Life is like a boat
Nobody knows who I really am
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along,
Who's gonna comfort me, and keep me strong?
We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on coming and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves would guide you through another day
The opening verses of Rie fu's "life is like a boat", more commonly known as the 1st bleach ending song. Initially I didn't really like it, but it grew on me I guess, plus the folksy nature of the song makes me feel very relaxed after a hard day in the medical centre.
Well, life doesn't change much nowadays. Spent the last few weeks wraggling over duty dates to avoid clashing with my driving dates, sitting Chinook to fly to pulau sudong for flag party cover, only to encounter a war of the worlds esque storm, and having to carry all my medical stores (medical orderly pouch, first aid kit, defribillator, oxygen tank, ice box, bag valve mask) and rush to a hangar about 200m away in the pouring rain. It felt like BMT SOC all over again. The worst part was when i came within 10m of the hangar and thus shelter, the ice box opened and out spilled all its contents on to the floor. After putting the rest of the stores under the shelter, I rushed out to retrieve the ice, then only to check my MOP and find that my new copy of the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy was missing. So out I ran again into the pouring rain to try to look for the lost book, but to no avail. In the end the aircrew found it lying somewhere in the grass patch, 30% drenched. Despite that, I still read it for the duration of the cover. It was 5 hours of wearing wet underwear and socks, feeding mosquitoes and having an itchy butt all the time. So all in all it wasn't precisely a great experience, but the copter ride kind of made up for it, but truth be told it was a really noisy ride.
I guess one of the good side effects of the weekend duties is that it makes time pass much faster, the downside that the weekend isn't really something you can look forward to, plus friends are more likely to ask you out on weekends than on weekdays, so your social life suffers. The worst part of weekend duties is having to eat the crappy food they serve, especially on sunday, and thinking of the good food that my family will be having. Feeling rather "sianed out" (for the lack of an english equivalent) as I'll be burning both sat and sun this weeek, but at least I'll take monday off to preserve my sanity.
Some idiot bugger came to report sick at 0130h this morning. Picked up the phone call when I was fast asleep, then had to rush to call the doctor and wake the other medics up. I sincerely thought it was something really serious, I mean it must be serious for them to want to come in at 0130 in the wee hours of the night. But no, here comes this guy who clutches his stomach and claims he quote unquote "he had mild stomach pain. reported sick as he couldn't sleep". In the end we gave him some buscopan and sent him off, before I retired for the night feeling extremely irritatable.
Actually helped my sec 4 brother with his chem work sometime last week, just didn't solve the problem as fast as I could last time I guess. Shows that I haven't lost my touch, it's just hibernating.
Living each day for the next, with no ultimate goal at the end of the tunnel, maybe that will change come august, what with driving lessons and the opening of applications to uk universities. Still nursing ambitions to tutor some hapless kids in econs, or do something. Anything to break the monotony.
Get out of my comfort zone. So far 2 people have said that to me, so I guess 2 people can't be wrong in assessing me right? There is some element of truth in it, aI i tend to rationalise too much to allow for spontaneous decision making. Having said that my record of spontaneous decision making isn't very stellar. Nevertheless, perhaps that is one area of myself I need to work on, not to cocoon myself up in some ivory tower, but to be more open and forthcoming.
To all those who are disrupting because of medicine or scholarships, good on you. All the best, you guys worked hard for this and deserve it. To the girls who are entering uni, study hard play hard and enjoy your youth. To those like me still awaiting our release, hang in there man, take it a day a time and we'll get there. Not soon, but eventually.
Relationships wise, no room for another wound for my heart. Let's lay off this heady concoction for a while and collect good karma. Haha.
I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I'?d feel this way towards you
And if you ever need someone to come along,
I will follow you, and keep you strong
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Friday, July 15, 2005
Vestige
I've come to realise I don't blog.
I rant.
And I used to type in a font size which is very unfriendly to one's eyes.
Neither did I exercise liberal paragraphing for easier reading.
Like so.
As a result, I've decided to revamp the place, increased the font size, got rid of the fanboyish skin (freedom is gone anyway), and used a default template.
Better right?
Now on to the blog post itself.
What shoudl have been a quiet week for me being able to go home everyday turned sour at the end, but it was good while it lasted. Points worth taking note of are the fact I'm now dragged to become a MOPA. A ton of work awaits me then, plus I'll be at the mercy of the doctors. Hopefully I can pick their brain and perhaps gain enough brownie points to allow me to use them as expert medical witnesses if necessary.
The NKF incident. Well, my sentiments are just that something isn't quite right about this whole affair. Why would the chairman, who was trained in law, decided to pursue the case when he obviously knew that all the facts would turn up in court. Facts hardly tell the truth, but they are open to interpretation and thus very lethal. Plus SPH had the ability to skew the story in their favour, seeing that all printed news is under their control save for today. The fact that he was cross-examined to death so easily in court is fishy. For all you know he may have been the fall guy for the whole incident. And for the record, 25 000 for a CEO's pay, some may think it's too high, but I think it's necessary to be high as he doesn't earn rent only, he has to have a salary at least matching his second best alternative job to ensure he stays. In short, high salaries are the only way to attract people to work in companies, even ones that are just charities.
Vestiges of my life. A bit here, a bit there, some recorded, some forgotten. In my feverish throes on tuesday night I dreamt of a casualty on the beach, no pulse no breathing, history of asthma. I started to do CPR and woke up. In cold sweat.
After what happened then, I wonder if I would ever have the courage to do my duty. Just monday, my sergeant tried to pep talk us into working harder, telling us that although a lot of things we do are not recognised, we should still work hard as our job is very important, and he hopes that by doing so we would get some self-esteem. I told him pointedly that self-esteem doesn't fill my stomach, which he had no answer to. How can you get someone so unmotivated to try and save the life of a person? I may have said those words, but to me if a person is dying in my hands I'll try my best to revive him, nothing else matters then. But would that be the case to other medics? "They don't pay me enough to warrant me staying back an extra hour to top up the stores in the emergency trolley" And maybe because of a capsule of adrenaline, the patient dies. This is a highly possible scenario. We medics are like a timebomb, waiting to go off. Not saying we cannot handle the patients, whether we'll be motivated to do so. We as a rule are motivated by disincentive rather than incentive, like do this or you'll get confinement.
In any case, if it comes to down to saving a patient's life, I won't hesitate to help him, but whether I'll be stunned out of my wits when I see the patient is another thing. That's why I chose to be a lawyer not a doctor, I rather ruin lives than save them.
Life goes on as usual. Everyone has their lives to lead, mine just rolls on as well. Maybe someday I'll make an attempt to snap out of this inertia, but now, I'm not precisely enjoying it, but I don't mind it.
I've come to realise I don't blog.
I rant.
And I used to type in a font size which is very unfriendly to one's eyes.
Neither did I exercise liberal paragraphing for easier reading.
Like so.
As a result, I've decided to revamp the place, increased the font size, got rid of the fanboyish skin (freedom is gone anyway), and used a default template.
Better right?
Now on to the blog post itself.
What shoudl have been a quiet week for me being able to go home everyday turned sour at the end, but it was good while it lasted. Points worth taking note of are the fact I'm now dragged to become a MOPA. A ton of work awaits me then, plus I'll be at the mercy of the doctors. Hopefully I can pick their brain and perhaps gain enough brownie points to allow me to use them as expert medical witnesses if necessary.
The NKF incident. Well, my sentiments are just that something isn't quite right about this whole affair. Why would the chairman, who was trained in law, decided to pursue the case when he obviously knew that all the facts would turn up in court. Facts hardly tell the truth, but they are open to interpretation and thus very lethal. Plus SPH had the ability to skew the story in their favour, seeing that all printed news is under their control save for today. The fact that he was cross-examined to death so easily in court is fishy. For all you know he may have been the fall guy for the whole incident. And for the record, 25 000 for a CEO's pay, some may think it's too high, but I think it's necessary to be high as he doesn't earn rent only, he has to have a salary at least matching his second best alternative job to ensure he stays. In short, high salaries are the only way to attract people to work in companies, even ones that are just charities.
Vestiges of my life. A bit here, a bit there, some recorded, some forgotten. In my feverish throes on tuesday night I dreamt of a casualty on the beach, no pulse no breathing, history of asthma. I started to do CPR and woke up. In cold sweat.
After what happened then, I wonder if I would ever have the courage to do my duty. Just monday, my sergeant tried to pep talk us into working harder, telling us that although a lot of things we do are not recognised, we should still work hard as our job is very important, and he hopes that by doing so we would get some self-esteem. I told him pointedly that self-esteem doesn't fill my stomach, which he had no answer to. How can you get someone so unmotivated to try and save the life of a person? I may have said those words, but to me if a person is dying in my hands I'll try my best to revive him, nothing else matters then. But would that be the case to other medics? "They don't pay me enough to warrant me staying back an extra hour to top up the stores in the emergency trolley" And maybe because of a capsule of adrenaline, the patient dies. This is a highly possible scenario. We medics are like a timebomb, waiting to go off. Not saying we cannot handle the patients, whether we'll be motivated to do so. We as a rule are motivated by disincentive rather than incentive, like do this or you'll get confinement.
In any case, if it comes to down to saving a patient's life, I won't hesitate to help him, but whether I'll be stunned out of my wits when I see the patient is another thing. That's why I chose to be a lawyer not a doctor, I rather ruin lives than save them.
Life goes on as usual. Everyone has their lives to lead, mine just rolls on as well. Maybe someday I'll make an attempt to snap out of this inertia, but now, I'm not precisely enjoying it, but I don't mind it.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Misguided ambitions
The desire to blog is just isn't there nowadays, somehow I feel my days are not really worth mentioning about. Patients come and go, the time I spend in the medical centre wearing green, sorting through various medical dockets, dispensing medicine, wrestling with a very uncooperative computer system, time at home is spent rewatching gundam seed and destiny, or any anime series I've got my hand on. Such a waste isn't it? I'm in a bind, I can't do much as my schedule is so erratic and fickle. Spent my long weekend just lounging around, only notable achievements are finishing full metal alchemist and passing my basic theory test.
On Friday someone important to me asked me if I really wanted to live my life going through the motions. She went on to tell me many other things, things I normally would have just denied and shoved to the darker ends of my mind, but she brought them all out in the light, and briefly she had me questioning myself. She got me at a good time, I was vulnerable, trying desperately to find some purpose, something more worthwhile than vegetating in front of a computer screen. She offered me a purpose, and I was almost seduced.
But then that answer, that purpose, would be hollow. It isn't the answer I seek. I have no reason to reject it, nor any reason to accept it. I have and will always seek my own path, and I wasn't about to start accepting something I know isn't what I seek just to fill that hollow void in my mind. Having said that, I appreciated her efforts, evidently she cared enough for me to say all that she did. If by some off chance she reads this, know that I'm happy that you care for me, but don't worry, I'll seek my path as always, and hopefully the answer I want and seek is out there somewhere. Maybe in my misguided attempts to seek for a better answer will make me realise there is no such thing, but I won't know until I try.
Weeks seemed to flow by. I decide to count the days using destiny episodes. The thing that helps me get through the week is the prospect of a destiny episode at the end of it. Every Sunday, my sis will keep vigil in front of the computer waiting for the torrent to appear. Then after dinner is consumed it's time to escape to a world where people pilot giant robots to fight wars.
Yeah mog I understand the feeling. It's not only a gundam fan, doesn't everyone take comfort in being able to do something with absolute conviction? That you're safe in the knowledge that what you're doing is absolutely right? Soldiers fight wars to defend their country, and die doing so. Doctors work to save lives, policemen strive to stop crime, firemen go all out to put out fires. To have a purpose is indeed a wonderful thing. With a purpose you can stand on your two feet and face the world with determination, and you wake up each day with a burning desire to pursue that purpose. To be without a purpose would be like a ship without a rudder, sailing in no particular direction.
She asked me if I ever questioned my existence, since one's existence is useless without a purpose. Now I feel although purposes are fleeting, liable to change and totally malleable, my purpose is still there. Hidden, silent in the inner reaches of myself, waiting to be unleashed upon this world. When that day comes, what I need isn't a new purpose, but to display the same amount of conviction she has to her own purpose.
It's official, I have turned mog into a gundam fanboy. But I have to agree with him, to swoop down upon the battlefield, beam wings open, eye sensors glowing brilliant gold, that is some image.
Anime is a big part of my life. Somehow I get influenced greatly by the anime series I watch. I want to be able to write stories that fascinate, terrify, bother, enrage and ultimately affect people. The tragic hero in destiny shin is an example. You can't help but empathise with him, having lost his family and the girl he promised to protect in the flames of war, yet it is evident to anyone that he is merely a pawn, a hired gun in the grand scheme of things. A person who shoots at whatever he is told to shoot at. One only needs to glance at the furore and constant debates over shin to see how powerful his portrayal is.
Maybe that shall be my new purpose. To pick up the pen again, to write out the words I see in my head as images float around, stories created then abandoned or forgotten, idea upon idea collected yet not used. Now I need the conviction to follow it through.
Suddenly, a flash of green energy streaked through the air, striking the enemy right through its cockpit. The enemy staggered for a second, before exploding in a ball of crimson flame.
Slowly, it descended from the heavens like an avenging angel with shimmering wings. It's brilliant eyes piercing through the darkness, the roar of its thrusters spreading throughout the battlefield.
It had arrived.
The one they called DESTINY.
The desire to blog is just isn't there nowadays, somehow I feel my days are not really worth mentioning about. Patients come and go, the time I spend in the medical centre wearing green, sorting through various medical dockets, dispensing medicine, wrestling with a very uncooperative computer system, time at home is spent rewatching gundam seed and destiny, or any anime series I've got my hand on. Such a waste isn't it? I'm in a bind, I can't do much as my schedule is so erratic and fickle. Spent my long weekend just lounging around, only notable achievements are finishing full metal alchemist and passing my basic theory test.
On Friday someone important to me asked me if I really wanted to live my life going through the motions. She went on to tell me many other things, things I normally would have just denied and shoved to the darker ends of my mind, but she brought them all out in the light, and briefly she had me questioning myself. She got me at a good time, I was vulnerable, trying desperately to find some purpose, something more worthwhile than vegetating in front of a computer screen. She offered me a purpose, and I was almost seduced.
But then that answer, that purpose, would be hollow. It isn't the answer I seek. I have no reason to reject it, nor any reason to accept it. I have and will always seek my own path, and I wasn't about to start accepting something I know isn't what I seek just to fill that hollow void in my mind. Having said that, I appreciated her efforts, evidently she cared enough for me to say all that she did. If by some off chance she reads this, know that I'm happy that you care for me, but don't worry, I'll seek my path as always, and hopefully the answer I want and seek is out there somewhere. Maybe in my misguided attempts to seek for a better answer will make me realise there is no such thing, but I won't know until I try.
Weeks seemed to flow by. I decide to count the days using destiny episodes. The thing that helps me get through the week is the prospect of a destiny episode at the end of it. Every Sunday, my sis will keep vigil in front of the computer waiting for the torrent to appear. Then after dinner is consumed it's time to escape to a world where people pilot giant robots to fight wars.
Yeah mog I understand the feeling. It's not only a gundam fan, doesn't everyone take comfort in being able to do something with absolute conviction? That you're safe in the knowledge that what you're doing is absolutely right? Soldiers fight wars to defend their country, and die doing so. Doctors work to save lives, policemen strive to stop crime, firemen go all out to put out fires. To have a purpose is indeed a wonderful thing. With a purpose you can stand on your two feet and face the world with determination, and you wake up each day with a burning desire to pursue that purpose. To be without a purpose would be like a ship without a rudder, sailing in no particular direction.
She asked me if I ever questioned my existence, since one's existence is useless without a purpose. Now I feel although purposes are fleeting, liable to change and totally malleable, my purpose is still there. Hidden, silent in the inner reaches of myself, waiting to be unleashed upon this world. When that day comes, what I need isn't a new purpose, but to display the same amount of conviction she has to her own purpose.
It's official, I have turned mog into a gundam fanboy. But I have to agree with him, to swoop down upon the battlefield, beam wings open, eye sensors glowing brilliant gold, that is some image.
Anime is a big part of my life. Somehow I get influenced greatly by the anime series I watch. I want to be able to write stories that fascinate, terrify, bother, enrage and ultimately affect people. The tragic hero in destiny shin is an example. You can't help but empathise with him, having lost his family and the girl he promised to protect in the flames of war, yet it is evident to anyone that he is merely a pawn, a hired gun in the grand scheme of things. A person who shoots at whatever he is told to shoot at. One only needs to glance at the furore and constant debates over shin to see how powerful his portrayal is.
Maybe that shall be my new purpose. To pick up the pen again, to write out the words I see in my head as images float around, stories created then abandoned or forgotten, idea upon idea collected yet not used. Now I need the conviction to follow it through.
Suddenly, a flash of green energy streaked through the air, striking the enemy right through its cockpit. The enemy staggered for a second, before exploding in a ball of crimson flame.
Slowly, it descended from the heavens like an avenging angel with shimmering wings. It's brilliant eyes piercing through the darkness, the roar of its thrusters spreading throughout the battlefield.
It had arrived.
The one they called DESTINY.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
I want to go a place where I belong
Weekend was great. It's been a long time since I felt such feelings of comfort, warmth, friendship and just overall good company. When I said I wanted to sever all ties with the past, I didn't mean really forsaking all the good times we had in the past, but merely accepting the fact that things will not be like last time and learning to progress with them towards a vastly different future.
Class gathering was fun, but the highlight was the basketball game we had that was unfortunately cut short by the turning off of the floodlights. But during the 10 minutes when we played, it seemed like we were back in school again, playing basketball after PE. Sharon's netball style of shooting, boon seer's screaming, zhongwei's height helping him get all those easy under the net rebounds, shiming with his double handed overhead hard throws, enming and his funny style of dribbling, yangqi with his solo efforts etc. But yet there was something different as well, we were not in our PE kit, the sky was dark instead of a sweltering afternoon and the court was not as messed up as the one in buona vista.
I guess that moment when the old and new mixed together, I had no worries, no thoughts of the heavy week ahead, nothing. Just the singular mindset of playing ball. That fleeting feeling was something I haven't felt for long, and it felt so good.
And today, the time with the guys was good. The talk we had, the sobering feeling of "the future is upon us" came to me. No longer were we boys running around in our "tight white shorts", we were young adults, some of them already were taking their first steps to independent adulthood. Jun seng pointed out that our reunion 20 years from now will probably yield a pilot, a brigadier general, a high ranking official in MOE and many of us holding respectable positions. For once, in a long time, instead of envy and despair, I felt a great desire within me to work very hard and be up there with those high flyers. I remember Ben telling me the greatest motivation to him when he set up his company was that he didn't want to lose out to Ronald. I guess I feel the same way. I want to be the best I can be, because I can. I know I can soar with the eagles if I put my mind to it, and I want to be right up there with all of them.
Also, being healthy boys, we started discussing, well, girls. And well ed started telling the sushi story (BTW it seems I have a sushi story a saga seeds story and a flower story) which I had to correct. In any case, they said I was actually quite good, but it was the wrong person. Thinking back now, yeah they're right. A few weeks has cleared my mind, and with the benefit of clarity of thought I have managed to come up with unbiased and well thought out conclusions and deductions. In any case, my conclusion is that I have decided to use the rest of my army life to improve myself as a person. Sort of a solitary journey of self-discovery, minus the alcohol and cigars I guess. I want to be a better person, I want to be the person I think I am, I want to stop thinking I'm the person I want to be at this very moment as I still need to improve.
Side point: Why did I ever move out of pine grove? That place is like populated by pretty girls only....
Just another interesting saddened of my life. On Saturday morning, I took 167 home from camp and dropped in front of far east. There a TAGS girl cheerily accosted me asking me to donate some money, thrusting her can in my face. Well normally I'm rather reluctant to donate but that morning I was feeling a tad generous (and it didn't hurt that she was pretty as well :) ) but I had no spare change. So I promised her that I'll return once I got change and walked off. It was something that I said off-handedly, as a way to counter the embarrassment I felt. But as I opened up some distance between myself and her, I felt something twinge. I had fully intended just to walk away and go home, but I used the word "promised" so I felt that I was obliged to fufill that promise. In the end, I bought some bread from the wisma breadtalk and went back to the same spot and found the girl and gave her the change. The look of joy on her face brought a smile to mine too. If I was her in my heart I probably think that I'll just walk off and heck care her, but I had unexpectedly come back. Having done flag days before, I know how it feels to stand out in the sun with a can with people running away from you or saying curt and rude "nos" to you.
I don't intend to sound big headed or anything, but I hope I made that girl feel something for a while, be it happiness, astonishment that I returned, or maybe even believe in humanity again. I know it's nothing to crow about, but somehow I think if it had happened to me, it would have definitely made my day.
I want to go to a place where I belong,
where the flowers bloom for you and me,
where an eternity is never too long,
and fields of hope are all I see.
Warm glow of the sun,
the soft tug of the wind in my hair,
children having fun,
without a worry or a care.
Sincere smiles all around,
opened palms instead of balled fists,
no fight for that elusive crown,
no more of that dreaded red mist.
No more knives in the back,
no more skulking around in the dark.
Nothing we shall lack,
what was lost shall come back.
I want to go to a place where I belong,
where you'll be waiting for me,
singing that same old song,
for no one but that same flawed person you only see.
Seems I haven't lost my touch, it just got rusty that's all.
Weekend was great. It's been a long time since I felt such feelings of comfort, warmth, friendship and just overall good company. When I said I wanted to sever all ties with the past, I didn't mean really forsaking all the good times we had in the past, but merely accepting the fact that things will not be like last time and learning to progress with them towards a vastly different future.
Class gathering was fun, but the highlight was the basketball game we had that was unfortunately cut short by the turning off of the floodlights. But during the 10 minutes when we played, it seemed like we were back in school again, playing basketball after PE. Sharon's netball style of shooting, boon seer's screaming, zhongwei's height helping him get all those easy under the net rebounds, shiming with his double handed overhead hard throws, enming and his funny style of dribbling, yangqi with his solo efforts etc. But yet there was something different as well, we were not in our PE kit, the sky was dark instead of a sweltering afternoon and the court was not as messed up as the one in buona vista.
I guess that moment when the old and new mixed together, I had no worries, no thoughts of the heavy week ahead, nothing. Just the singular mindset of playing ball. That fleeting feeling was something I haven't felt for long, and it felt so good.
And today, the time with the guys was good. The talk we had, the sobering feeling of "the future is upon us" came to me. No longer were we boys running around in our "tight white shorts", we were young adults, some of them already were taking their first steps to independent adulthood. Jun seng pointed out that our reunion 20 years from now will probably yield a pilot, a brigadier general, a high ranking official in MOE and many of us holding respectable positions. For once, in a long time, instead of envy and despair, I felt a great desire within me to work very hard and be up there with those high flyers. I remember Ben telling me the greatest motivation to him when he set up his company was that he didn't want to lose out to Ronald. I guess I feel the same way. I want to be the best I can be, because I can. I know I can soar with the eagles if I put my mind to it, and I want to be right up there with all of them.
Also, being healthy boys, we started discussing, well, girls. And well ed started telling the sushi story (BTW it seems I have a sushi story a saga seeds story and a flower story) which I had to correct. In any case, they said I was actually quite good, but it was the wrong person. Thinking back now, yeah they're right. A few weeks has cleared my mind, and with the benefit of clarity of thought I have managed to come up with unbiased and well thought out conclusions and deductions. In any case, my conclusion is that I have decided to use the rest of my army life to improve myself as a person. Sort of a solitary journey of self-discovery, minus the alcohol and cigars I guess. I want to be a better person, I want to be the person I think I am, I want to stop thinking I'm the person I want to be at this very moment as I still need to improve.
Side point: Why did I ever move out of pine grove? That place is like populated by pretty girls only....
Just another interesting saddened of my life. On Saturday morning, I took 167 home from camp and dropped in front of far east. There a TAGS girl cheerily accosted me asking me to donate some money, thrusting her can in my face. Well normally I'm rather reluctant to donate but that morning I was feeling a tad generous (and it didn't hurt that she was pretty as well :) ) but I had no spare change. So I promised her that I'll return once I got change and walked off. It was something that I said off-handedly, as a way to counter the embarrassment I felt. But as I opened up some distance between myself and her, I felt something twinge. I had fully intended just to walk away and go home, but I used the word "promised" so I felt that I was obliged to fufill that promise. In the end, I bought some bread from the wisma breadtalk and went back to the same spot and found the girl and gave her the change. The look of joy on her face brought a smile to mine too. If I was her in my heart I probably think that I'll just walk off and heck care her, but I had unexpectedly come back. Having done flag days before, I know how it feels to stand out in the sun with a can with people running away from you or saying curt and rude "nos" to you.
I don't intend to sound big headed or anything, but I hope I made that girl feel something for a while, be it happiness, astonishment that I returned, or maybe even believe in humanity again. I know it's nothing to crow about, but somehow I think if it had happened to me, it would have definitely made my day.
I want to go to a place where I belong,
where the flowers bloom for you and me,
where an eternity is never too long,
and fields of hope are all I see.
Warm glow of the sun,
the soft tug of the wind in my hair,
children having fun,
without a worry or a care.
Sincere smiles all around,
opened palms instead of balled fists,
no fight for that elusive crown,
no more of that dreaded red mist.
No more knives in the back,
no more skulking around in the dark.
Nothing we shall lack,
what was lost shall come back.
I want to go to a place where I belong,
where you'll be waiting for me,
singing that same old song,
for no one but that same flawed person you only see.
Seems I haven't lost my touch, it just got rusty that's all.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Life, universe, everything
Ok, so this entry isn't going to as all inclusive as the title suggests, but still it has been a long time (11 days!) since i wrote anything here. And i have plenty to talk about.
Medical centre life is ok i guess, starting to get into the swing of things, as now I can somewhat assimilate myself into the system. Some days are just slow days, the usual sick parade people with URTI (upper respiratory tract infection ie flu fever running nose cough), people coming for FFI for IPPT, ORD, overseas detachment, and the many blood drawings, admin files, ECGs and medical dockets to wade through and carry out. Or days could be like yesterday, where we had 3 on base emergencies, 1 of which had to be sent to TTSH. On the way to the hospital, 1 of the ambulance's wheels blew so we had to send the car down to send the patient.
So yeah, my life is more or less consumed by the workings of the medical centre. Apart from that, went to watch batman with peiyi and yangqi on wed. Worth it for only 8 bucks. It really captured the feel of batman, the gritty feel and the notion the criminals have of him as an avenging angel from their worst nightmares.
Ok, these are my thoughts about the climatic Seed Destiny episode 34. For one, I think reading all the forum posts and having made to wait till 5 in morning on monday to watch it kinda over hyped it for me so I didn't think it was all that great. But rewatching it I could feel the raw intensity of shin's emotions. Still, it would never be as intense as the kira vs athrun fight in seed where they went all out, no holds barred to kill each other.
And I shall provide my own arguments on why kira lost:
1) He was distracted. The archangel was being bombarded, he had to quickly try and escape while protecting it.
2) He never intended to fight shin. He merely wanted to try and escape but shin was relentless.
3) He fought too predictably. Shin's research helped him predict kira's moves (never go for the cockpit etc) and used that to his advantage
4) Shin was in psycho mode. Misguided he may be, but he thought kira killed stellar which caused him to go all psycho and he channelled his anger to good use.
5) Shin used very unorthodox tactics that took advantage of his mobile suit's abilities (open get, the flyers and silhouetes)
6) Shin fought relentlessly and never gave kira a chance to cut and run. The only time kira had the upper hand was when kira cut off Impulse's head and left arm, but shin used the upper portion of the MS to ram the Freedom and blew it up with the Core Splendor's vulcans, throwing kira off balance and giving him time to refit itself with new parts.
In any case, bring on the new Gundams. The prospect of Destiny, Strike Freedom and Infinte Justice is great.
Kira, Athrun and Shin. Kira's the naive person, thinking by his efforts he can stop a war from happening, instead he causes the situation to be far more complicated. Athrun is too passive and indecisive, if there is even the slightest amount of doubt he can't act desicively. Shin is just a hot-blooded immature teenager with grief issues, and unfortunately also equipped with a powerful state of the art war machine. These kind of people can't even get a driver's license let allow pilot a mobile suit in real life. He's a danger to himself and all those around him as he cannot comprehend the power he has. He only acts out of anger and hate, and i'm sure we all know where that leads to... It's not surprising they're been calling him Darth Shin. I personally think the series will end with cagari getting killed by shin, then athrun goes mega SEED mode and whacks Shin's ass and kills him. And Kira and Rey will have this mega DRAGOON battle.
In any case, Destiny is hotting up, bring on the new Gundams for more robot action...
Ok, so this entry isn't going to as all inclusive as the title suggests, but still it has been a long time (11 days!) since i wrote anything here. And i have plenty to talk about.
Medical centre life is ok i guess, starting to get into the swing of things, as now I can somewhat assimilate myself into the system. Some days are just slow days, the usual sick parade people with URTI (upper respiratory tract infection ie flu fever running nose cough), people coming for FFI for IPPT, ORD, overseas detachment, and the many blood drawings, admin files, ECGs and medical dockets to wade through and carry out. Or days could be like yesterday, where we had 3 on base emergencies, 1 of which had to be sent to TTSH. On the way to the hospital, 1 of the ambulance's wheels blew so we had to send the car down to send the patient.
So yeah, my life is more or less consumed by the workings of the medical centre. Apart from that, went to watch batman with peiyi and yangqi on wed. Worth it for only 8 bucks. It really captured the feel of batman, the gritty feel and the notion the criminals have of him as an avenging angel from their worst nightmares.
Ok, these are my thoughts about the climatic Seed Destiny episode 34. For one, I think reading all the forum posts and having made to wait till 5 in morning on monday to watch it kinda over hyped it for me so I didn't think it was all that great. But rewatching it I could feel the raw intensity of shin's emotions. Still, it would never be as intense as the kira vs athrun fight in seed where they went all out, no holds barred to kill each other.
And I shall provide my own arguments on why kira lost:
1) He was distracted. The archangel was being bombarded, he had to quickly try and escape while protecting it.
2) He never intended to fight shin. He merely wanted to try and escape but shin was relentless.
3) He fought too predictably. Shin's research helped him predict kira's moves (never go for the cockpit etc) and used that to his advantage
4) Shin was in psycho mode. Misguided he may be, but he thought kira killed stellar which caused him to go all psycho and he channelled his anger to good use.
5) Shin used very unorthodox tactics that took advantage of his mobile suit's abilities (open get, the flyers and silhouetes)
6) Shin fought relentlessly and never gave kira a chance to cut and run. The only time kira had the upper hand was when kira cut off Impulse's head and left arm, but shin used the upper portion of the MS to ram the Freedom and blew it up with the Core Splendor's vulcans, throwing kira off balance and giving him time to refit itself with new parts.
In any case, bring on the new Gundams. The prospect of Destiny, Strike Freedom and Infinte Justice is great.
Kira, Athrun and Shin. Kira's the naive person, thinking by his efforts he can stop a war from happening, instead he causes the situation to be far more complicated. Athrun is too passive and indecisive, if there is even the slightest amount of doubt he can't act desicively. Shin is just a hot-blooded immature teenager with grief issues, and unfortunately also equipped with a powerful state of the art war machine. These kind of people can't even get a driver's license let allow pilot a mobile suit in real life. He's a danger to himself and all those around him as he cannot comprehend the power he has. He only acts out of anger and hate, and i'm sure we all know where that leads to... It's not surprising they're been calling him Darth Shin. I personally think the series will end with cagari getting killed by shin, then athrun goes mega SEED mode and whacks Shin's ass and kills him. And Kira and Rey will have this mega DRAGOON battle.
In any case, Destiny is hotting up, bring on the new Gundams for more robot action...
Monday, June 06, 2005
Plenty of time for you to rest when you're dead
I did some really machamic stuff yesterday. My nose ran like a tap without a facet, and despite the fact I was most definately sick, I still decided to go watch madagascar. Add that to the fact that I took little lunch, and a piriton after that, I had to endure the show having a mild case of gastric. And when I got home, it became a full blown case of fever. And still, despite my body temperature being 38 degrees, I still resisted the temptation to sleep as I wanted to enjoy my last few hours of book out. I laid in bed for a full 15 minutes, then tried to do stuff again. But my eyes seared, my nose was clogged to the max and my head was burning so much that I quickly polished off dinner and took 2 panadol and prayed I'll be fine to still do stuff at night. My butt. My mum comes in with a very last minute announcement that she's moving my bro's comp into the study to accomodate the new wine cellar so i have to clear the cupboard of important computer stuff, but I was in no shape to do so. And also I had to walk down to wheelock coffee bean to pass sally the econs notes she lent me the last time. I had no choice but to do that as I have been trying to return her the stuff for about 5 months and this was a rare window of opportunity.
In short, once I got home, I was in limbo. To stay awake and do stuff, and endure the pain, or just surrender and go and sleep and forsake all the things that have to be done? In the end I succumbed to the murderous slumber, and woke up at 2330 feeling better. I just sluggishly packed some stuff to bring to camp tmr, and finding my way to my comp impeded by my brothers who slept there to prevent catching anything from me, went back to sleep.
Next morning, was awakened at 6. Temperature had gone down, nose cleared, eyes no longer burned, but I felt physically weak all over. Another limbo. To report sick or not? I was hoping to go to a polyclinic and get a MC, but in the end I just forsook the rest and dragged myself to camp.
And well, I survived today. Did dispensing in the morning, downtime so i had to wade through the doctors' very illegible handwriting (they put me to shame) and many many different drug names, but I got the hang of it soon enough. Had lunch late, then stayed in the sickbay for about 3 hours (read locked the sickbay door and slept) looking after a patient. Then had to endure an excruitating 2 hours before last parade at 1830, very late.
Otherwise, it was a mixed weekend. Lunch with singyong kengpiang cheryl, and blew 10 bucks in mahjong thanks to a za hu. Was too anxious and saw wrongly. Watched star wars. Played badminton and basketball with my family on sunday, woke up at 6 on that day. In retrospect, I think one of the contributing factors to the fact I fell ill could be due to the fact I slept little and havent been exercising much, thus my body was more vulnerable to pathogens.
So here I am, in camp, no PSP as I didnt put any episodes of FMA into it so no point bringing, GSD 33 not watched means I can't venture into the forums without encountering a chockful of spoliers, and a lot requests from people unfufilled. Hopefully I'll get a night off on wed and I can go home and settle stuff.
Trying to think of something introspective to end this entry, but can't really think of one. Maybe that's a good sign that I'm stepping out of the shadows to embrace the frivilousness of life instead of looking for the greater thing I can't seem to find. And know what? I kind of like it that way. :)
I did some really machamic stuff yesterday. My nose ran like a tap without a facet, and despite the fact I was most definately sick, I still decided to go watch madagascar. Add that to the fact that I took little lunch, and a piriton after that, I had to endure the show having a mild case of gastric. And when I got home, it became a full blown case of fever. And still, despite my body temperature being 38 degrees, I still resisted the temptation to sleep as I wanted to enjoy my last few hours of book out. I laid in bed for a full 15 minutes, then tried to do stuff again. But my eyes seared, my nose was clogged to the max and my head was burning so much that I quickly polished off dinner and took 2 panadol and prayed I'll be fine to still do stuff at night. My butt. My mum comes in with a very last minute announcement that she's moving my bro's comp into the study to accomodate the new wine cellar so i have to clear the cupboard of important computer stuff, but I was in no shape to do so. And also I had to walk down to wheelock coffee bean to pass sally the econs notes she lent me the last time. I had no choice but to do that as I have been trying to return her the stuff for about 5 months and this was a rare window of opportunity.
In short, once I got home, I was in limbo. To stay awake and do stuff, and endure the pain, or just surrender and go and sleep and forsake all the things that have to be done? In the end I succumbed to the murderous slumber, and woke up at 2330 feeling better. I just sluggishly packed some stuff to bring to camp tmr, and finding my way to my comp impeded by my brothers who slept there to prevent catching anything from me, went back to sleep.
Next morning, was awakened at 6. Temperature had gone down, nose cleared, eyes no longer burned, but I felt physically weak all over. Another limbo. To report sick or not? I was hoping to go to a polyclinic and get a MC, but in the end I just forsook the rest and dragged myself to camp.
And well, I survived today. Did dispensing in the morning, downtime so i had to wade through the doctors' very illegible handwriting (they put me to shame) and many many different drug names, but I got the hang of it soon enough. Had lunch late, then stayed in the sickbay for about 3 hours (read locked the sickbay door and slept) looking after a patient. Then had to endure an excruitating 2 hours before last parade at 1830, very late.
Otherwise, it was a mixed weekend. Lunch with singyong kengpiang cheryl, and blew 10 bucks in mahjong thanks to a za hu. Was too anxious and saw wrongly. Watched star wars. Played badminton and basketball with my family on sunday, woke up at 6 on that day. In retrospect, I think one of the contributing factors to the fact I fell ill could be due to the fact I slept little and havent been exercising much, thus my body was more vulnerable to pathogens.
So here I am, in camp, no PSP as I didnt put any episodes of FMA into it so no point bringing, GSD 33 not watched means I can't venture into the forums without encountering a chockful of spoliers, and a lot requests from people unfufilled. Hopefully I'll get a night off on wed and I can go home and settle stuff.
Trying to think of something introspective to end this entry, but can't really think of one. Maybe that's a good sign that I'm stepping out of the shadows to embrace the frivilousness of life instead of looking for the greater thing I can't seem to find. And know what? I kind of like it that way. :)
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Smashing the devil's workshop
Nothing like a day of hard work to cleanse myself of all the moroseness i've been feeling the whole week. Today was a very busy day in the medical centre, for starters there were 10 (yes count them) 10 people from FDS reporting sick and required IV. You can clear your IV card immediately. Although I only put the needle in for 1 guy, a 23g needle, the smallest already so it was quite easy, I had to manage all the other patients, wheeling IV stands to the treatment room, packing them off into the sick bay and getting lunch for them, ensuring that their IV lines do not drop off, replacing the IV fluids and preventing them from having their blood backflow all the way back into the packets as the fluids had run out. Plus the server broke down so things were moving very slowly, only had lunch at 1230 and slept a bit in the sickbay taking care of the patients in there.
And at the end of the day, when we finally discharged the patients at about 1600, I was really tired out. Then this guy says to me as he is about to leave "thank you medic". I was really taken aback, I am not used to such politeness in the army. I just said some stupid stuff like dont mention it. I think many army guys can learn from him, a little politeness can do a lot.
NUS law tea session was just a chance to apply off, as the talking part lasted 20 mins then it was a free for all food session. Interesting thing happened, on tuesday night we received an emergency fever case, and the guy who came in looked familiar, but I couldnt really tell as he was wearing a face mask. Then i saw his nametag, and realised he was arif aditya, my pri 4 classmate. I bantered with him for a while, trying to distract him from noticing that chris was goign to IV him. We did the IV, then sent him on his way. And lo and behold who do i meet the next day at the tea session, arif on attend c attending it. Quite funny as gabriel gn was there as well we had a mini informal 4G reunion.
After spending a week here in 1MS, I find ironic that I'm a medic despite not wanting to do medicine. Working here is like working in a polyclinic, you learn what this drug does, you learn to do ECGs IVs drawing of blood injections etc. Plus the doctors are there for you to ask questions, and looking at them do their work is quite fascinating as they are very competent and know their stuff well.
A bare weekend awaits, but I don't really feel it too greatly now. Congrats to all the sispec ppl who passed bslc and passed out, everyone good luck and happy holidays for all those still schooling!
Nothing like a day of hard work to cleanse myself of all the moroseness i've been feeling the whole week. Today was a very busy day in the medical centre, for starters there were 10 (yes count them) 10 people from FDS reporting sick and required IV. You can clear your IV card immediately. Although I only put the needle in for 1 guy, a 23g needle, the smallest already so it was quite easy, I had to manage all the other patients, wheeling IV stands to the treatment room, packing them off into the sick bay and getting lunch for them, ensuring that their IV lines do not drop off, replacing the IV fluids and preventing them from having their blood backflow all the way back into the packets as the fluids had run out. Plus the server broke down so things were moving very slowly, only had lunch at 1230 and slept a bit in the sickbay taking care of the patients in there.
And at the end of the day, when we finally discharged the patients at about 1600, I was really tired out. Then this guy says to me as he is about to leave "thank you medic". I was really taken aback, I am not used to such politeness in the army. I just said some stupid stuff like dont mention it. I think many army guys can learn from him, a little politeness can do a lot.
NUS law tea session was just a chance to apply off, as the talking part lasted 20 mins then it was a free for all food session. Interesting thing happened, on tuesday night we received an emergency fever case, and the guy who came in looked familiar, but I couldnt really tell as he was wearing a face mask. Then i saw his nametag, and realised he was arif aditya, my pri 4 classmate. I bantered with him for a while, trying to distract him from noticing that chris was goign to IV him. We did the IV, then sent him on his way. And lo and behold who do i meet the next day at the tea session, arif on attend c attending it. Quite funny as gabriel gn was there as well we had a mini informal 4G reunion.
After spending a week here in 1MS, I find ironic that I'm a medic despite not wanting to do medicine. Working here is like working in a polyclinic, you learn what this drug does, you learn to do ECGs IVs drawing of blood injections etc. Plus the doctors are there for you to ask questions, and looking at them do their work is quite fascinating as they are very competent and know their stuff well.
A bare weekend awaits, but I don't really feel it too greatly now. Congrats to all the sispec ppl who passed bslc and passed out, everyone good luck and happy holidays for all those still schooling!
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Emotional inertia
Hello from Sembawang Medical Centre. Using the I-net terminal there as i'm supposed to stay in for this whole week. Don't grieve, as I have this I-net terminal, a TV, a playstation to keep me company lest I get bored. Did i also forgrt to mention that the whole place is air-conditioned? 2 days in here already and my skin started feeling dry..
I have come to the conclusion that I'm just not suited to anyone, and I have been denying this fact for a long time. Boon kwan once said i was a neither here nor there person, thus no one can really classify me into a type thus it is impossible to identify the type of person who would click with me. Plus my star sign is capricorn, and the horrorscope says that people with this star sign have few friends but the few are very good friends. Another piece of evidence is that I left a trail of bile in my last 2 army camps, something I'm not very proud of.
Anyway I have more less resigned myself to a quiet life for the rest of my 2 years. it's getting harder and harder to meet my friends from JC as they all have their own lives to lead, the guys either in different camps and vocations from me and the ladies busy with work travel play and soon uni. It's time to stop living in the past and face the present. Army has made me longed for the carefree school days where the only thing you worried about was grades, (a great source of worry though) still I know now that those days are memories and nothing else. Attending ms lui's wedding, I felt so out of place, the profound feeling of "i don't belong here" just came over me. And I don't think I could go back to being the cock person i was. Army has opened my eyes for better or worse, and I have become more jaded, and look back at some of the things I did in JC and wonder about the value of it.
Past is past. I have been desperately holding on to it, using it as some form of leverage against the army's corrupting influence, now I've decided to leave it behind for good. From now on I'll use the future to act as my anchor, my outlet to the madness in uniform. And if I have to do that alone, so be it. I can't always be looking for someone to share my sadness with, no one is that foolish to do that, and most definately won't do it for me. It's time I got used to the fact that, for the time being at least, i'll be alone.
Hello from Sembawang Medical Centre. Using the I-net terminal there as i'm supposed to stay in for this whole week. Don't grieve, as I have this I-net terminal, a TV, a playstation to keep me company lest I get bored. Did i also forgrt to mention that the whole place is air-conditioned? 2 days in here already and my skin started feeling dry..
I have come to the conclusion that I'm just not suited to anyone, and I have been denying this fact for a long time. Boon kwan once said i was a neither here nor there person, thus no one can really classify me into a type thus it is impossible to identify the type of person who would click with me. Plus my star sign is capricorn, and the horrorscope says that people with this star sign have few friends but the few are very good friends. Another piece of evidence is that I left a trail of bile in my last 2 army camps, something I'm not very proud of.
Anyway I have more less resigned myself to a quiet life for the rest of my 2 years. it's getting harder and harder to meet my friends from JC as they all have their own lives to lead, the guys either in different camps and vocations from me and the ladies busy with work travel play and soon uni. It's time to stop living in the past and face the present. Army has made me longed for the carefree school days where the only thing you worried about was grades, (a great source of worry though) still I know now that those days are memories and nothing else. Attending ms lui's wedding, I felt so out of place, the profound feeling of "i don't belong here" just came over me. And I don't think I could go back to being the cock person i was. Army has opened my eyes for better or worse, and I have become more jaded, and look back at some of the things I did in JC and wonder about the value of it.
Past is past. I have been desperately holding on to it, using it as some form of leverage against the army's corrupting influence, now I've decided to leave it behind for good. From now on I'll use the future to act as my anchor, my outlet to the madness in uniform. And if I have to do that alone, so be it. I can't always be looking for someone to share my sadness with, no one is that foolish to do that, and most definately won't do it for me. It's time I got used to the fact that, for the time being at least, i'll be alone.
Monday, May 30, 2005
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Of fuzzy memories and murky futures
Respite? What respite? Since I got home I've had to deal with one crisis after another, what with missing networks then the router going south on me to stubborn destiny downloads and the ultimate football robbery cum injustice, and top it all off with a late book out, albeit unavoidable, and most of all the jarring lack of social excursions this fair weekend.
Frankly speaking the 4 hours I spent without an internet connection was quite harrowing, shows how dependant I am on my connection.
Well, here I am again, only that I'm not writing this just hours before I book in. Just a few updates on my existence to all those that actually care about such trivial stuff.
- My hair is totalled. Refuse to go to the EC house at bishan ever again.
- BCS reminds me of building scout tents.
- My senior instructor calls the cat status hotline every half hour to check. Seems he himself isn't very hot about combat phase
- PSP lacks games
Nothing much to add i guess. My lasr few entries have been very introspective, maybe because of the isolation in army and the fact that I can't be myself in there draws me closer to my inner self, so I spend more time imagining scenes in my head.
And once again it comes to naught. Maybe, just maybe, it is time to give up the ghost , accept my fate and walk that lonely path.
NS guys are whiny???? Oh lady, how would you like to trade your comfy lifestyle for mine? Toilets with a family of cockroaches, lights that don't work and will never be repaired, no freedom at all, just pure regimentation, when you sleep eat wake up bathe are regulated, where having a higher rank means you're always right when you're obviously dead wrong, where people are generally unmotivated as what vocation they get is not in their hands, and most of all, having to live away from the safety net of your home. Do you think, for a second, that most singaporean girls can handle that? Chances are no. Being the person I am, the things I gripe about in army are stuff like inefficiency, rank means right, no room for thinking just blind obedience, speaking up is seen as being extra and defiant, where inflexible rules and contradictions rule the day, unhelpful and selfish platoon mates which cause the whole platoon to get punished for their sins etc. I could go on forever. So you ma say, what's new? another ns hating guy.
To me, NS is a necessary evil. I don't advocate it, neither am I willing to see it disband. I just hope SAF under it's 21st century revamping changes all the archaic rules and ensure that the old dinosaurs are gone before they continue to terrorise trainees again.
Ladies, please empathise with the guys. And above all, cherish the freedom you have. Regimentation is something easily done, but the most wretched of them all in my opinion as it reduces your mind's ability to adapt to new situations, as everything now becomes a conditioned routine.
You know what scares me the most? When I sit around with no real purpose, I almost long to return to camp, at least there are purposes to be found there. But I always silence that horrible thought immediately. I shall, no, must gain a purpose soon before this darkness consumes me.
Respite? What respite? Since I got home I've had to deal with one crisis after another, what with missing networks then the router going south on me to stubborn destiny downloads and the ultimate football robbery cum injustice, and top it all off with a late book out, albeit unavoidable, and most of all the jarring lack of social excursions this fair weekend.
Frankly speaking the 4 hours I spent without an internet connection was quite harrowing, shows how dependant I am on my connection.
Well, here I am again, only that I'm not writing this just hours before I book in. Just a few updates on my existence to all those that actually care about such trivial stuff.
- My hair is totalled. Refuse to go to the EC house at bishan ever again.
- BCS reminds me of building scout tents.
- My senior instructor calls the cat status hotline every half hour to check. Seems he himself isn't very hot about combat phase
- PSP lacks games
Nothing much to add i guess. My lasr few entries have been very introspective, maybe because of the isolation in army and the fact that I can't be myself in there draws me closer to my inner self, so I spend more time imagining scenes in my head.
And once again it comes to naught. Maybe, just maybe, it is time to give up the ghost , accept my fate and walk that lonely path.
NS guys are whiny???? Oh lady, how would you like to trade your comfy lifestyle for mine? Toilets with a family of cockroaches, lights that don't work and will never be repaired, no freedom at all, just pure regimentation, when you sleep eat wake up bathe are regulated, where having a higher rank means you're always right when you're obviously dead wrong, where people are generally unmotivated as what vocation they get is not in their hands, and most of all, having to live away from the safety net of your home. Do you think, for a second, that most singaporean girls can handle that? Chances are no. Being the person I am, the things I gripe about in army are stuff like inefficiency, rank means right, no room for thinking just blind obedience, speaking up is seen as being extra and defiant, where inflexible rules and contradictions rule the day, unhelpful and selfish platoon mates which cause the whole platoon to get punished for their sins etc. I could go on forever. So you ma say, what's new? another ns hating guy.
To me, NS is a necessary evil. I don't advocate it, neither am I willing to see it disband. I just hope SAF under it's 21st century revamping changes all the archaic rules and ensure that the old dinosaurs are gone before they continue to terrorise trainees again.
Ladies, please empathise with the guys. And above all, cherish the freedom you have. Regimentation is something easily done, but the most wretched of them all in my opinion as it reduces your mind's ability to adapt to new situations, as everything now becomes a conditioned routine.
You know what scares me the most? When I sit around with no real purpose, I almost long to return to camp, at least there are purposes to be found there. But I always silence that horrible thought immediately. I shall, no, must gain a purpose soon before this darkness consumes me.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Losing my touch
The one great thing that makes me sad is that army has reduced me into a person whose mental reflexes are as slow as molasses on a cold day. The theory that once you put on the helmet you can't think straight has some echo of truth to it, it seems.
Many things have happened. Confirmation has come in, I'm going to be posted to sembawang air base medical centre, in addition to normal medical centre duties I'll also have to do search and rescue exercises. People tell me it's a good place to go. Personally I'm just glad not to be under the green uniform umbrella anymore.
Bought a PSP. Ok I admit I may have made an over hasty purchase, but I'm rather satisfied with it and my parents bankrolled the set itself so it isn't that bad. Like I told my mum the 455 she forks out now will go a long way to healing my tormented, game console-less childhood.
Anime overload, bleach is nice but ominously enough it seems to parallel tokyo underground, a horrible series that I had the misfortune to watch. Just got FMA from adrian, still continuing on with gundam seed destiny, playing games such as KOTOR2, will get pirates from adrian next week.
And about phillip yeo's remark that guys are a whiny lot. I say, really once must consider why we complain. If you are constantly punished for the sins of others, frustrated by the idiocy of some of the army's regulations, and the fact that rank means right, you do wonder why we complain so much. Just 5 months in the army and I feel like half the person I was in school. Frighteningly enough I lost all interest in reading newspapers, even when I book out.
Seriously I wonder how I'll go and handle uni if i don't make a conscious attempt to arrest the rot. I refuse to let the army degenerate my brain.
Just bear with it for 1 more week Graham, surely you can do that. I want to be the master of my own destiny. I don't want some annoymous data pusher to randomly throw me to some place.
I want to be in the place where I'll that I can thrive there.
The one great thing that makes me sad is that army has reduced me into a person whose mental reflexes are as slow as molasses on a cold day. The theory that once you put on the helmet you can't think straight has some echo of truth to it, it seems.
Many things have happened. Confirmation has come in, I'm going to be posted to sembawang air base medical centre, in addition to normal medical centre duties I'll also have to do search and rescue exercises. People tell me it's a good place to go. Personally I'm just glad not to be under the green uniform umbrella anymore.
Bought a PSP. Ok I admit I may have made an over hasty purchase, but I'm rather satisfied with it and my parents bankrolled the set itself so it isn't that bad. Like I told my mum the 455 she forks out now will go a long way to healing my tormented, game console-less childhood.
Anime overload, bleach is nice but ominously enough it seems to parallel tokyo underground, a horrible series that I had the misfortune to watch. Just got FMA from adrian, still continuing on with gundam seed destiny, playing games such as KOTOR2, will get pirates from adrian next week.
And about phillip yeo's remark that guys are a whiny lot. I say, really once must consider why we complain. If you are constantly punished for the sins of others, frustrated by the idiocy of some of the army's regulations, and the fact that rank means right, you do wonder why we complain so much. Just 5 months in the army and I feel like half the person I was in school. Frighteningly enough I lost all interest in reading newspapers, even when I book out.
Seriously I wonder how I'll go and handle uni if i don't make a conscious attempt to arrest the rot. I refuse to let the army degenerate my brain.
Just bear with it for 1 more week Graham, surely you can do that. I want to be the master of my own destiny. I don't want some annoymous data pusher to randomly throw me to some place.
I want to be in the place where I'll that I can thrive there.
Sunday, May 08, 2005
I choose my own path
It's been some time, things haven't changed much. I'm still on course, another 2 and a half more weeks to go, but at least I should be posted to somewhere fine. More details once it becomes concrete, don't want to jinx it by trumpeting it out to the whole digital world.
One issue has been bugging me constantly. After bouts of self introspection, I have come to realise that my social circle has always revolved around what I like to term, circumstancial friends, meaning friends that one did not go out of the way to meet, normally people like your classmates, cca mates etc. I don't really wake up one morning and say to myself, "today I shall go up to a total stranger and make friends with him/her" (more likely to be her haha) But yeah maybe because to me I have the view that everything one does needs to have a convincing reason to do it, and I can't really see the purpose of approaching and disturbing total strangers.
Anyway, my point is that I'm afraid that I won't be able to meet enough people to find the one who is my supposed soulmate out there. It's not in my character to go to a club and try to pick up girls, and I don't really like girls that club anyway. (that's another issue for another time) I can't really make good circumstancial female friends now because, well, frankly the army has a deficeit of females. I guess it'll be even worse once I go out to work, as they say going after a colleague is just asking for trouble.
Sometimes, in the dead of the night in my bunk where everyone else is asleep but me, i just stare at the ceiling fan and let this sense of lonliness come over me. I understand the concept of "Alone in a crowd" far too well. I look at my bunkmates chalking up insane phone bills talking to their girlfriends on the phone till 1 am and I feel a tinge of envy. Not that I'm in a hurry to be attached, it's more like I just want someone to share my thoughts, the events of today, my fears and feelings with. I know I should just keep a stiff upper lip and soldier on, but sometimes there are things I just to talk to someone about. But I hardly ever call anyone, not wanting to impose on them my own problems and worries, for it is certain they have their own as well. It is just too selfish of me to do so.
Another thing I come to learn is, if you like a person so much, you know she's the most perfect girl you ever met, and all you want to do is to protect her, comfort her, and be by her side whenever she wavers. I'll glady be the one holding the umbrella for her when it rains, the one that ties her shoelaces when they come undone, the one who'll lend a shoulder when she cries and then wipe the tears away with tissue paper. Crazily enough I don't need anything in return from her. Just being by her side and supporting her would be fine.
If however, she and I are not met to be, I think it is very hard for me to get over it, as I know I'll never find another person like her, ever again. I'll end up always loving her for the rest of my life, in one corner of my heart. Memories buried, but always ready to be dredged up at the slightest hint of remembrance. The perfect girl, but we were not meant to be...
It's been some time, things haven't changed much. I'm still on course, another 2 and a half more weeks to go, but at least I should be posted to somewhere fine. More details once it becomes concrete, don't want to jinx it by trumpeting it out to the whole digital world.
One issue has been bugging me constantly. After bouts of self introspection, I have come to realise that my social circle has always revolved around what I like to term, circumstancial friends, meaning friends that one did not go out of the way to meet, normally people like your classmates, cca mates etc. I don't really wake up one morning and say to myself, "today I shall go up to a total stranger and make friends with him/her" (more likely to be her haha) But yeah maybe because to me I have the view that everything one does needs to have a convincing reason to do it, and I can't really see the purpose of approaching and disturbing total strangers.
Anyway, my point is that I'm afraid that I won't be able to meet enough people to find the one who is my supposed soulmate out there. It's not in my character to go to a club and try to pick up girls, and I don't really like girls that club anyway. (that's another issue for another time) I can't really make good circumstancial female friends now because, well, frankly the army has a deficeit of females. I guess it'll be even worse once I go out to work, as they say going after a colleague is just asking for trouble.
Sometimes, in the dead of the night in my bunk where everyone else is asleep but me, i just stare at the ceiling fan and let this sense of lonliness come over me. I understand the concept of "Alone in a crowd" far too well. I look at my bunkmates chalking up insane phone bills talking to their girlfriends on the phone till 1 am and I feel a tinge of envy. Not that I'm in a hurry to be attached, it's more like I just want someone to share my thoughts, the events of today, my fears and feelings with. I know I should just keep a stiff upper lip and soldier on, but sometimes there are things I just to talk to someone about. But I hardly ever call anyone, not wanting to impose on them my own problems and worries, for it is certain they have their own as well. It is just too selfish of me to do so.
Another thing I come to learn is, if you like a person so much, you know she's the most perfect girl you ever met, and all you want to do is to protect her, comfort her, and be by her side whenever she wavers. I'll glady be the one holding the umbrella for her when it rains, the one that ties her shoelaces when they come undone, the one who'll lend a shoulder when she cries and then wipe the tears away with tissue paper. Crazily enough I don't need anything in return from her. Just being by her side and supporting her would be fine.
If however, she and I are not met to be, I think it is very hard for me to get over it, as I know I'll never find another person like her, ever again. I'll end up always loving her for the rest of my life, in one corner of my heart. Memories buried, but always ready to be dredged up at the slightest hint of remembrance. The perfect girl, but we were not meant to be...
Sunday, April 24, 2005
Two drifters, off to see the world...
The dreamy strains of moon river stick in my head...
Hope you guys like the new layout. Freedom Gundam goodness.
Don't really feel like typing out lengthy prose here, am not precisely in the mood to do so. The past week has been ok, in fact it passed rather quickly. Life is tolerable now, somewhat. I don't want to jinx it by saying i may actually, diety forbid, not mind it.
4 more weeks and i'll be a full fledged medic.
Seed Destiny is just getting better and better. Can't wait for episode 28 where everything comes to a head...
Looking forward to the super long weekend...
The dreamy strains of moon river stick in my head...
Hope you guys like the new layout. Freedom Gundam goodness.
Don't really feel like typing out lengthy prose here, am not precisely in the mood to do so. The past week has been ok, in fact it passed rather quickly. Life is tolerable now, somewhat. I don't want to jinx it by saying i may actually, diety forbid, not mind it.
4 more weeks and i'll be a full fledged medic.
Seed Destiny is just getting better and better. Can't wait for episode 28 where everything comes to a head...
Looking forward to the super long weekend...
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Diverging viewpoints
Here I am again, at the end of another book out, at the threshold of another week in the school of military medicine. Somehow, the pre book in depression is somehwat lesser than last week's, maybe it was the nice unexpected chat I had with edwin in the morning, or that there is a night out on wed and a book out on thurs for a scholarship interview to look forward to.
A few thoughts to share. Thursday I'm going to MOE for an interview about the teaching scholarship. Do I really want to be a teacher? Sure, in my little utopic world if i ever become a teacher i'll end up teaching bright young kids with a thrist for knowledge and being able to employ all sorts of unorthodox methods of teaching. But sadly reality is a sorry state of affairs. I'll probably end up quite the contary, then what happens? Mum and I are the same, we cannot suffer any fools, and as I quote kenneth, if any non-teaching problems crop up with the students, like smoking in the toilet etc. "they don't pay me enough to deal with this" Essentially I wouldn't like that kind of life.
Listening to ed enthuse (i kid not) about life in OCS, I wince and felt a pang of envy, crazily and bizzarely enough. As i said in my previous post, I sometimes feel that I'm shortchanging myself yet AGAIN by comforting myself that I'm happy with what I am. Crazily enough I want to go and face the same challenges as they do, and finally overcome them. Ed says it's not that we're in different leagues, it's just that we have different paths. That's correct, I admit, but still a bit hollow, can't shake that nagging feeling that I've underachieved again.
Which brings me to another point, what drives me to think in such a weird way? People are crazy enough to rub cigarette ash into their eyes to get 3 days attend c while I'll balk at such a thought. For most of the 01 people, we know the dictum that a certain person once told us, "if you want to do soemthing, either you do it well or you don't bother doing it at all" I do subscribe to this, and follow it to the T. What I cannot understand is that why people sometimes are happy with mediocrity? Are they merely easily satisfied? I always strive towards the best possible outcome in all I do, maybe raffles indoctrined in me the "nothing but the best, anything else is nothing" mindset, so much so that now I can't see pass the tree for the forest.
I just can't stand the way some of the people say the name of my alma mater with contempt. There are times I feel like losing my temper and saying stuff I know i'll immediately regret later. I love my school. If I hear any disparaging or unfair remarks about her, I'll defend her. There seems to be many myths about my alma mater, so much so that they have a very skewed view of what we really are.
And I really want to physcially severely hurt a person, who is a mega asshole, but I can't. All I can say is, the guy upstairs doesn't really take care of those who believe in him the most. You know the feeling when someone you care for is suffering silently and greatly but there's nothing you can do but give hollow words of comforting nature? That's exactly how I feel, and a lot of anger. Anger at that sorry excuse for a guy, angry at myself for indirectly contributing to her woes, and most of all, angry with myself for being to do absolutely nothing but to stay by the side and watch her live the year with glazed lifeless eyes, monotone voice and her wasted youth. I really wish I could do more.
The week beckons. Maybe it'll be a better day. For someone else at least.
Here I am again, at the end of another book out, at the threshold of another week in the school of military medicine. Somehow, the pre book in depression is somehwat lesser than last week's, maybe it was the nice unexpected chat I had with edwin in the morning, or that there is a night out on wed and a book out on thurs for a scholarship interview to look forward to.
A few thoughts to share. Thursday I'm going to MOE for an interview about the teaching scholarship. Do I really want to be a teacher? Sure, in my little utopic world if i ever become a teacher i'll end up teaching bright young kids with a thrist for knowledge and being able to employ all sorts of unorthodox methods of teaching. But sadly reality is a sorry state of affairs. I'll probably end up quite the contary, then what happens? Mum and I are the same, we cannot suffer any fools, and as I quote kenneth, if any non-teaching problems crop up with the students, like smoking in the toilet etc. "they don't pay me enough to deal with this" Essentially I wouldn't like that kind of life.
Listening to ed enthuse (i kid not) about life in OCS, I wince and felt a pang of envy, crazily and bizzarely enough. As i said in my previous post, I sometimes feel that I'm shortchanging myself yet AGAIN by comforting myself that I'm happy with what I am. Crazily enough I want to go and face the same challenges as they do, and finally overcome them. Ed says it's not that we're in different leagues, it's just that we have different paths. That's correct, I admit, but still a bit hollow, can't shake that nagging feeling that I've underachieved again.
Which brings me to another point, what drives me to think in such a weird way? People are crazy enough to rub cigarette ash into their eyes to get 3 days attend c while I'll balk at such a thought. For most of the 01 people, we know the dictum that a certain person once told us, "if you want to do soemthing, either you do it well or you don't bother doing it at all" I do subscribe to this, and follow it to the T. What I cannot understand is that why people sometimes are happy with mediocrity? Are they merely easily satisfied? I always strive towards the best possible outcome in all I do, maybe raffles indoctrined in me the "nothing but the best, anything else is nothing" mindset, so much so that now I can't see pass the tree for the forest.
I just can't stand the way some of the people say the name of my alma mater with contempt. There are times I feel like losing my temper and saying stuff I know i'll immediately regret later. I love my school. If I hear any disparaging or unfair remarks about her, I'll defend her. There seems to be many myths about my alma mater, so much so that they have a very skewed view of what we really are.
And I really want to physcially severely hurt a person, who is a mega asshole, but I can't. All I can say is, the guy upstairs doesn't really take care of those who believe in him the most. You know the feeling when someone you care for is suffering silently and greatly but there's nothing you can do but give hollow words of comforting nature? That's exactly how I feel, and a lot of anger. Anger at that sorry excuse for a guy, angry at myself for indirectly contributing to her woes, and most of all, angry with myself for being to do absolutely nothing but to stay by the side and watch her live the year with glazed lifeless eyes, monotone voice and her wasted youth. I really wish I could do more.
The week beckons. Maybe it'll be a better day. For someone else at least.
Sunday, April 03, 2005
Almost there
We dreamed a common dream, a dream of what Raffles could mean
A dream to find the love that binds, that leaves no one behind
And many years from now, do look back and smile
Remmeber we were always there for you
The dream came true
(This song's for you,
We're your Ja'dye)
Watching my old orientation videos bring many weird feelings to me. On one hand I smile inwardly remembering the fun times I had, and on the other hand I feel sad that those times are way behind me and there's no way to recapture that in the green fatigues of the army.
Well, being a medic does have its perks it seems. I booked out on friday evening at 1815, while the officer cadets are being confined for 3 weeks, the sispec ppl got out only on sat late afternoon/evening. I should be grateful right? For someone who does not, not on anay scale subscribe to any army doctrine, more time spent away from it must be good right? Strangely enough, it doesn't seem to be so. Maybe it's that gnawing feeling that once again, I, Ng Zhao Yang, has underachieved. I wonder if I subconsciously took the easy way out and am taking comfort in it. I hate this weakness of me. I know Nick may think otherwise, but somehow maybe bore and bred in a Rafflesian mindset, you aim for the best and everything else is unacceptable.
One thing I give the army, is that it helped open my eyes. I now see the world differently. Not everyone wears a white uniform, or behaves like one. There are so many people out there, each with different views and mindsets. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who thinks like me. I guess that is somewhat true. I've learnt to be able to know how to integrate myself amongst them, despite our seemingly glaring differences. But one thing I won't do is lose my convictions, my ideals, my principles. I don't want to just merely survive army, I want to come out with it still being the person I want to be and stronger.
Do I hate the army? I guess it's one of those things when u sit back and think you'll chuckle over a few events but when you're in the thick of like a thousand push ups it's hard to see the funny side of it. Still, I guess it's not a necesary evil, rather it's an evil forced upon us.
Another hour to go before I return to camp. Pre-book in depression set in since 1700 hours. Somehow the countdown to book in is somewhat similar to someone on deathrow. Watching the clock inch excruiatingly towards another week of imprisonment, where the only escape would be library books, a discman, handphone calls to assorted people bemoaning my plight. It's so bad at times immediately after booking out the euphoria of doing so evaporates once I think it would be only a measly 2 days before I have to return...
Oh well, quit whining. Just 1 year and 7 months to go. And to all those entering in april, good luck for your BMT.
Man, I miss Raffles. At least then I could still be the ignorant, wise cracking and wholesomely irritating person I used to be.
We dreamed a common dream, a dream of what Raffles could mean
A dream to find the love that binds, that leaves no one behind
And many years from now, do look back and smile
Remmeber we were always there for you
The dream came true
(This song's for you,
We're your Ja'dye)
Watching my old orientation videos bring many weird feelings to me. On one hand I smile inwardly remembering the fun times I had, and on the other hand I feel sad that those times are way behind me and there's no way to recapture that in the green fatigues of the army.
Well, being a medic does have its perks it seems. I booked out on friday evening at 1815, while the officer cadets are being confined for 3 weeks, the sispec ppl got out only on sat late afternoon/evening. I should be grateful right? For someone who does not, not on anay scale subscribe to any army doctrine, more time spent away from it must be good right? Strangely enough, it doesn't seem to be so. Maybe it's that gnawing feeling that once again, I, Ng Zhao Yang, has underachieved. I wonder if I subconsciously took the easy way out and am taking comfort in it. I hate this weakness of me. I know Nick may think otherwise, but somehow maybe bore and bred in a Rafflesian mindset, you aim for the best and everything else is unacceptable.
One thing I give the army, is that it helped open my eyes. I now see the world differently. Not everyone wears a white uniform, or behaves like one. There are so many people out there, each with different views and mindsets. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who thinks like me. I guess that is somewhat true. I've learnt to be able to know how to integrate myself amongst them, despite our seemingly glaring differences. But one thing I won't do is lose my convictions, my ideals, my principles. I don't want to just merely survive army, I want to come out with it still being the person I want to be and stronger.
Do I hate the army? I guess it's one of those things when u sit back and think you'll chuckle over a few events but when you're in the thick of like a thousand push ups it's hard to see the funny side of it. Still, I guess it's not a necesary evil, rather it's an evil forced upon us.
Another hour to go before I return to camp. Pre-book in depression set in since 1700 hours. Somehow the countdown to book in is somewhat similar to someone on deathrow. Watching the clock inch excruiatingly towards another week of imprisonment, where the only escape would be library books, a discman, handphone calls to assorted people bemoaning my plight. It's so bad at times immediately after booking out the euphoria of doing so evaporates once I think it would be only a measly 2 days before I have to return...
Oh well, quit whining. Just 1 year and 7 months to go. And to all those entering in april, good luck for your BMT.
Man, I miss Raffles. At least then I could still be the ignorant, wise cracking and wholesomely irritating person I used to be.
Sunday, March 27, 2005
Speechless
I am back. Well sort of only. Reason for my absence from blogging is I find little to blog about. Who wants to hear a guy whine about how army sucks all the time? That more or less sums up what I've been feeling all this while...
Just to keep those who bother up to date, I've been posted to be a combat medic at nee soon camp. No OCS, but at least I avoided tekong for a while. Hope i don't need to return to that island again...
Err results wise I did well, 4 As 1 merit and a B3 for GP, which kind of ruins it for me but I can see the forest over 1 tree. The euphoria i felt when i got the results was a feeling I had waited 12 years to feel.
Spent most of block leave machaming around with the guys. Wormed my way out of guard duty on that friday, thankfully.
Oh well, medic course is fine, except the notion of the IV hangs over my head...
In any case, I hope this 9 week course goes over quickly, which would equip me with paramedic skills useful in my life later on, then either I get posted to a medical centre for a 9-5 job and spend my nights enriching myself, or I get to go for the spec 2 course for another 8 weeks and be an instructor.
If I do get a 9-5, I'll enrich myself by attempting to learn how to drive, a new language, and finally play a musical instrument.
Let's hope things go the way I want.
I am back. Well sort of only. Reason for my absence from blogging is I find little to blog about. Who wants to hear a guy whine about how army sucks all the time? That more or less sums up what I've been feeling all this while...
Just to keep those who bother up to date, I've been posted to be a combat medic at nee soon camp. No OCS, but at least I avoided tekong for a while. Hope i don't need to return to that island again...
Err results wise I did well, 4 As 1 merit and a B3 for GP, which kind of ruins it for me but I can see the forest over 1 tree. The euphoria i felt when i got the results was a feeling I had waited 12 years to feel.
Spent most of block leave machaming around with the guys. Wormed my way out of guard duty on that friday, thankfully.
Oh well, medic course is fine, except the notion of the IV hangs over my head...
In any case, I hope this 9 week course goes over quickly, which would equip me with paramedic skills useful in my life later on, then either I get posted to a medical centre for a 9-5 job and spend my nights enriching myself, or I get to go for the spec 2 course for another 8 weeks and be an instructor.
If I do get a 9-5, I'll enrich myself by attempting to learn how to drive, a new language, and finally play a musical instrument.
Let's hope things go the way I want.
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Army daze
Hello all, the reports of my death have been highly exaggerated. In the 3 weeks since I blogged, i survived field camp and chinese new year.
Field camp, think ubin hike, minus the people, tracks, and multiply the size of the insects by 3. Highlights include almost dying whille digging the shell scrape, finding a very long and large centipede just as I was about to settle into my shellscrape which chin siang caught to keep as a "pet", getting IA all the time during movement drills, combat rations and tons of biscuits, having a thunderflash thrown in front of my face, breakfalling into a thorny bush, enduring 30 mins of torture doing stand two, defacting a lot of times during the 7 days, the powder baths, prowling and hearing fauzan snore damm loudly, running 1.5 km with ur rifle slamming against your tailbone constantly, wringing my shirt of sweat after the 8 km route march, digging inadequate drainage for our bashas, and sleeping under the stars in reclaimed land.
During the course of my chinese new year break, I realised one of the guys became attached. Congratulations to him and may he cherish her.
Chinese new year, while visiting people claim they don't recognise me due to my lack of hair, feel very old, my niece is already 3 years old. Cousins I meet only once a year suddenly change physical appearance, each have their own lives to lead. Just the same as I felt when I went to my brother's concert after i booked out from field camp, i feel very old. I know I was once one of the them, school going and carefree, now I merely stick out like a sore thumb with my cap, a person caught in between being a carefree student and a responsibility saddled adult.
In any case, the 5 day break has been good, but I really dread booking in. But I'll be fine once I start talking cock with my mates there I guess.
Change is the only constant indeed.
Hello all, the reports of my death have been highly exaggerated. In the 3 weeks since I blogged, i survived field camp and chinese new year.
Field camp, think ubin hike, minus the people, tracks, and multiply the size of the insects by 3. Highlights include almost dying whille digging the shell scrape, finding a very long and large centipede just as I was about to settle into my shellscrape which chin siang caught to keep as a "pet", getting IA all the time during movement drills, combat rations and tons of biscuits, having a thunderflash thrown in front of my face, breakfalling into a thorny bush, enduring 30 mins of torture doing stand two, defacting a lot of times during the 7 days, the powder baths, prowling and hearing fauzan snore damm loudly, running 1.5 km with ur rifle slamming against your tailbone constantly, wringing my shirt of sweat after the 8 km route march, digging inadequate drainage for our bashas, and sleeping under the stars in reclaimed land.
During the course of my chinese new year break, I realised one of the guys became attached. Congratulations to him and may he cherish her.
Chinese new year, while visiting people claim they don't recognise me due to my lack of hair, feel very old, my niece is already 3 years old. Cousins I meet only once a year suddenly change physical appearance, each have their own lives to lead. Just the same as I felt when I went to my brother's concert after i booked out from field camp, i feel very old. I know I was once one of the them, school going and carefree, now I merely stick out like a sore thumb with my cap, a person caught in between being a carefree student and a responsibility saddled adult.
In any case, the 5 day break has been good, but I really dread booking in. But I'll be fine once I start talking cock with my mates there I guess.
Change is the only constant indeed.
Saturday, January 22, 2005
S1308
Hello hello, REC ZY Ng here. Things are not bad in army, not as scary as ben lee made it out to be. The bunks are ok, i can sleep at night albeit not enough, the PT is manageable except i still cannot do 20 regulation push ups properly, and my chin ups count is stagnant at 5, and most of all am most amused by the fact that everything in the army is a "chargeable offence". Plus BCCT lessons where you shout "yargh!" or "KILL!" and the many army songs which i hear in my head before i sleep and sing even on my book out day.
Thanks to all who wished me happy birthday on friday, it made a tough day of training feel better. 19 already, a full fledged adult.
Field camp next week. Uncontactable from next sat to fri, and won't be booking out next week. Will be back in time for chinese new year.
I think i should start looking for something outside of army once field camp ends.
Hello hello, REC ZY Ng here. Things are not bad in army, not as scary as ben lee made it out to be. The bunks are ok, i can sleep at night albeit not enough, the PT is manageable except i still cannot do 20 regulation push ups properly, and my chin ups count is stagnant at 5, and most of all am most amused by the fact that everything in the army is a "chargeable offence". Plus BCCT lessons where you shout "yargh!" or "KILL!" and the many army songs which i hear in my head before i sleep and sing even on my book out day.
Thanks to all who wished me happy birthday on friday, it made a tough day of training feel better. 19 already, a full fledged adult.
Field camp next week. Uncontactable from next sat to fri, and won't be booking out next week. Will be back in time for chinese new year.
I think i should start looking for something outside of army once field camp ends.
Saturday, January 08, 2005
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Happy birthday to me...(updated!)
Haha, just be a crazy off-chance anyone is enamoured enough with me to actually have a burning desire to buy me a birthday present, here's a list of stuff I would be most surprised and happy to receive. :) In all seriousness, this is more of a wish list of most frivolous of purchases that I would make and regret under the influence of enough whisky or having struck the first prize at 4D. In all likelihood, the tradition of my birthday going totally unnoticed save for my family shall go on. Besides, my present would most like be guard duty on the 14th. :D
1) Masterpiece Optimus Prime. The toy that makes grown man weak in the knees.
2) Any Manchester United stuff, but please don't give me mugs with departed players on them. (glares at enming)
3) A Transformers shirt, with a red Autobot insignia emblazoned on the front. I won't mind a Decepticon one though.
4) A PS2
5) Cash. Muahahaha
6) Anything Transformers related. I'll probably subject the giver to a great deal of fanboyism on receiving it.
7) Gundam SEED vcds/dvds, and SEED Destiny after that
8) Final Fantasy 7 for PC, then FF8, then FF12 for PS2
9) "God's in his heaven, all's right in this world" Lay off the second coming for a few more generations.
Hey a guy can dream, can he not?
Haha, just be a crazy off-chance anyone is enamoured enough with me to actually have a burning desire to buy me a birthday present, here's a list of stuff I would be most surprised and happy to receive. :) In all seriousness, this is more of a wish list of most frivolous of purchases that I would make and regret under the influence of enough whisky or having struck the first prize at 4D. In all likelihood, the tradition of my birthday going totally unnoticed save for my family shall go on. Besides, my present would most like be guard duty on the 14th. :D
1) Masterpiece Optimus Prime. The toy that makes grown man weak in the knees.
2) Any Manchester United stuff, but please don't give me mugs with departed players on them. (glares at enming)
3) A Transformers shirt, with a red Autobot insignia emblazoned on the front. I won't mind a Decepticon one though.
4) A PS2
5) Cash. Muahahaha
6) Anything Transformers related. I'll probably subject the giver to a great deal of fanboyism on receiving it.
7) Gundam SEED vcds/dvds, and SEED Destiny after that
8) Final Fantasy 7 for PC, then FF8, then FF12 for PS2
9) "God's in his heaven, all's right in this world" Lay off the second coming for a few more generations.
Hey a guy can dream, can he not?
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
The beast that cried "I" at the centre of the world
Dug this out from my computer while going through the crap I normally write. I think I wrote this for the buckley dramafeste in sec 4, and it got rejected twice, in sec 4 and in j1. I admit it has its flaws, with me as usual trying to get to the good parts quickly and not placing enough groundwork to anchor the story so it seems very rushed. But still, I'm quite proud of it, it remains the only script I ever written, and it's an obvious NGE rip-off. Read if you want.
Title: Saying “I”
(What if you had the power to save the earth, but did not want to use it?)
Characters: Father
Boy (Ben)
Guardian (Aunt Rita)
Nurses
Other boys
Scene 1
(2 nurses hunched over a bed, holding clipboards)
Nurse 1: (shakes head) We lost him.
N2: This plague is beyond belief. No antibiotic in modern science could wipe it out. It has already claimed a third of the world’s population.
N1: Unless we find a cure soon, the whole world will be infected.
(Father bursts in)
F: (loud voice) Gentleman, I believe the solution is at hand.
Scene 2
B: Morning, the beginning of today, the beginning of a bad day. I don't like that. Blue sky. Something warm, something unfamiliar, something horrible. Something useless. I don't like that.
(Walks despondently)
B: Well, one still lives on. I have been living with my guardian ever since my parents divorced. Before the custody hearings could be finished, my mum died in a car crash, so the court awarded custody to my father by default.
B: But my father never did wanted me. After the hearing he immediately dumped me with my guardian, and I have been living with her ever since. Until now….
(Holds up letter)
B: I wonder what he wants from me now. (contemplates for a second, before crushing the letter in fist, but slowly loosens grip)
Scene 3 (hospital)
N1: Is that him?
N2: (checks clipboard) Yes. Let’s get him ready.
(approaches)
N1: Are you Ben?
B: Huh? Oh yes.
N1: Please follow us. Your father sent us.
B: (shrugs) Ok.
N2: We need a sample of your blood. Can you please sit down here and wait for your father? He will be ready very soon. Hold still, that’s it. (holds up syringe of blood)
B: Err……excuse me.
N2: (distractedly) Yes?
B: Why did my father send for me?
N2: He didn’t tell you? It is because….
F: (stepping in and cutting in) Because you are my son.
B: (faces F) Father…
F: (waves nurse away) I want those results immediately. (N2 leaves room)
(Silence)
B: Why have you sent for me?
F: For an important reason.
B: So now I am important! What about the last 7 years? What was I? Lowest priority?
F: (Unfazed) I needed you, therefore I called for you.
B: Well. I don’t need you. I think I must be moving. (picks up bag) So much for a father-son reunion. (Throws letter on ground)
F: Typical.
(B stops in his tracks)
F: You are acting more and more like your hot-tempered mother. Don’t you want to know why I sent for you?
N2: (rushes in) Sir, it is positive. We have found the cure for the plague! His blood contains the necessary antibodies to combat it.
(B turns around slowly)
F: Now, do you still want to run away? Do you now realise the fate of many people lie in your hands? You alone have the ability to give the sick life again.
B: (takes a step back) Why…..me?
F: Because no one else can. (holding out his hand) I am proud of you.
(lights off)
(monologue)
Voice: Blood. The liquid of life. The liquid that allows to live our lives. To eke a miserable existence. To try desperately to make an impact before we are buried by the sands of time.
(lights flash liquid red)
V: The coppery taste. The brightness of its pallor. The viscosity of the crimson ichor drips like the very essence of our pitiful existence.
(lights stop)
V: Our decisions in life are never ours. We cannot control how the world works, we can only manipulate ourselves to it, living our lives out oblivious to most of the world. Our voices are drowned out by the bustle of cities, our footsteps disappearing as people walk over them. We are nothing but a statistic to most of them.
(single red light on B)
V: Until now, that is. (light fades) Would you let a 16-year-old control your future?
Scene 3
YB: Aunt Rita! I have cut myself!
R: (smiles and bends over) Let me see. It is only a small cut. Don’t worry, I will bandage it up for you.
YB: What is this red liquid Aunt Rita? (looks at it questioningly)
R: It is called blood. All of us have it. It is needed to keep us alive.
YB: (panics) Then we must stop it from escaping!
R: Don’t worry. Why don’t you suck on your wound while I get the bandage ready.
YB: (hesitatingly does so) It tastes….yucky.
R: That is the taste of blood.
(lights off, a loud thud is heard)
(B is on floor, another boy stands above him)
B2: I guess you are just not tough enough. Worthless little jerk! You fatherless freak! You have the gall to steal my girlfriend! It will be a cold day in hell before that happens!
(turns around to leave)
B: (touches forehead gingerly) Blood…
(sound of heartbeat)
(girls point at B in centre of circle)
G1: Is that him?
G2: Yes it must be.
G3: Who is he?
G4: I don’t know.
G1: Then why are we taking an interest in him.
G2: The fact that we don’t know him is the reason.
G3: Why?
G1: Imagine living your life with no friends, no one who would care whether you are here or not.
G4: Are you saying…
G2: Yes. A loner will always be a loner.
G3: Why are we wasting our time on him? It is not our problem, we have our own lives to live out, and I am pretty sure they do not revolve around him.
(sound of heartbeat amplifies)
B: What keeps me alive, will cause the death of me.
(lights off)
Scene 4
(living room)
R: Have you thought it over?
B: (distracted) huh?
R: Your father’s proposal. I am glad you have patched thing s up with him after so long.
B: (looking away distantly) right.
(lights on)
(a crying B has R restraining him, as F stands close)
R: Don’t worry, I will take care of him.
(F nods, and begins to leave)
B: Why are you leaving me Father?
(F just continues to walk, footsteps louder)
B: (being restrained by R) Why?
(flashback)
B: Why?
R: (silence, as she tries to avoid question)
B: Why all of the sudden he wants to meet me? He never wanted this son of his anyway.
R: Don’t say that. I am sure that he has reasons.
B: (agitated) Where was he all this time? Where was he when I needed him?
R: (looks into his eyes) I see fear in you, Ben. You fear your own father. You fear being rejected.
B: I…I….
R: Why don’t you go see him? I am sure that he has the answers you want. He is your father after all. There is no need to fear him.
(back to real time)
B: What should I do?
R: Do whatever you think is right.
B: I….I……am afraid of blood. Ever since then….
R: I know.
B: I don’t know what to do.
Scene 5
(monologue)
B: What I ever wanted was my Dad to show me, tell me that he needed me. To validate my existence. I have seen my friends, happy with their parents, while I return to a fatherless home everyday. But now, he has acknowledged my presence, my existence, in a way I don’t want, in a way that I feel that I have been exploited. I know he just wants my blood, not me as a person. To me I am merely a cure for the people. Isn’t it strange that a doctor who is desperately trying to seek a cure for mankind should neglect his own son.
B: Do I really want to save this selfish world? This world that has rejected me as a person, but accepted me as a statistic, a worker drone swept along by the tides of the higher-ups. Now, I hold the fate of every human being in my hand. (waves knife) I could be the hero, or I can be the villain. Either way, it does not matter, I have nothing to live for now, and I will still make an impact on this world.
(flashback)
(B finds R unconscious)
B: Aunt Rita! Are you okay? Wake up! Wake up! (wail of ambulance) (redlights and heartbeat)
V: She is just another victim. I am sorry.
(Monologue)
B: I have always yearned to be like my favourite superheroes, protecting the innocent and helping the needy. Now is my chance. This my chance to rise above the ranks of worker drones and take my place as the messiah of mankind, the one who delivered them from evil, the one who lighted their darkest hour. Yet…, I lack the courage to do so.
B: What if you had the power to save the world, and yet not use it? I shall now have to choose, the path of the hero, or the path of the coward?
F: (Coming in) Don’t do it!
B: You should talk of all people.
F: Don’t do it, Ben! Your destiny beckons you! You will be hero that saved everyone.
B: Unfortunately, history is still being written. My destiny is mine to control. And….(raises knife to neck) people love it more to see a hero fall…fail….die trying. I am not a hero. I am just a kid.
(lights flash brilliant red, the dim to darkness, heartbeat sound stop abruptly)
(in darkness)
N1: He could have saved all of us.
N2: Why didn’t he?
N1: He didn’t see the rationale, the reason to do so.
N2: Does that make him selfish?
N1: No.
N2: Then what is he?
N1: A boy with power he could not control, an adolescent saddled with a gift, a gifted person with a great burden.
N2: What is your point?
N1: Before you hate him, remember to look at oneself first.
(a loud resounding cough)
END
Dug this out from my computer while going through the crap I normally write. I think I wrote this for the buckley dramafeste in sec 4, and it got rejected twice, in sec 4 and in j1. I admit it has its flaws, with me as usual trying to get to the good parts quickly and not placing enough groundwork to anchor the story so it seems very rushed. But still, I'm quite proud of it, it remains the only script I ever written, and it's an obvious NGE rip-off. Read if you want.
Title: Saying “I”
(What if you had the power to save the earth, but did not want to use it?)
Characters: Father
Boy (Ben)
Guardian (Aunt Rita)
Nurses
Other boys
Scene 1
(2 nurses hunched over a bed, holding clipboards)
Nurse 1: (shakes head) We lost him.
N2: This plague is beyond belief. No antibiotic in modern science could wipe it out. It has already claimed a third of the world’s population.
N1: Unless we find a cure soon, the whole world will be infected.
(Father bursts in)
F: (loud voice) Gentleman, I believe the solution is at hand.
Scene 2
B: Morning, the beginning of today, the beginning of a bad day. I don't like that. Blue sky. Something warm, something unfamiliar, something horrible. Something useless. I don't like that.
(Walks despondently)
B: Well, one still lives on. I have been living with my guardian ever since my parents divorced. Before the custody hearings could be finished, my mum died in a car crash, so the court awarded custody to my father by default.
B: But my father never did wanted me. After the hearing he immediately dumped me with my guardian, and I have been living with her ever since. Until now….
(Holds up letter)
B: I wonder what he wants from me now. (contemplates for a second, before crushing the letter in fist, but slowly loosens grip)
Scene 3 (hospital)
N1: Is that him?
N2: (checks clipboard) Yes. Let’s get him ready.
(approaches)
N1: Are you Ben?
B: Huh? Oh yes.
N1: Please follow us. Your father sent us.
B: (shrugs) Ok.
N2: We need a sample of your blood. Can you please sit down here and wait for your father? He will be ready very soon. Hold still, that’s it. (holds up syringe of blood)
B: Err……excuse me.
N2: (distractedly) Yes?
B: Why did my father send for me?
N2: He didn’t tell you? It is because….
F: (stepping in and cutting in) Because you are my son.
B: (faces F) Father…
F: (waves nurse away) I want those results immediately. (N2 leaves room)
(Silence)
B: Why have you sent for me?
F: For an important reason.
B: So now I am important! What about the last 7 years? What was I? Lowest priority?
F: (Unfazed) I needed you, therefore I called for you.
B: Well. I don’t need you. I think I must be moving. (picks up bag) So much for a father-son reunion. (Throws letter on ground)
F: Typical.
(B stops in his tracks)
F: You are acting more and more like your hot-tempered mother. Don’t you want to know why I sent for you?
N2: (rushes in) Sir, it is positive. We have found the cure for the plague! His blood contains the necessary antibodies to combat it.
(B turns around slowly)
F: Now, do you still want to run away? Do you now realise the fate of many people lie in your hands? You alone have the ability to give the sick life again.
B: (takes a step back) Why…..me?
F: Because no one else can. (holding out his hand) I am proud of you.
(lights off)
(monologue)
Voice: Blood. The liquid of life. The liquid that allows to live our lives. To eke a miserable existence. To try desperately to make an impact before we are buried by the sands of time.
(lights flash liquid red)
V: The coppery taste. The brightness of its pallor. The viscosity of the crimson ichor drips like the very essence of our pitiful existence.
(lights stop)
V: Our decisions in life are never ours. We cannot control how the world works, we can only manipulate ourselves to it, living our lives out oblivious to most of the world. Our voices are drowned out by the bustle of cities, our footsteps disappearing as people walk over them. We are nothing but a statistic to most of them.
(single red light on B)
V: Until now, that is. (light fades) Would you let a 16-year-old control your future?
Scene 3
YB: Aunt Rita! I have cut myself!
R: (smiles and bends over) Let me see. It is only a small cut. Don’t worry, I will bandage it up for you.
YB: What is this red liquid Aunt Rita? (looks at it questioningly)
R: It is called blood. All of us have it. It is needed to keep us alive.
YB: (panics) Then we must stop it from escaping!
R: Don’t worry. Why don’t you suck on your wound while I get the bandage ready.
YB: (hesitatingly does so) It tastes….yucky.
R: That is the taste of blood.
(lights off, a loud thud is heard)
(B is on floor, another boy stands above him)
B2: I guess you are just not tough enough. Worthless little jerk! You fatherless freak! You have the gall to steal my girlfriend! It will be a cold day in hell before that happens!
(turns around to leave)
B: (touches forehead gingerly) Blood…
(sound of heartbeat)
(girls point at B in centre of circle)
G1: Is that him?
G2: Yes it must be.
G3: Who is he?
G4: I don’t know.
G1: Then why are we taking an interest in him.
G2: The fact that we don’t know him is the reason.
G3: Why?
G1: Imagine living your life with no friends, no one who would care whether you are here or not.
G4: Are you saying…
G2: Yes. A loner will always be a loner.
G3: Why are we wasting our time on him? It is not our problem, we have our own lives to live out, and I am pretty sure they do not revolve around him.
(sound of heartbeat amplifies)
B: What keeps me alive, will cause the death of me.
(lights off)
Scene 4
(living room)
R: Have you thought it over?
B: (distracted) huh?
R: Your father’s proposal. I am glad you have patched thing s up with him after so long.
B: (looking away distantly) right.
(lights on)
(a crying B has R restraining him, as F stands close)
R: Don’t worry, I will take care of him.
(F nods, and begins to leave)
B: Why are you leaving me Father?
(F just continues to walk, footsteps louder)
B: (being restrained by R) Why?
(flashback)
B: Why?
R: (silence, as she tries to avoid question)
B: Why all of the sudden he wants to meet me? He never wanted this son of his anyway.
R: Don’t say that. I am sure that he has reasons.
B: (agitated) Where was he all this time? Where was he when I needed him?
R: (looks into his eyes) I see fear in you, Ben. You fear your own father. You fear being rejected.
B: I…I….
R: Why don’t you go see him? I am sure that he has the answers you want. He is your father after all. There is no need to fear him.
(back to real time)
B: What should I do?
R: Do whatever you think is right.
B: I….I……am afraid of blood. Ever since then….
R: I know.
B: I don’t know what to do.
Scene 5
(monologue)
B: What I ever wanted was my Dad to show me, tell me that he needed me. To validate my existence. I have seen my friends, happy with their parents, while I return to a fatherless home everyday. But now, he has acknowledged my presence, my existence, in a way I don’t want, in a way that I feel that I have been exploited. I know he just wants my blood, not me as a person. To me I am merely a cure for the people. Isn’t it strange that a doctor who is desperately trying to seek a cure for mankind should neglect his own son.
B: Do I really want to save this selfish world? This world that has rejected me as a person, but accepted me as a statistic, a worker drone swept along by the tides of the higher-ups. Now, I hold the fate of every human being in my hand. (waves knife) I could be the hero, or I can be the villain. Either way, it does not matter, I have nothing to live for now, and I will still make an impact on this world.
(flashback)
(B finds R unconscious)
B: Aunt Rita! Are you okay? Wake up! Wake up! (wail of ambulance) (redlights and heartbeat)
V: She is just another victim. I am sorry.
(Monologue)
B: I have always yearned to be like my favourite superheroes, protecting the innocent and helping the needy. Now is my chance. This my chance to rise above the ranks of worker drones and take my place as the messiah of mankind, the one who delivered them from evil, the one who lighted their darkest hour. Yet…, I lack the courage to do so.
B: What if you had the power to save the world, and yet not use it? I shall now have to choose, the path of the hero, or the path of the coward?
F: (Coming in) Don’t do it!
B: You should talk of all people.
F: Don’t do it, Ben! Your destiny beckons you! You will be hero that saved everyone.
B: Unfortunately, history is still being written. My destiny is mine to control. And….(raises knife to neck) people love it more to see a hero fall…fail….die trying. I am not a hero. I am just a kid.
(lights flash brilliant red, the dim to darkness, heartbeat sound stop abruptly)
(in darkness)
N1: He could have saved all of us.
N2: Why didn’t he?
N1: He didn’t see the rationale, the reason to do so.
N2: Does that make him selfish?
N1: No.
N2: Then what is he?
N1: A boy with power he could not control, an adolescent saddled with a gift, a gifted person with a great burden.
N2: What is your point?
N1: Before you hate him, remember to look at oneself first.
(a loud resounding cough)
END
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
So be it
Heard this on the radio just now.
Scientists placed a wild shark in a tank of water seperated by a pane of thick glass. The sahrk was placed on one side, and fishes from its normal habitat which the shark normally eats are placed on the other side. Initially, the shark would continously try to get across the other side to eat the fishes, slamming itself against the glass constantly, but of course it failed. The shark does not starve though, as fishes that are different from the fishes on the other side are placed in the shark's side for it to feed on. Even though fishes are on its side for it to feed on, the shark would still try to get through the glass pane to feed on the fishes on the other side.
Eventually, after many days, the shark did not attempt to slam through the glass pane anymore. Instead it would just be content with eating the fishes on its side, ignoring fishes on the other side. The scientists then removed the glass pane. Incredibly, the shark never ventured beyond its original constrained area, still ate only the fishes in its area, and even if its prey escaped over to the other side, it would not chase after it to the other side.
What does this experiment tell us? There are of course many intepretations, but mine is that people are like the shark, and sometimes we just ram our thick skulls against that glass pane over and over and over again until it hurts so much that we stop. Initially we are confident of ramming through the barrier, but as the pain escalates we give up and become afraid, so much so when there's another similar situation we imagine that there's a barrier when there isn't and we are afraid of trying to ram through it when there actually isn't one. We become afraid of the pain that may come with it, so we begin to be afraid of trying. In the end we become shadows of what we truly can be.
Maybe another human impulse would be one to avoid getting hurt, be it physical or mental or emotional.
I hope that the hurt and the fear doesn't prevent me from trying again.
Or maybe it's just that I have a perverse desire to slam myself repeatedly on glass panes until I can taste blood in my mouth.
Heard this on the radio just now.
Scientists placed a wild shark in a tank of water seperated by a pane of thick glass. The sahrk was placed on one side, and fishes from its normal habitat which the shark normally eats are placed on the other side. Initially, the shark would continously try to get across the other side to eat the fishes, slamming itself against the glass constantly, but of course it failed. The shark does not starve though, as fishes that are different from the fishes on the other side are placed in the shark's side for it to feed on. Even though fishes are on its side for it to feed on, the shark would still try to get through the glass pane to feed on the fishes on the other side.
Eventually, after many days, the shark did not attempt to slam through the glass pane anymore. Instead it would just be content with eating the fishes on its side, ignoring fishes on the other side. The scientists then removed the glass pane. Incredibly, the shark never ventured beyond its original constrained area, still ate only the fishes in its area, and even if its prey escaped over to the other side, it would not chase after it to the other side.
What does this experiment tell us? There are of course many intepretations, but mine is that people are like the shark, and sometimes we just ram our thick skulls against that glass pane over and over and over again until it hurts so much that we stop. Initially we are confident of ramming through the barrier, but as the pain escalates we give up and become afraid, so much so when there's another similar situation we imagine that there's a barrier when there isn't and we are afraid of trying to ram through it when there actually isn't one. We become afraid of the pain that may come with it, so we begin to be afraid of trying. In the end we become shadows of what we truly can be.
Maybe another human impulse would be one to avoid getting hurt, be it physical or mental or emotional.
I hope that the hurt and the fear doesn't prevent me from trying again.
Or maybe it's just that I have a perverse desire to slam myself repeatedly on glass panes until I can taste blood in my mouth.
Thursday, December 30, 2004
If Tomorrow Never Comes
Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes
Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Unrequited
Ronan Keating's "If Tommorrow Never Comes" is playing now.
I have always prided myself to be more pragmatic than dogmatic, but on the subject of relationships, I always allow myself an obscene amount of optimism. Maybe because I grew up on an unhealthy diet of lousy channel 8 dramas that the guy can win the girl's heart by his sincerity, and nothing else. He would brave all storms for her while sheltering her from the storm, never let her be in harm's way, and be there for her always.
I don't profess to be an expert on this topic, people who know me know this all too well. But I guess I'm still clinging on to that absurd hope that when the day comes my sincerity would be good enough.
To me, I don't need to hold hands, have PDAs, whisper sweet nothings to each other all the time etc. I just want to be the one holding the umbrella for her when it rains, carrying the heavy stuff for her or taking care of her when she falls ill. Simple ways to show that I care for her; there need not be overt displays of affection.
Now's your cue to guffaw at me at my naiviety.
Still, I'll cling on to this absurd hope.
If my sincerity is not good enough, then i guess, so be it.
Ronan Keating's "If Tommorrow Never Comes" is playing now.
I have always prided myself to be more pragmatic than dogmatic, but on the subject of relationships, I always allow myself an obscene amount of optimism. Maybe because I grew up on an unhealthy diet of lousy channel 8 dramas that the guy can win the girl's heart by his sincerity, and nothing else. He would brave all storms for her while sheltering her from the storm, never let her be in harm's way, and be there for her always.
I don't profess to be an expert on this topic, people who know me know this all too well. But I guess I'm still clinging on to that absurd hope that when the day comes my sincerity would be good enough.
To me, I don't need to hold hands, have PDAs, whisper sweet nothings to each other all the time etc. I just want to be the one holding the umbrella for her when it rains, carrying the heavy stuff for her or taking care of her when she falls ill. Simple ways to show that I care for her; there need not be overt displays of affection.
Now's your cue to guffaw at me at my naiviety.
Still, I'll cling on to this absurd hope.
If my sincerity is not good enough, then i guess, so be it.
Monday, December 27, 2004
Mecurial
The time is slowly ticking away. Soon, the day will come to pass.
Actually I don't know why I am writing here. I used to think I write sense and people read my sense, but sometimes things happend that make no sense whatsoever and it just throws all conventional theories held dear by people who love their world to be nicely ordered out of the window.
And what happens when that day comes to pass? Does one feel lost, as the pillars of your existence come crashing down on you? Or does one look for the few pillars that haven't collapsed and hang on for dear life? Or move on and desperately look for another pillar? Or instead stay put and hang on to that invisible pillar, the one you can't see touch hear taste or feel, but the one you just know it's there?
Someone asked me the eternal question, why am I here on this earth? My answer was that I live for my future wife, my future children, my future and current family. I guess that's good enough for me. A life well spent if i accomplish this. I don't need elaborate theories why I'm here, I'm here, that what matters. All I know is I have one life that can be snuffed out anytime, I want to make the most of it.
Just feeling a bit pensive. So much has happened since the A's ended. I'm officially considered an adult, someone old enough to be trained to defend the country. Somehow I don't feel older, nor do I look older, as someone pointed out during my japan trip. I think it's because I'm kinda afraid of being an adult. Somehow that concept seems almost alien to me. It entails the fact that the only mail you'll receive are bills. But I still have to blaze this trail, which I have and never stopped doing for my 18 years.
Nick and I share the same sentiments. Change is not really something I embrace. But it, along with death and taxes, are a constant in life.
I'm just rambling here. I should learn to let go, accept some things just haven't been and will most likely not go my way for a considerable period of time. Like I said countless times today, I'll just go along doing stupid things before the hurt gets too unbearable and then I quit.
Life is good by the way :)
The time is slowly ticking away. Soon, the day will come to pass.
Actually I don't know why I am writing here. I used to think I write sense and people read my sense, but sometimes things happend that make no sense whatsoever and it just throws all conventional theories held dear by people who love their world to be nicely ordered out of the window.
And what happens when that day comes to pass? Does one feel lost, as the pillars of your existence come crashing down on you? Or does one look for the few pillars that haven't collapsed and hang on for dear life? Or move on and desperately look for another pillar? Or instead stay put and hang on to that invisible pillar, the one you can't see touch hear taste or feel, but the one you just know it's there?
Someone asked me the eternal question, why am I here on this earth? My answer was that I live for my future wife, my future children, my future and current family. I guess that's good enough for me. A life well spent if i accomplish this. I don't need elaborate theories why I'm here, I'm here, that what matters. All I know is I have one life that can be snuffed out anytime, I want to make the most of it.
Just feeling a bit pensive. So much has happened since the A's ended. I'm officially considered an adult, someone old enough to be trained to defend the country. Somehow I don't feel older, nor do I look older, as someone pointed out during my japan trip. I think it's because I'm kinda afraid of being an adult. Somehow that concept seems almost alien to me. It entails the fact that the only mail you'll receive are bills. But I still have to blaze this trail, which I have and never stopped doing for my 18 years.
Nick and I share the same sentiments. Change is not really something I embrace. But it, along with death and taxes, are a constant in life.
I'm just rambling here. I should learn to let go, accept some things just haven't been and will most likely not go my way for a considerable period of time. Like I said countless times today, I'll just go along doing stupid things before the hurt gets too unbearable and then I quit.
Life is good by the way :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004
Wind
Cultivate your hunger before you idealize.
Motivate your anger to make them all realize.
Climbing the mountain, never coming down.
Break into the contents, never falling down.
My knee is still shaking, like I was twelve,
Sneaking out of the classroom, by the back door.
A man railed at me twice though, but I didn't care.
Waiting is wasting for people like me.
Don't try to live so wise.
Don't cry 'cause you're so right.
Don't dry with fakes or fears,
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.
(Repeats)
You say, "Dreams are dreams.
"I ain't gonna play the fool anymore."
You say, "'Cause I still got my soul."
Take your time, baby, your blood needs slowing down.
Breach your soul to reach yourself before you gloom.
Reflection of fear makes shadows of nothing, shadows of nothing.
You still are blind, if you see a winding road,
'Cause there's always a straight way to the point you see.
Don't try to live so wise.
Don't cry 'cause you're so right.
Don't dry with fakes or fears,
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.
(Repeats)
Somehow I like the carefree nature of this song... Maybe because I see the meaning of it in my life...
Cultivate your hunger before you idealize.
Motivate your anger to make them all realize.
Climbing the mountain, never coming down.
Break into the contents, never falling down.
My knee is still shaking, like I was twelve,
Sneaking out of the classroom, by the back door.
A man railed at me twice though, but I didn't care.
Waiting is wasting for people like me.
Don't try to live so wise.
Don't cry 'cause you're so right.
Don't dry with fakes or fears,
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.
(Repeats)
You say, "Dreams are dreams.
"I ain't gonna play the fool anymore."
You say, "'Cause I still got my soul."
Take your time, baby, your blood needs slowing down.
Breach your soul to reach yourself before you gloom.
Reflection of fear makes shadows of nothing, shadows of nothing.
You still are blind, if you see a winding road,
'Cause there's always a straight way to the point you see.
Don't try to live so wise.
Don't cry 'cause you're so right.
Don't dry with fakes or fears,
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.
(Repeats)
Somehow I like the carefree nature of this song... Maybe because I see the meaning of it in my life...
Monday, December 20, 2004
The story so far
Well well, been neglecting this place badly. Sorry to all my loyal readers, few they are i know, life is good now so I find it hard to gather enough motivation to blog.
Just to sum up what has happened over the days, trip to japan was good, albeit not as laden as last year's trip. Retreated to sentosa for a day, shared a nice dinner with a friend, while idling away the rest of the time sleeping, reading the last juror, playing table tennis and engaging in desperate and ultimately futile attempts to get fit.
Guess slowly this place shall wind down. Once tekong consumes me his place shall only have the echoes of the past. I think it may be time for this place to serve its final function, which is to end. Let's see how things go first, and I'll decide whether it'll be the final curtain call for this place.
To all those who were posted to their respective JCs, good luck and have fun. Enjoy your JC life as it'll only last for a while.
Well well, been neglecting this place badly. Sorry to all my loyal readers, few they are i know, life is good now so I find it hard to gather enough motivation to blog.
Just to sum up what has happened over the days, trip to japan was good, albeit not as laden as last year's trip. Retreated to sentosa for a day, shared a nice dinner with a friend, while idling away the rest of the time sleeping, reading the last juror, playing table tennis and engaging in desperate and ultimately futile attempts to get fit.
Guess slowly this place shall wind down. Once tekong consumes me his place shall only have the echoes of the past. I think it may be time for this place to serve its final function, which is to end. Let's see how things go first, and I'll decide whether it'll be the final curtain call for this place.
To all those who were posted to their respective JCs, good luck and have fun. Enjoy your JC life as it'll only last for a while.
Monday, December 06, 2004
Leaving on a Jetplane
All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye.
But the dawn is breaking it's early morning
The taxi is waiting, he is blowing his horn
Already I'm so lonesome, I could cry
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you wait for me
Hold me like you never let me go
I'm leaving on a jetplane,
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe I hate to go
There is so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now they don't mean a thing.
Every place I go I think of you
Every song I sing I sing for you.
When I come back I wear your wedding-ring
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you wait for me
Hold me like you never let me go
I'm leaving on a jetplane,
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe I hate to go
Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Close your eyes, and I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
I wont have to leave alone, and I
wont have to say:
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you wait for meHold me like you never let me go
I'm leaving on a jetplane, I don't know when I'll be back again.
I'm leaving on a jetplane, I don't know when I'll be back again.
I'm leaving on a jetplane, I don't know when I'll be back again.
Oh babe I hate to go.
All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye.
But the dawn is breaking it's early morning
The taxi is waiting, he is blowing his horn
Already I'm so lonesome, I could cry
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you wait for me
Hold me like you never let me go
I'm leaving on a jetplane,
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe I hate to go
There is so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now they don't mean a thing.
Every place I go I think of you
Every song I sing I sing for you.
When I come back I wear your wedding-ring
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you wait for me
Hold me like you never let me go
I'm leaving on a jetplane,
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe I hate to go
Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Close your eyes, and I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
I wont have to leave alone, and I
wont have to say:
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you wait for meHold me like you never let me go
I'm leaving on a jetplane, I don't know when I'll be back again.
I'm leaving on a jetplane, I don't know when I'll be back again.
I'm leaving on a jetplane, I don't know when I'll be back again.
Oh babe I hate to go.
Tequila Sunrise
Well, it ended with a night of much glitz and glamour.
Still a bit sleep deprived, so I may or may not post a blow-by-blow account of what happened, but it is suffice to say I had a good time. Above average food, ok entertainment and great company. Everyone looked so different that I had a hard time recognising a few people.
Took like 97 photos, but shall refrain from posting them here as most of them have me looking like I just botoxed my mouth, and also people can't start funny stories.
The end of A levels so far has been a fun time, what with hiking in the greener areas of mainland Singapore for GTC, spending time with good friends and like playing table tennis with my siblings. AS the pre-Japan trip phase comes to a close, must work towards my post-japan goals now.
And yah, people I'll be gone from 6-13 as I'll be in Japan. Not bringing my phone so you can forget about contacting me.
Till I come back, bye.
Well, it ended with a night of much glitz and glamour.
Still a bit sleep deprived, so I may or may not post a blow-by-blow account of what happened, but it is suffice to say I had a good time. Above average food, ok entertainment and great company. Everyone looked so different that I had a hard time recognising a few people.
Took like 97 photos, but shall refrain from posting them here as most of them have me looking like I just botoxed my mouth, and also people can't start funny stories.
The end of A levels so far has been a fun time, what with hiking in the greener areas of mainland Singapore for GTC, spending time with good friends and like playing table tennis with my siblings. AS the pre-Japan trip phase comes to a close, must work towards my post-japan goals now.
And yah, people I'll be gone from 6-13 as I'll be in Japan. Not bringing my phone so you can forget about contacting me.
Till I come back, bye.
Saturday, December 04, 2004
True
I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me
You might think I don't look
But deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you
mmmm
I'm weak, it's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster
[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
I'ts time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
You don't know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak, it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?
[Chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true
[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me
You might think I don't look
But deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you
mmmm
I'm weak, it's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster
[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
I'ts time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
You don't know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak, it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?
[Chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true
[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Sunday, November 28, 2004
Incomparable
Wow, what a blast! Came out the concert hall with my ears ringing. Ok so he can't dance to save his life but he can really sing and connect with the adudience. 26 songs in total, most of them my favourites, like jie kou ,an jing, kai bu liao kou and qing tian. Yeah Jay Chou really entertained me last night. No nonsense banter, just song after song. The only elaborate set up was the starting part where he was on the top being lowered down singing yi fu zi ming, then zhi zhan zi shang. But the best parts was when he did the slow songs, the whole stadium would sing along to him and wave their lightsticks in unison.
(Note to self. Next time a big star comes along go sell some lightsticks at an inflated price. That was what one guy was doing and he was doing brisk business.)
I think the finale was quite nice, jay playing the drums while wen lan and nan quan ma ma sang bai se lie heng. Plus him playing his pink piano while singing qing tian and an jing. And i also realise how action he is, but I guess he has earned that right.
That long fringe covering his eyes, the devil may care attitude, reminds me of a certain Singapore Idol contestant. If he wins, he better thank Jay. But i'll settle for the real thing anytime.
Now, excuse me as I attend to a slight matter called econs s....
Wow, what a blast! Came out the concert hall with my ears ringing. Ok so he can't dance to save his life but he can really sing and connect with the adudience. 26 songs in total, most of them my favourites, like jie kou ,an jing, kai bu liao kou and qing tian. Yeah Jay Chou really entertained me last night. No nonsense banter, just song after song. The only elaborate set up was the starting part where he was on the top being lowered down singing yi fu zi ming, then zhi zhan zi shang. But the best parts was when he did the slow songs, the whole stadium would sing along to him and wave their lightsticks in unison.
(Note to self. Next time a big star comes along go sell some lightsticks at an inflated price. That was what one guy was doing and he was doing brisk business.)
I think the finale was quite nice, jay playing the drums while wen lan and nan quan ma ma sang bai se lie heng. Plus him playing his pink piano while singing qing tian and an jing. And i also realise how action he is, but I guess he has earned that right.
That long fringe covering his eyes, the devil may care attitude, reminds me of a certain Singapore Idol contestant. If he wins, he better thank Jay. But i'll settle for the real thing anytime.
Now, excuse me as I attend to a slight matter called econs s....
Friday, November 26, 2004
This is their world now
It has to be some form of amusement to the powers that shape our lives that I'm down with the flu after my exams. Bad comedy.
In any case, i flipped through the latest issue of outlook that came through the mail. In my groggy, clogged nose state, I deliriously looked for my name under the editorial section, then was mildly panicked when i saw the vice-editior's name wasn't mine, before realisation came back that I no longer have any association with RJC, much less outlook.
Flipping the pages filled with pictures from various activities, like inter-fac games and open house, memories of my own indian summer last year came back. It sure was fun then, the J2s of this year had smiles on their faces as they went about doing these fun activities. Now all we get is to be relegated to be solemn faces in the farewell assembly portion.
Well, this is their world now. As it was our world the same time last year. Enjoy it while it lasts.
P.S To all Guys TM, go look at the outlook issue 3, the latest one, page 8 bottom left hand corner. Can you say immortalised?
It has to be some form of amusement to the powers that shape our lives that I'm down with the flu after my exams. Bad comedy.
In any case, i flipped through the latest issue of outlook that came through the mail. In my groggy, clogged nose state, I deliriously looked for my name under the editorial section, then was mildly panicked when i saw the vice-editior's name wasn't mine, before realisation came back that I no longer have any association with RJC, much less outlook.
Flipping the pages filled with pictures from various activities, like inter-fac games and open house, memories of my own indian summer last year came back. It sure was fun then, the J2s of this year had smiles on their faces as they went about doing these fun activities. Now all we get is to be relegated to be solemn faces in the farewell assembly portion.
Well, this is their world now. As it was our world the same time last year. Enjoy it while it lasts.
P.S To all Guys TM, go look at the outlook issue 3, the latest one, page 8 bottom left hand corner. Can you say immortalised?
The End.
Here we are,
Once again.
Same place, same situation.
The outcome may be different,
Yet weirdly the same.
We came,
We met,
We had fun.
Yet somehow we knew all along.
That this day would come to pass,
All our ghosts will come to rest.
The laughter we shared,
The times we cried,
The times we refused to say goodbye.
Wonder if now we can,
Wonder if now we will.
So now the curtain calls,
We all shall run along.
Each to our own destiny,
Each to our own bright future.
Let’s hope,
That this world we shared
Of two short years,
Has enough memories
To bring you back
One day.
Now don’t look back,
Chin up,
Look forward,
Here’s to our collective plains of gold.
May the seeds sown here
Prosper and grow.
The End.
For now.
To all the friends I made in RJC, this was for you. May our collective futures be bright.
Here we are,
Once again.
Same place, same situation.
The outcome may be different,
Yet weirdly the same.
We came,
We met,
We had fun.
Yet somehow we knew all along.
That this day would come to pass,
All our ghosts will come to rest.
The laughter we shared,
The times we cried,
The times we refused to say goodbye.
Wonder if now we can,
Wonder if now we will.
So now the curtain calls,
We all shall run along.
Each to our own destiny,
Each to our own bright future.
Let’s hope,
That this world we shared
Of two short years,
Has enough memories
To bring you back
One day.
Now don’t look back,
Chin up,
Look forward,
Here’s to our collective plains of gold.
May the seeds sown here
Prosper and grow.
The End.
For now.
To all the friends I made in RJC, this was for you. May our collective futures be bright.
Thursday, November 25, 2004
Falling leaves
Just a few rushes of blood to the head.
Rui En is just too pretty. I know most people don't think so, but I can't really explain it as well. She's just pretty in my eyes. Same goes for jeanette aw. Ahh crap the presence of these 2 actually helps me tolerate the general campiness of channel 8 shows.
Incredibles was nice. Pixar really knows how to animate greatness. Chock full of cultural influences as well, what with robots out of H.G wells' war of the worlds, the subtle reference to the flash, the underminer spoofing the undertaker. All wrapped up in a nice warm package of a nice happy family ending.
Just 1 more left. Just hang in there will you? May I remember all the quotes I need to wow those econs s markers.
Just a few rushes of blood to the head.
Rui En is just too pretty. I know most people don't think so, but I can't really explain it as well. She's just pretty in my eyes. Same goes for jeanette aw. Ahh crap the presence of these 2 actually helps me tolerate the general campiness of channel 8 shows.
Incredibles was nice. Pixar really knows how to animate greatness. Chock full of cultural influences as well, what with robots out of H.G wells' war of the worlds, the subtle reference to the flash, the underminer spoofing the undertaker. All wrapped up in a nice warm package of a nice happy family ending.
Just 1 more left. Just hang in there will you? May I remember all the quotes I need to wow those econs s markers.
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
(Almost) the end
3 papers in one days is no joke. Thankfully it was quite manageable. Econs MCQ was quite harrowing, paper 2 was better as I ultilised my econs s knowledge to answer the questions, although i drew and redrew my graphs a few times. Biotech was surprisingly easy save for the essay qeustion, but I was pleasantly surprised as for once I actually could answer the question at the first try without going in my head "what in (insert deity here)'s name are you writing?". They even asked us to define a drug, plus gave us 2 marks to calculate gradient. In the end I reckon only 7% of the biotech syallabus was tested, so much for the other funny stuff like monoclonal antibodies.
The pseudo-end, but I mustn't be distracted.
I know econs is done and dusted, but I just couldn't help but think about this. As I trawled the malls today, I marvelled at the variety of consumer goods available to consumers today. Designer shoes, necklaces, digital cameras and body lotions etc. It sort of hit me that most people do not really need, as in without them they'll be unable to survive, such items. Yet it would appear that the economies of the developed world is greatly dependent on consumption, domestic or otherwise, and it is consumption of the unnecessary kind. I guess it wouldn't be too wrong to say that the global economy is fueled by the desire for consumer goods. Investment, government expenditure has its ultimate form as consumer goods, further strengthening this arguement.
What perplexed me more was actually why do we demand goods? This is the part that economics (albeit at A level) does not explain well. The statement that men have unlimited wants does not really explain it. What is the root for this "unlimited wants"? Is it genetic, or ingrained by the society we live?
If we were to examine the Law of demand, it states that demand is the willingness and ability to consume a certain good. Fair enough, it tells us that people are able to consume a good, and only consume the good if they decide to do so. But it fails to tell us WHY we want to consume a good? What do we use as a yardstick for consumption? It is ridiculous to think that each consumer conducts a thorough cost benefit analysis to purchase a product.
Finally, why is there a great need to consume? If it is to maximise satisfaction, then there is an implicit assumption that every consumer would be unhappy until he consumes every good he desires, which is almost impossible as men have unlimited wants. And doesn't it contradict the old maxim, that to be happy you must be contended? It would seem that economics show that the ultimate destiny of humankind isn't as far off as hobbes classically remarked, "solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short."
Nothing like a little walk down the malls to sitmulate the brain.
3 papers in one days is no joke. Thankfully it was quite manageable. Econs MCQ was quite harrowing, paper 2 was better as I ultilised my econs s knowledge to answer the questions, although i drew and redrew my graphs a few times. Biotech was surprisingly easy save for the essay qeustion, but I was pleasantly surprised as for once I actually could answer the question at the first try without going in my head "what in (insert deity here)'s name are you writing?". They even asked us to define a drug, plus gave us 2 marks to calculate gradient. In the end I reckon only 7% of the biotech syallabus was tested, so much for the other funny stuff like monoclonal antibodies.
The pseudo-end, but I mustn't be distracted.
I know econs is done and dusted, but I just couldn't help but think about this. As I trawled the malls today, I marvelled at the variety of consumer goods available to consumers today. Designer shoes, necklaces, digital cameras and body lotions etc. It sort of hit me that most people do not really need, as in without them they'll be unable to survive, such items. Yet it would appear that the economies of the developed world is greatly dependent on consumption, domestic or otherwise, and it is consumption of the unnecessary kind. I guess it wouldn't be too wrong to say that the global economy is fueled by the desire for consumer goods. Investment, government expenditure has its ultimate form as consumer goods, further strengthening this arguement.
What perplexed me more was actually why do we demand goods? This is the part that economics (albeit at A level) does not explain well. The statement that men have unlimited wants does not really explain it. What is the root for this "unlimited wants"? Is it genetic, or ingrained by the society we live?
If we were to examine the Law of demand, it states that demand is the willingness and ability to consume a certain good. Fair enough, it tells us that people are able to consume a good, and only consume the good if they decide to do so. But it fails to tell us WHY we want to consume a good? What do we use as a yardstick for consumption? It is ridiculous to think that each consumer conducts a thorough cost benefit analysis to purchase a product.
Finally, why is there a great need to consume? If it is to maximise satisfaction, then there is an implicit assumption that every consumer would be unhappy until he consumes every good he desires, which is almost impossible as men have unlimited wants. And doesn't it contradict the old maxim, that to be happy you must be contended? It would seem that economics show that the ultimate destiny of humankind isn't as far off as hobbes classically remarked, "solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short."
Nothing like a little walk down the malls to sitmulate the brain.
Friday, November 19, 2004
He doth bestride this narrow world like a colosuss
You know, the part where I said it'll be over soon?
I lied.
It's a crazy wait. Somehow time is doing its darnest to make me feel as macham as possible. Like mum says, for some papers, you're just ready, straining at the leash to do it and be done with it.
In any case, I'm grateful to a weekend off to whack econs and biotech, especially biotech, which bores me to tears. Special mention goes to medical biotech, quite possibly the most irritating topic I ever studied.
Just some thoughts I would like to share:
1) I think, once again, it is a sad reflection of our society when I walk into the Orchard MRT Popular to look at comics, what grabs my attention instead are the assesement books piled higher than me (no mean feat), a mere 1 month into the holidays. I don't know about you, but really I think any child would rather play than do assesment books. I just find it profoundly sad that we have degenerated to such a society.
2) Having said that, I think this is the best time to be a student. With all the new initiatives, no more "one size fits all" policies, emphasis shifted away from the mugging part, this is a good sign for future students. Still, I can't help feel cheated, hence my cryptic comment to my sister, who is now in primary 5 and is currently on a field trip to australia, "have fun for the lost generation."
3) Once again, I repeat myself. Singaporeans do not know how to vote as they usually expect walkovers.
4) About the bio o level question that was messed up, here's an interesting related story. I heard someone complaining about it over the radio, claiming the question was wrong, so i went online to check with a RI friend. He proceeded to explain to me why the graph was NOT wrong, and gave his answwer according to the incorrect graph. As it turned out, we know the question was wrong. Anyway, my point is that I sort of expected this to happen. Some damm smart guy/girl would try to think out of the world and answer it in the best way they can, when the question is actually wrong.
Just bear with it a bit more. After 22nd I'll probably be pseudo-celebrating already.
You know, the part where I said it'll be over soon?
I lied.
It's a crazy wait. Somehow time is doing its darnest to make me feel as macham as possible. Like mum says, for some papers, you're just ready, straining at the leash to do it and be done with it.
In any case, I'm grateful to a weekend off to whack econs and biotech, especially biotech, which bores me to tears. Special mention goes to medical biotech, quite possibly the most irritating topic I ever studied.
Just some thoughts I would like to share:
1) I think, once again, it is a sad reflection of our society when I walk into the Orchard MRT Popular to look at comics, what grabs my attention instead are the assesement books piled higher than me (no mean feat), a mere 1 month into the holidays. I don't know about you, but really I think any child would rather play than do assesment books. I just find it profoundly sad that we have degenerated to such a society.
2) Having said that, I think this is the best time to be a student. With all the new initiatives, no more "one size fits all" policies, emphasis shifted away from the mugging part, this is a good sign for future students. Still, I can't help feel cheated, hence my cryptic comment to my sister, who is now in primary 5 and is currently on a field trip to australia, "have fun for the lost generation."
3) Once again, I repeat myself. Singaporeans do not know how to vote as they usually expect walkovers.
4) About the bio o level question that was messed up, here's an interesting related story. I heard someone complaining about it over the radio, claiming the question was wrong, so i went online to check with a RI friend. He proceeded to explain to me why the graph was NOT wrong, and gave his answwer according to the incorrect graph. As it turned out, we know the question was wrong. Anyway, my point is that I sort of expected this to happen. Some damm smart guy/girl would try to think out of the world and answer it in the best way they can, when the question is actually wrong.
Just bear with it a bit more. After 22nd I'll probably be pseudo-celebrating already.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
He didn't mumble enough
And that's my verdict.
First of all, happy deepavali, especially to my hindu friends, like mogilan and murugan, it sure sucks to have one of your major festivals during the A levels. What a waste of a public holiday.
The maid has gone home for 6 weeks for a good rest. That means 6 weeks of hoping my brothers who have taken over the household chores don't destroy my uniform, eating lunch outside and cleaning up the house and after ourselves. Oh well, it's a good thing for them as I do think they need to take some responsibility in this household.
Biotech is dreary. I somehow found myself stuck at the yoghurt production section for about 3? hours as I went about doing anything but study.
Some thoughts inspired from television. Product placements (cough*7-11 big gulp*cough) are a tad too obvious don't you think so? I really doubt they were actually filled.
And is it me or the show was filled with more commercials than anything? Lousy Mediacock, did you guys seriously think for a minute that you can fool the audience? It felt more like a half hour show, and we had to sit through countless advertisements.
He really didn't mumble enough. The last judge's comments were quite correct. That's not how you sing a jay chou song. You sing it until no one gets what you're singing. Next time try stuffing a bun into your mouth and sing. You'll get the desired effect.
Having said that he's smart as now all the teenage girls who swoon over jay chou, like his characteristic dark brooding and cool image would associate it with him and will definitely garner enough votes.
How to score points: Wish people happy deepavali and selamat hari raya.
I think the government would cancel the show next week due to its gratuitous use of dialects. This flies in the face of government policy! It is unacceptable! It will lead to moral degradation! The very pillars of our prosperous society are being threatened! Our word is gospel so listen to us only! (End sarcasm)
And actually I don't mind if it's cancelled. It'll be one up the a** for Mediacock. Anyway, I like to remind the whole of Singapore, even before mediacock decided to bring in this concept, on 2/8/03, we were the first in Singapore to this concept to Singapore. It was a night of glitz and glamour, and quote from the corny script I can't remember who wrote (I think it was nick) and delivered by ed, "In this pair of disco pants that I am wearing, I can feel static electricity charging up from the stage." It was the night of 01 Idols, and yes we 01 Raffles Scout Group were the first in Singapore to bring you the idol concept. Illegally of course but who gets hung up by such technicalities. Makes you sick right Mediacock? We were there first, and how.
Oh, and may I remind all those with short memories, the one who won, the one who was introduced as "what do you get when you mix mud, water and a little singing talent?", the one who got a flower from 2 guides, the one who mesmerised the female part of the crowd, the one who said "I hoped touched the lives of everyone here. And I hope to always be your bridge, over troubled water!", was ME! Muhahahaha! (End ego trip moment but I really won. I have the video to prove it.)
Lastly, I don't think ren wo ao you can be considered as a idol drama. It's not frivolous enough. I mean, someone actually died! Anyways, watching this episode made me realise that jeanette aw is a good actress. The various close ups of her as she bit her lip fighting back the tears made me just want to reach out and place a reassuring hand on her shoulder and say to her, "Don't cry anymore. Everything will be alright. You can count one me, I'll be by your side for you."
I guess that's an extension of my personality. "Saviour streak", that's what psychologists call it. Or maybe it's all these years being the "da ge". I know some that read this and would snort but at least I know where I'm heading. Simple and naive maybe, someone so nice gets tricked and corrupted in this cynical world far too easily. But hey, some ideals are nice to have, and I guess maybe it's my own defence mechanism, the wool I pull over my own eyes to make me believe in the niceness of this world and save me from being jaded. Whatever the case, I just aspire to be someone whose eulogy that wouldn't sound faked or forced, but sincere.
Ok enough rambling, back to studying....
Now where did I put those food biotech notes...
And that's my verdict.
First of all, happy deepavali, especially to my hindu friends, like mogilan and murugan, it sure sucks to have one of your major festivals during the A levels. What a waste of a public holiday.
The maid has gone home for 6 weeks for a good rest. That means 6 weeks of hoping my brothers who have taken over the household chores don't destroy my uniform, eating lunch outside and cleaning up the house and after ourselves. Oh well, it's a good thing for them as I do think they need to take some responsibility in this household.
Biotech is dreary. I somehow found myself stuck at the yoghurt production section for about 3? hours as I went about doing anything but study.
Some thoughts inspired from television. Product placements (cough*7-11 big gulp*cough) are a tad too obvious don't you think so? I really doubt they were actually filled.
And is it me or the show was filled with more commercials than anything? Lousy Mediacock, did you guys seriously think for a minute that you can fool the audience? It felt more like a half hour show, and we had to sit through countless advertisements.
He really didn't mumble enough. The last judge's comments were quite correct. That's not how you sing a jay chou song. You sing it until no one gets what you're singing. Next time try stuffing a bun into your mouth and sing. You'll get the desired effect.
Having said that he's smart as now all the teenage girls who swoon over jay chou, like his characteristic dark brooding and cool image would associate it with him and will definitely garner enough votes.
How to score points: Wish people happy deepavali and selamat hari raya.
I think the government would cancel the show next week due to its gratuitous use of dialects. This flies in the face of government policy! It is unacceptable! It will lead to moral degradation! The very pillars of our prosperous society are being threatened! Our word is gospel so listen to us only! (End sarcasm)
And actually I don't mind if it's cancelled. It'll be one up the a** for Mediacock. Anyway, I like to remind the whole of Singapore, even before mediacock decided to bring in this concept, on 2/8/03, we were the first in Singapore to this concept to Singapore. It was a night of glitz and glamour, and quote from the corny script I can't remember who wrote (I think it was nick) and delivered by ed, "In this pair of disco pants that I am wearing, I can feel static electricity charging up from the stage." It was the night of 01 Idols, and yes we 01 Raffles Scout Group were the first in Singapore to bring you the idol concept. Illegally of course but who gets hung up by such technicalities. Makes you sick right Mediacock? We were there first, and how.
Oh, and may I remind all those with short memories, the one who won, the one who was introduced as "what do you get when you mix mud, water and a little singing talent?", the one who got a flower from 2 guides, the one who mesmerised the female part of the crowd, the one who said "I hoped touched the lives of everyone here. And I hope to always be your bridge, over troubled water!", was ME! Muhahahaha! (End ego trip moment but I really won. I have the video to prove it.)
Lastly, I don't think ren wo ao you can be considered as a idol drama. It's not frivolous enough. I mean, someone actually died! Anyways, watching this episode made me realise that jeanette aw is a good actress. The various close ups of her as she bit her lip fighting back the tears made me just want to reach out and place a reassuring hand on her shoulder and say to her, "Don't cry anymore. Everything will be alright. You can count one me, I'll be by your side for you."
I guess that's an extension of my personality. "Saviour streak", that's what psychologists call it. Or maybe it's all these years being the "da ge". I know some that read this and would snort but at least I know where I'm heading. Simple and naive maybe, someone so nice gets tricked and corrupted in this cynical world far too easily. But hey, some ideals are nice to have, and I guess maybe it's my own defence mechanism, the wool I pull over my own eyes to make me believe in the niceness of this world and save me from being jaded. Whatever the case, I just aspire to be someone whose eulogy that wouldn't sound faked or forced, but sincere.
Ok enough rambling, back to studying....
Now where did I put those food biotech notes...
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Selective denial of reality
Well, how's it going for you?
Papers come, papers go. The cycle of anxiety, thinking, relief that it is over before finally that sinking feeling you get when you overhear that your answer deviates from everyone, or you whack your forehead and go "why didn't i think of that?"
Oh well, that's that.
Only 20 more days to go, not that I'm counting. Am just too tired and bored to ponder about life. At least during the O's I was still watching kiddy grade ( I STILL don't know how it ended!) and had something to look forward to.
Err, this time it's ren wo ao you, singapore idol somewhat, (I just like to listen to my mum being an armchair or bedside critic) OC for my weekly dose of american decadent lifestyle goodness. Gave up on football as it gives me more pain than pleasure nowadays.
Oh and John Rogers is writing the script for the Transformers movie. For your info, he wrote the catwoman script. Just hope that was a slight blimp.
Ran out of stuff to say.
Argh.
Study.
Now.
Well, how's it going for you?
Papers come, papers go. The cycle of anxiety, thinking, relief that it is over before finally that sinking feeling you get when you overhear that your answer deviates from everyone, or you whack your forehead and go "why didn't i think of that?"
Oh well, that's that.
Only 20 more days to go, not that I'm counting. Am just too tired and bored to ponder about life. At least during the O's I was still watching kiddy grade ( I STILL don't know how it ended!) and had something to look forward to.
Err, this time it's ren wo ao you, singapore idol somewhat, (I just like to listen to my mum being an armchair or bedside critic) OC for my weekly dose of american decadent lifestyle goodness. Gave up on football as it gives me more pain than pleasure nowadays.
Oh and John Rogers is writing the script for the Transformers movie. For your info, he wrote the catwoman script. Just hope that was a slight blimp.
Ran out of stuff to say.
Argh.
Study.
Now.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Maths Paper 1
For those who want to analyse what may come out for the pure maths section for paper 2, here's a list thanks to nicholas tsao, who incidentally has his birthday haha...
Question Analysis for Maths Paper 1
1. small angle approximation, estimate root of equation
2. general solution question- sinx
3. Parallelogram deduction followed by deduction of rhombus/ rectangle (not sure)
4. integration by substitution
5. discriminant, inequality
6. linear interpolation, proving a root exists within a range
7. mathematical induction, deduction of integration using proven equation
8. 3d- trigonometry
9. AP-GP, to find number of odd numbers below 1000, and not divisible by 5
10. Functions and applications of integration- area under curve
11. binomial theorem and series
12. complex number- simple expansion and argument calculation
13. partial fractions and integration using result of partial fractions
14. applications of differentiation- stationary points
15. ODE- everything
16. Vectors
For those who want to analyse what may come out for the pure maths section for paper 2, here's a list thanks to nicholas tsao, who incidentally has his birthday haha...
Question Analysis for Maths Paper 1
1. small angle approximation, estimate root of equation
2. general solution question- sinx
3. Parallelogram deduction followed by deduction of rhombus/ rectangle (not sure)
4. integration by substitution
5. discriminant, inequality
6. linear interpolation, proving a root exists within a range
7. mathematical induction, deduction of integration using proven equation
8. 3d- trigonometry
9. AP-GP, to find number of odd numbers below 1000, and not divisible by 5
10. Functions and applications of integration- area under curve
11. binomial theorem and series
12. complex number- simple expansion and argument calculation
13. partial fractions and integration using result of partial fractions
14. applications of differentiation- stationary points
15. ODE- everything
16. Vectors
Monday, November 08, 2004
Am I not right?
Can someone explain this to me? So are you supposed to end up with someone you like or love? Ambiguous definitions argh...
Difference between the one you like and the one you love:
In front of the person you like, your heart beats faster
But in front of the person you love, you get happy.
In front of the person you love, winter seems like spring.
But in front of the person you like, winter is just beautiful winter.
If you look into the eyes of the one you like, you blush.
But if you look into the eyes of the one you love, you smile.
In front of the person you like, you can't say everything on your mind.
But in front of the person you love, you can.
In front of the person you like, you tend to get shy.
But in front of the person you love, you can show your own self.
You can't look straight into the eyes of the one you like.
But you can always smile and stare into the eyes of the one you love.
But when the one you like is crying, you end up comforting.
When the one you love is crying, you cry with them.
The feeling of like starts from the ear.
But the feeling of love starts from the eye.
So if you stop liking a person you used to like, all you need to do is cover your ears.
But if you try to close your eyes, love turns into a drop of tear and remains in your heart forever
Can someone explain this to me? So are you supposed to end up with someone you like or love? Ambiguous definitions argh...
Difference between the one you like and the one you love:
In front of the person you like, your heart beats faster
But in front of the person you love, you get happy.
In front of the person you love, winter seems like spring.
But in front of the person you like, winter is just beautiful winter.
If you look into the eyes of the one you like, you blush.
But if you look into the eyes of the one you love, you smile.
In front of the person you like, you can't say everything on your mind.
But in front of the person you love, you can.
In front of the person you like, you tend to get shy.
But in front of the person you love, you can show your own self.
You can't look straight into the eyes of the one you like.
But you can always smile and stare into the eyes of the one you love.
But when the one you like is crying, you end up comforting.
When the one you love is crying, you cry with them.
The feeling of like starts from the ear.
But the feeling of love starts from the eye.
So if you stop liking a person you used to like, all you need to do is cover your ears.
But if you try to close your eyes, love turns into a drop of tear and remains in your heart forever
Friday, November 05, 2004
Universe
I don't really know why, but I have fallen in love with this 1997 song by Savage Garden. And this is despite it being one of the tracks I skip when I listen to their first album. Simple, silky vocals of Darren Hayes, great midnight fare for the ears. Questionable lyrics otherwise, this is a good song for the quiet night.
GP was good. Now for the rest.
Well I'd like to take you as I find you
Imagine our clothes are on the floor
Feel my caress so soft and gentle
So delicate, you cry for more
But you know baby
You know baby does it right
And you know baby does it right
Universe inside of your heart
You gotta let me know
So you can be free baby
You wanted it so much
And now that it's over
You don't know what you want
Put time in a capsule
Two minds consensual
Entwined to perfection
If we could ...
Cuddle up close
Lay on my chest now
Listen my heartbeats coming down
If you get tired you close your eyes now
When you wake up I won't be found
Coz I know baby
I know you're the nervous kind
With so much going on in your mind
Universe inside of your heart
You gotta let me know
So you can be free baby
You wanted it so much
And now that it's over
You don't know what you want
But let me tell you that, this time (this time)
I'm gonna make you mine (I won't let you go)
Coz I know that this time (this time)
I'm gonna make sure I look out for me
Coz you know baby
Well you know baby does it right
And you know baby does it right
You will only end up lost in loneliness
And wake up with the words already on your lips
So I'll let you go, baby
So I'll let you go...
Universe inside of your heart
You gotta let me know
So you can be free baby
You wanted it so much
And now that it's over
You don't know what you want
I don't really know why, but I have fallen in love with this 1997 song by Savage Garden. And this is despite it being one of the tracks I skip when I listen to their first album. Simple, silky vocals of Darren Hayes, great midnight fare for the ears. Questionable lyrics otherwise, this is a good song for the quiet night.
GP was good. Now for the rest.
Well I'd like to take you as I find you
Imagine our clothes are on the floor
Feel my caress so soft and gentle
So delicate, you cry for more
But you know baby
You know baby does it right
And you know baby does it right
Universe inside of your heart
You gotta let me know
So you can be free baby
You wanted it so much
And now that it's over
You don't know what you want
Put time in a capsule
Two minds consensual
Entwined to perfection
If we could ...
Cuddle up close
Lay on my chest now
Listen my heartbeats coming down
If you get tired you close your eyes now
When you wake up I won't be found
Coz I know baby
I know you're the nervous kind
With so much going on in your mind
Universe inside of your heart
You gotta let me know
So you can be free baby
You wanted it so much
And now that it's over
You don't know what you want
But let me tell you that, this time (this time)
I'm gonna make you mine (I won't let you go)
Coz I know that this time (this time)
I'm gonna make sure I look out for me
Coz you know baby
Well you know baby does it right
And you know baby does it right
You will only end up lost in loneliness
And wake up with the words already on your lips
So I'll let you go, baby
So I'll let you go...
Universe inside of your heart
You gotta let me know
So you can be free baby
You wanted it so much
And now that it's over
You don't know what you want
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
What will be, will be
Although I know I shouldn't be thinking of this now, but since it's late and any desire to study is gone, I would like to write about what I would like to after the A's are done and dusted. It's only a paltry 1 month so I might as well organise everything before it zips past me in a flash. Of course I must not get distracted. Walking a tightrope here...
1) Get new spectacles, and new shoes
2) Meet up with OG, friends etc to say goodbye before I enter the army
3) Clear out all my notes and stuff
4) Find a buyer for my unwanted stuff, ie campbell, test tubes
5) Go GTC
6) Have a fun time during grad nite
7) Possibly enquire about the possibility of taking classes for driving on weekends during army. Or any type of classes for that matter
8) Attend my 1 week attachment to the law firm
9) Holiday with the family in Japan from 6-12
10) Get into shape....
I guess there's more, but I'll add on when I think of them. Good luck for everyone taking the A's!
Although I know I shouldn't be thinking of this now, but since it's late and any desire to study is gone, I would like to write about what I would like to after the A's are done and dusted. It's only a paltry 1 month so I might as well organise everything before it zips past me in a flash. Of course I must not get distracted. Walking a tightrope here...
1) Get new spectacles, and new shoes
2) Meet up with OG, friends etc to say goodbye before I enter the army
3) Clear out all my notes and stuff
4) Find a buyer for my unwanted stuff, ie campbell, test tubes
5) Go GTC
6) Have a fun time during grad nite
7) Possibly enquire about the possibility of taking classes for driving on weekends during army. Or any type of classes for that matter
8) Attend my 1 week attachment to the law firm
9) Holiday with the family in Japan from 6-12
10) Get into shape....
I guess there's more, but I'll add on when I think of them. Good luck for everyone taking the A's!
Monday, November 01, 2004
The mother of all exams
Here they come. For all the 01 people, hope you guys can remember this poem that LaU wrote during the O level period, and afford yourself a laugh to destress.
The hour approaches:
Final paper,British made
Paper 2, A maths it is (or geog MCQ
lah...solli)
Calculators, pens all drawn
Vigililance! for freedom tempts,
Beyond RI gates green
Sea of white, bated breaths
Velocity perhaps?
Questions yet seen?
'Stop work'
Once dreaded, now awaited!
No more! No more!
Invigilators last seen
Conquest! November's glory
Final peak, 4 years wait
Chiobus beckon, 4 years late
Graduation night, alas!
No date!
Ubin sand, glorious sun
Backpacks laden - horseshoe,
Run!
Blood and sweat,
Yunnan bai fen
No sanitation,
Joyful abrasion
Let spirits soar,
Campfire high,
GC no monkey,
Harken, no sighs!
Alas JC comes
Wherever we go
Mugging. Oh what fun!
Mugging's a wonder
Before long, 6 feet under
~~~~~
Island sun, backpacks full
Glorious sand!
Oh ****
It's Tekong
And we all look like Adrian
Here they come. For all the 01 people, hope you guys can remember this poem that LaU wrote during the O level period, and afford yourself a laugh to destress.
The hour approaches:
Final paper,British made
Paper 2, A maths it is (or geog MCQ
lah...solli)
Calculators, pens all drawn
Vigililance! for freedom tempts,
Beyond RI gates green
Sea of white, bated breaths
Velocity perhaps?
Questions yet seen?
'Stop work'
Once dreaded, now awaited!
No more! No more!
Invigilators last seen
Conquest! November's glory
Final peak, 4 years wait
Chiobus beckon, 4 years late
Graduation night, alas!
No date!
Ubin sand, glorious sun
Backpacks laden - horseshoe,
Run!
Blood and sweat,
Yunnan bai fen
No sanitation,
Joyful abrasion
Let spirits soar,
Campfire high,
GC no monkey,
Harken, no sighs!
Alas JC comes
Wherever we go
Mugging. Oh what fun!
Mugging's a wonder
Before long, 6 feet under
~~~~~
Island sun, backpacks full
Glorious sand!
Oh ****
It's Tekong
And we all look like Adrian
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