Speechless
I am back. Well sort of only. Reason for my absence from blogging is I find little to blog about. Who wants to hear a guy whine about how army sucks all the time? That more or less sums up what I've been feeling all this while...
Just to keep those who bother up to date, I've been posted to be a combat medic at nee soon camp. No OCS, but at least I avoided tekong for a while. Hope i don't need to return to that island again...
Err results wise I did well, 4 As 1 merit and a B3 for GP, which kind of ruins it for me but I can see the forest over 1 tree. The euphoria i felt when i got the results was a feeling I had waited 12 years to feel.
Spent most of block leave machaming around with the guys. Wormed my way out of guard duty on that friday, thankfully.
Oh well, medic course is fine, except the notion of the IV hangs over my head...
In any case, I hope this 9 week course goes over quickly, which would equip me with paramedic skills useful in my life later on, then either I get posted to a medical centre for a 9-5 job and spend my nights enriching myself, or I get to go for the spec 2 course for another 8 weeks and be an instructor.
If I do get a 9-5, I'll enrich myself by attempting to learn how to drive, a new language, and finally play a musical instrument.
Let's hope things go the way I want.
Sunday, March 27, 2005
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Army daze
Hello all, the reports of my death have been highly exaggerated. In the 3 weeks since I blogged, i survived field camp and chinese new year.
Field camp, think ubin hike, minus the people, tracks, and multiply the size of the insects by 3. Highlights include almost dying whille digging the shell scrape, finding a very long and large centipede just as I was about to settle into my shellscrape which chin siang caught to keep as a "pet", getting IA all the time during movement drills, combat rations and tons of biscuits, having a thunderflash thrown in front of my face, breakfalling into a thorny bush, enduring 30 mins of torture doing stand two, defacting a lot of times during the 7 days, the powder baths, prowling and hearing fauzan snore damm loudly, running 1.5 km with ur rifle slamming against your tailbone constantly, wringing my shirt of sweat after the 8 km route march, digging inadequate drainage for our bashas, and sleeping under the stars in reclaimed land.
During the course of my chinese new year break, I realised one of the guys became attached. Congratulations to him and may he cherish her.
Chinese new year, while visiting people claim they don't recognise me due to my lack of hair, feel very old, my niece is already 3 years old. Cousins I meet only once a year suddenly change physical appearance, each have their own lives to lead. Just the same as I felt when I went to my brother's concert after i booked out from field camp, i feel very old. I know I was once one of the them, school going and carefree, now I merely stick out like a sore thumb with my cap, a person caught in between being a carefree student and a responsibility saddled adult.
In any case, the 5 day break has been good, but I really dread booking in. But I'll be fine once I start talking cock with my mates there I guess.
Change is the only constant indeed.
Hello all, the reports of my death have been highly exaggerated. In the 3 weeks since I blogged, i survived field camp and chinese new year.
Field camp, think ubin hike, minus the people, tracks, and multiply the size of the insects by 3. Highlights include almost dying whille digging the shell scrape, finding a very long and large centipede just as I was about to settle into my shellscrape which chin siang caught to keep as a "pet", getting IA all the time during movement drills, combat rations and tons of biscuits, having a thunderflash thrown in front of my face, breakfalling into a thorny bush, enduring 30 mins of torture doing stand two, defacting a lot of times during the 7 days, the powder baths, prowling and hearing fauzan snore damm loudly, running 1.5 km with ur rifle slamming against your tailbone constantly, wringing my shirt of sweat after the 8 km route march, digging inadequate drainage for our bashas, and sleeping under the stars in reclaimed land.
During the course of my chinese new year break, I realised one of the guys became attached. Congratulations to him and may he cherish her.
Chinese new year, while visiting people claim they don't recognise me due to my lack of hair, feel very old, my niece is already 3 years old. Cousins I meet only once a year suddenly change physical appearance, each have their own lives to lead. Just the same as I felt when I went to my brother's concert after i booked out from field camp, i feel very old. I know I was once one of the them, school going and carefree, now I merely stick out like a sore thumb with my cap, a person caught in between being a carefree student and a responsibility saddled adult.
In any case, the 5 day break has been good, but I really dread booking in. But I'll be fine once I start talking cock with my mates there I guess.
Change is the only constant indeed.
Saturday, January 22, 2005
S1308
Hello hello, REC ZY Ng here. Things are not bad in army, not as scary as ben lee made it out to be. The bunks are ok, i can sleep at night albeit not enough, the PT is manageable except i still cannot do 20 regulation push ups properly, and my chin ups count is stagnant at 5, and most of all am most amused by the fact that everything in the army is a "chargeable offence". Plus BCCT lessons where you shout "yargh!" or "KILL!" and the many army songs which i hear in my head before i sleep and sing even on my book out day.
Thanks to all who wished me happy birthday on friday, it made a tough day of training feel better. 19 already, a full fledged adult.
Field camp next week. Uncontactable from next sat to fri, and won't be booking out next week. Will be back in time for chinese new year.
I think i should start looking for something outside of army once field camp ends.
Hello hello, REC ZY Ng here. Things are not bad in army, not as scary as ben lee made it out to be. The bunks are ok, i can sleep at night albeit not enough, the PT is manageable except i still cannot do 20 regulation push ups properly, and my chin ups count is stagnant at 5, and most of all am most amused by the fact that everything in the army is a "chargeable offence". Plus BCCT lessons where you shout "yargh!" or "KILL!" and the many army songs which i hear in my head before i sleep and sing even on my book out day.
Thanks to all who wished me happy birthday on friday, it made a tough day of training feel better. 19 already, a full fledged adult.
Field camp next week. Uncontactable from next sat to fri, and won't be booking out next week. Will be back in time for chinese new year.
I think i should start looking for something outside of army once field camp ends.
Saturday, January 08, 2005
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Happy birthday to me...(updated!)
Haha, just be a crazy off-chance anyone is enamoured enough with me to actually have a burning desire to buy me a birthday present, here's a list of stuff I would be most surprised and happy to receive. :) In all seriousness, this is more of a wish list of most frivolous of purchases that I would make and regret under the influence of enough whisky or having struck the first prize at 4D. In all likelihood, the tradition of my birthday going totally unnoticed save for my family shall go on. Besides, my present would most like be guard duty on the 14th. :D
1) Masterpiece Optimus Prime. The toy that makes grown man weak in the knees.
2) Any Manchester United stuff, but please don't give me mugs with departed players on them. (glares at enming)
3) A Transformers shirt, with a red Autobot insignia emblazoned on the front. I won't mind a Decepticon one though.
4) A PS2
5) Cash. Muahahaha
6) Anything Transformers related. I'll probably subject the giver to a great deal of fanboyism on receiving it.
7) Gundam SEED vcds/dvds, and SEED Destiny after that
8) Final Fantasy 7 for PC, then FF8, then FF12 for PS2
9) "God's in his heaven, all's right in this world" Lay off the second coming for a few more generations.
Hey a guy can dream, can he not?
Haha, just be a crazy off-chance anyone is enamoured enough with me to actually have a burning desire to buy me a birthday present, here's a list of stuff I would be most surprised and happy to receive. :) In all seriousness, this is more of a wish list of most frivolous of purchases that I would make and regret under the influence of enough whisky or having struck the first prize at 4D. In all likelihood, the tradition of my birthday going totally unnoticed save for my family shall go on. Besides, my present would most like be guard duty on the 14th. :D
1) Masterpiece Optimus Prime. The toy that makes grown man weak in the knees.
2) Any Manchester United stuff, but please don't give me mugs with departed players on them. (glares at enming)
3) A Transformers shirt, with a red Autobot insignia emblazoned on the front. I won't mind a Decepticon one though.
4) A PS2
5) Cash. Muahahaha
6) Anything Transformers related. I'll probably subject the giver to a great deal of fanboyism on receiving it.
7) Gundam SEED vcds/dvds, and SEED Destiny after that
8) Final Fantasy 7 for PC, then FF8, then FF12 for PS2
9) "God's in his heaven, all's right in this world" Lay off the second coming for a few more generations.
Hey a guy can dream, can he not?
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
The beast that cried "I" at the centre of the world
Dug this out from my computer while going through the crap I normally write. I think I wrote this for the buckley dramafeste in sec 4, and it got rejected twice, in sec 4 and in j1. I admit it has its flaws, with me as usual trying to get to the good parts quickly and not placing enough groundwork to anchor the story so it seems very rushed. But still, I'm quite proud of it, it remains the only script I ever written, and it's an obvious NGE rip-off. Read if you want.
Title: Saying “I”
(What if you had the power to save the earth, but did not want to use it?)
Characters: Father
Boy (Ben)
Guardian (Aunt Rita)
Nurses
Other boys
Scene 1
(2 nurses hunched over a bed, holding clipboards)
Nurse 1: (shakes head) We lost him.
N2: This plague is beyond belief. No antibiotic in modern science could wipe it out. It has already claimed a third of the world’s population.
N1: Unless we find a cure soon, the whole world will be infected.
(Father bursts in)
F: (loud voice) Gentleman, I believe the solution is at hand.
Scene 2
B: Morning, the beginning of today, the beginning of a bad day. I don't like that. Blue sky. Something warm, something unfamiliar, something horrible. Something useless. I don't like that.
(Walks despondently)
B: Well, one still lives on. I have been living with my guardian ever since my parents divorced. Before the custody hearings could be finished, my mum died in a car crash, so the court awarded custody to my father by default.
B: But my father never did wanted me. After the hearing he immediately dumped me with my guardian, and I have been living with her ever since. Until now….
(Holds up letter)
B: I wonder what he wants from me now. (contemplates for a second, before crushing the letter in fist, but slowly loosens grip)
Scene 3 (hospital)
N1: Is that him?
N2: (checks clipboard) Yes. Let’s get him ready.
(approaches)
N1: Are you Ben?
B: Huh? Oh yes.
N1: Please follow us. Your father sent us.
B: (shrugs) Ok.
N2: We need a sample of your blood. Can you please sit down here and wait for your father? He will be ready very soon. Hold still, that’s it. (holds up syringe of blood)
B: Err……excuse me.
N2: (distractedly) Yes?
B: Why did my father send for me?
N2: He didn’t tell you? It is because….
F: (stepping in and cutting in) Because you are my son.
B: (faces F) Father…
F: (waves nurse away) I want those results immediately. (N2 leaves room)
(Silence)
B: Why have you sent for me?
F: For an important reason.
B: So now I am important! What about the last 7 years? What was I? Lowest priority?
F: (Unfazed) I needed you, therefore I called for you.
B: Well. I don’t need you. I think I must be moving. (picks up bag) So much for a father-son reunion. (Throws letter on ground)
F: Typical.
(B stops in his tracks)
F: You are acting more and more like your hot-tempered mother. Don’t you want to know why I sent for you?
N2: (rushes in) Sir, it is positive. We have found the cure for the plague! His blood contains the necessary antibodies to combat it.
(B turns around slowly)
F: Now, do you still want to run away? Do you now realise the fate of many people lie in your hands? You alone have the ability to give the sick life again.
B: (takes a step back) Why…..me?
F: Because no one else can. (holding out his hand) I am proud of you.
(lights off)
(monologue)
Voice: Blood. The liquid of life. The liquid that allows to live our lives. To eke a miserable existence. To try desperately to make an impact before we are buried by the sands of time.
(lights flash liquid red)
V: The coppery taste. The brightness of its pallor. The viscosity of the crimson ichor drips like the very essence of our pitiful existence.
(lights stop)
V: Our decisions in life are never ours. We cannot control how the world works, we can only manipulate ourselves to it, living our lives out oblivious to most of the world. Our voices are drowned out by the bustle of cities, our footsteps disappearing as people walk over them. We are nothing but a statistic to most of them.
(single red light on B)
V: Until now, that is. (light fades) Would you let a 16-year-old control your future?
Scene 3
YB: Aunt Rita! I have cut myself!
R: (smiles and bends over) Let me see. It is only a small cut. Don’t worry, I will bandage it up for you.
YB: What is this red liquid Aunt Rita? (looks at it questioningly)
R: It is called blood. All of us have it. It is needed to keep us alive.
YB: (panics) Then we must stop it from escaping!
R: Don’t worry. Why don’t you suck on your wound while I get the bandage ready.
YB: (hesitatingly does so) It tastes….yucky.
R: That is the taste of blood.
(lights off, a loud thud is heard)
(B is on floor, another boy stands above him)
B2: I guess you are just not tough enough. Worthless little jerk! You fatherless freak! You have the gall to steal my girlfriend! It will be a cold day in hell before that happens!
(turns around to leave)
B: (touches forehead gingerly) Blood…
(sound of heartbeat)
(girls point at B in centre of circle)
G1: Is that him?
G2: Yes it must be.
G3: Who is he?
G4: I don’t know.
G1: Then why are we taking an interest in him.
G2: The fact that we don’t know him is the reason.
G3: Why?
G1: Imagine living your life with no friends, no one who would care whether you are here or not.
G4: Are you saying…
G2: Yes. A loner will always be a loner.
G3: Why are we wasting our time on him? It is not our problem, we have our own lives to live out, and I am pretty sure they do not revolve around him.
(sound of heartbeat amplifies)
B: What keeps me alive, will cause the death of me.
(lights off)
Scene 4
(living room)
R: Have you thought it over?
B: (distracted) huh?
R: Your father’s proposal. I am glad you have patched thing s up with him after so long.
B: (looking away distantly) right.
(lights on)
(a crying B has R restraining him, as F stands close)
R: Don’t worry, I will take care of him.
(F nods, and begins to leave)
B: Why are you leaving me Father?
(F just continues to walk, footsteps louder)
B: (being restrained by R) Why?
(flashback)
B: Why?
R: (silence, as she tries to avoid question)
B: Why all of the sudden he wants to meet me? He never wanted this son of his anyway.
R: Don’t say that. I am sure that he has reasons.
B: (agitated) Where was he all this time? Where was he when I needed him?
R: (looks into his eyes) I see fear in you, Ben. You fear your own father. You fear being rejected.
B: I…I….
R: Why don’t you go see him? I am sure that he has the answers you want. He is your father after all. There is no need to fear him.
(back to real time)
B: What should I do?
R: Do whatever you think is right.
B: I….I……am afraid of blood. Ever since then….
R: I know.
B: I don’t know what to do.
Scene 5
(monologue)
B: What I ever wanted was my Dad to show me, tell me that he needed me. To validate my existence. I have seen my friends, happy with their parents, while I return to a fatherless home everyday. But now, he has acknowledged my presence, my existence, in a way I don’t want, in a way that I feel that I have been exploited. I know he just wants my blood, not me as a person. To me I am merely a cure for the people. Isn’t it strange that a doctor who is desperately trying to seek a cure for mankind should neglect his own son.
B: Do I really want to save this selfish world? This world that has rejected me as a person, but accepted me as a statistic, a worker drone swept along by the tides of the higher-ups. Now, I hold the fate of every human being in my hand. (waves knife) I could be the hero, or I can be the villain. Either way, it does not matter, I have nothing to live for now, and I will still make an impact on this world.
(flashback)
(B finds R unconscious)
B: Aunt Rita! Are you okay? Wake up! Wake up! (wail of ambulance) (redlights and heartbeat)
V: She is just another victim. I am sorry.
(Monologue)
B: I have always yearned to be like my favourite superheroes, protecting the innocent and helping the needy. Now is my chance. This my chance to rise above the ranks of worker drones and take my place as the messiah of mankind, the one who delivered them from evil, the one who lighted their darkest hour. Yet…, I lack the courage to do so.
B: What if you had the power to save the world, and yet not use it? I shall now have to choose, the path of the hero, or the path of the coward?
F: (Coming in) Don’t do it!
B: You should talk of all people.
F: Don’t do it, Ben! Your destiny beckons you! You will be hero that saved everyone.
B: Unfortunately, history is still being written. My destiny is mine to control. And….(raises knife to neck) people love it more to see a hero fall…fail….die trying. I am not a hero. I am just a kid.
(lights flash brilliant red, the dim to darkness, heartbeat sound stop abruptly)
(in darkness)
N1: He could have saved all of us.
N2: Why didn’t he?
N1: He didn’t see the rationale, the reason to do so.
N2: Does that make him selfish?
N1: No.
N2: Then what is he?
N1: A boy with power he could not control, an adolescent saddled with a gift, a gifted person with a great burden.
N2: What is your point?
N1: Before you hate him, remember to look at oneself first.
(a loud resounding cough)
END
Dug this out from my computer while going through the crap I normally write. I think I wrote this for the buckley dramafeste in sec 4, and it got rejected twice, in sec 4 and in j1. I admit it has its flaws, with me as usual trying to get to the good parts quickly and not placing enough groundwork to anchor the story so it seems very rushed. But still, I'm quite proud of it, it remains the only script I ever written, and it's an obvious NGE rip-off. Read if you want.
Title: Saying “I”
(What if you had the power to save the earth, but did not want to use it?)
Characters: Father
Boy (Ben)
Guardian (Aunt Rita)
Nurses
Other boys
Scene 1
(2 nurses hunched over a bed, holding clipboards)
Nurse 1: (shakes head) We lost him.
N2: This plague is beyond belief. No antibiotic in modern science could wipe it out. It has already claimed a third of the world’s population.
N1: Unless we find a cure soon, the whole world will be infected.
(Father bursts in)
F: (loud voice) Gentleman, I believe the solution is at hand.
Scene 2
B: Morning, the beginning of today, the beginning of a bad day. I don't like that. Blue sky. Something warm, something unfamiliar, something horrible. Something useless. I don't like that.
(Walks despondently)
B: Well, one still lives on. I have been living with my guardian ever since my parents divorced. Before the custody hearings could be finished, my mum died in a car crash, so the court awarded custody to my father by default.
B: But my father never did wanted me. After the hearing he immediately dumped me with my guardian, and I have been living with her ever since. Until now….
(Holds up letter)
B: I wonder what he wants from me now. (contemplates for a second, before crushing the letter in fist, but slowly loosens grip)
Scene 3 (hospital)
N1: Is that him?
N2: (checks clipboard) Yes. Let’s get him ready.
(approaches)
N1: Are you Ben?
B: Huh? Oh yes.
N1: Please follow us. Your father sent us.
B: (shrugs) Ok.
N2: We need a sample of your blood. Can you please sit down here and wait for your father? He will be ready very soon. Hold still, that’s it. (holds up syringe of blood)
B: Err……excuse me.
N2: (distractedly) Yes?
B: Why did my father send for me?
N2: He didn’t tell you? It is because….
F: (stepping in and cutting in) Because you are my son.
B: (faces F) Father…
F: (waves nurse away) I want those results immediately. (N2 leaves room)
(Silence)
B: Why have you sent for me?
F: For an important reason.
B: So now I am important! What about the last 7 years? What was I? Lowest priority?
F: (Unfazed) I needed you, therefore I called for you.
B: Well. I don’t need you. I think I must be moving. (picks up bag) So much for a father-son reunion. (Throws letter on ground)
F: Typical.
(B stops in his tracks)
F: You are acting more and more like your hot-tempered mother. Don’t you want to know why I sent for you?
N2: (rushes in) Sir, it is positive. We have found the cure for the plague! His blood contains the necessary antibodies to combat it.
(B turns around slowly)
F: Now, do you still want to run away? Do you now realise the fate of many people lie in your hands? You alone have the ability to give the sick life again.
B: (takes a step back) Why…..me?
F: Because no one else can. (holding out his hand) I am proud of you.
(lights off)
(monologue)
Voice: Blood. The liquid of life. The liquid that allows to live our lives. To eke a miserable existence. To try desperately to make an impact before we are buried by the sands of time.
(lights flash liquid red)
V: The coppery taste. The brightness of its pallor. The viscosity of the crimson ichor drips like the very essence of our pitiful existence.
(lights stop)
V: Our decisions in life are never ours. We cannot control how the world works, we can only manipulate ourselves to it, living our lives out oblivious to most of the world. Our voices are drowned out by the bustle of cities, our footsteps disappearing as people walk over them. We are nothing but a statistic to most of them.
(single red light on B)
V: Until now, that is. (light fades) Would you let a 16-year-old control your future?
Scene 3
YB: Aunt Rita! I have cut myself!
R: (smiles and bends over) Let me see. It is only a small cut. Don’t worry, I will bandage it up for you.
YB: What is this red liquid Aunt Rita? (looks at it questioningly)
R: It is called blood. All of us have it. It is needed to keep us alive.
YB: (panics) Then we must stop it from escaping!
R: Don’t worry. Why don’t you suck on your wound while I get the bandage ready.
YB: (hesitatingly does so) It tastes….yucky.
R: That is the taste of blood.
(lights off, a loud thud is heard)
(B is on floor, another boy stands above him)
B2: I guess you are just not tough enough. Worthless little jerk! You fatherless freak! You have the gall to steal my girlfriend! It will be a cold day in hell before that happens!
(turns around to leave)
B: (touches forehead gingerly) Blood…
(sound of heartbeat)
(girls point at B in centre of circle)
G1: Is that him?
G2: Yes it must be.
G3: Who is he?
G4: I don’t know.
G1: Then why are we taking an interest in him.
G2: The fact that we don’t know him is the reason.
G3: Why?
G1: Imagine living your life with no friends, no one who would care whether you are here or not.
G4: Are you saying…
G2: Yes. A loner will always be a loner.
G3: Why are we wasting our time on him? It is not our problem, we have our own lives to live out, and I am pretty sure they do not revolve around him.
(sound of heartbeat amplifies)
B: What keeps me alive, will cause the death of me.
(lights off)
Scene 4
(living room)
R: Have you thought it over?
B: (distracted) huh?
R: Your father’s proposal. I am glad you have patched thing s up with him after so long.
B: (looking away distantly) right.
(lights on)
(a crying B has R restraining him, as F stands close)
R: Don’t worry, I will take care of him.
(F nods, and begins to leave)
B: Why are you leaving me Father?
(F just continues to walk, footsteps louder)
B: (being restrained by R) Why?
(flashback)
B: Why?
R: (silence, as she tries to avoid question)
B: Why all of the sudden he wants to meet me? He never wanted this son of his anyway.
R: Don’t say that. I am sure that he has reasons.
B: (agitated) Where was he all this time? Where was he when I needed him?
R: (looks into his eyes) I see fear in you, Ben. You fear your own father. You fear being rejected.
B: I…I….
R: Why don’t you go see him? I am sure that he has the answers you want. He is your father after all. There is no need to fear him.
(back to real time)
B: What should I do?
R: Do whatever you think is right.
B: I….I……am afraid of blood. Ever since then….
R: I know.
B: I don’t know what to do.
Scene 5
(monologue)
B: What I ever wanted was my Dad to show me, tell me that he needed me. To validate my existence. I have seen my friends, happy with their parents, while I return to a fatherless home everyday. But now, he has acknowledged my presence, my existence, in a way I don’t want, in a way that I feel that I have been exploited. I know he just wants my blood, not me as a person. To me I am merely a cure for the people. Isn’t it strange that a doctor who is desperately trying to seek a cure for mankind should neglect his own son.
B: Do I really want to save this selfish world? This world that has rejected me as a person, but accepted me as a statistic, a worker drone swept along by the tides of the higher-ups. Now, I hold the fate of every human being in my hand. (waves knife) I could be the hero, or I can be the villain. Either way, it does not matter, I have nothing to live for now, and I will still make an impact on this world.
(flashback)
(B finds R unconscious)
B: Aunt Rita! Are you okay? Wake up! Wake up! (wail of ambulance) (redlights and heartbeat)
V: She is just another victim. I am sorry.
(Monologue)
B: I have always yearned to be like my favourite superheroes, protecting the innocent and helping the needy. Now is my chance. This my chance to rise above the ranks of worker drones and take my place as the messiah of mankind, the one who delivered them from evil, the one who lighted their darkest hour. Yet…, I lack the courage to do so.
B: What if you had the power to save the world, and yet not use it? I shall now have to choose, the path of the hero, or the path of the coward?
F: (Coming in) Don’t do it!
B: You should talk of all people.
F: Don’t do it, Ben! Your destiny beckons you! You will be hero that saved everyone.
B: Unfortunately, history is still being written. My destiny is mine to control. And….(raises knife to neck) people love it more to see a hero fall…fail….die trying. I am not a hero. I am just a kid.
(lights flash brilliant red, the dim to darkness, heartbeat sound stop abruptly)
(in darkness)
N1: He could have saved all of us.
N2: Why didn’t he?
N1: He didn’t see the rationale, the reason to do so.
N2: Does that make him selfish?
N1: No.
N2: Then what is he?
N1: A boy with power he could not control, an adolescent saddled with a gift, a gifted person with a great burden.
N2: What is your point?
N1: Before you hate him, remember to look at oneself first.
(a loud resounding cough)
END
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
So be it
Heard this on the radio just now.
Scientists placed a wild shark in a tank of water seperated by a pane of thick glass. The sahrk was placed on one side, and fishes from its normal habitat which the shark normally eats are placed on the other side. Initially, the shark would continously try to get across the other side to eat the fishes, slamming itself against the glass constantly, but of course it failed. The shark does not starve though, as fishes that are different from the fishes on the other side are placed in the shark's side for it to feed on. Even though fishes are on its side for it to feed on, the shark would still try to get through the glass pane to feed on the fishes on the other side.
Eventually, after many days, the shark did not attempt to slam through the glass pane anymore. Instead it would just be content with eating the fishes on its side, ignoring fishes on the other side. The scientists then removed the glass pane. Incredibly, the shark never ventured beyond its original constrained area, still ate only the fishes in its area, and even if its prey escaped over to the other side, it would not chase after it to the other side.
What does this experiment tell us? There are of course many intepretations, but mine is that people are like the shark, and sometimes we just ram our thick skulls against that glass pane over and over and over again until it hurts so much that we stop. Initially we are confident of ramming through the barrier, but as the pain escalates we give up and become afraid, so much so when there's another similar situation we imagine that there's a barrier when there isn't and we are afraid of trying to ram through it when there actually isn't one. We become afraid of the pain that may come with it, so we begin to be afraid of trying. In the end we become shadows of what we truly can be.
Maybe another human impulse would be one to avoid getting hurt, be it physical or mental or emotional.
I hope that the hurt and the fear doesn't prevent me from trying again.
Or maybe it's just that I have a perverse desire to slam myself repeatedly on glass panes until I can taste blood in my mouth.
Heard this on the radio just now.
Scientists placed a wild shark in a tank of water seperated by a pane of thick glass. The sahrk was placed on one side, and fishes from its normal habitat which the shark normally eats are placed on the other side. Initially, the shark would continously try to get across the other side to eat the fishes, slamming itself against the glass constantly, but of course it failed. The shark does not starve though, as fishes that are different from the fishes on the other side are placed in the shark's side for it to feed on. Even though fishes are on its side for it to feed on, the shark would still try to get through the glass pane to feed on the fishes on the other side.
Eventually, after many days, the shark did not attempt to slam through the glass pane anymore. Instead it would just be content with eating the fishes on its side, ignoring fishes on the other side. The scientists then removed the glass pane. Incredibly, the shark never ventured beyond its original constrained area, still ate only the fishes in its area, and even if its prey escaped over to the other side, it would not chase after it to the other side.
What does this experiment tell us? There are of course many intepretations, but mine is that people are like the shark, and sometimes we just ram our thick skulls against that glass pane over and over and over again until it hurts so much that we stop. Initially we are confident of ramming through the barrier, but as the pain escalates we give up and become afraid, so much so when there's another similar situation we imagine that there's a barrier when there isn't and we are afraid of trying to ram through it when there actually isn't one. We become afraid of the pain that may come with it, so we begin to be afraid of trying. In the end we become shadows of what we truly can be.
Maybe another human impulse would be one to avoid getting hurt, be it physical or mental or emotional.
I hope that the hurt and the fear doesn't prevent me from trying again.
Or maybe it's just that I have a perverse desire to slam myself repeatedly on glass panes until I can taste blood in my mouth.
Thursday, December 30, 2004
If Tomorrow Never Comes
Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes
Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Unrequited
Ronan Keating's "If Tommorrow Never Comes" is playing now.
I have always prided myself to be more pragmatic than dogmatic, but on the subject of relationships, I always allow myself an obscene amount of optimism. Maybe because I grew up on an unhealthy diet of lousy channel 8 dramas that the guy can win the girl's heart by his sincerity, and nothing else. He would brave all storms for her while sheltering her from the storm, never let her be in harm's way, and be there for her always.
I don't profess to be an expert on this topic, people who know me know this all too well. But I guess I'm still clinging on to that absurd hope that when the day comes my sincerity would be good enough.
To me, I don't need to hold hands, have PDAs, whisper sweet nothings to each other all the time etc. I just want to be the one holding the umbrella for her when it rains, carrying the heavy stuff for her or taking care of her when she falls ill. Simple ways to show that I care for her; there need not be overt displays of affection.
Now's your cue to guffaw at me at my naiviety.
Still, I'll cling on to this absurd hope.
If my sincerity is not good enough, then i guess, so be it.
Ronan Keating's "If Tommorrow Never Comes" is playing now.
I have always prided myself to be more pragmatic than dogmatic, but on the subject of relationships, I always allow myself an obscene amount of optimism. Maybe because I grew up on an unhealthy diet of lousy channel 8 dramas that the guy can win the girl's heart by his sincerity, and nothing else. He would brave all storms for her while sheltering her from the storm, never let her be in harm's way, and be there for her always.
I don't profess to be an expert on this topic, people who know me know this all too well. But I guess I'm still clinging on to that absurd hope that when the day comes my sincerity would be good enough.
To me, I don't need to hold hands, have PDAs, whisper sweet nothings to each other all the time etc. I just want to be the one holding the umbrella for her when it rains, carrying the heavy stuff for her or taking care of her when she falls ill. Simple ways to show that I care for her; there need not be overt displays of affection.
Now's your cue to guffaw at me at my naiviety.
Still, I'll cling on to this absurd hope.
If my sincerity is not good enough, then i guess, so be it.
Monday, December 27, 2004
Mecurial
The time is slowly ticking away. Soon, the day will come to pass.
Actually I don't know why I am writing here. I used to think I write sense and people read my sense, but sometimes things happend that make no sense whatsoever and it just throws all conventional theories held dear by people who love their world to be nicely ordered out of the window.
And what happens when that day comes to pass? Does one feel lost, as the pillars of your existence come crashing down on you? Or does one look for the few pillars that haven't collapsed and hang on for dear life? Or move on and desperately look for another pillar? Or instead stay put and hang on to that invisible pillar, the one you can't see touch hear taste or feel, but the one you just know it's there?
Someone asked me the eternal question, why am I here on this earth? My answer was that I live for my future wife, my future children, my future and current family. I guess that's good enough for me. A life well spent if i accomplish this. I don't need elaborate theories why I'm here, I'm here, that what matters. All I know is I have one life that can be snuffed out anytime, I want to make the most of it.
Just feeling a bit pensive. So much has happened since the A's ended. I'm officially considered an adult, someone old enough to be trained to defend the country. Somehow I don't feel older, nor do I look older, as someone pointed out during my japan trip. I think it's because I'm kinda afraid of being an adult. Somehow that concept seems almost alien to me. It entails the fact that the only mail you'll receive are bills. But I still have to blaze this trail, which I have and never stopped doing for my 18 years.
Nick and I share the same sentiments. Change is not really something I embrace. But it, along with death and taxes, are a constant in life.
I'm just rambling here. I should learn to let go, accept some things just haven't been and will most likely not go my way for a considerable period of time. Like I said countless times today, I'll just go along doing stupid things before the hurt gets too unbearable and then I quit.
Life is good by the way :)
The time is slowly ticking away. Soon, the day will come to pass.
Actually I don't know why I am writing here. I used to think I write sense and people read my sense, but sometimes things happend that make no sense whatsoever and it just throws all conventional theories held dear by people who love their world to be nicely ordered out of the window.
And what happens when that day comes to pass? Does one feel lost, as the pillars of your existence come crashing down on you? Or does one look for the few pillars that haven't collapsed and hang on for dear life? Or move on and desperately look for another pillar? Or instead stay put and hang on to that invisible pillar, the one you can't see touch hear taste or feel, but the one you just know it's there?
Someone asked me the eternal question, why am I here on this earth? My answer was that I live for my future wife, my future children, my future and current family. I guess that's good enough for me. A life well spent if i accomplish this. I don't need elaborate theories why I'm here, I'm here, that what matters. All I know is I have one life that can be snuffed out anytime, I want to make the most of it.
Just feeling a bit pensive. So much has happened since the A's ended. I'm officially considered an adult, someone old enough to be trained to defend the country. Somehow I don't feel older, nor do I look older, as someone pointed out during my japan trip. I think it's because I'm kinda afraid of being an adult. Somehow that concept seems almost alien to me. It entails the fact that the only mail you'll receive are bills. But I still have to blaze this trail, which I have and never stopped doing for my 18 years.
Nick and I share the same sentiments. Change is not really something I embrace. But it, along with death and taxes, are a constant in life.
I'm just rambling here. I should learn to let go, accept some things just haven't been and will most likely not go my way for a considerable period of time. Like I said countless times today, I'll just go along doing stupid things before the hurt gets too unbearable and then I quit.
Life is good by the way :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004
Wind
Cultivate your hunger before you idealize.
Motivate your anger to make them all realize.
Climbing the mountain, never coming down.
Break into the contents, never falling down.
My knee is still shaking, like I was twelve,
Sneaking out of the classroom, by the back door.
A man railed at me twice though, but I didn't care.
Waiting is wasting for people like me.
Don't try to live so wise.
Don't cry 'cause you're so right.
Don't dry with fakes or fears,
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.
(Repeats)
You say, "Dreams are dreams.
"I ain't gonna play the fool anymore."
You say, "'Cause I still got my soul."
Take your time, baby, your blood needs slowing down.
Breach your soul to reach yourself before you gloom.
Reflection of fear makes shadows of nothing, shadows of nothing.
You still are blind, if you see a winding road,
'Cause there's always a straight way to the point you see.
Don't try to live so wise.
Don't cry 'cause you're so right.
Don't dry with fakes or fears,
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.
(Repeats)
Somehow I like the carefree nature of this song... Maybe because I see the meaning of it in my life...
Cultivate your hunger before you idealize.
Motivate your anger to make them all realize.
Climbing the mountain, never coming down.
Break into the contents, never falling down.
My knee is still shaking, like I was twelve,
Sneaking out of the classroom, by the back door.
A man railed at me twice though, but I didn't care.
Waiting is wasting for people like me.
Don't try to live so wise.
Don't cry 'cause you're so right.
Don't dry with fakes or fears,
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.
(Repeats)
You say, "Dreams are dreams.
"I ain't gonna play the fool anymore."
You say, "'Cause I still got my soul."
Take your time, baby, your blood needs slowing down.
Breach your soul to reach yourself before you gloom.
Reflection of fear makes shadows of nothing, shadows of nothing.
You still are blind, if you see a winding road,
'Cause there's always a straight way to the point you see.
Don't try to live so wise.
Don't cry 'cause you're so right.
Don't dry with fakes or fears,
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.
(Repeats)
Somehow I like the carefree nature of this song... Maybe because I see the meaning of it in my life...
Monday, December 20, 2004
The story so far
Well well, been neglecting this place badly. Sorry to all my loyal readers, few they are i know, life is good now so I find it hard to gather enough motivation to blog.
Just to sum up what has happened over the days, trip to japan was good, albeit not as laden as last year's trip. Retreated to sentosa for a day, shared a nice dinner with a friend, while idling away the rest of the time sleeping, reading the last juror, playing table tennis and engaging in desperate and ultimately futile attempts to get fit.
Guess slowly this place shall wind down. Once tekong consumes me his place shall only have the echoes of the past. I think it may be time for this place to serve its final function, which is to end. Let's see how things go first, and I'll decide whether it'll be the final curtain call for this place.
To all those who were posted to their respective JCs, good luck and have fun. Enjoy your JC life as it'll only last for a while.
Well well, been neglecting this place badly. Sorry to all my loyal readers, few they are i know, life is good now so I find it hard to gather enough motivation to blog.
Just to sum up what has happened over the days, trip to japan was good, albeit not as laden as last year's trip. Retreated to sentosa for a day, shared a nice dinner with a friend, while idling away the rest of the time sleeping, reading the last juror, playing table tennis and engaging in desperate and ultimately futile attempts to get fit.
Guess slowly this place shall wind down. Once tekong consumes me his place shall only have the echoes of the past. I think it may be time for this place to serve its final function, which is to end. Let's see how things go first, and I'll decide whether it'll be the final curtain call for this place.
To all those who were posted to their respective JCs, good luck and have fun. Enjoy your JC life as it'll only last for a while.
Monday, December 06, 2004
Leaving on a Jetplane
All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye.
But the dawn is breaking it's early morning
The taxi is waiting, he is blowing his horn
Already I'm so lonesome, I could cry
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you wait for me
Hold me like you never let me go
I'm leaving on a jetplane,
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe I hate to go
There is so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now they don't mean a thing.
Every place I go I think of you
Every song I sing I sing for you.
When I come back I wear your wedding-ring
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you wait for me
Hold me like you never let me go
I'm leaving on a jetplane,
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe I hate to go
Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Close your eyes, and I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
I wont have to leave alone, and I
wont have to say:
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you wait for meHold me like you never let me go
I'm leaving on a jetplane, I don't know when I'll be back again.
I'm leaving on a jetplane, I don't know when I'll be back again.
I'm leaving on a jetplane, I don't know when I'll be back again.
Oh babe I hate to go.
All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye.
But the dawn is breaking it's early morning
The taxi is waiting, he is blowing his horn
Already I'm so lonesome, I could cry
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you wait for me
Hold me like you never let me go
I'm leaving on a jetplane,
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe I hate to go
There is so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now they don't mean a thing.
Every place I go I think of you
Every song I sing I sing for you.
When I come back I wear your wedding-ring
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you wait for me
Hold me like you never let me go
I'm leaving on a jetplane,
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe I hate to go
Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Close your eyes, and I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
I wont have to leave alone, and I
wont have to say:
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you wait for meHold me like you never let me go
I'm leaving on a jetplane, I don't know when I'll be back again.
I'm leaving on a jetplane, I don't know when I'll be back again.
I'm leaving on a jetplane, I don't know when I'll be back again.
Oh babe I hate to go.
Tequila Sunrise
Well, it ended with a night of much glitz and glamour.
Still a bit sleep deprived, so I may or may not post a blow-by-blow account of what happened, but it is suffice to say I had a good time. Above average food, ok entertainment and great company. Everyone looked so different that I had a hard time recognising a few people.
Took like 97 photos, but shall refrain from posting them here as most of them have me looking like I just botoxed my mouth, and also people can't start funny stories.
The end of A levels so far has been a fun time, what with hiking in the greener areas of mainland Singapore for GTC, spending time with good friends and like playing table tennis with my siblings. AS the pre-Japan trip phase comes to a close, must work towards my post-japan goals now.
And yah, people I'll be gone from 6-13 as I'll be in Japan. Not bringing my phone so you can forget about contacting me.
Till I come back, bye.
Well, it ended with a night of much glitz and glamour.
Still a bit sleep deprived, so I may or may not post a blow-by-blow account of what happened, but it is suffice to say I had a good time. Above average food, ok entertainment and great company. Everyone looked so different that I had a hard time recognising a few people.
Took like 97 photos, but shall refrain from posting them here as most of them have me looking like I just botoxed my mouth, and also people can't start funny stories.
The end of A levels so far has been a fun time, what with hiking in the greener areas of mainland Singapore for GTC, spending time with good friends and like playing table tennis with my siblings. AS the pre-Japan trip phase comes to a close, must work towards my post-japan goals now.
And yah, people I'll be gone from 6-13 as I'll be in Japan. Not bringing my phone so you can forget about contacting me.
Till I come back, bye.
Saturday, December 04, 2004
True
I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me
You might think I don't look
But deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you
mmmm
I'm weak, it's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster
[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
I'ts time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
You don't know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak, it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?
[Chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true
[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me
You might think I don't look
But deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you
mmmm
I'm weak, it's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster
[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
I'ts time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
You don't know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak, it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?
[Chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true
[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Sunday, November 28, 2004
Incomparable
Wow, what a blast! Came out the concert hall with my ears ringing. Ok so he can't dance to save his life but he can really sing and connect with the adudience. 26 songs in total, most of them my favourites, like jie kou ,an jing, kai bu liao kou and qing tian. Yeah Jay Chou really entertained me last night. No nonsense banter, just song after song. The only elaborate set up was the starting part where he was on the top being lowered down singing yi fu zi ming, then zhi zhan zi shang. But the best parts was when he did the slow songs, the whole stadium would sing along to him and wave their lightsticks in unison.
(Note to self. Next time a big star comes along go sell some lightsticks at an inflated price. That was what one guy was doing and he was doing brisk business.)
I think the finale was quite nice, jay playing the drums while wen lan and nan quan ma ma sang bai se lie heng. Plus him playing his pink piano while singing qing tian and an jing. And i also realise how action he is, but I guess he has earned that right.
That long fringe covering his eyes, the devil may care attitude, reminds me of a certain Singapore Idol contestant. If he wins, he better thank Jay. But i'll settle for the real thing anytime.
Now, excuse me as I attend to a slight matter called econs s....
Wow, what a blast! Came out the concert hall with my ears ringing. Ok so he can't dance to save his life but he can really sing and connect with the adudience. 26 songs in total, most of them my favourites, like jie kou ,an jing, kai bu liao kou and qing tian. Yeah Jay Chou really entertained me last night. No nonsense banter, just song after song. The only elaborate set up was the starting part where he was on the top being lowered down singing yi fu zi ming, then zhi zhan zi shang. But the best parts was when he did the slow songs, the whole stadium would sing along to him and wave their lightsticks in unison.
(Note to self. Next time a big star comes along go sell some lightsticks at an inflated price. That was what one guy was doing and he was doing brisk business.)
I think the finale was quite nice, jay playing the drums while wen lan and nan quan ma ma sang bai se lie heng. Plus him playing his pink piano while singing qing tian and an jing. And i also realise how action he is, but I guess he has earned that right.
That long fringe covering his eyes, the devil may care attitude, reminds me of a certain Singapore Idol contestant. If he wins, he better thank Jay. But i'll settle for the real thing anytime.
Now, excuse me as I attend to a slight matter called econs s....
Friday, November 26, 2004
This is their world now
It has to be some form of amusement to the powers that shape our lives that I'm down with the flu after my exams. Bad comedy.
In any case, i flipped through the latest issue of outlook that came through the mail. In my groggy, clogged nose state, I deliriously looked for my name under the editorial section, then was mildly panicked when i saw the vice-editior's name wasn't mine, before realisation came back that I no longer have any association with RJC, much less outlook.
Flipping the pages filled with pictures from various activities, like inter-fac games and open house, memories of my own indian summer last year came back. It sure was fun then, the J2s of this year had smiles on their faces as they went about doing these fun activities. Now all we get is to be relegated to be solemn faces in the farewell assembly portion.
Well, this is their world now. As it was our world the same time last year. Enjoy it while it lasts.
P.S To all Guys TM, go look at the outlook issue 3, the latest one, page 8 bottom left hand corner. Can you say immortalised?
It has to be some form of amusement to the powers that shape our lives that I'm down with the flu after my exams. Bad comedy.
In any case, i flipped through the latest issue of outlook that came through the mail. In my groggy, clogged nose state, I deliriously looked for my name under the editorial section, then was mildly panicked when i saw the vice-editior's name wasn't mine, before realisation came back that I no longer have any association with RJC, much less outlook.
Flipping the pages filled with pictures from various activities, like inter-fac games and open house, memories of my own indian summer last year came back. It sure was fun then, the J2s of this year had smiles on their faces as they went about doing these fun activities. Now all we get is to be relegated to be solemn faces in the farewell assembly portion.
Well, this is their world now. As it was our world the same time last year. Enjoy it while it lasts.
P.S To all Guys TM, go look at the outlook issue 3, the latest one, page 8 bottom left hand corner. Can you say immortalised?
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