know the consequences of their actions, and yet they still go ahead to do it.
A world like this, you wonder why one has the will to wake up everyday to strive on.
This world has charities misspending donations, friends betraying each other, people fighting over inheritances, brother against brother, where Russia invades Georgia on the day of the Olympics where people dismiss as a lightshow for the masses, just like the 43rd birthday of our Home Inc.
And yet.
And yet I wake up everyday to strive on.
It is not some misplaced optimisim that the world will change itself overnight, or that things will be alright, or that someone, somewhere, untainted from all this cyncism will rise up and salvage humanity.
Rather, I believe it is more likely we will drown in our own hate and bile.
I strive on because, even though my family is flawed, my friends are flawed, my life is flawed, there are moments out there, fleeting yes, but are there for me to grasp and enjoy.
I strive one because I know that, despite being a flawed individual predisposed to evil, I can fight the internal evil by forcing it under, by fighting that never ending struggle, all because of a simple reason.
I love my flawed family, my flawed friends, my flawed lover.
Love does not conquer everything. Love does not resurrect the dead, heal the deepest of wounds, nor can it be the panacea to the world.
Love is frankly a useless and pointless emotion, designed to make one trudge on in life. The ultimate opiate for the masses, the joke of the gods who play it amongst us mortals.
And yet.
And yet I decide to love. To love is to hate at the same time, for it is passion.
We are all disgusting wastes of protoplasms to begin with already. I don't have great aspirations, I just want to love those who are important to me, despite them being flawed in the most hopeless and incorrigble of ways. For I am flawed as well, and I as a person do not deserve any faith placed on me, for it'll just invariably bring about pain and suffering to those who decide to rely on me.
I have known happiness, pain, friendship, love, grief, loss, and many other emotions. I know enough that this lousy world I live in will never change.
But that will not stop me from placing my faith in people flawed as they may be, infallible gods they are not.
Why? Maybe I'm a born masochist. But I like to believe that, there is some good in all our evil selves, and that maybe if I showered them with a bit of love, that useless and pointless emotion, perhaps in my nice corner of my life I can make the world a bit better for them.
I am evil. I don't deserve good stuff happening to me. So I rather make the people important to me happy.
I guess, I'm just an evil person loving you with all he has.

2008-06-17T06:25:00.001+08:00

I am happy.

2008-05-17T08:15:00.002+08:00

Lousy

I hate letting people down.
But I only have myself to blame.
Somehow, I prefer that they get angry with me, instead of saying it's alright with a voice filled with resignation and disappointment.
But yeah, that is just me trying to make myself feel better, as I subconsciously think that once the anger is gone, everything will be fine again.
Argh argh argh.
I really am damn fricking irritated and angry with myself now, but it's pointless.
"From now on I'll just not expect anything from others so I won't be disappointed anymore."
These words made me feel the worst ever chill run through my whole body.

2008-05-07T07:55:00.002+08:00

Exams

Ok worst possible time to be malaised, but yeah that's the case I'm feeling now, on the eve of my criminal paper.
Just feel like saying it here.
Need a shot in the arm.
Shall sleep and wake up to fight another day.

2008-04-21T19:59:00.001+08:00

Of the most improbable of events

Alan is a famous politician hated by Dave, an enthusiast for voodoo. Dave believes that he can cause brain damage to Alan by sticking needles into his effigy. Dave foresees two problems, first, that he is not sure he can make a sufficiently accurate effigy of Alan and secondly, getting the needles into the exact parts of the effigy’s head will be exceedingly complex. He decides to go to Madame Tussaud’s to try out the spell on Alan’s effigy, fully expecting that he will need a second trip as he is bound to stick the pins in wrongly the first time around. On arriving at the effigy the coast seems clear and Dave sticks a number of pins into it, ruining it beyond repair. Paula arrives but Dave, seeing that she does not look hostile, explains to her what he is doing. Paula happens to be a researcher working for Alan and sends him a text message describing the scene. Alan is so amused on reading it that he rocks back on his chair and cracks his skull on the wall, which causes him brain-damage.

Consider Dave’s criminal liability, ignoring any issue of insanity. Add critical comments where you think the law is unsatisfactory.

From the KCL 2007 summer exam for criminal law. Seriously, WTF.

2008-04-21T05:15:00.002+08:00

ZY v Exams

Ok, not the most imaginative title I must admit, but yeah law is taking over my life as it is. Going crazy as the seasons reaches the business end of it. Exams in 2 weeks, and although I think I understand the concepts involved, but I have yet to commit them to memory, which renders the understanding part moot. Oh well, I desperately need to get some momentum going but EU law is boring as hell and I don't feel like to tackling it at all. Need to bite the bullet.
They never do things the easy way right? Having said that friedel was god like on sat. This sets up 3 tantalising matches in a row, bacra chelski barca. Worth taking time off studying to watch.
Today's hall dinner was the worst experience I had. Firstly, the (newly upgraded) lift was out of service, so I had to walk down 9 floors to get to the dining area. Then as it was the weekend, like cookhouse the food was crappy, and the server was the usual weekend lady who is very sullen and surly. And because it's a weekend, the more decent options tend to run out very quickly, so you have to go down early to ensure you don't end up with the lousy food. I chose the most unoffensive option, and went to get my cutlery, and lo and behold, there were only metal knives left. I knew it was pointless to ask for more cutlery, as the washer will take some time to clean it anyway, thus just grabbed 2 knives and ate my pork with potatoes, and drank my luxury hot chocolate from a paper cup. My hallmate was worst off, as he had to eat the same thing with 2 plastic knives. The reason for the paucity of cutlery is due to the fact that the residents (not me) keep on koping the cups and cutlery, until the point the cookhouse has to ration. But it's ridiculous really, but yeah since I'm moving out in another 2 months I really can't be bothered. They better fix the lift though, as AO puts it, if he wants to go down now he has to think properly before going down otherwise he'll be cursing all the way up again.
And AO looks like a real lion these few days. I bet his encik will get a heart attack if he goes back for ICT like that.
There's a homecoming party for RJC-ians (sic) class of 2004 to 2007. Firstly, please use the term Rafflesians not RJC-ians, it just sounds wrong. And reading the facebook event, I doubt any batch of 2004 would go. It'll just be a reminder of how old we are and how far we have gone from RJC already.
It's quite scary to hear how far ahead my female peers are already, while I'm still a 1st year student. I just feel a bit distant from them now, especially since we have followed radically different paths ever since we left RJ. Nevertheless, those I'm closer to I'm still in contact with, and it's always nice to talk to them as they have been there done that in terms of uni and give good advice.
Just can't wait for the exams to be over, and then will finally be able to go home to sunny and rainy Singapore. Until then, really have to concentrate to do well.
On a happier note, 5 more days! :)
Held: Needs to study more. Much much more.

2008-04-18T16:48:00.002+08:00

Academic renaissance

Ok I have been hearing about people getting weird dreams, which is probably due to the stress of studying so much, and I have joined this exclusive club. On Wednesday, while poring over my criminal notes, I fell asleep on my bed.
I can vaguely remember it as suddenly I felt the bed shake. I thought, shit it's an earthquake. So I got up and bizarrely tried to input my password into my laptop so that I can take it along with me. But somehow I couldn't really do it, as it was shaking too much, but I finally managed to do it. Then next thing I can remember was my room felt like the house in Wizard of Oz which was being carried away by a twister. I saw a shoe rack outside my window filled with shoes then I thought the shoes will drop out of the rack, and thus I opened my window to retrieve them. But in my haste, I dropped a few shoes, so I got exasperated and somehow got the room to land and got out to retrieve the fallen shoes. Bizarre I tell you.

Earthquake
To dream of an earthquake, suggests that you are experiencing a major "shake-up" that is threatening your stability and foundation. The dream highlights you insecurity, fears and sense of helplessness. If you find cover from the quake, you will overcome these challenges. If you become trapped or injured during the quake, you will suffer loss of your business and assets.

Hmm ok.. I guess the "shake up" refers to exams. Anyway, as a result of that, I got up at 12 midnight, decided it was futile to study anymore, and went to sleep. Slept for 12 hours, thus was super alert the next day and did quite a lot of studying. Was helped by the fact I got from Sam Utada Hikaru's Heart Station, the tunes in the album was very upbeat and unless I concentrate very hard I can get the lyrics, so the level of distraction is lower.
Getting scared shitless already. Exams are coming so fast and I haven't really remembered everything. Small consolation is that somehow topics I knew nuts about in the past when I study them now I can understand them.
Filling up my summer schedule. Hopefully it'll be a fruitful and interesting summer.
Can't wait for exams to be over, and thus herald the start of 4 months of relaxation.

2008-04-15T22:45:00.003+08:00

Same side of the moon

By Corrinne May

I'm looking out the window
Where we sat to watch the stars
There's a chill within the air
It makes my heart long for your touch
You may be miles away
But as I kneel to pray

I see the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon
And though you'll never see all the tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon

I picture you across the ocean
In your corner of the world
I pray the wind will blow my voice
And gently whisper in your ear
Your night may be my day
And though the seasons change

It's still the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon
And though you'll never see all the tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon

2008-04-13T04:45:00.002+08:00

The world stopped for the endless poem

What I owe this blog is a long entry, and it shall get one.
USA trip was fun, memorable as the company was crazy, the trip really was very memorable because of andrew and his many quips, what with his helicopters, cider, strip clubs, sarah marshall, phallic symbols, 21 and other nonsense. Not to make fun of andrew of course, but yah the trip wouldn't be half as fun if you weren't along to make us laugh or dumbstruck.
Boston was really cold, and boring as most of the students went back home and it was easter weekend. New York was more fun of course, but I felt that the place lacked a bit of soul, and a lot of the attractions were very man made and artificial. But I must admit there was a sort of vibe that ran through the city, and being the city boy I took to the place well. Shopping at the outlet was madness, I just grabbed and went, as a result spent a lot of money. But it was good stuff, but yeah despite the increase in wardrobe items I haven't been going out much as there is a small matter of exams to study for.
And that's what I have been doing ever since I got back. Trying to cram 1 year's worth of work into 4 weeks is no joke, and I have found it hard going so far. Hopefully I can pick up the pace and at least do decently well. Have taken to taking up residence in the various libraries in London to study, to escape all the distractions.
Oh for those who actually care, I'm returning to Singapore on the 21st of June. My exams end early May, then it's off to Copenhagen and Italy.
Can't wait to go home. Lately I have had more time for introspection, and I have to come to realise that although I like to wander off and see new stuff, there's still no place like home to just kick back and relax with your family.
What I would love is to have steamboat with my family on the deck on a cold night. Or just durians in the kitchen.
And I will get that photo taken when I go back.
Just 2 and a half more months to go.
But first, just 13 more days to go.

2008-04-07T01:38:00.000+08:00

April Snow

It just seems poignant that it snowed today.

2008-03-21T06:42:00.000+08:00

Idiots

People who misplace their passport and hence cause their group to miss their train should be shot to prevent their stupidity genes from being passed on to the next generation.
ARGH!

2008-03-19T01:10:00.002+08:00

There will be blood

Whoever coined the phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder" was irritatingly and insufferably right.
And coursework isn't helping things one bit.

2008-03-17T06:29:00.002+08:00

Pacta Sunt Servanda

Latin for "agreements must be kept". Coursework madness. Seems like everyone is stressing out over it today, but I haven't really started writing, been doing things that I feel are more important instead.
It's going to be a trying week emotionally, but I'm sure I'll get through it. Besides, once Sat rolls on I'll be chilling with the fencers in USA.
It's the end of a very interesting first year. Uni has really brightened up my life. And I have found someone that I care for greatly.
Still have a lot of things to work on, like my inability to mug hard, and my lack of real things to add to my CV, and my general attendance and work with regards to law school. But as usual, I have faith in myself, and with the encouragement and support of those who care about me, I believe I can scale greater heights.

2008-03-16T06:14:00.003+08:00

Reassurance

I'm much better now. The strains that were affecting me during the last post have now subsided a bit. But still have strains like coursework, eu essay and other what nots to deal with. But at least I'm in a better stead to deal with it.
Wanting to have your cake and eat it is impossible, something I realised recently. Strange, I always thought I knew that already.

2008-03-14T03:22:00.002+08:00

Frustrated contract

I feel tired.
I really feel tired.
It's a thurday night of a very trying week, and I have not prepared for tomorrow's criminal tutorial. During the week I went for things I did not want to go for, do things I did not want to do, basically had my will subjugated on several occasions, all in the name of duty. Can't be a good thing for my well being.
Just can't wait for term to end. I feel like I'm as usual, dragging myself over the finishing line yet again. Can never seem to finish off strongly.
So many things bugging me, things like people going back to Singapore rubbing it in my face, doing things I don't want to do, wanting my way yet being too considerate and nice to insist on it.
I'll be fine after a bit of sleep and rest, I know.
I just hope I don't blow up at anyone though.

2008-02-27T17:43:00.002+08:00

Ice cream

Less than a month to the Easter holidays.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so practical.

2008-02-27T06:29:00.001+08:00

Flowers

It's a great feeling to make people important to you happy.

2008-02-18T05:33:00.003+08:00

Flag Fighters

Graham Aker is the coolest pilot in Gundam 00. Love him even more now after he used his cool black custom Flag to take on the Throne Eins and sliced its right hand off, and grabbing his beam saber as well in the process. Badass.
Writing this on a strangely boring sunday. Revision has been stop start, and my laptop gave way like 7 times already. Hoping it'll last to the end of the entry. Everyone seems to be out of hall tonight, strangely enough. I think some of them are at the SUKA dinner which I did not go for I guess.
Spent 2 days odd freezing my butt off in Oxford. Went over on friday afternoon and bunked with Andrew along with YQ, and we managed to meet up with Gladys and Crystal. We ate good food throughout the 2 days, and i had this weird craving for the very artery clogging lifespan shortening kebabs sold from vans along the streets. We woke up at 11 on sat, went about to sightsee, ended up covering christ church, st johns' and 3 museums. Managed to get back in time to watch the 4th goal as Man Utd thumped arsenal 4-0. Woohoo!
Tried to con the bus driver to let me go back on sat night when my ticket was for sun morning, but he had none of it. Thus YQ went back first as he bought a sat night ticket and I being a cheapsakte bought a cheaper sun morning ticket. Andrew's room, although big, was darn cold and the first night as I slept on the sofa without any cover I slept fitfully. I ended up sleeping wearing my outer jacket socks and gloves!
Returned to London via the morning bus, only to be greeted with -3 degrees London weather! Weather is taking a turn for the worse now, which isn't a very nice thing.
Spent a very hectic reading week prior to the trip, what with rushing essays and cooking for various people. I had 3 satisfied consumers of my cooking, and glad to say no diarhorrea reports. I must admit I'm still a one trick pony, so hoping to improve on my standards from now on! Hopefully can experiment a bit more with regards to cooking in the days to come.
And I am now a proud owner of a new blue scarf, which was intended to strangle me with if I decide to be an idiot! Well I won't give you a reason to strangle me with it!
Now is really the time to show colour. It's frightening to think that, there's only 5 more weeks of lectures before revision kicks in. And soon the 1st year of university will be over. The clock has to be fought, and I will do my best to do so.

2008-02-13T08:48:00.000+08:00

Dionysian Decadence

Change of template was neccessitated by the fact the formating went a bit haywire for some unknown reason.
Reading week now, saddled with 4 essays and a lot of revision to be done. At least am going to oxford this weekend to meet up with a few people and check out the place.
Sunday was the HC CNY carnival, but was feeling lousy for my stomach was always threatening to make me merlion (note to self: alcohol+ ben & jerry's= bad idea) and the bumpy bus ride to imperial college via oxford st was making it worse. It was quite fun though, albeit the stalls were limited. Ate the free yu sheng but failed to win the ipod in the lucky draw.
Monday had a CNY dinner for 5 pounds which was really not filling, and just came back from dinner with W. Not good for the wallet.
As Nick often says, more people read my blog than I know, and I recently found out my hallmate YW reads my blog haha. Say hi on the tagboard please. Good thing I never badmouth people on my blog or I have a whole bunch of secret enemies.
There seems to be a lot to think about or muse about, but I like to believe that whatever that wants to happen will happen.
I wrote the below entry a year back, but never posted it. Since the tyranny of 14th Feb is going to be upon us soon again, I shall let it see the light of day.

The tyranny of 14th Feb is upon us

Brothers in arms, the beast returns again. It descends upon us with its fangs bared, ready to tear our wallets or hearts to shreds. We must rally to counter this threat! Gather all your chocolates, flowers and sweet nothings to help repel the beast!
But in all seriousness, 14th Feb is my brother's birthday, so I reckon I'll be at home celebrating his birthday instead of joining the lovey-dovey crowds out there. I can then drown myself in my self pity by playing soppy love songs and sighing. Right.
I remember spending v day in J1 with Mog, Nick and Mew watching Catch Me If You Can, J2 in school talking cock with the guys, having to book in the day before in 2005, on duty while the others who have girlfriends take off in 2006.
Actually I feel like writing a lot of stuff here, but it doesn't really seem to want to come out in words. It's more like a collage of feelings and emotions, each of them so subtle and nebulous, fleeing away once I try to put them down in writing. But yeah, I won't be moping around come 14th Feb. I guess what I'm feeling now is just the usual backlash of emotions I get when I don't sleep enough and start imagining things in the middle of the night.

Let's just say I don't echo these sentiments anymore this year.

2008-02-09T10:07:00.000+08:00

Festive wet blanket

Ok I'm super sleep deprived, after sleeping at 4am the previous night, I should just lie on the bed and conk out, but I'm now waiting for my hair to dry (shit I sound like a girl) for it gets very uncomfortable if I sleep with wet hair. Thus, am here trying pen down some coherent thoughts.
CNY was ok I guess, somehow I didn't really want to get into the festive mood as there was a load of work undone on my part, but nevertheless the potluck dinner we had on wed night was fun, the subsequent late night wasn't, but yeah it brought a little cheer to my life. There really isn't any mood to celebrate when you have a lot of work and doing so makes you lose your momentum. Thankfully, next week is reading week, but there's the shadow of 4 essays to be done over me, so there's a lot of work to be put in as well.
Well, we're reaching the business end of the season soon, where trophies are won or lost, and exam results are achieved. Work is sometimes a real blur to me, and I get very frustrated sometimes that I am now exerting enough control over the direction of my life. But I have confidence in my abilities, and that people are counting on me and believing in me, this is the time to come to the fore.
It's already almost 5 months in London already! Time really flies. It's about 3 months to my final exams then it's back to sunny Singapore for summer. Like I tell my friends, I feel like I'm fighting the clock to see and do more before it's too late. To do so, I must manage my time better. As someone once told me, there is no such thing as not enough time, it just means you're not managing your time properly. And that is what I have to do.
Ok I think my hair is dry already and I really cannot take it anymore. And I profess to blog more.

2008-02-01T06:10:00.000+08:00

Judicial review

Went to Chester over the weekend for a homestay with a British family, who were extremely nice and I had a wonderful time as a result. Really became like a part of their family, and made me miss my own family as well. For all their bantering and bickering reminded me that my family would do the same as well during our weekend dinners. Went to the Chester Zoo, had a nice time there, and spent a great day in the Welsh countryside and along the river. Also went along for a birthday party where I danced like a weirdo.
What I felt weird was that despite the fact that I was the only Asian in perhaps the whole town, I didn't feel out of place at all. The people in Chester were very happy and whatever apprehensions I had were gone very quickly.
Many people, when they found out about my trip there, had different reactions. A coursemate wondered why I always seem to be zooming off to some place or doing something else and she said she envied me. I wonder what's there to envy about really. This kind of lifestyle is only enviable if you actually do a good job at balancing your play and studies. I doubt that going off from fri to mon skipping 1 very good tutorial as a result and not doing any work over the weekend as having a good balance.
My host said I was very brave to actually come up to Chester, which was a 4 hour bus ride and stay with strangers. She added with a chuckle, "you know what they say, don't talk to strangers, come and stay with them!" But yeah, I don't really think this is a very brave thing to do. Maybe brave is the wrong adjective to use. But I do think that it was not something that was really very out of my comfort zone, I got the contact of the family from an outside organisation, I have had experiences taking buses in UK (albeit this time was the first time I took megabus, which really lived up to its price tag. Going there the bus was delayed for 20 mins thanks to a joker who went AWOL at the pit stop, and returning I felt very carsick due to the cranked up heater.) so really there's nothing too hard or brave about it.
I think sometimes I don't give myself much credit, and that I tie how I feel to what I do too much. I think that the stuff I have accompolished was too easy, hence there isn't much to congratulate myself over, and the stuff that I don't accompolish I think that I have failed myself. In short, I'm quite harsh on myself at times, which kind of drives me to work harder and not slack so much.
Been frustrated by a lot of stuff ever since I came back. I really wanted to write off this week and start again from the weekend, but somehow I managed to labour through it so far and still alive. The stuff we're learning is getting heavier and heavier, and the need to revise is even more important now. And as the end of the 1st year looms, I have to worry about stuff like my easter plans, summer plans, internship, various commitments like to the MSS etc.
I got to stop this rot. I got to deal with all the $50 problems and not just deal with the simple 5 cent 10 cent stuff. And I will.

2008-01-25T05:30:00.000+08:00

Trinity Thrones

The Throne Gundams have made their appearance in Gundam 00! Time for the plot to heat up haha..
Ok on to more mundane stuff. Back to the swing of things in school, bummed my mid sessionals so am spurred to work harder now. Actually finished most of my tutorials, that's why I can blog on a thursday night and not have to rush my criminal seminar.
Am feeling a bit frustrated. Even though all the short term things in my life are more or less still going along fine, it's the long term stuff that is getting me irritated. Stuff like housing for next academic year, planning for the reading week/easter/summer trips, internship during summer back in Singapore, wanting to plan for other miscellaneous weekend trips, all the while balancing my obligations to the various organisations and people around me. Will work it out somehow.
Went trekking in Surrey again with Nick and others, this time I wore combat boots which was great as the ground was very muddy. I reckoned we covered at least 15km. Sadly throughout the trip I was so tired that I just zombie walked through the last parts of it, not talking at all and thus did not really enjoy it. Totally conked out on the train back. Still it was fun, zihao navigated expertly throughout and thanks to ms tan i remembered an old song! A donkey accosted me, we buried clementine peel in the muddy ground, walked through the mist on the hill and fast marched back to the town to get there before it got dark. My feet ended up hurting like hell, must be because haven't wore boots for so long and I only wore 1 pair of not so thick socks.
Barney came to London, and he slept on the floor of my room for 1 night. Was supposed to sleep with me on the bed thanks to mr CCM's suggestion, but thankfully that didn't materialise.
Watched LOTR the musical yesterday. Was good, but couldn't help comparing it to the movie. Anyway, for the amount we paid (10 pounds for front row seats), it was a good deal. Was laughing when the "Orcs" came to scare people sitting along the aisles (ie me) and even qiang-ge ducked instinctively when the shelob prop shot out confetti.
Been searching for old songs a lot nowadays. Somehow old songs just are nicer on the ear. I guess it's because when I listen to such songs I remember feelings or images associated with them. Like if I hear some opening themes of really old SBC channel 8 dramas, I'm reminded of my childhood and these songs were the songs you hummed/sang along to in primary school. Perhaps it's those associations that cause them to make you like the songs more.
Still need to strike that balance.
As a last word, I like to say I like my new mug. :)

2008-01-18T06:28:00.000+08:00

Fossil

Now I understand that, knowing that someone likes you for who you are is probably the best feeling one can feel.

2008-01-16T07:41:00.000+08:00

Boulevard of Broken Umbrellas

I haven't really been blogging here at all, can't seem to get the motivation to do so. But I think I should, otherwise they'll no record of what I have been doing.
School restarted last week, and I had my mid sessional exams which I bombed big time. Handed up a one page criminal law essay. Not that I didn't expect it, as I took a very unbothered attitude to the papers. At the end of the week, we went for a nice dinner at four seasons Chinatown and went back to alec's and bernice's place for a spot of mahjong and revelry. They even did an impromptu birthday celebration, which I named the cupcake conspiracy.
The next day went to Bath. Got up real early again (0500h) to take a 0630 train from Paddington to Bath. Spent a nice day there, it was nice and sunny although a bit cold and windy (the best type of weather you can get now I guess), the baths were interesting and we went before the tourists came en masse, drank a glass of bath water there, tasted like public swimming pool water after someone had peed into it, checked the quaint town and the very brown river. Also visited twerton park, which is only of interest to Fabian. Also had a nice afternoon tea at the Sally Lunn's house, and of course the company was very good as well. And the good day became even better when I came back and read that Man Utd had thumped hapless newcastle 6-0, giving me 6 early birthday presents.
At 0000 on Monday morning, my room was invaded by my hallmates with a cake without candles (they couldn't find a lighter haha) and they sang happy birthday at my door which prompted a complaint about the noise level. And that was how I spent my 22nd birthday. I received a XL boys Man Utd jersey as a present.
And I am now 22 years old. Frankly, it sounds scary. 21 was when you became a fully fledged adult, but 22 just feels like you have really stepped into the real adult world, no longer having the carte blanche to play anymore. Plus I'm surrounded with many people who are much younger than me, so perhaps I feel it more. Like adrian said, soon we'll be making every effort to forget our birthdays. And another friend said, you grow older before you grow any more mature. Which is kind of true.
Spent my birthday going to school, lessons proper this time, before having a nice dinner and having a barcardi breezer (4% only) as I wanted to feel "young" by drinking an alcoholic beverage that only 17 year old kids starting to discover alcohol would drink.
This term will be yet another crazy one, and I haven't really figured out my easter or summer plans. Must settle these quickly.
Thanks to all those who wished me happy birthday! Of all the presents I got, I like the one I got one month ago the best!

2008-01-04T06:55:00.000+08:00

Back for good

As of now, I'm still waiting.
Am still unable to function like a human being.
Am having this strange twisty feeling in my gut in anticipation.
Am unable to do anything meaningful.
Just come back soon.
This is killing me.

2007-12-29T09:50:00.000+08:00

From this day on

It's been an eventful december.
Many significant things have happened in my life. I went on a pilgrimage to visit Old Trafford, I went on a great holiday to Spain, I spent Christmas away from home for the first time.
There are a lot of stuff that can be said from those events, but I'll just let the photographs be the memories for once, too much to catalogue.
2007 has been an eventful year for me. It started in Singapore and ended in London. I had a 21st birthday party, where I had the company of many of my friends, I watched football in the National Stadium, I went Hong Kong with the fencers, I went out a lot, I worked with HATC, I did relief teaching in RI, I attended many 21st birthday parties, I drove a lot, I watched Manchester United win the title, and when I came to London, I did a whole lot of other stuff that is too long to write about.
Taking stock, I think as a person I have found my internal balance. There is the odd bad day here and there, but I think as a whole I am at terms with myself. I work along my strengths, and try to overcome my shortcomings. To survive on my own in London, I had to take the step up in terms of responsibility, and move out of my comfort zone. As I mentioned to my parents, it didn't seem hard at all to adjust, even though it was for the first time I had to do laundry for myself (I remember wondering how to figure out the washing machine) and having to settle meals for myself.
I have also found that I can deal with people easier now. Thanks to my job I guess. I still come across as the elder statesman (my hallmates call me "lao de" on account of my early birthday date) but it's a bad habit to dispense sagely advice.
Am turning 22 is less than 3 weeks. It's a bit harrowing, for 21 was such a nice year that I don't really want it to end. Yet it feels like that I have finally arrived with regards to adulthood, and with it all the unpleasant responsibilities.
The lack of posts is testament that the internal conflict in me has been resolved somewhat. Perhaps one day I'll trawl through the posts from way back in 2003 to see the evolution of me. I guess I'll still sporadically update, this place holds too much significance for me to close it down.
In closing, here are just some of my wishes for 2008. For the family and friends back home in sunny Singapore or overseas to enjoy good health and success, for me to work hard for my degree, for me to continue improving as a person, for friends here in London to cherish friendships, and finally, for me to be a better man.

2007-12-03T05:55:00.001+08:00

We were soldiers

Ok this must be the longest I have been away from blogging ever. Been darn busy, what with work and play, and also never found the motivation to blog about an eventful november. But here is the concise version of events.
The month of november had nick's birthday, which he celebrated party style in the common room of our hall, then went up to nottingham for the notts games, played football for UCL as their lone (loan) signing. Was freezing up there due to the crazy winds, played football with gloves for the first time. Met up with many of the 86 friends there as well. The next weekend I was the facilitator for the temasek forum, held at my school. Facilitated a session, which was good apart from the fact that I felt we spent too much time debating about 377A. On the same day England failed to qualify for Euro 2008, I was in a DBS talk listening to the CEO, but the main draw was the free food after that. Went up to Cambridge to visit my fencing captain with yq, we didn't get on the first bus as it was full, when we finally got there we walked around and admired the quaintness of the place, but it was cold as well due to the winds again. Somehow we ended up meeting all the former SO2 people, and had dinner together. This weekend, had dinner with my uncle and auntie and 3 other cousins at their place. Enjoyed the home cooked food goodness, and got driven back to hall from canary wharf by cousin in his 2 man convertible. Cool.
I guess this is the time to take stock of all that has happened so far. It's been a blast so far, but I think I need to study harder and make good use of the time during the weekdays so that I can play all I want on the weekends. But everything that has happened so far has convinced me that I've made the right decision to come here.
We were soldiers. Indeed.

2007-11-09T08:48:00.000+08:00

Never let them see you bleed

It's 47 mins past midnight on a friday morning, my criminal law tutorial is by my side, half done, the readings for it I haven't read; other random stuff thrown around my room, a file here, a shirt there, Jay chou's new song "the longest movie" playing from my laptop, this is the scene for the night, another night where I can't articulate what I want to say. More likely, the feeling is so absurd that no words can describe it. And thus I'm here again, same scene, just that in a different country, with a tonne of work waiting for me but I decide to blog instead.
Can I still feel anymore, I wonder. It feels like I have locked up my heart and thrown away the key ages ago, so much so that the heart cannot feel anymore.
And I wonder if I oversimplify things. Sure it is way easier to deal with things when you can make them simpler, but that isn't the best way to approach things though.
But yeah, these issues, they are pointless to ponder for now. Things will fall into place, I believe that.
Besides, life is too exciting. Just came back from Brighton, where the seaside was marvellous. And with trips to nottingham, cambridge, glasgow and spain coming up, and a whole lot of other activities coming up, things will sure be looking up and up for me. So let's just set aside these worries that we can't deal with for now, and safeguard your own interests by being happy.
And of course, above all, never let them see you bleed.

2007-11-02T05:25:00.000+08:00

He speaks the truth!

{ZY} says:
but yah i think to get attached now is the best timing
friend says:
why?
{ZY} says:
ur still young enough to enjoy it
{ZY} says:
but yet mature enough to cherish it

2007-10-31T09:14:00.000+08:00

Deceptively Dark Designs

The days are getting shorter here. Daylight saving has come and past, now there's a 8 hour difference from good old Singapore.
It's reading week now, but I haven't been doing much reading to be honest.
But I did stay in today and did case notes for contract law, but it was interrupted by watching anime on crunchyroll (Gundam 00 rocks) and doing some other random stuff.
Had homemade laksa in a coursemate's home, cooked by her mother. It was one of the best meals I had. Explored her home, which was great, it had a great view of the river from the many balconies. Braved the cold winds to take photos.
Saturday went to Borough market and enjoyed a delicious venison burger. Walked around the area checking out the foodstuff, wondered what is black cabbage and other vegetables I have never seen before. Almost got blown off tower bridge, for the winds were so strong.
Went to a part of Surrey, the southern part of England with ZH and Nick on Sunday. Was woken up at 0640 by a call by nick, who said, "Hey ZY we're going to Surrey today. It's now 0640, you have until 0715 to get ready and we'll meet downstairs." I mumbled an acknowledgement, before putting the phone down and went back to bed. After lying there for about 20 mins, I got up again and called nick. I said, "Eh Nick I wasn't dreaming right? We're going to Surrey right?" He replied, "Yes and you have 15 mins left to get ready."
We took the tube to Victoria station to change to national rail. The train there was practically empty, as it was a Sunday, and the station we got off was just as bad. It was just a building along the track only. We set off to the town, where we went to the local shops to check the maps there (we didn't even bring a map of the area with us) and stock up on food at the sainsbury's there. We headed off, but horlaned immediately. Fortunately, for this trip every intersection there were always helpful people jogging, walking their dogs or just strolling around to direct us to the right path. And they were always amazed when we tell them that we walked all the way from the train station.
We went out of the town to reach the outskirts of the nature reserve we wanted to see. So next was just cow, sheep, horse, grass, mud, tree, rain, field etc. We managed to get a great view of the next town we were supposed to go to on top of a hill, before we ventured down the wood which had 100 year old trees to the town.
At the town, we had our lunch in the train station. And that was the only time I felt really cold. It was raining throughout the trip, my jacket was soaked and my shoes and the lower parts of my jeans were muddy and wet. But as we were walking at a very brisk pace, I only felt really cold when we sat down to have lunch.
After lunch we decided to head back, but we wanted to check out the town first before we left. We headed to the main hotel, and saw that there was a hill behind it. Thus, we went for it. After much panting, we got to the top and enjoyed the great view. Nick placed a groundsheet and we laid there for a while as we waited for the next train to arrive.
It was a wet, muddy, cold, tiring but fun time. It's nice to have friends who decide to do this on the last minute to just disappear on a cold and rainy sunday morning.
To go along with the colder weather, I've been buying warm clothing, including a jacket for11-12 year olds from H&M's children's section. The shopping is nice here, but need to watch the expenses.
It's been a mind-boggling 7 weeks here in London. It doesn't feel that short at all, it feels like I have been here for quite some time already. In my time here, I've been vindicated many times to come to London. I got the fresh start I wanted. But there are many more areas I need to look into.
Some people said I don't smile enough! They made this point after seeing my surrey photos, they said they have never seen me smile so happily before. And it's quite a few people who say that. I wonder, because I think I laugh and smile a lot, but sometimes I just withdraw and drift off as well. Sometimes it's because I'm tired, or it's in the mornings my brain is still booting up so I really don't want to talk at all. But yeah definitely something to improve. But I smiled as I did in those Surrey photos because I was genuinely happy, and that to me is all the more reason to smile as I did.
I think I rather get to know people better than get to know new people. I think I prefer to get to know someone privately rather than in a group situation. This is what I learnt about myself when I think back of my behaviour.
The full force of the coursework is bearing on me now. Yet I'm still going out to play or explore. I guess I believe that my legal studies is part of my life, and isn't my life. I would want to learn from the school of life more.
Lately I have been entertaining more and more thoughts of just heading off somewhere by myself, with no destination in mind. Long walks help me clear my mind, and walking is a very desirable activity here in London for the weather is cool.
And again there's this bundle of feelings I'm experiencing but I don't know how to articulate them at all, so I'll just leave it at that. Besides, I know I'll be fine after a while.
Final thought, I told a friend that the girl of my dreams must be someone with contradictions. In other words, one who is strong yet weak at the same time, brave yet timid, talkative yet contemplative, and so on. It sounds like I would fall for a schizophrenic, but it just means I want someone to walk this knife edge with me. But in short, there is practically no one who would fulfill this criteria so I just I can shelve this issue aside for the time being. On this note, congrats Jim! Mission accomplished with 2 months to spare. Respect haha.
Ok 4 tutorials, 1 essay and a massive tonne of readings await me. Wish I could make the work just all go away, but that's taking rejection of reality a bit too far.

2007-10-26T05:14:00.000+08:00

Adrenaline Overdose

Ok as usual coffee does crazy things to my body. I shouldn't abuse it this way. Lack of sleep plus coffee equals to the state where your mind is dead but body is twitching in response to the stimulants.

Been some crazy week, with 2 essays to be handed in on friday, and when monday came I hadn't even started on any of them. Did my criminal law essay in 2.5 hours, while i split my public law essay between 2 days. After 3 years of not being challenged greatly, I'm surprised I could still write 2 1500 words essays in 3 days. But I'm very sure I'm going to get 3 for both of them though. Oh well.

Went to Stamford Bridge on wednesday night to watch chelski take on schalke. Was a great experience, from the start where we had to wait for 3 trains before we managed to get on one to go to the stadium, which ironically the station was called fulham broadway. When we got there there were many fans singing songs, and outside the stadium the police cordoned off the area and there were many stalls set up selling football merchandise or food. Bought a burger and chomped on it, went around the stadium checking out the place. Match programmes cost 3 pounds, so I didn't get one, don't like chelski anyway. Around the stadium there were large photos of the chelski players, which we took photos of and posed with them. Saw the megastore, replica jerseys cost 40 pounds, Nick wanted to buy the luminous yellow away kit.

When we finally got in the stadium and sat down, it felt so surreal. Normally champions league would mean waking up at 2am in Singapore to watch, but this was happening right before my eyes.

Watched the players warm up, and the away fans sang a lot and loudly constantly, far more than the chelski fans. Next to each seat was this chelski flag, which the fans could unfurl and swing it around. Being the Singaporeans we are, we grabbed as many as we could before we left the place.

Prior to the start of the match, the chelski fans would sing this chelski anthem that was rather amusing. When the match started, chelski got a soft early goal and frankly it was game over from there. Schalke had lost kuranyi from the start of the match and never looked to score, save for a header that rebounded off the post. And the sneaky alex hauled a man down blatantly when he was the last man, somehow everyone saw that but the referee.
It was great to watch the match from our position, for we could see the whole pitch, and with such a view you could focus on other things. I was observing Drogba's positioning and realised that he plays very well, running short to win headers. He doesn't really like to receive the ball, prefers to play a pass first time, meaning that the midfielders need to move up fast to support him. And the slacker frank lumpa, captain of the night, did nothing of the sort. Essien was the only one supporting from central midfield, and he isn't renowned as an attacker. Cole was all tricks and no effectiveness. But frankly i think lumpa did nothing noteworthy in the game at all. It was like he was invisible. And as Nick pointed out, even though he was the captain drogba was the one shouting instructions.

When the match ended we stayed to take photos and headed back. The tube was crazily jammed, so we decided to kay kiang and take the tube in the opposite direction, get down 2 stops later and take the train in the correct direction to avoid squeezing with the crowds. But as it stood, when we did that, there wasn't much of a crowd then.

Looking forward to go to next hopefully emirates stadium!

2007-10-24T16:37:00.000+08:00

Rejection of Reality

Just let me get through this crazy week where I have 2 essays due this friday and loads of tutorials to cover. Just let me get through to friday and I'll be fine, I promise.
Somehow I have become a big brother of sorts! I didn't come to London to babysit people, but I guess I don't mind helping people, but again I'm mindful of not taking on other people's problems and treating them as my own.
I think I'm still hanging on. I loathe to admit it, but the 6 week downer period seems to be getting to me. And I don't see a good reason why it should. It's just work that placing a lot of pressure on me, and even that is highly debatable given the very languid and dismissive way I treat my work. But then I did get an "essay high" after smoking out a 1500 words essay last night. Never written so much unacademic crap before. Now only left 1 more essay.
While I was having my Japanese lesson, for the first time I actually learned something new and not just revision, I allowed my mind to wander back to my class I had back home.
To miss, to dwell, to worry, to pine for, all these are weaknesses in my eyes. I made my decision to come here, thus I'll stand by it. I chose to leave home, to leave all that is familiar and safe, to achieve this reboot of my life. And I have to admit, the reboot is going along swimmingly.
So why do I feel this malaise? This emotional and mental inertia? Apart from the obvious fact that I'm still human, and feeling all these emotions is highly normal, just that I should suppress them and start to get work done.
Anyway, like I said, there's reading week to look forward to. I aim to make good use of it, be it relaxing or studying. For now, let's stop this rejection of reality, and get back to work. And sleep more as well.

2007-10-21T05:47:00.000+08:00

Repudiate

For the last week, I went to a party organised by my college's Singapore Society, with my classmates and some of my hallmates. It wasn't very fun in my opinion, for the club didn't allow re-entries for some strange reason, the dancefloor which was in the basement was very hot, the drinks were expensive and they served tequila shots in plastic cups, the music sucked big time for they kept on playing techno, and even for a club it was too darn dark. But I had an ok amount of fun, so that's ok for me. Won't go clubbing in London anymore again. Too troublesome plus I don't think I'll have as much fun as I would in Singapore.
Work is piling up. I have 2 essays due on the coming friday and I have no idea how to do them. At least after is the reading week, would love a breather.
I have window shopping along Oxford St, which is the equivalent of Orchard Rd back in Singapore. Bought a polo tee and long sleeved shirt in Burton, the male section of Dorothy Perkins, for 13SGD and 25.50SGD respectively. They give 15% discounts for students, even the items in the bargain bin. Good stuff. The selection of clothes is great here, but all are invariably very expensive. Only brought back a free bag as the result of my adventures last fri.
Watched the rugby final in a pub. Had to squeeze myself into a small corner in a very uncomfortable position. The atmosphere was good, but it would probably be better if England had won. Oh well, I prefer football anyway. Saw the tail end of Man Utd owning Villa in the pub before the game.
I decided that there are a lot of things I want to do in Singapore when I return. I want to K, I want to club and drink with my friends, I want to be able to have a proper lunch of warm food not cold sandwiches, I want to drive a car, I want to be able to take afternoon snacks without great detriment to my wallet etc. This is not to say that I'm finding it tough here, it's more like I know now that I have only 3 months in Singapore when I go back, so I want to make good use of the 3 months to do all that as I know the other 9 months I'll be back here, watching musicals, football matches, eating cold sandwiches etc.
And as I expected, leaving has made me more appreciative of that little island called Home.

2007-10-14T06:16:00.000+08:00

Life goes easy on me, most of the time

Ok at fabian's behest I shall update on my happenings in London.
The second week of uni was quite uneventful, apart from the fact that the full timetable came into play that week. There were a few days of horrible weather as well. I really dread the horrible weather, as it means it'll get super cold, my shoes and clothes will get wet, and I have cross the bridge in a force 1 gale at times.
Had lunch at Bayswater, at the famous Four Seasons restaurant. Strangely enough, I didn't really subscribe to the hype. But it was nice to eat chinese food again. Afterwards we went to portobello market, again for me, before rushing back for dinner.
Sunday went with AO and ZH to the Natural History Museum. Saw loads of replica dinosaur bones and other interesting stuff, like the cross section of a redwood tree and an earthquake simulation area. After that, I left them to continue exploring by myself. I went to Imperial, which was a more cosy feeling campus with nice buildings made out of coloured glass. It also has the tree with crimson leaves, which can be seen in one of my earlier posts. I also went to Baden Powell's house, which was actually more of an inn and activity centre, but it has a small area dedicated to the man who started the scouting movement. After which, I dropped by Harrods before taking the Tube back. The stuff there was really nice, but the prices can make your jaw drop. A Versace T-shirt costs 100 pounds. Madness.
Monday I had a meet my personal tutor session. She was a very nice lady, who provided us with sandwiches and pizza. I scoffed a lot of them as I haven't had my dinner. She even poured the wine for all of us, to which I felt very embarrassed. I guess that's the culture there. I'm also not used to calling my tutors by their first name.
The rest of the week was mostly studying, trying desperately to complete my tutorial questions in time for the tutorial. And I'm back to my bad habit of sleeping late again. I guess once your body adjusts to the area, you start to require less sleep. When I first came here, I would feel sleepy at 8pm already, but now I can last till 2am and wake up in time for breakfast. But this isn't very healthy.
Went window shopping along London's main shopping artery on friday. The selection there is really great and nice, but the prices are steep. There are many labels that can't be found in Singapore, and the Topman they had there was huge. And they offer 15% discount for students in certain shops. I bought a polo t for 4.25 pounds after discount in Burton, which is the brother shop of Dorothy Perkins. Only downer was that I was lugging my criminal law textbook with me at the same time, thus my back ached constantly.
Went to a park today, Regent's park. Saw loads of birds, the swans there if the walked on the ground, they can reach up to my waist. Was thinking of how nice would the duck taste if it was roasted.
Interesting thing is was, AO and ZH agreed that, whilst we were at the Natural History Museum, if the dinosaurs were still alive now, the Chinese would find a way to cook and eat them.
Ok I think all those nights sleeping late is coming back to haunt me as I'm feeling darn sleepy now. Shall update again soon.

2007-10-13T17:39:00.000+08:00

Naivety

I know I'm supposed to be blogging about my life in London as promised, but I came across something I decided to comment upon.
Did some blog surfing via Ao's blog, and read the stressed teacher blog as a result. He basically comments about his life as a teacher, and lists a multitude of problems he encounters. At times I agree with his reasoning, but at times I don't. But I do know that the situation in singapore schools ain't great. This perception was cemented when I worked for HA in the past.
I just wanted to say this. Call me naive or what, but one of my plans I have for my life would be, after earning enough as a lawyer, I would quit, and join the education service.
I would put my students first, and help them achieve their potential. I won't subscribe to mollycoodling, easy way outs or show indifference to them. But I won't hesitate to show them the error of their ways in the worst possible way, telling them to wake up their idea rudely, whatever it takes.
Call me naive, or someone who has been watching too much GTO, but this idea just has my name stamped on it. It is a decision that is uninformed, hasty, filled with idealism and stubbornness.
But if it comes to pass, woe betide those who stand in my way.

2007-10-13T08:21:00.000+08:00

A few words

Just wanted to say this.
Life is great.
Will update more another time.

2007-10-10T16:37:00.000+08:00

A lone tree sheds its crimson leaves in Imperial College. These are the gems you can find in London when one goes exploring.

2007-10-10T05:17:00.000+08:00

爱是永恒

张学友

爱点亮心灵,永远不灰心
燃烧着真心情意,诺言已不必
这一生只要有你什么都愿意
有欢喜有哭泣
一切变成甜蜜
黑夜和晨曦,狂风和四季
我像温暖的摇椅永远抱紧你
我的心从未曾犹豫
最真的爱,全都献给你~

我和你相守相依
真爱生死不移
穿过悲和喜
跨过天和地
我和你永不分
离千千万万世纪无边无际
爱是永恒因为爱是你

生命会停息
岁月会交替
只要和你在一起
什么都放弃!
我的爱不灭的勇气
生生世世只愿伴着你

Yet another song I'm listening to madly nowadays. I sometimes end up singing it loudly with my earphones firmly in my ear, oblivious to the noise pollution I'm creating affecting everyone around me.

2007-10-05T16:26:00.000+08:00

莎士比亚的天分

林俊杰

刻在树上的字任风刮
写着爱着一个人的故事
但是文字还是文字不像花
想送给你的每一个束花
想陪你的黄昏和沙滩
随着时间枯萎
梦醒了才后悔
我是一个没勇气的人
带着小小年纪的天真
想你一定是不敢转身
脸上微笑
心舍不得
我没有莎士比亚的天份
写出我们的喜怒哀乐
但在这一刻
写了一个完结篇
失去了你

Fabian always chooses this song to sing when we K. Kinda miss my killing chickens sessions with them.
Good songs take the edge off a very tiring day in uni. Law is making my head spin many a time, but I'll be back, and with a vengeance.

2007-10-05T03:42:00.000+08:00

Every beat of your heart

By Corrinne May

So here we stand
Anchored in hope
Letting the rain wash away every fear
Stars in the sky
Twinkle and shine
I pray they won't disappear
'cause I don't know
where your journey goes
or how long it will take to unfold
But as long as we keep this moment shining in the dark
I will be watching over every beat of your heart

I wish that time could be replayed
I'd keep you here with me everyday
They say that love is letting go
I hope that you find your way
'cause I don't know
where your journey goes
or how long it will take to unfold
But as long as we keep this moment shining in the dark
I know you're watching over every beat of my heart

2007-10-02T06:52:00.000+08:00

Ameliorate

Survived my first week of school. Brain's still kind of rusty, and I have to adjust to the new style of learning. No longer is it just mugging of organic chem reactions or integration formulas, it's now critical analysis of the law and questioning the the ideas of it. Not easy, as am still a bit too used to the route learning method in Singapore, where I'll have my multitude of highlighters ready to highlight every key point. Here you have to dig out the key points by yourself and read up widely. Wikipedia has been my best friend so far.
Weather here ranges from horrendous to fine. It was nice and cool on Sunday with a bit of warm sunshine, thus I went out only in a t-shirt and my black blazer with yq and sharon to camden market, for he wanted to buy homeware. Sharon, being the 3rd year student, brought us around and advised us about some issues in London. Back at hall we had the warden welcome party. Had 4 carlsbergs bottles and talked to a few people. Should have drank more as it was paid for by our fees. Alvin was in his fine form commenting on a lot of things that night.
Saturday was ok as well, it didn't rain but it was cloudy and gloomy. The temperature didn't drop very badly though, so it was still tolerable. Had my King's Singapore and M'sia society event, which consisted of a walk about campus (albeit a week late, thus I ended up knowing most of the places we went already). We made detours to leceister square and trafalgar square before finally ending up in chinatown for dinner, which was a sit down communal chinese dinner. I ingested 5 bowls of rice. Suffice to say for the amount I ate was definately befitting the 4 pounds I paid for the meal. Met a lot of people there as well, but socialising can get quite tiring as well so by the end of the night i was quite groggy already.
The weather was totally horrendous on friday and today. Friday was super windy and rainy, thus it was very cold. I only had 1 class for that day, a 2 hour seminar at 1100, which only lasted 35 mins as it was only the introduction. Braved the rain across the waterloo bridge, met up with some friends for lunch and went to primark. Bad mistake. Primark is this retailer in London that sells arguably the cheapest clothes in London. Think Robinsons during the sales period on a weekend or public holiday, take that crowd, and multiply it by 10. I kid you not. Even on a friday afternoon it was jam packed with people. In the end I got a headache, probably due to a combination of the cold and the smorgasbord of people, and left early back to hall via the tube.
Today was weird though. Although many things happened that can make me feel lousy and think it's a blue monday, strangely enough I'm quite upbeat. I went to the wrong campus for class this morning, ended up having to charge across the bridge to get to the other campus, and upon reaching there I still had to fumble my way to the venue which I wasn't sure where it was. In the end I was 30 mins late, and the tutorial lasted only about 15 mins more before it ended as it was only for introduction. Then to the law library I went, which is not in the same campus I just had my class in, where I tried to do some readings, but fell asleep at a few points but managed to get a fair bit done. I braved the rain again and grabbed some lunch to go at an eatery, before making a crazy decision to cross the bridge while it was still raining. My puny umbrella couldn't stand against the strong winds, and I was splashed by a vehicle. Fortunately I managed to jump out of the way a bit, thus it wasn't that bad.
Had my late afternoon classes and returned back to hall for a dinner of cold sandwiches and hot cup noodles, which cost me 79p. (SGD 2.40) Damn heart pain.
A rant about British cup noodles. I bought a 24p (72 cents) cup noodles which was the house brand of 1 of the supermarket chains in London. It tasted like crap, and nick agreed. Thus I decided to buy the more expensive koka noodles as I thought might as well buy something that tastes nice.
London is a real quirky place. For starters you stand on the right on escalators and not left like in Singapore, and people do follow it well. The service you get here is most of the times friendly, but sometimes they are not as efficient as it is back home so you get a bit frustrated.
Nick's floor is the official "party" floor, with the room that is 2 doors away from him the nexus of it. When they get drunk they'll do funny stuff like chase each other along the corridors and bang the doors of those who did not join them. Other stuff I heard are people playing golf and lacrosse in the corridors, on the girl's floors of all places.
I feel quite bucked as sat night a lady asked me for directions. I guess that should mean I look confident enough of my way around that people feel inclined to ask me for directions.
And ever since I came to London I can fall asleep very quickly, once my head is on the pillow I'll concuss in 5 minutes. And also my appetite is always good, as evidence by the generous amounts of food I take during dinner and my consumption of the 5 bowls of rice and me finishing off other people's char siew rice.
This post is rather random as my mind is a bit frazzled and tired so I'm just commenting on random bits of memory that pop into my mind. Since there's nothing new popping into my mind now, I shall stop here. Another update for another time.

2007-09-28T03:37:00.000+08:00

Checkpoint

It's been 16 days since I came to London. As I don't have to wake up early tomorrow and rush off to a 9 am lecture, I shall allow myself a bit of contemplation here.
These 16 days have been crazy, but in a good way. There's so much to say, but I feel that I've made the right decision to come to London. So far, I have been enjoying myself, feeling like a kid in a very large candy shop. Even now, although work has started and there are readings to be done, I'm still taking time out to explore a bit.
It was a bit daunting at first, with so many stuff to be settled, but thankfully there's Alvin and Nick around for advice and help.
I also just realised, that apart from that video call on that fateful morning my laptop gave up on me, I have not called home. All correspondence have been through emails and the odd msn conversation.
And somehow I don't seem to feel too much of home longing. Sure I miss the food (paid 4 pounds for average roasted duck rice, which was nice as I was damn hungry and the portions were HK sized), the warmer weather (the wind at the waterloo bridge this week has been damn strong, almost got blown off, i kid you not), and the more reasonable prices, but there's is no overt longing to be back home.
I think I have learnt to accept the fact that you should adapt yourself to your environment. So that means accepting cold sandwiches, slow and inefficient service, high prices for everything, cold weather with blustery winds, the works. After all, I chose to be here.
And over the course of the 16 days of socialising, I can't help but think of something. I administered a lot of DISC tests in my previous job, which made me think about some issues. Those who are unfamiliar with DISC, it's a personality test which allows you to see what is your dominant personality, with D standing for dominant, I for influencing (ie good with people), S for steadiness, and C for conscientiousness.
I realised that, when faced with different situations, we cherry pick the best personality that will best deal with the situation and assume that persona. For example, even though you may be a introverted person, when it is during orientation, you attempt to be more sociable to interact with the group. Sure, it may not be very effective, but you consciously decided that a more extroverted and friendly persona is better for orientation, and assumed this persona.
Which leads me to think that the only difference between people like that and the teens that I counselled in my previous job is that the teens do not know how to interchange their personalities like that. Thus, in a sense, "maturity" is merely knowing what kind of persona to assume in what kind of situation.
Just a random thought from me.

2007-09-25T06:10:00.000+08:00

Phoenix down

The last week was 1 of the most harrowing of my life. My wife gave up on me on a sunny tues morning, which sent me into a very depressive state. In the end, after many exasperating phonecalls I did my own explorative surgery on her and after throwing a few phoenix downs on it she came back to life today. But she is now only surviving on 500mb of RAM until the transplant comes from singapore via yangqi.
I realised how dependent I was on my wife and how despondent I can get when she was incapacitated. Good thing I managed to load everything on the external hard drive before I reformatted. So now things are in a clean slate, hopefully it'll stay that way.
Otherwise, life has been fun. Playing ultimate frisbee in blustery conditions in Hyde Park, going to Ikea which is in zone 3, way out in the suburbs which is very unlike central London, queueing for 2 and a half hours for enrollment, going to the British Musuem and seeing a very nice katana blade (eat your heart out adrian) and remembering my sec 1 history by looking at the indus civilisation artifacts.
Classes started today, did myself no favours in the EU law tutorial by saying that Switzerland is an EU country. Not quite used to not having handouts for lectures, sometimes I can't get down everything the lecturer said and have to copy from the person next to me. I pity the person next to me though, she said she couldn't read my handwriting and I must admit my handwriting has really gone south.
Back to school after 3 years in the wilderness. The time of settling in is over, time to work the brain. At least at the end of the day, there's Jim's english (if you can call it that) to entertain me.
And poor Jose Mourinho. We were watching the match on TV and was shcoked that he left. And there were plenty of empty seats in the stadium! We did contemplate going to Stamford Bridge to watch but it was 36 pounds (x3 for SGD) a ticket. Super expensive. Let's hope we can get the 10 pound tickets for the Carling Cup match of Arsenal vs Newcastle.

2007-09-18T05:22:00.000+08:00

Rebirth begins through destruction

This is the tagline for the new Gundam series, Gundam OO (double O). It looks good and hope it doesn't disappoint like Seed Destiny. But looks like the only way I can watch it would be on a certain website.
Am now doing a Corrine May marathon, haven't felt anything yet, looks like her ability to induce an emo mood does not work in a foreign country.
Met Crystal for tea on Sat, prior to that I walked down oxford street. Bad mistake, as the main shopping artery was like orchard road during GSS times 10. Fought my way through, managed to get to Primark, which was worse. The place was flooded with people. I just went in and checked out some of the prices, before getting out and caught a bus to Notting Hill as the central line was down for repairs over the weekend. Went past Hyde park, which was very nice in the sunshine. Had tea, then Crystal let me loose in Portobello market, which I felt was Chatuchak, only more expensive and it went only a straight line, something like HK's ladies' market. Saw a few interesting stuff, plus the prices were not as crazy as it is in central London. Hopped on the tube back to hall. Was quite bucked with myself as I managed the whole journey without getting lost or getting off at the wrong stop.
Spent Sunday at the Thames festival, saw a lot of stuff, like peregrine falcons on the top of the Tate Modern, interesting architecture, and other stuff. Had vegetarian Pad Thai noodles for lunch for 3.50 pounds from some riverside stall, and it was the nicest meal I had, as I haven't had asian food ever since I came to London. The highlight was the fireworks display. They shot fireworks from barges in the middle of the river between 2 bridges, which was really breathtaking. I was at the centre of 1 of the bridges, so I could see everything well and was left slack jawed.
Nick finally flew in today. Spent today helping him settle in and bringing him and his MOE entourage along, which somehow took up the whole day. We wanted to watch football in the TV room, but sadly they didn't have the channel.
It's going to be a week soon in London, and it sure doesn't feel like it. And so far, one of the things I wanted to ensure when I get here was not to be too relaxjack and make an effort to know my way around without relying on someone else navigating. I had it with horlan-ing because of me not making the effort to check out the route before I leave.
And yeah, I shouldn't focus on the dream. She's back in Singapore and fighting the good fight, while I'm here doing the same.

2007-09-17T07:17:00.001+08:00

Flicker

Strange. Why of all the things I left behind at home, I dream of her?

2007-09-15T05:06:00.001+08:00

Living it up

It feels like a whole week has already passed me by, but it really has only been 3 days! So much has happened, and everything is so new and exciting that it's rather exhausting to list everything out. Shall be brief and to the point then.
Orientation is fun, it's nice to meet people from other countries and listen to them tell me about themselves. They seem to be quite interested in the fact that I served NS before I came over, and most of the undergraduates are younger than me. Also they do have many different mannerisms and things about them that makes it so fascinating. Although it's hard to get over the initial inertia to try and get to know a person, once you get into the groove of it it's quite easy.
One thing I don't quite get is that everyone speaks with an accent, even the Asians. I found it quite weird at first, then I subconsciously speak in an accent as a result as well.
Went on the boat ride, saw loads of sights, felt very much like a tourist. Also the walking around is actually quite easy, apart from the fact that it's a big city with many lanes and things to see and it's easy to horlan, which alvin and I did on the 1st day due to an inaccurate map. Their MRT runs everywhere and it's so expansive that you cannot just try to whack, as that may result in you ending up in the countryside.
The worse thing is that everything is damn expensive. Many people warned me about this, but didn't realise how bad it is until I got here. As a result, I end up eating a lot of cold sandwiches from supermarkets, but ongbak is more pro than me, he bought a loaf of bread to keng.
I guess that's all from me. First weekend in London, but I have no idea where to go. Shall go check out on where to go.

2007-09-12T04:24:00.000+08:00

Surreal

Still can't quite believe that I'm actually typing this in London. My mind is still quite overwhelmed, and my body, which was running on adrenaline for 2 days straight, is finally spent. So a more detailed entry will come later then.
So this entry is to let everyone know I'm safe and fine in London.
I guess I shall let this blog still record Singapore time, but shall end all my posts with a London time.

110907 2155

2007-09-10T00:37:00.000+08:00

10092007 2255 BA 0012 T1

And the day has arrived.
I really don't know what to write here.
Maybe I'm just forcing myself to be emo, to write something that can describe what I'm feeling.
In truth, on one hand I'm still coming to terms with the fact that yes, I'm finally leaving, and yet excited by the future ahead of me.
Those numbers and capital letters in bold may just be that, letters and numbers, but they represent something pivotal in my life.
What Mogilan said on his birthday is really right, it's the people in your life that shape your life. And I'm glad to have met great people in my life.
My family, especially my parents who gave me this chance to go overseas to study at their great cost without hesitation, is something I'll miss. If I had decided to study here, I could have just used home as a safety net where I can come back and relax, but there's no such luxury over there. My siblings, whom are now all grown up, have their own lives but still have dinner and lunch together and start chatting about everything. I'm really glad that they'll all so sensible, so much so my parents can hands off on their parenting. And my grandparents, who have watched me grow up, I'll miss them a lot, for they have been such a big part in my life since I was a small boy.
As for friends, the Guys, with whom I have been friends with for a good part of my sec school, JC and army times. All the times we hiked, camped, cooked, played, talked cock, organised stuff, went for random entertainment activities together, is just a testament of our friendship. How many people who met in sec school meet up so regularly (about once every 2 weeks) until this day? And how about that funny tradition we have of waiting for everyone before we start a meal? I think these two things themselves speak volumes of our friendship.
Fencers, somehow this year we met up a lot, and we had a great time as well. What with going to Hong Kong, or having a chalet, or just meeting up for mahjong or watching VCDs, it's been great knowing and hanging out with you guys. There's always so much fun and laughter and good natured teasing when we're together.
To my 4D classmates, I must admit I didn't really make an effort to keep in contact in JC and army, but now I realise that it was a very bad mistake. We had some memorable times in RI, all the times playing football, copying homework and basically being 16 year olds. Even now, although it's only a select bunch of us, but we do still meet up and laugh at each other once in a while. Was with them when we sent Barney off, he very nearly teared, I could feel he was holding back. He thanked everyone for coming, hugged everyone, and went off through those gates. The others were joking about, saying things like "hey he's finally gone!" but I know deep inside they are just coping with it by cracking jokes. I wondered then, what will I feel when I walk through those gates, I guess I'll find out tomorrow.
To all the other people I know, thanks to you. Unknowingly or knowingly, you somehow shaped my life and values. I wouldn't be the person I am if not for your contribution. I am truly, truly, truly blessed to have all of you in my life. Although I know a majority of you won't read this, but I will still say it. Thanks, from the bottom of my heart.
Leaving isn't going to be easy. But I'm ready.
London, here I come.
To all that I'm leaving behind, don't worry.
I will be back.
See you again.
Till then, all the best.

2007-09-06T00:38:00.000+08:00

Impending

The last few days were a real blur, filled with frantic packing and buying of stuff, all in preparation with my date with that aeroplane come next mon.
Hit the IT fair on thursday, checking out all the good stuff without buying much at first, trying to get the best deals. Walked from 1330 to 1830, before dinner with Nick at Carl's Juniors.
Friday we went trekking again, from upper peirce to lower seletar. Wasn't as exciting as the previous one, but it was as usual filled with nonsense chatter and nice sights.
Saturday had lunch with a old classmate, who said I have levelled up haha. But ate some dodgy lunch, thus had a very queasy stomach for the rest of the day. Had tea with the King's Law people, had a lot of fun talking to them, getting to know each other. Dinner was good stuff at canton wok with my grandparents.
Sunday, hit the IT fair early with my dad to buy all the outstanding stuff. And that started a whole packing frenzy, what with my obsession of putting all the clothes in ziploc bags ala ikea flat pack style, to the frantic buying of essentials, washing and sunning of stuff, making rounds at various places for various reasons, my life being governed by pieces of paper with scribbles on them and a whole of stuff strewn all over my floor in my desperate attempt for order. All this left me with little energy or time to really blog, and even less time to mull over my impending departure.
Thus I shall spend some precious time here to do so now. 1 suitcase has been packed, most of the stuff I've got already, and all that's left is admin, and all the farewell gatherings.
I'll miss a lot of things here in Singapore, the food, the sun, chinese radio, the greenery, the early morning chirping of birds, the busy road next to my home, the libraries and their abundant books, the friends, the family, the home.
When I decided to go UK, 2 years back, I remember saying to myself, "I can leave everything behind." That is still true, all I need to do is to just forsake all thoughts of my island home and move on.
But "can" is not the same as "will". I'm sure that there'll be a freezing winter night where I'm cold and having a running nose feeling hungry trying to mug something and everyone else in hall has gone home for Christmas. These nights are the nights your mind will start to wander and miss home, but I know they'll pass. After all, this is the path I chose to trod, and I'm determined to see it out.
Still, there are things I'll definately miss. Friendship, especially those who have lasted so long already, and family members, who are so important to me. I guess it's hard for me to articulate what I feel on a public blog, but you know who you are la (if you actually bother to read this blog you probably fall under this category) Thanks for the good times, the laughs I've shared with you, the times you laughed at me, or the times I was laughed at by you guys, the times when I kaobehed to you etc. You get the drift.
If you want to send me off, flight details are 100907, BA0012 2255 T1.
Wonder how I'll feel that day. I told myself not to get emotional, as there will be 2 girls on the same flight as me and I don't want to lose face, but who knows what will happen then. We'll let it see how it goes then.
Till my departure then. Let me make this last 5 days in Singapore memorable.

2007-08-28T22:46:00.000+08:00

Of sporting legends

You get football players who are all mercenary like, always trying to get more money and making headlines for all the wrong reasons. And then you get players like Ole Gunnar Solskjaer.
To be honest, I always felt my affection for Solskjaer isn't as high as it should be. He's every bit the best team player you can get, never a complaint from him, and he just goes about doing his thing and puts a smile on my face.
I remember ages ago when I still played CM, I used Solskjaer as Sir Alex did, as a supersub. I remember once I even sold him to Newcastle, and he returned to haunt by scoring a brace in a 4-0 win. Somehow, for all his skills, he never got the chance to establish himself as a 1st team player. The closest he got I think was when he was paired with Van Nistelrooy, but he got himself injured then. I think I always felt like he was a nearly man, always on the fringes, called upon to conjure a goal out of nowhere to save the day.
But I grew to admire him. His finishing was deadly, he had the composure and skill that was required of a real striker. He could score tap ins and spectacular goals as well, and could hit a good cross when he was played in right midfield for a time being.
One can accuse me of being misty-eyed, but it's hard to believe that Solskjaer has followed me in my support of Man Utd for so long. He was signed at the start of the 1996 season, along with Karel Pokorsky and Jordi Cruyff. All I remember of the 2 of them was a last minute equaliser from Cruyff against Derby in 99. And look where the 2 of them are now in the history of Man Utd.
As for Solskjaer, there are so many moments that will stick in my mind. 4 goals against a very hapless forest, that flick of the boot which capped off that magical night in Barcelona, a brace against Newcastle the start of this year, which were his first goals at Old Trafford since his injury, his cross for Giggs to equalise against Arsenal which was pivotal in the 2002/03 title race, his excellence on the right flank in the 5-3 win against Newcastle which was memorable for other things like Shearer's crazy freekick and Ruud's hattrick, the opener against Newcastle at St Jame's in the same season where he broke the offside trap to beat Given from an impossible angle, to equalise and provide the platform for a 6-2 thrashing, his brace against Ipswich which helped ease a painful defeat the week before, many, many more incidents that I can't recall offhand.
I read an article, which posed a question, who will be the legends of our time? Who will be the players that you will tell your sons about, and while doing so you'll inevitably stare into the distance as the happy memories flood back? Who will thses players be, the ones that will live on forever in our memory, whom we will speak of 20 years to come?
I'm sure for many a Man Utd fan, Solskjaer will be one of them. He'll never be as revered as Eric Cantona, simple because he was always the everydayman in red, quietly doing his job, and he always did it well.

You are my Solskjaer, my only Solskjaer,
You made me happy, when skies are grey.
Even though Shearer, was much more dearer,
please don't take my Solskjaer away

2OLEgend

2007-08-26T10:40:00.000+08:00

Ebb and flow

It's just one of those I don't really want to blog weeks again. Things slowed down to a crawl the last week, what with the singapore uni students starting school, and the overseas people busy with their own preparations, didn't spend a lot of time out. Spent the week waiting for my accoms letter to come, which up to now hasn't, got fed up, called the accoms office line, which was engaged for about 9 tries, on my 10th try it finally got through only to be 7th in line to be answered. The waiting took about half an hour, before I finally spoke to the officer who told me my hall. And thus, I'll be in the same hall as Nick and ongbak. 3 musketeers indeed.
Last fri was the king's gathering, I missed the bus stop for national library and came late, quite pissed with myself. Listened, networked with some of my course mates, one of them was a girl who was from the same JC as I was and was in the choir, thus she knew my brother, and taught at my sister's school for a while this year so she knows my sister as well. It's one of those oh-singapore-is-very-small moments.
Had dinner at manhattan fish market at andrew's request later, after which was rush hour 3. Then, 3 of us went to have some drinks at balcony. I kind of regret having that gin tonic, it killed my system totally, leaving me zombified for the next day, which was the legal forum.
I skipped the morning portion as I was shagged out, got driven to supreme court as it was pouring. Met BK there, listened to the moot court, some parts could have been in Greek for all I know, such was the lack of my knowledge. And BK didn't help, he would turn to me and go "Oh yah that's why blah blah blah" which I knew nuts about what he was talking about. But it was informative, shall work towards to be able to moot as confidently as Al was.
My grandfather's birthday was at night, was very glad to be able to see all my relatives before I leave. They gave me some advice, and before we set off my family took a family photograph, which has become my wallpaper already.
When the week finally came, I continued my random meet ups/farewells with friends who don't fall under any groups, in between just nua-ing at home and doing not much. I have a beef with the bank I opened an account with, they were so efficient that they made me wait for a damn short while only!
Friday was in army market with Nick, bought loads of ziploc bags between the 2 of us. 1 good habit I picked up from the army. The auntie from the shop I usually buy from asked us whether we were enlisting soon, we didn't hesitate to correct her and tell her we're on the other end of the spectrum.
Mahjong at nick's place followed, with many cries of "abandon ship!" and "oh you mean we're playing 2 points to win not 3?" and exaggerated actions of pulling out guns and pointing them at the other person's temple. In the end, as we were playing for dinner, Adrian being the big loser of 7 bucks paid about 30 bucks (so he claims) worth of food at chomp chomp, which we devoured quickly as we were all famished.
VCD night at adrian's place turned out to be rather funny, thanks to andrew's powerful driving and jokes about wombats hanging from monkey bars. 4 of us played mahjong while 3 of them watched before sunrise, played a bit of citadel (which i must admit is fun) and after supper we watched protege before I conked out.
Ok, 2 weeks left now. 2 weeks left to do what I want to do before I head off.
I've decided that, if I ever face any difficulty next time, give me some time to kaobeh about it, but once the steam has been let off, remind me that the problem still exists and I still have to deal with it. Complaining and griping about the problem won't help it one bit, but at least you let off the steam, thus allowing you the presence of mind to handle it properly.
In other words, just whack.

2007-08-19T23:38:00.000+08:00

Not everyday sunday

Sometimes I think that supporting a football team is like living with family. At different times in your life, you love, hate, support, lose confidence in but ultimately you never ever forsake them. On that note, it's far from happy days for me again, it seems like the dark days of studying for A levels are back. That was a time when I hoped football would help me relieve the stress of studying, but I got was just pain.
It's just one of those days where you dominate the game but a long range shot hits someone on the backside for the win. Sigh.

2007-08-16T22:08:00.000+08:00

Daunting

So much for Singapore's much vaunted nightlife. The 3 of us went around boat quay to cannery and couldn't find a half decent place which met our needs. They weren't very high in the first place, we were just looking for a place which 1) was non-smoking 2) not too noisy 3) had the "right" crowd (interpret that in your own way). In the end we ended up in a zouk for older people type of place, where we had a few drinks before heading off to TCC to sit down and talk cock till 3am.
We discussed a lot of stuff, but I can't remember all in detail. The stuff that stuck in my mind was, one, one of my friends told me a story that he got on well with a girl he just met, but when they arranged to meet she stood him up at the last minute, and as a result he struck off all chances with her, saying that if she already agreed to meet him, she should honour it and not cancel last minute.
The other friend said you have no choice but to move up the priority ladder, after all they just got to know each other recently only. My 2 cents worth is that you just have the moral high ground, don't concede it.
I think the thing that I felt was very poignant was my friend telling me when you should tell a girl you like her. It boils down to the phrase, "What are you up to?". When she says this, or something of the like, it's time to tell her.
This is related to what we were discussing, as we agreed more or less, that at the start, it's important to not invest everything, as you do not know it'll reap the benefits. I believe that, one shouldn't become frustrated or stressed out about it, or change yourself radically. It is just too tiring to do so and one should take care of yourself, as no one else will.
We sure have come a long way.

2007-08-15T01:53:00.000+08:00

Such wanderlust

It has been a hectic few days.
National day was spent nua-ing at home, waking up at only 1130H and playing winning eleven for the whole afternoon, before going to watch the parade. Came to the conclusion that a lot of saikang went into the conducting of the parade.
Friday, played board games at Minds cafe with the fencers and watched the jay chou vanity project, err I mean movie thereafter. Played some game that required you to guess the sound of the phrase, which led to many laughs. The movie was surprisingly good, the 2 most prominent females were very attractive as well. The outlandish twist was debated very vigorously by Andrew thereafter, which of course drew a few guffaws. Went out to have supper with Nick at the thomson road prata at 11, got stopped at a roadblock on the way there. Met 4 people I knew at the place.
Saturday I wore my formal best to attend my MO's wedding. It was a simple ceremony, had a chuckle when the priest translated "pauper" as "porter" and called my doctor a professor. Met up with many of my men there, glad to know they're still fighting the good fight in the Organisation.
Couldn't stay long though, as I had to attend the UK pre-departure session. Went there, swooped for all the freebies, networked with the LSE people and looked out of place somewhat in my very formal attire. Went home and rested, jim and nick came over to watch football.
Sunday was parental side lunch, sought advice from 2 cousins who are studying in london as well. Had tea with ben and edwin, and the former told me how to be a match steward.
Monday had a very enjoyable time with Nick as we trekked from labrodor park to kent ridge park to science park II to hwa par villa, taking 92 photos on the way and discovering weird sights, like a mountain biking stunt platform in the middle of nowhere, trying to infiltrate a science park building with a supposed card security system, a boardwalk which you can overlook a nursery of sorts and a model of a tank in kent ridge park. Great cheap healthy fun.
Tuesday started with me driving my siblings to school so I can end up in RJ to certify my certs, which the person signed without even looking at my originals. Came home and slept for 2 hours, then saw an emo message from jim asking people out for lunch, which 5 of us responded. Decided to watch 881 after that, loved it for the Hokkien flavour, but some parts are very draggy though.
Just some reflections on what happened over the last few days
1) I detest long and draggy meetings
2) I am still wary about attending weddings
3) I love going on nature trails, but I need someone who will push me to go
4) I prefer photos of nature than of people
5) I am further strengthened in my belief that the process of wooing a girl isn't supposed to make you sian or unhappy
6) Guys do go a bit off when girls touch their hands
7) Packing is already a very irritating process, but "shadow" packing (my term for "packing" things when you're still using them) is worse
8) Being too emo is not healthy
9) Nua-ing is an activity that feels so good when you're doing it but you'll most definately rue the wasted time in the future
10) I am quite ready
Blogging, the short sharp and sweet way.

2007-08-08T20:15:00.000+08:00

High Fidelity

I am officially a Nick Hornby convert. After reading his Fever Pitch, I go on to High Fidelity which really deserves a chance to be used a literature text for the modern world. His observations of human behaviour is really spot-on, and more so when it comes to the male species. I couldn't help reread some paragraphs as I would have the feeling like "Yeah! I feel exactly like this at times, but I never knew how to describe it!"
Many parts of the book were just so insightful, but I only remember some parts that stuck in my mind. Here's one part, lifted from the book, about how a male bares his soul.
"It feels, even to me, like I'm being intimate: I speak quietly, slowly, thoughtfully, I express regret, I say nice things about Laura (his ex-girlfriend), I hint at a deep ocean of melancholy just below the surface."
Really hit it right on the head, if you ask me.

2007-08-07T18:28:00.000+08:00

Of those inside jokes during those days in green

Even up to now, I never fail to grin widely due to the connection I always make in my mind when someone utters the word "spider".

2007-08-07T00:27:00.000+08:00

On the side of me

By Corrinne May

I'm not the easiest person to love
I'm often the one who lets things go unresolved

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Yet you choose to be on the side of me
on the side of me

I'm not too proud of some things
I've done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Blessed Charity
You're on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
but you

I'm not the easiest person to love
But you, you've opened your heart to show me what I'm worth

'Cause you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
What a mystery
You're on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go

I remember when nobody cared
I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
But you

Yeah you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me

This is a beautiful song. The part I bolded is the part that has been stuck in my head for the last few days. Perfect song for those quiet nights.

2007-08-05T00:01:00.000+08:00

Poisonous substances

What do Corrinne May songs and Love Actually the movie have in common? They are poisonous. Not poisonous in the traditional sense, but they are poisonous to your emotional state of mind. Imagine listening to Corrinne May's emo songs all alone in your dorm room on a wintry night, or watching Love Actually on a lonely Christmas. You'll be at best be very emo, at worst you're preparing the rope to hang yourself with.
Went for Corrinne May's concert last night, at NUS, with SR Barny and JM. We must have been quite a sight, 4 guys going to a concert together. Was very enamoured with her songs, her lyrics paint very vivid imageries and were struck a cord with me so much that I bought the CD. I haven't bought a music CD in ages, just for the record.
Barny was such a groupie, whooping at every song and claimed that Corrine May's husband was the "competition". After the concert, she had a signing session, and Barny practically ran out of the concert hall and ended up being 6th in the line to get his CDs and other stuff autographed. I managed to help him get my CD signed, and when it was SR's turn we took a group photo with her. There was a really long queue for her to autograph, but she was very obliging and nice. Really take my hat off her.
Was having a lot of fun in the fencing chalet from Wed to Fri. For starters, everyone save for adrian and I were late to meet at the appointed time, and we blew budget buying a lot of stuff that in hindsight, was quite unnecessary. The chalet reminded me of a FIBUA village, as it was quite old, but it was nice nevertheless. We rented bicycles, played mahjong and went out for supper at bedok, before watching a very lame movie Heartbreakers starring the gravity defying jennifer love hewitt, after which we turned in at 6 am in the morning.
The next day we wandered around trying to find something to do in first Tampines mall, then white sands then downtown east, failing which, we returned to the chalet and cycled around, checking out the scenery of the changi area, before we returned and prepared the BBQ. I tried to do the fire, but wasn't successful, and adrian took over while I fed twigs to the flame.
We over ordered food, so we had plenty of leftovers, so some of us took it back home or hall. By then, I inhaled too much BBQ fumes and felt so dehydrated and my voice started to become very raspy. I downed a lot of water and went to nap for a while while the rest played burn out. Woke up at 4, played a bit of Big 2, the rest went for breakfast while I stayed behind and played jaga. Packed up and cleared out by 1030, and I dragged my exhausted body home via andrew's car and then a cab.
30 odd days and counting. From now on, all activities I'll be doing will fall into only 2 categories, 1) settling anything London related 2) settling anything outstanding in Singapore. As Nick says, isn't that like everything?

2007-08-01T00:29:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time

Once upon a time, there was this boy who was doing his BMT (Basic Military Training) in Pulau Tekong. The boy had failed his SOC (Standard Obstacle Course) 3 times, failing to scale the vertical rope all 3 times. Thus, the boy was rather relieved to hear that his OC (Officer Commanding) tell his whole company that there would be no more SOC retests.
The boy was really looking forward to his block leave, which will last for a week after his POP (Passing Out Parade) which was on wednesday. The boy was then enamoured with the girl. The boy wanted to spend some time with the girl during his block leave. The boy then remembered that the girl's favourite food was sushi, so the boy decided to buy sushi from the nearby supermart, then go to the girl's workplace on the friday, as the girl would be going overseas the week after, and have lunch with the girl.
However, 2 hours before his POP, the boy's PC (Platoon Commander) gathered all the SOC failures and announced that they would be booking in on thursday night and doing a retest on friday morning.
The boy of course was disappointed that a monkey wrench had been thrown into his plans, but the boy decided to bring forward his plan to thursday then.
POP over, the boy went home and rested and woke up the next day and set his plan into action. The boy bought sushi from the supermart near his home, including 2 pairs of wooden disposable chopsticks which cost 10 cents each, and proceeded to the girl's workplace, which was a public hospital.
The boy took the MRT there. When the boy reached the MRT station closest to the girl's workplace, the boy glanced at his watch and realised that lunch time was almost over. The boy then decided to take a cab to the workplace to save time.
Once there, the boy made a beeline for the department the girl was working in. When the boy got there, the boy stopped outside, feeling very nervous. Finally summoning all his courage, the boy went into the department.
The boy didn't see the girl in there. The boy then approached the girl's colleagues and asked where the girl was.
The girl's colleague just simply replied, "Oh, she's on leave today, said she was going for a scholarship interview."
The boy was crushed. The boy went out, and called the girl on her mobile phone. The girl answered.
"Hey, you're having a scholarship interview is it?"
"Yup, it's my turn now! Talk to you later, bye!"
And with that, the girl hung up.
Dumbly, the boy realising he had made a futile trip, decided to head home. The boy, on his way home, realised that there was a free shuttle bus from the MRT station to the hospital, and took it to head home. The boy lamented the cost of the cab when he realised the existence of the shuttle bus service.
Outside his home, the boy, thoroughly dejected, decided to have the sushi for lunch. In his distracted sadness, the boy bit hard on his left cheek, causing him to have an ulcer for a few days.
The boy finished his meal and went home. Soon, it was time for the boy to return to camp.
The boy never felt so lousy waiting for the bus to the ferry terminal at the interchange. There were only a few others with him, and the boy wasn't in his most talkative moods. When the boy reached Pulau Tekong, he quickly settled down and went to sleep, not before taking a few minutes to contemplate what turned out to be a rather disastrous day.
The next day, after breakfast, the boy went for his SOC retest. This time, the boy aced the test with no difficulty at all, clocking in at 9.30 minutes. The boy had even managed to scale the vertical rope for the first time. When the boy did his final rundown to the finish line, his mind was just filled with the disappointment the boy felt yesterday, and it was like a fuel that pushed the boy to run a bit faster and push himself harder, almost so as to get rid of the disappointment the boy felt.
The test had ended at 9 am, and the boy hoped that perhaps, if they were left off early enough, he could still make it for another chance at having a sushi lunch with the girl. But, the fastcraft back to mainland was perpetually crowded and its frequency of trips were greatly reduced, so as a result the boy only got home at 12, and resigned to the fact that he wasn't going to make it for lunch hour.

The boy never told the girl that he went to look for her on that day.
The boy now knows that, what happened then, was probably a sign by the powers that be that they were not meant to be together.
The boy has moved on since then.

2007-07-31T22:59:00.000+08:00

15 years

It's nice to know that someone would spend 2 hours emo-ing with me in a McDonalds in the middle of Little India.

2007-07-30T20:18:00.000+08:00

Random nonsense

One thing that never fails to make me laugh is Mogilan's tale about how his CSM taught him to do guard duty. When challenging a person who may be a threat, his CSM told him that he has to be very firm and dominant to ensure the person listens to you. So instead of the conventional "Halt! Halt!" he told him to shout "Down, motherf***** down!" Apparently the foreign construction workers don't understand the former too well.

2007-07-30T11:35:00.000+08:00

Lost

Ok, had another bizarre dream last night as I dreamt that I lost my Mum's Birkin bag (she doesn't own one at all) The Birkin must have came from yesterday's papers as it was featured in their boomtown singapore article. Felt extremely scared and lousy as I frantically searched around a store (the place I lost it in) for the bag.
To dream that you lose something may mean that you really have misplaced something that you had not realized yet. It may also be a signal for you to clean out and reorganize your life. You have become overwhelmed and distracted with the hustle and bustle of day-to-day life.
On a symbolic note, losing things in your dream may signify lost opportunities, past relationships or forgotten aspects of yourself. Your personal associations to the thing you lose will clue you into the emotional meaning and interpretation of your dream.
(Credit dreammoods.com)
I guess there is some element of truth there, as my life is a bit cluttered of sorts, have to organise it better for the remaining days I have left in Singapore. So many things I want to do. Let's hope it doesn't mean I've misplaced something that I haven't realised it though, that would suck.

2007-07-30T00:50:00.000+08:00

Loser?

As I lay in bed, listening to the radio while closing my eyes to enjoy the feeling of nua-ing, I was reminded of the time when i was in BMT, when lights out would be 2230 for the SAF standard 7 hours of sleep to get up at 0530 for 5BX. Of course those with girlfriends would pretend to sleep and use their handphones at the same time talking to their girlfriends, thus they had to be alert if the Sergeants came into the bunk and checked if we were asleep or not.
Which led me to remember an article I read in the sunday times way back, about a father who wrote an article that when his son went to BMT, he made an effort to call home every night and the father was happy that his son who prior to enlistment would barely talk to him and his wife now spoke to him more often and openly. The father was very happy, and told 2 friends about it. The first one, an older woman, said that she's glad that father and son are communicating better. However, the second person, a young lady, had this to say, which was, "What a loser. He probably has no girlfriend."
How untrue, yet grating nonetheless.

2007-07-29T23:41:00.000+08:00

Cold

Ok I know I said the weather provided me with an opportunity to try out wearing 2 layers which is probably what i'll do in London, but it's getting ridiculous. The cold enveloped my room like a blanket, so much so that touching my bolster is quite like touching a popsicle. I didn't even turn on my fans and slept with the quilt covering my whole body.
Had paper wrapped chicken for dinner on Sat at the "farm" at ulu pandan, the place I've been going to since I was a small kid. The oily goodness of the food there must have caused my subsequent malaise later in the night, but it was so worth at that moment in time as I tucked into the food I had enjoyed ever since I was a small boy.
Spent the last night feeling feverish and lousy, it's only a measly 26 degrees and I was struck down by a bug already. Although more sleep, vitamin C pills and chicken essence eventually got rid of the lousy feeling by mid day, I think my weak constitution is due to lack of sleep and excess of alcohol. Some remedying is in order.
Rainy days are emo days, so says my brother.

2007-07-27T11:33:00.000+08:00

Am doing my mysterious world weary loner thing

Ok first thing out of the way. Felicia Chin is so so so SO pretty with her hair down. She can be my captain anyday and I'll do whatever saikang she asks me to do with a big smile on my face.
I was just reminded of a colleague whom I talked to on the way back from an assignment that professed a great love for parallel lines. She said she arranges her books in a very orderly manner, her books need to be parallel to the edge of the desk and cannot accept any form of spontaneity or messiness. When I professed that my room is always in a state of organised chaos, she offered to clean up my room, which I declined with aplomb. Rooms with books arranged parallel to the edge of the desk is more showflat than a room with someone living in it.
Woke up at 0630 on wed to take 14 to east coast to go running with adrian, which we must applaud ourselves for actually going through with it. Went back to change and wash up before going back to RI. Just went around and looked at the place where we spent some of the best years of my life, I bought a Raffles polo shirt from RJ, to wear during the wintry nights in London.
Went out that night as well, and suffice to say thanks to my exertions on that day I felt achy and dehydrated the next day, as I woke up early to play mahjong. Lost a staggering $48 the first round, but recouped $3 and $28 the next 2 rounds.
Some random stuff to conclude. Fabian professed once that he sees Mew more times in a week than his girlfriend at times.
OG is the new word for anything incriminating
Jim is always busy with his OG
And the days are still dwindling down...

2007-07-22T21:04:00.000+08:00

Euphoric Champagne

It's been a crazy few days, especially Saturday which was literally just a blur of adrenaline filled on the spot problem solving, but now on this drizzling Sunday night, my head is still pounding, albeit not as bad as it was before, but when it's time to reflect on what transpired, these few events stick in my mind.
While tucking into "You-crazy-what??" at Botak Jones for Kenneth's birthday treat (which I must say is the best western I've eaten at such competitive prices) Nick reminded me of something very important, a value that I hold dear but would time to time forget.
"If you want to do something, either do it well or don't waste your time doing it half-heartedly."
Of course he wasn't as eloquent as that, but the jist was there. Which made a great impression on me and the task I was to do on Saturday.
Wearing that new suit, Saturday I was in my element, which is on the spot management, which I kind of relish. Was in charge of the shuttle bus service, which ran from wheelock place to shangri-la, I had to get people who weren't sure of the pick up from the other side of Borders to lead them to the proper spot. As I was hurriedly going to the other side, a woman stopped me.
"Excuse me, where can I get my advance booking of the Harry Potter book?"
Am just glad everything ran smoothly, except when it looked like it'll rain, but thankfully it was a short intense shower. And the hours ran quite fast. In the whirl of activity, the end came quickly and we perked up as we packed up to have a sumptuous and very expensive dinner, with champagne thrown in and lots of merriment.
Had to drag myself home, literally dragged as the adrenaline left my body, which made me feel like a sack of potatoes. Slept for weirdly enough, only 2 and a half hours before waking up inexplicably and wasn't able to get back to sleep at all. Finally, I resigned to fate, went downstairs to retrieve the Harry Potter book which my mum collected on my behalf, and read for 3 and a half hours before falling asleep at 5.
Spent the rest of today fighting fatigue and finishing the book. The last 200 pages were practically addictive. There was a sense of gloominess and helplessness throughout the story, and with 6 books of characters at her mercy to kill you are really left wondering who's next on the body count, which is staggering. As you turn the pages, you hunger with the desire to know what happens next, which is a feeling I rarely get nowadays. After reading 6 books, you just want to know what happens in the end at your own time.
With a major engagement out of the way, it's time to refocus my efforts on my departure. Somehow, after hanging out with the committee members, it made me more excited about going to London. Perhaps it was the champagne doing the thinking for me, or the post-event euphoria, but it sort of calmed my nerves and made me want more strongly than ever, to go out and seek my path in my own way, before returning to this island I will still call home.
After all, I paid for my citizenship with 2 years of my life.

2007-07-20T01:46:00.000+08:00

Truth

I blurted out something as we lazed in the jacuzzi pool on a very gloomy Wednesday in Yishun Safra, as Fabian and I were talking about swimming laps and how Murugan was still swimming like a Duracell bunny while we were shagged already.
"Somehow all the things that are good for me I don't like."
"So, you mean to say that the girls you liked were bad for you?"
Hate to say it, but those words are so true.

2007-07-19T01:05:00.000+08:00

All that you can leave behind

It always starts with someone checking his handphone many times when you're out with the guys, withdrawing from the conversation for a while as he sends a reply, and not soon after he'll get another message and the cycle repeats itself. Then next comes the "Sorry guys I'm not free tomorrow you guys go ahead". Then the final confirmation would be something along the lines of "Hi guys I have a confession." With that, he'll then graduate to more interesting behaviour like disappearing upstairs during a mahjong game to "settle something" for 30 minutes while the other 3 players build pyramids out of the tiles.
I told a friend that as guys we'll never forget the first girl we fell really hard for. And also we agreed that you tend to think of the girl you really like when you're really down in the dumps, say like in BMT running through the jungles of tekong with camo cream and sweat on your face lugging that obstinate M-16 around, wearing that blasted no. 4 that Felicia Chin looks damn good in.
The time of departure is close. Am still busy with my commitments, especially so this week, but once all this is over, it's time to devote my time to getting my new life into order and saying a long and draggy goodbye to my old one.
I ate my grandmother's excellent fish head bee hoon for dinner the last 2 nights. The previous night I only intended to eat a smaller bowl as I still felt full, but in the end I ate 3 bowls worth and felt so full. Something that I'll definitely miss there.
I could repeat everything we said when Jim Nick and I, as Jim puts it, "went to the vivo seaside and emo-ed", but no point. It's to head out.
And for a crazy moment last week, I did something bad that could have destroyed a friendship, but thankfully it didn't. I'm just appalled by my lack of control, my sudden weakness, and hope that it doesn't happen again. Hence, never again.
There's still so much left to be done. Tomorrow is my last Japanese language class, can't believe I actually followed it through for about 6 months already. As I told Adrian, I managed to languidly read a passage without stopping to check my notes the other day. Was quite happy with myself.
Still want to visit parts of Singapore before I jet off. Be it the Birdpark or just simply Sembawang park, just to check out some places that are significant to me.
This post sounds extremely disjointed. Perhaps it's just my reluctance to dwell on feelings about my impending departure.
You're leaving, deal with it Zhao Yang.

2007-07-16T23:27:00.000+08:00

Street Side Symphony

It's been a heady few days, so much so I haven't found any motivation to blog. And since it'll only get worse from now, might as well take stock of what has happened over the last few days.
Went Vivo with Nick and Jim where Jim made use of his birthday vouchers to drag me out. He also bought about 150 bucks worth of clothes without even batting an eyelid. He went to Zara and spied a $50 T-shirt, tried it on once, and then bought it, all under 10 minutes.
Sat facing the sea outside Vivo, looking at the construction site of the Sentosa IR. I took a photo with my phone of the site, with the intention of coming back in June next year to see what has changed.
While we sat there, a bunch of graduates in their gowns posed for pictures with the sea as a backdrop. I felt that that was quite poignant, seeing as they were at the end of their academic journey, while we're just going to restart it.
Had dinner with a ex schoolmate who passed me and BK her law notes. Read BK's notes which he koped from a senior and understood nothing. Oh well..
My friend had free tickets for Harry Potter, so I went along with her friend to watch it. Then about 1 hour before the movie, she told she had extra free tickets, so I called every one of the guys, but NONE of them could make it. In the end 3 tickets were wasted. As it was part of an event to promote Shaw Tower (the company that owns the place was the one who organised the movie screening), there was a structure with black cloth over it which served as a reception of sorts. There was free food, but wasn't really hungry and was busy calling the guys. There, to go along with the theme of magic, there were a few amateur magicians performing tricks, and one of them at the behest of my friend did tricks on me. However, let's just say his tricks were so obvious that he makes Fabian and Adrian look good.
The movie was ok, but wouldn't justify a $9.50 price tag if I had paid that much. Well, one can't argue too much since it was free.
Just to end off, penning down what you feel with a silver pen on black paper is fine, but I think I have tired of all this, let me find my own way.