Keeping the faith
Recently I read an article about people converting from Taoism to Christianity and one of the reasons they cited was that Taoism placed emphasis on respecting parents, wealth and other worldly pursuits, which they found very shallow and unfufilling. I'm not here to debate this point about religions, but I just want to talk about this point.
I think, the main point is that people rather place their faith in things that are rather intangible than earthly people. I can understand why. You place your faith in people, and invariably, like it or not, they will let you down, despite their best efforts. When you were growing up, you thought the world of your parents, thought they knew everything and anything, and were in awe of them. But as you grow up, you realise that they don't know everything, they are as flawed as any human being in this world. And then you decide not to follow their advice anymore, for you think that they don't know any better. And what if your parents did not fufil their duties very well, the case for respecting them and placing your faith in them is further weakened.
Friends may stab you in the back faster than you can think about it. Friends you know from young can drift apart over an argument, or just merely distance.
Your lover may get so fed up with you, until the point she'll leave you. There can be only so much love can take, until it warps into hate, then the scariest emotion of them all. Indifference.
We human beings are evil. We are irredeemable, disgusting creatures that love ourselves only. Even those people whom you thought were heroes and are worth placing your faith on, sooner or later someone will tear down their facade and expose their ugly side, and the worst part is people do that to feel better about themselves, to let that guy know, hey you ain't any special, you're just like us, selfish creatures who can't give a damn about other people. People cheat, lie, hate, plot, harass, procrastinate, act in manners that are so despicable, and the worst part is, they know the consequences of their actions, and yet they still go ahead to do it.
A world like this, you wonder why one has the will to wake up everyday to strive on.
This world has charities misspending donations, friends betraying each other, people fighting over inheritances, brother against brother, where Russia invades Georgia on the day of the Olympics where people dismiss as a lightshow for the masses, just like the 43rd birthday of our Home Inc.
And yet.
And yet I wake up everyday to strive on.
It is not some misplaced optimisim that the world will change itself overnight, or that things will be alright, or that someone, somewhere, untainted from all this cyncism will rise up and salvage humanity.
Rather, I believe it is more likely we will drown in our own hate and bile.
I strive on because, even though my family is flawed, my friends are flawed, my life is flawed, there are moments out there, fleeting yes, but are there for me to grasp and enjoy.
I strive one because I know that, despite being a flawed individual predisposed to evil, I can fight the internal evil by forcing it under, by fighting that never ending struggle, all because of a simple reason.
I love my flawed family, my flawed friends, my flawed lover.
Love does not conquer everything. Love does not resurrect the dead, heal the deepest of wounds, nor can it be the panacea to the world.
Love is frankly a useless and pointless emotion, designed to make one trudge on in life. The ultimate opiate for the masses, the joke of the gods who play it amongst us mortals.
And yet.
And yet I decide to love. To love is to hate at the same time, for it is passion.
We are all disgusting wastes of protoplasms to begin with already. I don't have great aspirations, I just want to love those who are important to me, despite them being flawed in the most hopeless and incorrigble of ways. For I am flawed as well, and I as a person do not deserve any faith placed on me, for it'll just invariably bring about pain and suffering to those who decide to rely on me.
I have known happiness, pain, friendship, love, grief, loss, and many other emotions. I know enough that this lousy world I live in will never change.
But that will not stop me from placing my faith in people flawed as they may be, infallible gods they are not.
Why? Maybe I'm a born masochist. But I like to believe that, there is some good in all our evil selves, and that maybe if I showered them with a bit of love, that useless and pointless emotion, perhaps in my nice corner of my life I can make the world a bit better for them.
I am evil. I don't deserve good stuff happening to me. So I rather make the people important to me happy.
I guess, I'm just an evil person loving you with all he has.
