Idiots

People who misplace their passport and hence cause their group to miss their train should be shot to prevent their stupidity genes from being passed on to the next generation.
ARGH!

There will be blood

Whoever coined the phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder" was irritatingly and insufferably right.
And coursework isn't helping things one bit.

Pacta Sunt Servanda

Latin for "agreements must be kept". Coursework madness. Seems like everyone is stressing out over it today, but I haven't really started writing, been doing things that I feel are more important instead.
It's going to be a trying week emotionally, but I'm sure I'll get through it. Besides, once Sat rolls on I'll be chilling with the fencers in USA.
It's the end of a very interesting first year. Uni has really brightened up my life. And I have found someone that I care for greatly.
Still have a lot of things to work on, like my inability to mug hard, and my lack of real things to add to my CV, and my general attendance and work with regards to law school. But as usual, I have faith in myself, and with the encouragement and support of those who care about me, I believe I can scale greater heights.

Reassurance

I'm much better now. The strains that were affecting me during the last post have now subsided a bit. But still have strains like coursework, eu essay and other what nots to deal with. But at least I'm in a better stead to deal with it.
Wanting to have your cake and eat it is impossible, something I realised recently. Strange, I always thought I knew that already.

Frustrated contract

I feel tired.
I really feel tired.
It's a thurday night of a very trying week, and I have not prepared for tomorrow's criminal tutorial. During the week I went for things I did not want to go for, do things I did not want to do, basically had my will subjugated on several occasions, all in the name of duty. Can't be a good thing for my well being.
Just can't wait for term to end. I feel like I'm as usual, dragging myself over the finishing line yet again. Can never seem to finish off strongly.
So many things bugging me, things like people going back to Singapore rubbing it in my face, doing things I don't want to do, wanting my way yet being too considerate and nice to insist on it.
I'll be fine after a bit of sleep and rest, I know.
I just hope I don't blow up at anyone though.

Ice cream

Less than a month to the Easter holidays.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so practical.

Flowers

It's a great feeling to make people important to you happy.

Flag Fighters

Graham Aker is the coolest pilot in Gundam 00. Love him even more now after he used his cool black custom Flag to take on the Throne Eins and sliced its right hand off, and grabbing his beam saber as well in the process. Badass.
Writing this on a strangely boring sunday. Revision has been stop start, and my laptop gave way like 7 times already. Hoping it'll last to the end of the entry. Everyone seems to be out of hall tonight, strangely enough. I think some of them are at the SUKA dinner which I did not go for I guess.
Spent 2 days odd freezing my butt off in Oxford. Went over on friday afternoon and bunked with Andrew along with YQ, and we managed to meet up with Gladys and Crystal. We ate good food throughout the 2 days, and i had this weird craving for the very artery clogging lifespan shortening kebabs sold from vans along the streets. We woke up at 11 on sat, went about to sightsee, ended up covering christ church, st johns' and 3 museums. Managed to get back in time to watch the 4th goal as Man Utd thumped arsenal 4-0. Woohoo!
Tried to con the bus driver to let me go back on sat night when my ticket was for sun morning, but he had none of it. Thus YQ went back first as he bought a sat night ticket and I being a cheapsakte bought a cheaper sun morning ticket. Andrew's room, although big, was darn cold and the first night as I slept on the sofa without any cover I slept fitfully. I ended up sleeping wearing my outer jacket socks and gloves!
Returned to London via the morning bus, only to be greeted with -3 degrees London weather! Weather is taking a turn for the worse now, which isn't a very nice thing.
Spent a very hectic reading week prior to the trip, what with rushing essays and cooking for various people. I had 3 satisfied consumers of my cooking, and glad to say no diarhorrea reports. I must admit I'm still a one trick pony, so hoping to improve on my standards from now on! Hopefully can experiment a bit more with regards to cooking in the days to come.
And I am now a proud owner of a new blue scarf, which was intended to strangle me with if I decide to be an idiot! Well I won't give you a reason to strangle me with it!
Now is really the time to show colour. It's frightening to think that, there's only 5 more weeks of lectures before revision kicks in. And soon the 1st year of university will be over. The clock has to be fought, and I will do my best to do so.

Dionysian Decadence

Change of template was neccessitated by the fact the formating went a bit haywire for some unknown reason.
Reading week now, saddled with 4 essays and a lot of revision to be done. At least am going to oxford this weekend to meet up with a few people and check out the place.
Sunday was the HC CNY carnival, but was feeling lousy for my stomach was always threatening to make me merlion (note to self: alcohol+ ben & jerry's= bad idea) and the bumpy bus ride to imperial college via oxford st was making it worse. It was quite fun though, albeit the stalls were limited. Ate the free yu sheng but failed to win the ipod in the lucky draw.
Monday had a CNY dinner for 5 pounds which was really not filling, and just came back from dinner with W. Not good for the wallet.
As Nick often says, more people read my blog than I know, and I recently found out my hallmate YW reads my blog haha. Say hi on the tagboard please. Good thing I never badmouth people on my blog or I have a whole bunch of secret enemies.
There seems to be a lot to think about or muse about, but I like to believe that whatever that wants to happen will happen.
I wrote the below entry a year back, but never posted it. Since the tyranny of 14th Feb is going to be upon us soon again, I shall let it see the light of day.

The tyranny of 14th Feb is upon us

Brothers in arms, the beast returns again. It descends upon us with its fangs bared, ready to tear our wallets or hearts to shreds. We must rally to counter this threat! Gather all your chocolates, flowers and sweet nothings to help repel the beast!
But in all seriousness, 14th Feb is my brother's birthday, so I reckon I'll be at home celebrating his birthday instead of joining the lovey-dovey crowds out there. I can then drown myself in my self pity by playing soppy love songs and sighing. Right.
I remember spending v day in J1 with Mog, Nick and Mew watching Catch Me If You Can, J2 in school talking cock with the guys, having to book in the day before in 2005, on duty while the others who have girlfriends take off in 2006.
Actually I feel like writing a lot of stuff here, but it doesn't really seem to want to come out in words. It's more like a collage of feelings and emotions, each of them so subtle and nebulous, fleeing away once I try to put them down in writing. But yeah, I won't be moping around come 14th Feb. I guess what I'm feeling now is just the usual backlash of emotions I get when I don't sleep enough and start imagining things in the middle of the night.

Let's just say I don't echo these sentiments anymore this year.

Festive wet blanket

Ok I'm super sleep deprived, after sleeping at 4am the previous night, I should just lie on the bed and conk out, but I'm now waiting for my hair to dry (shit I sound like a girl) for it gets very uncomfortable if I sleep with wet hair. Thus, am here trying pen down some coherent thoughts.
CNY was ok I guess, somehow I didn't really want to get into the festive mood as there was a load of work undone on my part, but nevertheless the potluck dinner we had on wed night was fun, the subsequent late night wasn't, but yeah it brought a little cheer to my life. There really isn't any mood to celebrate when you have a lot of work and doing so makes you lose your momentum. Thankfully, next week is reading week, but there's the shadow of 4 essays to be done over me, so there's a lot of work to be put in as well.
Well, we're reaching the business end of the season soon, where trophies are won or lost, and exam results are achieved. Work is sometimes a real blur to me, and I get very frustrated sometimes that I am now exerting enough control over the direction of my life. But I have confidence in my abilities, and that people are counting on me and believing in me, this is the time to come to the fore.
It's already almost 5 months in London already! Time really flies. It's about 3 months to my final exams then it's back to sunny Singapore for summer. Like I tell my friends, I feel like I'm fighting the clock to see and do more before it's too late. To do so, I must manage my time better. As someone once told me, there is no such thing as not enough time, it just means you're not managing your time properly. And that is what I have to do.
Ok I think my hair is dry already and I really cannot take it anymore. And I profess to blog more.

Judicial review

Went to Chester over the weekend for a homestay with a British family, who were extremely nice and I had a wonderful time as a result. Really became like a part of their family, and made me miss my own family as well. For all their bantering and bickering reminded me that my family would do the same as well during our weekend dinners. Went to the Chester Zoo, had a nice time there, and spent a great day in the Welsh countryside and along the river. Also went along for a birthday party where I danced like a weirdo.
What I felt weird was that despite the fact that I was the only Asian in perhaps the whole town, I didn't feel out of place at all. The people in Chester were very happy and whatever apprehensions I had were gone very quickly.
Many people, when they found out about my trip there, had different reactions. A coursemate wondered why I always seem to be zooming off to some place or doing something else and she said she envied me. I wonder what's there to envy about really. This kind of lifestyle is only enviable if you actually do a good job at balancing your play and studies. I doubt that going off from fri to mon skipping 1 very good tutorial as a result and not doing any work over the weekend as having a good balance.
My host said I was very brave to actually come up to Chester, which was a 4 hour bus ride and stay with strangers. She added with a chuckle, "you know what they say, don't talk to strangers, come and stay with them!" But yeah, I don't really think this is a very brave thing to do. Maybe brave is the wrong adjective to use. But I do think that it was not something that was really very out of my comfort zone, I got the contact of the family from an outside organisation, I have had experiences taking buses in UK (albeit this time was the first time I took megabus, which really lived up to its price tag. Going there the bus was delayed for 20 mins thanks to a joker who went AWOL at the pit stop, and returning I felt very carsick due to the cranked up heater.) so really there's nothing too hard or brave about it.
I think sometimes I don't give myself much credit, and that I tie how I feel to what I do too much. I think that the stuff I have accompolished was too easy, hence there isn't much to congratulate myself over, and the stuff that I don't accompolish I think that I have failed myself. In short, I'm quite harsh on myself at times, which kind of drives me to work harder and not slack so much.
Been frustrated by a lot of stuff ever since I came back. I really wanted to write off this week and start again from the weekend, but somehow I managed to labour through it so far and still alive. The stuff we're learning is getting heavier and heavier, and the need to revise is even more important now. And as the end of the 1st year looms, I have to worry about stuff like my easter plans, summer plans, internship, various commitments like to the MSS etc.
I got to stop this rot. I got to deal with all the $50 problems and not just deal with the simple 5 cent 10 cent stuff. And I will.

Trinity Thrones

The Throne Gundams have made their appearance in Gundam 00! Time for the plot to heat up haha..
Ok on to more mundane stuff. Back to the swing of things in school, bummed my mid sessionals so am spurred to work harder now. Actually finished most of my tutorials, that's why I can blog on a thursday night and not have to rush my criminal seminar.
Am feeling a bit frustrated. Even though all the short term things in my life are more or less still going along fine, it's the long term stuff that is getting me irritated. Stuff like housing for next academic year, planning for the reading week/easter/summer trips, internship during summer back in Singapore, wanting to plan for other miscellaneous weekend trips, all the while balancing my obligations to the various organisations and people around me. Will work it out somehow.
Went trekking in Surrey again with Nick and others, this time I wore combat boots which was great as the ground was very muddy. I reckoned we covered at least 15km. Sadly throughout the trip I was so tired that I just zombie walked through the last parts of it, not talking at all and thus did not really enjoy it. Totally conked out on the train back. Still it was fun, zihao navigated expertly throughout and thanks to ms tan i remembered an old song! A donkey accosted me, we buried clementine peel in the muddy ground, walked through the mist on the hill and fast marched back to the town to get there before it got dark. My feet ended up hurting like hell, must be because haven't wore boots for so long and I only wore 1 pair of not so thick socks.
Barney came to London, and he slept on the floor of my room for 1 night. Was supposed to sleep with me on the bed thanks to mr CCM's suggestion, but thankfully that didn't materialise.
Watched LOTR the musical yesterday. Was good, but couldn't help comparing it to the movie. Anyway, for the amount we paid (10 pounds for front row seats), it was a good deal. Was laughing when the "Orcs" came to scare people sitting along the aisles (ie me) and even qiang-ge ducked instinctively when the shelob prop shot out confetti.
Been searching for old songs a lot nowadays. Somehow old songs just are nicer on the ear. I guess it's because when I listen to such songs I remember feelings or images associated with them. Like if I hear some opening themes of really old SBC channel 8 dramas, I'm reminded of my childhood and these songs were the songs you hummed/sang along to in primary school. Perhaps it's those associations that cause them to make you like the songs more.
Still need to strike that balance.
As a last word, I like to say I like my new mug. :)

Fossil

Now I understand that, knowing that someone likes you for who you are is probably the best feeling one can feel.

Boulevard of Broken Umbrellas

I haven't really been blogging here at all, can't seem to get the motivation to do so. But I think I should, otherwise they'll no record of what I have been doing.
School restarted last week, and I had my mid sessional exams which I bombed big time. Handed up a one page criminal law essay. Not that I didn't expect it, as I took a very unbothered attitude to the papers. At the end of the week, we went for a nice dinner at four seasons Chinatown and went back to alec's and bernice's place for a spot of mahjong and revelry. They even did an impromptu birthday celebration, which I named the cupcake conspiracy.
The next day went to Bath. Got up real early again (0500h) to take a 0630 train from Paddington to Bath. Spent a nice day there, it was nice and sunny although a bit cold and windy (the best type of weather you can get now I guess), the baths were interesting and we went before the tourists came en masse, drank a glass of bath water there, tasted like public swimming pool water after someone had peed into it, checked the quaint town and the very brown river. Also visited twerton park, which is only of interest to Fabian. Also had a nice afternoon tea at the Sally Lunn's house, and of course the company was very good as well. And the good day became even better when I came back and read that Man Utd had thumped hapless newcastle 6-0, giving me 6 early birthday presents.
At 0000 on Monday morning, my room was invaded by my hallmates with a cake without candles (they couldn't find a lighter haha) and they sang happy birthday at my door which prompted a complaint about the noise level. And that was how I spent my 22nd birthday. I received a XL boys Man Utd jersey as a present.
And I am now 22 years old. Frankly, it sounds scary. 21 was when you became a fully fledged adult, but 22 just feels like you have really stepped into the real adult world, no longer having the carte blanche to play anymore. Plus I'm surrounded with many people who are much younger than me, so perhaps I feel it more. Like adrian said, soon we'll be making every effort to forget our birthdays. And another friend said, you grow older before you grow any more mature. Which is kind of true.
Spent my birthday going to school, lessons proper this time, before having a nice dinner and having a barcardi breezer (4% only) as I wanted to feel "young" by drinking an alcoholic beverage that only 17 year old kids starting to discover alcohol would drink.
This term will be yet another crazy one, and I haven't really figured out my easter or summer plans. Must settle these quickly.
Thanks to all those who wished me happy birthday! Of all the presents I got, I like the one I got one month ago the best!

Back for good

As of now, I'm still waiting.
Am still unable to function like a human being.
Am having this strange twisty feeling in my gut in anticipation.
Am unable to do anything meaningful.
Just come back soon.
This is killing me.

From this day on

It's been an eventful december.
Many significant things have happened in my life. I went on a pilgrimage to visit Old Trafford, I went on a great holiday to Spain, I spent Christmas away from home for the first time.
There are a lot of stuff that can be said from those events, but I'll just let the photographs be the memories for once, too much to catalogue.
2007 has been an eventful year for me. It started in Singapore and ended in London. I had a 21st birthday party, where I had the company of many of my friends, I watched football in the National Stadium, I went Hong Kong with the fencers, I went out a lot, I worked with HATC, I did relief teaching in RI, I attended many 21st birthday parties, I drove a lot, I watched Manchester United win the title, and when I came to London, I did a whole lot of other stuff that is too long to write about.
Taking stock, I think as a person I have found my internal balance. There is the odd bad day here and there, but I think as a whole I am at terms with myself. I work along my strengths, and try to overcome my shortcomings. To survive on my own in London, I had to take the step up in terms of responsibility, and move out of my comfort zone. As I mentioned to my parents, it didn't seem hard at all to adjust, even though it was for the first time I had to do laundry for myself (I remember wondering how to figure out the washing machine) and having to settle meals for myself.
I have also found that I can deal with people easier now. Thanks to my job I guess. I still come across as the elder statesman (my hallmates call me "lao de" on account of my early birthday date) but it's a bad habit to dispense sagely advice.
Am turning 22 is less than 3 weeks. It's a bit harrowing, for 21 was such a nice year that I don't really want it to end. Yet it feels like that I have finally arrived with regards to adulthood, and with it all the unpleasant responsibilities.
The lack of posts is testament that the internal conflict in me has been resolved somewhat. Perhaps one day I'll trawl through the posts from way back in 2003 to see the evolution of me. I guess I'll still sporadically update, this place holds too much significance for me to close it down.
In closing, here are just some of my wishes for 2008. For the family and friends back home in sunny Singapore or overseas to enjoy good health and success, for me to work hard for my degree, for me to continue improving as a person, for friends here in London to cherish friendships, and finally, for me to be a better man.

We were soldiers

Ok this must be the longest I have been away from blogging ever. Been darn busy, what with work and play, and also never found the motivation to blog about an eventful november. But here is the concise version of events.
The month of november had nick's birthday, which he celebrated party style in the common room of our hall, then went up to nottingham for the notts games, played football for UCL as their lone (loan) signing. Was freezing up there due to the crazy winds, played football with gloves for the first time. Met up with many of the 86 friends there as well. The next weekend I was the facilitator for the temasek forum, held at my school. Facilitated a session, which was good apart from the fact that I felt we spent too much time debating about 377A. On the same day England failed to qualify for Euro 2008, I was in a DBS talk listening to the CEO, but the main draw was the free food after that. Went up to Cambridge to visit my fencing captain with yq, we didn't get on the first bus as it was full, when we finally got there we walked around and admired the quaintness of the place, but it was cold as well due to the winds again. Somehow we ended up meeting all the former SO2 people, and had dinner together. This weekend, had dinner with my uncle and auntie and 3 other cousins at their place. Enjoyed the home cooked food goodness, and got driven back to hall from canary wharf by cousin in his 2 man convertible. Cool.
I guess this is the time to take stock of all that has happened so far. It's been a blast so far, but I think I need to study harder and make good use of the time during the weekdays so that I can play all I want on the weekends. But everything that has happened so far has convinced me that I've made the right decision to come here.
We were soldiers. Indeed.

Never let them see you bleed

It's 47 mins past midnight on a friday morning, my criminal law tutorial is by my side, half done, the readings for it I haven't read; other random stuff thrown around my room, a file here, a shirt there, Jay chou's new song "the longest movie" playing from my laptop, this is the scene for the night, another night where I can't articulate what I want to say. More likely, the feeling is so absurd that no words can describe it. And thus I'm here again, same scene, just that in a different country, with a tonne of work waiting for me but I decide to blog instead.
Can I still feel anymore, I wonder. It feels like I have locked up my heart and thrown away the key ages ago, so much so that the heart cannot feel anymore.
And I wonder if I oversimplify things. Sure it is way easier to deal with things when you can make them simpler, but that isn't the best way to approach things though.
But yeah, these issues, they are pointless to ponder for now. Things will fall into place, I believe that.
Besides, life is too exciting. Just came back from Brighton, where the seaside was marvellous. And with trips to nottingham, cambridge, glasgow and spain coming up, and a whole lot of other activities coming up, things will sure be looking up and up for me. So let's just set aside these worries that we can't deal with for now, and safeguard your own interests by being happy.
And of course, above all, never let them see you bleed.

He speaks the truth!

{ZY} says:
but yah i think to get attached now is the best timing
friend says:
why?
{ZY} says:
ur still young enough to enjoy it
{ZY} says:
but yet mature enough to cherish it

Deceptively Dark Designs

The days are getting shorter here. Daylight saving has come and past, now there's a 8 hour difference from good old Singapore.
It's reading week now, but I haven't been doing much reading to be honest.
But I did stay in today and did case notes for contract law, but it was interrupted by watching anime on crunchyroll (Gundam 00 rocks) and doing some other random stuff.
Had homemade laksa in a coursemate's home, cooked by her mother. It was one of the best meals I had. Explored her home, which was great, it had a great view of the river from the many balconies. Braved the cold winds to take photos.
Saturday went to Borough market and enjoyed a delicious venison burger. Walked around the area checking out the foodstuff, wondered what is black cabbage and other vegetables I have never seen before. Almost got blown off tower bridge, for the winds were so strong.
Went to a part of Surrey, the southern part of England with ZH and Nick on Sunday. Was woken up at 0640 by a call by nick, who said, "Hey ZY we're going to Surrey today. It's now 0640, you have until 0715 to get ready and we'll meet downstairs." I mumbled an acknowledgement, before putting the phone down and went back to bed. After lying there for about 20 mins, I got up again and called nick. I said, "Eh Nick I wasn't dreaming right? We're going to Surrey right?" He replied, "Yes and you have 15 mins left to get ready."
We took the tube to Victoria station to change to national rail. The train there was practically empty, as it was a Sunday, and the station we got off was just as bad. It was just a building along the track only. We set off to the town, where we went to the local shops to check the maps there (we didn't even bring a map of the area with us) and stock up on food at the sainsbury's there. We headed off, but horlaned immediately. Fortunately, for this trip every intersection there were always helpful people jogging, walking their dogs or just strolling around to direct us to the right path. And they were always amazed when we tell them that we walked all the way from the train station.
We went out of the town to reach the outskirts of the nature reserve we wanted to see. So next was just cow, sheep, horse, grass, mud, tree, rain, field etc. We managed to get a great view of the next town we were supposed to go to on top of a hill, before we ventured down the wood which had 100 year old trees to the town.
At the town, we had our lunch in the train station. And that was the only time I felt really cold. It was raining throughout the trip, my jacket was soaked and my shoes and the lower parts of my jeans were muddy and wet. But as we were walking at a very brisk pace, I only felt really cold when we sat down to have lunch.
After lunch we decided to head back, but we wanted to check out the town first before we left. We headed to the main hotel, and saw that there was a hill behind it. Thus, we went for it. After much panting, we got to the top and enjoyed the great view. Nick placed a groundsheet and we laid there for a while as we waited for the next train to arrive.
It was a wet, muddy, cold, tiring but fun time. It's nice to have friends who decide to do this on the last minute to just disappear on a cold and rainy sunday morning.
To go along with the colder weather, I've been buying warm clothing, including a jacket for11-12 year olds from H&M's children's section. The shopping is nice here, but need to watch the expenses.
It's been a mind-boggling 7 weeks here in London. It doesn't feel that short at all, it feels like I have been here for quite some time already. In my time here, I've been vindicated many times to come to London. I got the fresh start I wanted. But there are many more areas I need to look into.
Some people said I don't smile enough! They made this point after seeing my surrey photos, they said they have never seen me smile so happily before. And it's quite a few people who say that. I wonder, because I think I laugh and smile a lot, but sometimes I just withdraw and drift off as well. Sometimes it's because I'm tired, or it's in the mornings my brain is still booting up so I really don't want to talk at all. But yeah definitely something to improve. But I smiled as I did in those Surrey photos because I was genuinely happy, and that to me is all the more reason to smile as I did.
I think I rather get to know people better than get to know new people. I think I prefer to get to know someone privately rather than in a group situation. This is what I learnt about myself when I think back of my behaviour.
The full force of the coursework is bearing on me now. Yet I'm still going out to play or explore. I guess I believe that my legal studies is part of my life, and isn't my life. I would want to learn from the school of life more.
Lately I have been entertaining more and more thoughts of just heading off somewhere by myself, with no destination in mind. Long walks help me clear my mind, and walking is a very desirable activity here in London for the weather is cool.
And again there's this bundle of feelings I'm experiencing but I don't know how to articulate them at all, so I'll just leave it at that. Besides, I know I'll be fine after a while.
Final thought, I told a friend that the girl of my dreams must be someone with contradictions. In other words, one who is strong yet weak at the same time, brave yet timid, talkative yet contemplative, and so on. It sounds like I would fall for a schizophrenic, but it just means I want someone to walk this knife edge with me. But in short, there is practically no one who would fulfill this criteria so I just I can shelve this issue aside for the time being. On this note, congrats Jim! Mission accomplished with 2 months to spare. Respect haha.
Ok 4 tutorials, 1 essay and a massive tonne of readings await me. Wish I could make the work just all go away, but that's taking rejection of reality a bit too far.