Kingdom Hearts

Riku: What are you making me choose now?

DiZ: Will you take the road to light — or the road to darkness?

Riku: Neither. I'm taking the middle road.

DiZ: You mean the twilit road to nightfall?

Riku: No...The road to dawn.

If Tomorrow Never Comes

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes

Unrequited

Ronan Keating's "If Tommorrow Never Comes" is playing now.
I have always prided myself to be more pragmatic than dogmatic, but on the subject of relationships, I always allow myself an obscene amount of optimism. Maybe because I grew up on an unhealthy diet of lousy channel 8 dramas that the guy can win the girl's heart by his sincerity, and nothing else. He would brave all storms for her while sheltering her from the storm, never let her be in harm's way, and be there for her always.
I don't profess to be an expert on this topic, people who know me know this all too well. But I guess I'm still clinging on to that absurd hope that when the day comes my sincerity would be good enough.
To me, I don't need to hold hands, have PDAs, whisper sweet nothings to each other all the time etc. I just want to be the one holding the umbrella for her when it rains, carrying the heavy stuff for her or taking care of her when she falls ill. Simple ways to show that I care for her; there need not be overt displays of affection.
Now's your cue to guffaw at me at my naiviety.
Still, I'll cling on to this absurd hope.
If my sincerity is not good enough, then i guess, so be it.

Mecurial

The time is slowly ticking away. Soon, the day will come to pass.
Actually I don't know why I am writing here. I used to think I write sense and people read my sense, but sometimes things happend that make no sense whatsoever and it just throws all conventional theories held dear by people who love their world to be nicely ordered out of the window.
And what happens when that day comes to pass? Does one feel lost, as the pillars of your existence come crashing down on you? Or does one look for the few pillars that haven't collapsed and hang on for dear life? Or move on and desperately look for another pillar? Or instead stay put and hang on to that invisible pillar, the one you can't see touch hear taste or feel, but the one you just know it's there?
Someone asked me the eternal question, why am I here on this earth? My answer was that I live for my future wife, my future children, my future and current family. I guess that's good enough for me. A life well spent if i accomplish this. I don't need elaborate theories why I'm here, I'm here, that what matters. All I know is I have one life that can be snuffed out anytime, I want to make the most of it.
Just feeling a bit pensive. So much has happened since the A's ended. I'm officially considered an adult, someone old enough to be trained to defend the country. Somehow I don't feel older, nor do I look older, as someone pointed out during my japan trip. I think it's because I'm kinda afraid of being an adult. Somehow that concept seems almost alien to me. It entails the fact that the only mail you'll receive are bills. But I still have to blaze this trail, which I have and never stopped doing for my 18 years.
Nick and I share the same sentiments. Change is not really something I embrace. But it, along with death and taxes, are a constant in life.
I'm just rambling here. I should learn to let go, accept some things just haven't been and will most likely not go my way for a considerable period of time. Like I said countless times today, I'll just go along doing stupid things before the hurt gets too unbearable and then I quit.
Life is good by the way :)

Wind

Cultivate your hunger before you idealize.
Motivate your anger to make them all realize.
Climbing the mountain, never coming down.
Break into the contents, never falling down.

My knee is still shaking, like I was twelve,
Sneaking out of the classroom, by the back door.
A man railed at me twice though, but I didn't care.
Waiting is wasting for people like me.

Don't try to live so wise.
Don't cry 'cause you're so right.
Don't dry with fakes or fears,
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.

(Repeats)

You say, "Dreams are dreams.
"I ain't gonna play the fool anymore."
You say, "'Cause I still got my soul."

Take your time, baby, your blood needs slowing down.
Breach your soul to reach yourself before you gloom.
Reflection of fear makes shadows of nothing, shadows of nothing.

You still are blind, if you see a winding road,
'Cause there's always a straight way to the point you see.

Don't try to live so wise.
Don't cry 'cause you're so right.
Don't dry with fakes or fears,
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.

(Repeats)

Somehow I like the carefree nature of this song... Maybe because I see the meaning of it in my life...

The story so far

Well well, been neglecting this place badly. Sorry to all my loyal readers, few they are i know, life is good now so I find it hard to gather enough motivation to blog.
Just to sum up what has happened over the days, trip to japan was good, albeit not as laden as last year's trip. Retreated to sentosa for a day, shared a nice dinner with a friend, while idling away the rest of the time sleeping, reading the last juror, playing table tennis and engaging in desperate and ultimately futile attempts to get fit.
Guess slowly this place shall wind down. Once tekong consumes me his place shall only have the echoes of the past. I think it may be time for this place to serve its final function, which is to end. Let's see how things go first, and I'll decide whether it'll be the final curtain call for this place.
To all those who were posted to their respective JCs, good luck and have fun. Enjoy your JC life as it'll only last for a while.

Leaving on a Jetplane

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye.
But the dawn is breaking it's early morning
The taxi is waiting, he is blowing his horn
Already I'm so lonesome, I could cry

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you wait for me
Hold me like you never let me go

I'm leaving on a jetplane,
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe I hate to go

There is so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now they don't mean a thing.
Every place I go I think of you
Every song I sing I sing for you.
When I come back I wear your wedding-ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you wait for me
Hold me like you never let me go

I'm leaving on a jetplane,
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Close your eyes, and I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
I wont have to leave alone, and I
wont have to say:

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you wait for meHold me like you never let me go

I'm leaving on a jetplane, I don't know when I'll be back again.
I'm leaving on a jetplane, I don't know when I'll be back again.
I'm leaving on a jetplane, I don't know when I'll be back again.

Oh babe I hate to go.

Tequila Sunrise

Well, it ended with a night of much glitz and glamour.
Still a bit sleep deprived, so I may or may not post a blow-by-blow account of what happened, but it is suffice to say I had a good time. Above average food, ok entertainment and great company. Everyone looked so different that I had a hard time recognising a few people.
Took like 97 photos, but shall refrain from posting them here as most of them have me looking like I just botoxed my mouth, and also people can't start funny stories.
The end of A levels so far has been a fun time, what with hiking in the greener areas of mainland Singapore for GTC, spending time with good friends and like playing table tennis with my siblings. AS the pre-Japan trip phase comes to a close, must work towards my post-japan goals now.
And yah, people I'll be gone from 6-13 as I'll be in Japan. Not bringing my phone so you can forget about contacting me.
Till I come back, bye.

True

I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might think I don't look
But deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you
mmmm

I'm weak, it's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster

[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
I'ts time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

You don't know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move

I'm weak, it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?

[Chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true

[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

The End



Hi guys, it's all over. Anyway the whirlwind of activities begin tommorrow, so I shall talk less, let this picture do the talking. Probably one of the very last Guys TM outing we'll have, let this photo immortalise our friendship.
P.S Alvin looks very stoned and (hen)don has brown hair.

Incomparable

Wow, what a blast! Came out the concert hall with my ears ringing. Ok so he can't dance to save his life but he can really sing and connect with the adudience. 26 songs in total, most of them my favourites, like jie kou ,an jing, kai bu liao kou and qing tian. Yeah Jay Chou really entertained me last night. No nonsense banter, just song after song. The only elaborate set up was the starting part where he was on the top being lowered down singing yi fu zi ming, then zhi zhan zi shang. But the best parts was when he did the slow songs, the whole stadium would sing along to him and wave their lightsticks in unison.
(Note to self. Next time a big star comes along go sell some lightsticks at an inflated price. That was what one guy was doing and he was doing brisk business.)
I think the finale was quite nice, jay playing the drums while wen lan and nan quan ma ma sang bai se lie heng. Plus him playing his pink piano while singing qing tian and an jing. And i also realise how action he is, but I guess he has earned that right.
That long fringe covering his eyes, the devil may care attitude, reminds me of a certain Singapore Idol contestant. If he wins, he better thank Jay. But i'll settle for the real thing anytime.
Now, excuse me as I attend to a slight matter called econs s....

This is their world now

It has to be some form of amusement to the powers that shape our lives that I'm down with the flu after my exams. Bad comedy.
In any case, i flipped through the latest issue of outlook that came through the mail. In my groggy, clogged nose state, I deliriously looked for my name under the editorial section, then was mildly panicked when i saw the vice-editior's name wasn't mine, before realisation came back that I no longer have any association with RJC, much less outlook.
Flipping the pages filled with pictures from various activities, like inter-fac games and open house, memories of my own indian summer last year came back. It sure was fun then, the J2s of this year had smiles on their faces as they went about doing these fun activities. Now all we get is to be relegated to be solemn faces in the farewell assembly portion.
Well, this is their world now. As it was our world the same time last year. Enjoy it while it lasts.
P.S To all Guys TM, go look at the outlook issue 3, the latest one, page 8 bottom left hand corner. Can you say immortalised?

The End.

Here we are,
Once again.
Same place, same situation.
The outcome may be different,
Yet weirdly the same.
We came,
We met,
We had fun.
Yet somehow we knew all along.
That this day would come to pass,
All our ghosts will come to rest.
The laughter we shared,
The times we cried,
The times we refused to say goodbye.
Wonder if now we can,
Wonder if now we will.
So now the curtain calls,
We all shall run along.
Each to our own destiny,
Each to our own bright future.
Let’s hope,
That this world we shared
Of two short years,
Has enough memories
To bring you back
One day.
Now don’t look back,
Chin up,
Look forward,
Here’s to our collective plains of gold.
May the seeds sown here
Prosper and grow.

The End.
For now.

To all the friends I made in RJC, this was for you. May our collective futures be bright.

Falling leaves

Just a few rushes of blood to the head.
Rui En is just too pretty. I know most people don't think so, but I can't really explain it as well. She's just pretty in my eyes. Same goes for jeanette aw. Ahh crap the presence of these 2 actually helps me tolerate the general campiness of channel 8 shows.
Incredibles was nice. Pixar really knows how to animate greatness. Chock full of cultural influences as well, what with robots out of H.G wells' war of the worlds, the subtle reference to the flash, the underminer spoofing the undertaker. All wrapped up in a nice warm package of a nice happy family ending.
Just 1 more left. Just hang in there will you? May I remember all the quotes I need to wow those econs s markers.

Offbeat

Sorry but I take time off my bio MCQ mugging to say this.
Rui En is damm chio.
There i said it.
Back to mugging.

(Almost) the end

3 papers in one days is no joke. Thankfully it was quite manageable. Econs MCQ was quite harrowing, paper 2 was better as I ultilised my econs s knowledge to answer the questions, although i drew and redrew my graphs a few times. Biotech was surprisingly easy save for the essay qeustion, but I was pleasantly surprised as for once I actually could answer the question at the first try without going in my head "what in (insert deity here)'s name are you writing?". They even asked us to define a drug, plus gave us 2 marks to calculate gradient. In the end I reckon only 7% of the biotech syallabus was tested, so much for the other funny stuff like monoclonal antibodies.
The pseudo-end, but I mustn't be distracted.
I know econs is done and dusted, but I just couldn't help but think about this. As I trawled the malls today, I marvelled at the variety of consumer goods available to consumers today. Designer shoes, necklaces, digital cameras and body lotions etc. It sort of hit me that most people do not really need, as in without them they'll be unable to survive, such items. Yet it would appear that the economies of the developed world is greatly dependent on consumption, domestic or otherwise, and it is consumption of the unnecessary kind. I guess it wouldn't be too wrong to say that the global economy is fueled by the desire for consumer goods. Investment, government expenditure has its ultimate form as consumer goods, further strengthening this arguement.
What perplexed me more was actually why do we demand goods? This is the part that economics (albeit at A level) does not explain well. The statement that men have unlimited wants does not really explain it. What is the root for this "unlimited wants"? Is it genetic, or ingrained by the society we live?
If we were to examine the Law of demand, it states that demand is the willingness and ability to consume a certain good. Fair enough, it tells us that people are able to consume a good, and only consume the good if they decide to do so. But it fails to tell us WHY we want to consume a good? What do we use as a yardstick for consumption? It is ridiculous to think that each consumer conducts a thorough cost benefit analysis to purchase a product.
Finally, why is there a great need to consume? If it is to maximise satisfaction, then there is an implicit assumption that every consumer would be unhappy until he consumes every good he desires, which is almost impossible as men have unlimited wants. And doesn't it contradict the old maxim, that to be happy you must be contended? It would seem that economics show that the ultimate destiny of humankind isn't as far off as hobbes classically remarked, "solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short."
Nothing like a little walk down the malls to sitmulate the brain.

He doth bestride this narrow world like a colosuss

You know, the part where I said it'll be over soon?
I lied.
It's a crazy wait. Somehow time is doing its darnest to make me feel as macham as possible. Like mum says, for some papers, you're just ready, straining at the leash to do it and be done with it.
In any case, I'm grateful to a weekend off to whack econs and biotech, especially biotech, which bores me to tears. Special mention goes to medical biotech, quite possibly the most irritating topic I ever studied.
Just some thoughts I would like to share:
1) I think, once again, it is a sad reflection of our society when I walk into the Orchard MRT Popular to look at comics, what grabs my attention instead are the assesement books piled higher than me (no mean feat), a mere 1 month into the holidays. I don't know about you, but really I think any child would rather play than do assesment books. I just find it profoundly sad that we have degenerated to such a society.
2) Having said that, I think this is the best time to be a student. With all the new initiatives, no more "one size fits all" policies, emphasis shifted away from the mugging part, this is a good sign for future students. Still, I can't help feel cheated, hence my cryptic comment to my sister, who is now in primary 5 and is currently on a field trip to australia, "have fun for the lost generation."
3) Once again, I repeat myself. Singaporeans do not know how to vote as they usually expect walkovers.
4) About the bio o level question that was messed up, here's an interesting related story. I heard someone complaining about it over the radio, claiming the question was wrong, so i went online to check with a RI friend. He proceeded to explain to me why the graph was NOT wrong, and gave his answwer according to the incorrect graph. As it turned out, we know the question was wrong. Anyway, my point is that I sort of expected this to happen. Some damm smart guy/girl would try to think out of the world and answer it in the best way they can, when the question is actually wrong.
Just bear with it a bit more. After 22nd I'll probably be pseudo-celebrating already.

He didn't mumble enough

And that's my verdict.
First of all, happy deepavali, especially to my hindu friends, like mogilan and murugan, it sure sucks to have one of your major festivals during the A levels. What a waste of a public holiday.
The maid has gone home for 6 weeks for a good rest. That means 6 weeks of hoping my brothers who have taken over the household chores don't destroy my uniform, eating lunch outside and cleaning up the house and after ourselves. Oh well, it's a good thing for them as I do think they need to take some responsibility in this household.
Biotech is dreary. I somehow found myself stuck at the yoghurt production section for about 3? hours as I went about doing anything but study.
Some thoughts inspired from television. Product placements (cough*7-11 big gulp*cough) are a tad too obvious don't you think so? I really doubt they were actually filled.
And is it me or the show was filled with more commercials than anything? Lousy Mediacock, did you guys seriously think for a minute that you can fool the audience? It felt more like a half hour show, and we had to sit through countless advertisements.
He really didn't mumble enough. The last judge's comments were quite correct. That's not how you sing a jay chou song. You sing it until no one gets what you're singing. Next time try stuffing a bun into your mouth and sing. You'll get the desired effect.
Having said that he's smart as now all the teenage girls who swoon over jay chou, like his characteristic dark brooding and cool image would associate it with him and will definitely garner enough votes.
How to score points: Wish people happy deepavali and selamat hari raya.
I think the government would cancel the show next week due to its gratuitous use of dialects. This flies in the face of government policy! It is unacceptable! It will lead to moral degradation! The very pillars of our prosperous society are being threatened! Our word is gospel so listen to us only! (End sarcasm)
And actually I don't mind if it's cancelled. It'll be one up the a** for Mediacock. Anyway, I like to remind the whole of Singapore, even before mediacock decided to bring in this concept, on 2/8/03, we were the first in Singapore to this concept to Singapore. It was a night of glitz and glamour, and quote from the corny script I can't remember who wrote (I think it was nick) and delivered by ed, "In this pair of disco pants that I am wearing, I can feel static electricity charging up from the stage." It was the night of 01 Idols, and yes we 01 Raffles Scout Group were the first in Singapore to bring you the idol concept. Illegally of course but who gets hung up by such technicalities. Makes you sick right Mediacock? We were there first, and how.
Oh, and may I remind all those with short memories, the one who won, the one who was introduced as "what do you get when you mix mud, water and a little singing talent?", the one who got a flower from 2 guides, the one who mesmerised the female part of the crowd, the one who said "I hoped touched the lives of everyone here. And I hope to always be your bridge, over troubled water!", was ME! Muhahahaha! (End ego trip moment but I really won. I have the video to prove it.)
Lastly, I don't think ren wo ao you can be considered as a idol drama. It's not frivolous enough. I mean, someone actually died! Anyways, watching this episode made me realise that jeanette aw is a good actress. The various close ups of her as she bit her lip fighting back the tears made me just want to reach out and place a reassuring hand on her shoulder and say to her, "Don't cry anymore. Everything will be alright. You can count one me, I'll be by your side for you."
I guess that's an extension of my personality. "Saviour streak", that's what psychologists call it. Or maybe it's all these years being the "da ge". I know some that read this and would snort but at least I know where I'm heading. Simple and naive maybe, someone so nice gets tricked and corrupted in this cynical world far too easily. But hey, some ideals are nice to have, and I guess maybe it's my own defence mechanism, the wool I pull over my own eyes to make me believe in the niceness of this world and save me from being jaded. Whatever the case, I just aspire to be someone whose eulogy that wouldn't sound faked or forced, but sincere.
Ok enough rambling, back to studying....
Now where did I put those food biotech notes...

Selective denial of reality

Well, how's it going for you?
Papers come, papers go. The cycle of anxiety, thinking, relief that it is over before finally that sinking feeling you get when you overhear that your answer deviates from everyone, or you whack your forehead and go "why didn't i think of that?"
Oh well, that's that.
Only 20 more days to go, not that I'm counting. Am just too tired and bored to ponder about life. At least during the O's I was still watching kiddy grade ( I STILL don't know how it ended!) and had something to look forward to.
Err, this time it's ren wo ao you, singapore idol somewhat, (I just like to listen to my mum being an armchair or bedside critic) OC for my weekly dose of american decadent lifestyle goodness. Gave up on football as it gives me more pain than pleasure nowadays.
Oh and John Rogers is writing the script for the Transformers movie. For your info, he wrote the catwoman script. Just hope that was a slight blimp.
Ran out of stuff to say.
Argh.
Study.
Now.

Maths Paper 1

For those who want to analyse what may come out for the pure maths section for paper 2, here's a list thanks to nicholas tsao, who incidentally has his birthday haha...

Question Analysis for Maths Paper 1

1. small angle approximation, estimate root of equation
2. general solution question- sinx
3. Parallelogram deduction followed by deduction of rhombus/ rectangle (not sure)
4. integration by substitution
5. discriminant, inequality
6. linear interpolation, proving a root exists within a range
7. mathematical induction, deduction of integration using proven equation
8. 3d- trigonometry
9. AP-GP, to find number of odd numbers below 1000, and not divisible by 5
10. Functions and applications of integration- area under curve
11. binomial theorem and series
12. complex number- simple expansion and argument calculation
13. partial fractions and integration using result of partial fractions
14. applications of differentiation- stationary points
15. ODE- everything
16. Vectors