My life to live not yours

Well well, the furore over the internet of this girl who filmed herself having sex with her boyfriend and subsequently had her phone stolen and the clip distributed over the internet thus gaining internet notoriety. Normally I loathe to jump on the bandwagon and comment about such inane stuff, nevertheless I feel strongly enough to write about it here.
First of all, let's establish that it was a personal clip. I'm not interested in what people do in the dark corners of their rooms. I mean as I sit here writing there are millions of people engaging in coitus now so why feel surprised that people out there are getting some?
Maybe it's because of the age of the person involved. Oh c'mon, walk into any army camp you can hear NSFs exchanging stories about their conquests. Don't be a prune. Like it or not your precious sons and daughters are engaging in coitus with you in your ignorant bliss.
I must say that I don't condone premarital sex, but I believe it's the right of an individual to mess up their own lives in their own self destructive way. I don't intend to take any moral high ground or anything like that, I just believe if your actions don't affect me directly you are very welcome to press the self destruct in your life. So people please, unless you're her parents and have a duty to tell her what to do, just lay off, and maybe you would like to find out what junior has been doing at that friend's house other than that very hard to complete "project".
Besides, again this is a sign we have yet to progress as a nation. Instead of talking about the death of a national icon, budget 2006 or basically something more important, we're engaging in idle chatter about a girl's personal life.
However, what I REALLY took offence to was that a newspaper interviewed a religious leader who offered his views about the incident. Granted, some people may think he is an authority on the degradation of teenage moral values, but lest I forgot, aren't we a secular society? By only interviewing him and no other religious leaders is the newspaper trying to say that the religion he supports is the de facto religion in singapore? And what the religious leader said could be interpreted as "if the girl had been a member of his religion she wouldn't have done such a thing" I felt such a comment was unnecessary. The incident has already happened, and it just feels like a thinly veiled attempt at trying to promote this religion above others. Singapore is a secular society, hell you're not even allowed to play worship songs in camp, so why this blatant promoting of one religion above the others? Note I'm no bigot but friends know I have strong beliefs about religion. However, that does not mean I do not respect a person's religion. It's just that I take offence to the blatant promotion by a supposedly secular newspaper. So those ready to hang me or burn me at the stake please stay your murderous hands as I mean no harm.
So, fellow citizens of singapore, please get off your moral high horse. It's a free world, if people want to screw up their lives, unless you're their guardian and thus you shall gain embarrassment by proxy thus would be obliged to stop their self destruction, just let those who wish to destroy their lives go ahead. Don't get a messianic complex and think you can save everyone. Not everyone may want to be saved.

You can't be that good a person and be well adjusted

So says Dr Gregory House.
Been a real lousy day. Not the worst day, but it can be ranked up there. I deleted a paragraph or so of entry as I'm afraid someone may read it, so you can tell the extend I've fallen to... Whatever happend to the cavalier Zhao Yang who never shunned away from making a controvesial comment?
I feel so... lousy. I've lied, cheated, backstabbed, and worst of all compromised my principles and morals, and justify my actions being essential for self-survival. I may think I'm smart to survive in this harsh world but I'm actually just a simple coward. I hate myself for having fallen to where I am now. I live a schizophernic life, and I know my true self seems to be hidden away, never to be shown to anyone that can potentially hurt me. There are days I just don't want to get out of bed to face the day.
Yet I still do so. I still get out of bed to face the challenges of the day, no matter how soul destorying it is...
Perhaps that's the price of being well adjusted, the goodness of me will slowly be ebbed away by the rising tide of cynicism until all that is left is mere shadow of the person I was, and will never be...
Still waiting for that better tommorrow..

That time of the year again

As i stoned away in paya lebar air base waiting for my turn to take my annual medic profiency test, I perused today's papers and ended up with the urban section. In there they had a valentine's day special about 4 guys who are supposedly very eligible bachelors and why they are single this valentine's day. It was a rather interesting read, and it stirred up some old emotions and made me think.
As I approach the 20th valentine's day of my life again dateless (no surprise there), I can't help but feel pensive about my lack of a love life. It's not because I'm yearning for a relationship, I believe I have gone past that point, where now I see that being in a relationship is no panecea, no miracle drug that will make you feel better. A relationship requires effort and time, and sometimes once the rose tinted glasses go off, it ends in tears or quiet resignation.
It's not that I've turned my back to love either. I believe it's an emotion that will keep us going, an emotion similar to hope, with love comes purpose, one's will be strengthened by wanting to protect the ones he love, provide them with a good life etc.
Perhaps I have ended up in an emotional crossroad, where I don't know where can I go from this point. No more schoolboy crushes, no more doing stupid things in the hope of getting her attention, I grimace when I think of my past deeds.
I do believe that the other person that you think love is just a body of thoughts, like i said in my previous post, a person you think that once you get into a relationship with the person, you get rid of your miseries and have fufilled all your desires. To a certain extent it's true, but it brings with you more problems as well.
I don't know if you can classify me as being fatigued, confused, or a loser who's just lamenting over his lack of ability to get a date and trying to act all philosphical to try and cover up that fact.
On the 14th I have volunteered to do duties for most of my campmates as most of them are attached, my doctor who had a RT cover on that day changed his to a later date, and when he informed us medics about it, he inserted this line into his email, "hey aren't you glad I'm not going to drag one of you with me on the 14th to sulk with me? of course it wouldn't matter for zhao yang anyway.. :)"
There was one ocassion where my campmates were all gathering around discussing the plans they have for valentine's day, one said he's taking his girlfriend to walk around the esplanade area, one's said he's taking her to mount faber to see stars, one was getting ideas from the ideas. Then, inevitably, the conversation veered towards poking fun at the perpetually dateless me, the only girlfriend-less person in the camp. As usual I'll just smile and laugh off their comments, but one of them asked me a question that set me thinking, "zhao yang, surely you like some girls or are good friends with them, just get one of them to be your girlfriend la!" or something to that effect.
Indeed why not? I must confess there are times I felt this way about some of my friends, but thank the heavens I have never acted on such reckless impulses. I think that just getting anyone, any person to be in a relationship with you is just irresponsible. I know if I did that it'll be just to fill that void in my heart and nothign else. That is totally selfish I feel. In such a relationship nothing good can come out of it and once the honeymoon period is over, all you're left with is just bittersweet memories. But they countered, "you're not marrying her!" and "consider such stuff after you're in a relationship".
Well, both points are valid I guess, but still maybe I'm just too cowardly to go and create those bittersweet memories. This post will most likely make you think I'm an idiot who thinks too much or an absoulte loser who's trying to justify why he can't get a girlfriend and comforting himself by coming up with an elaborate and convulated theory about it.
Come 14th feb, I'll be glad to be in camp, away from the lovey dovey couples in esplanade or mount faber gazing at stars or what nots, away from the sights of affection, away from the candle lit resturants, away from the ubiquitious roses, and yet, the desire to join in with them will not go away.