Tuesday, July 31, 2007

15 years

It's nice to know that someone would spend 2 hours emo-ing with me in a McDonalds in the middle of Little India.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Random nonsense

One thing that never fails to make me laugh is Mogilan's tale about how his CSM taught him to do guard duty. When challenging a person who may be a threat, his CSM told him that he has to be very firm and dominant to ensure the person listens to you. So instead of the conventional "Halt! Halt!" he told him to shout "Down, motherf***** down!" Apparently the foreign construction workers don't understand the former too well.
Lost

Ok, had another bizarre dream last night as I dreamt that I lost my Mum's Birkin bag (she doesn't own one at all) The Birkin must have came from yesterday's papers as it was featured in their boomtown singapore article. Felt extremely scared and lousy as I frantically searched around a store (the place I lost it in) for the bag.
To dream that you lose something may mean that you really have misplaced something that you had not realized yet. It may also be a signal for you to clean out and reorganize your life. You have become overwhelmed and distracted with the hustle and bustle of day-to-day life.
On a symbolic note, losing things in your dream may signify lost opportunities, past relationships or forgotten aspects of yourself. Your personal associations to the thing you lose will clue you into the emotional meaning and interpretation of your dream.

(Credit dreammoods.com)
I guess there is some element of truth there, as my life is a bit cluttered of sorts, have to organise it better for the remaining days I have left in Singapore. So many things I want to do. Let's hope it doesn't mean I've misplaced something that I haven't realised it though, that would suck.
Loser?

As I lay in bed, listening to the radio while closing my eyes to enjoy the feeling of nua-ing, I was reminded of the time when i was in BMT, when lights out would be 2230 for the SAF standard 7 hours of sleep to get up at 0530 for 5BX. Of course those with girlfriends would pretend to sleep and use their handphones at the same time talking to their girlfriends, thus they had to be alert if the Sergeants came into the bunk and checked if we were asleep or not.
Which led me to remember an article I read in the sunday times way back, about a father who wrote an article that when his son went to BMT, he made an effort to call home every night and the father was happy that his son who prior to enlistment would barely talk to him and his wife now spoke to him more often and openly. The father was very happy, and told 2 friends about it. The first one, an older woman, said that she's glad that father and son are communicating better. However, the second person, a young lady, had this to say, which was, "What a loser. He probably has no girlfriend."
How untrue, yet grating nonetheless.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Cold

Ok I know I said the weather provided me with an opportunity to try out wearing 2 layers which is probably what i'll do in London, but it's getting ridiculous. The cold enveloped my room like a blanket, so much so that touching my bolster is quite like touching a popsicle. I didn't even turn on my fans and slept with the quilt covering my whole body.
Had paper wrapped chicken for dinner on Sat at the "farm" at ulu pandan, the place I've been going to since I was a small kid. The oily goodness of the food there must have caused my subsequent malaise later in the night, but it was so worth at that moment in time as I tucked into the food I had enjoyed ever since I was a small boy.
Spent the last night feeling feverish and lousy, it's only a measly 26 degrees and I was struck down by a bug already. Although more sleep, vitamin C pills and chicken essence eventually got rid of the lousy feeling by mid day, I think my weak constitution is due to lack of sleep and excess of alcohol. Some remedying is in order.
Rainy days are emo days, so says my brother.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Am doing my mysterious world weary loner thing

Ok first thing out of the way. Felicia Chin is so so so SO pretty with her hair down. She can be my captain anyday and I'll do whatever saikang she asks me to do with a big smile on my face.
I was just reminded of a colleague whom I talked to on the way back from an assignment that professed a great love for parallel lines. She said she arranges her books in a very orderly manner, her books need to be parallel to the edge of the desk and cannot accept any form of spontaneity or messiness. When I professed that my room is always in a state of organised chaos, she offered to clean up my room, which I declined with aplomb. Rooms with books arranged parallel to the edge of the desk is more showflat than a room with someone living in it.
Woke up at 0630 on wed to take 14 to east coast to go running with adrian, which we must applaud ourselves for actually going through with it. Went back to change and wash up before going back to RI. Just went around and looked at the place where we spent some of the best years of my life, I bought a Raffles polo shirt from RJ, to wear during the wintry nights in London.
Went out that night as well, and suffice to say thanks to my exertions on that day I felt achy and dehydrated the next day, as I woke up early to play mahjong. Lost a staggering $48 the first round, but recouped $3 and $28 the next 2 rounds.
Some random stuff to conclude. Fabian professed once that he sees Mew more times in a week than his girlfriend at times.
OG is the new word for anything incriminating
Jim is always busy with his OG
And the days are still dwindling down...

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Euphoric Champagne

It's been a crazy few days, especially Saturday which was literally just a blur of adrenaline filled on the spot problem solving, but now on this drizzling Sunday night, my head is still pounding, albeit not as bad as it was before, but when it's time to reflect on what transpired, these few events stick in my mind.
While tucking into "You-crazy-what??" at Botak Jones for Kenneth's birthday treat (which I must say is the best western I've eaten at such competitive prices) Nick reminded me of something very important, a value that I hold dear but would time to time forget.
"If you want to do something, either do it well or don't waste your time doing it half-heartedly."
Of course he wasn't as eloquent as that, but the jist was there. Which made a great impression on me and the task I was to do on Saturday.
Wearing that new suit, Saturday I was in my element, which is on the spot management, which I kind of relish. Was in charge of the shuttle bus service, which ran from wheelock place to shangri-la, I had to get people who weren't sure of the pick up from the other side of Borders to lead them to the proper spot. As I was hurriedly going to the other side, a woman stopped me.
"Excuse me, where can I get my advance booking of the Harry Potter book?"
Am just glad everything ran smoothly, except when it looked like it'll rain, but thankfully it was a short intense shower. And the hours ran quite fast. In the whirl of activity, the end came quickly and we perked up as we packed up to have a sumptuous and very expensive dinner, with champagne thrown in and lots of merriment.
Had to drag myself home, literally dragged as the adrenaline left my body, which made me feel like a sack of potatoes. Slept for weirdly enough, only 2 and a half hours before waking up inexplicably and wasn't able to get back to sleep at all. Finally, I resigned to fate, went downstairs to retrieve the Harry Potter book which my mum collected on my behalf, and read for 3 and a half hours before falling asleep at 5.
Spent the rest of today fighting fatigue and finishing the book. The last 200 pages were practically addictive. There was a sense of gloominess and helplessness throughout the story, and with 6 books of characters at her mercy to kill you are really left wondering who's next on the body count, which is staggering. As you turn the pages, you hunger with the desire to know what happens next, which is a feeling I rarely get nowadays. After reading 6 books, you just want to know what happens in the end at your own time.
With a major engagement out of the way, it's time to refocus my efforts on my departure. Somehow, after hanging out with the committee members, it made me more excited about going to London. Perhaps it was the champagne doing the thinking for me, or the post-event euphoria, but it sort of calmed my nerves and made me want more strongly than ever, to go out and seek my path in my own way, before returning to this island I will still call home.
After all, I paid for my citizenship with 2 years of my life.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Truth

I blurted out something as we lazed in the jacuzzi pool on a very gloomy Wednesday in Yishun Safra, as Fabian and I were talking about swimming laps and how Murugan was still swimming like a Duracell bunny while we were shagged already.
"Somehow all the things that are good for me I don't like."
"So, you mean to say that the girls you liked were bad for you?"
Hate to say it, but those words are so true.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

All that you can leave behind

It always starts with someone checking his handphone many times when you're out with the guys, withdrawing from the conversation for a while as he sends a reply, and not soon after he'll get another message and the cycle repeats itself. Then next comes the "Sorry guys I'm not free tomorrow you guys go ahead". Then the final confirmation would be something along the lines of "Hi guys I have a confession." With that, he'll then graduate to more interesting behaviour like disappearing upstairs during a mahjong game to "settle something" for 30 minutes while the other 3 players build pyramids out of the tiles.
I told a friend that as guys we'll never forget the first girl we fell really hard for. And also we agreed that you tend to think of the girl you really like when you're really down in the dumps, say like in BMT running through the jungles of tekong with camo cream and sweat on your face lugging that obstinate M-16 around, wearing that blasted no. 4 that Felicia Chin looks damn good in.
The time of departure is close. Am still busy with my commitments, especially so this week, but once all this is over, it's time to devote my time to getting my new life into order and saying a long and draggy goodbye to my old one.
I ate my grandmother's excellent fish head bee hoon for dinner the last 2 nights. The previous night I only intended to eat a smaller bowl as I still felt full, but in the end I ate 3 bowls worth and felt so full. Something that I'll definitely miss there.
I could repeat everything we said when Jim Nick and I, as Jim puts it, "went to the vivo seaside and emo-ed", but no point. It's to head out.
And for a crazy moment last week, I did something bad that could have destroyed a friendship, but thankfully it didn't. I'm just appalled by my lack of control, my sudden weakness, and hope that it doesn't happen again. Hence, never again.
There's still so much left to be done. Tomorrow is my last Japanese language class, can't believe I actually followed it through for about 6 months already. As I told Adrian, I managed to languidly read a passage without stopping to check my notes the other day. Was quite happy with myself.
Still want to visit parts of Singapore before I jet off. Be it the Birdpark or just simply Sembawang park, just to check out some places that are significant to me.
This post sounds extremely disjointed. Perhaps it's just my reluctance to dwell on feelings about my impending departure.
You're leaving, deal with it Zhao Yang.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Street Side Symphony


It's been a heady few days, so much so I haven't found any motivation to blog. And since it'll only get worse from now, might as well take stock of what has happened over the last few days.
Went Vivo with Nick and Jim where Jim made use of his birthday vouchers to drag me out. He also bought about 150 bucks worth of clothes without even batting an eyelid. He went to Zara and spied a $50 T-shirt, tried it on once, and then bought it, all under 10 minutes.
Sat facing the sea outside Vivo, looking at the construction site of the Sentosa IR. I took a photo with my phone of the site, with the intention of coming back in June next year to see what has changed.
While we sat there, a bunch of graduates in their gowns posed for pictures with the sea as a backdrop. I felt that that was quite poignant, seeing as they were at the end of their academic journey, while we're just going to restart it.
Had dinner with a ex schoolmate who passed me and BK her law notes. Read BK's notes which he koped from a senior and understood nothing. Oh well..
My friend had free tickets for Harry Potter, so I went along with her friend to watch it. Then about 1 hour before the movie, she told she had extra free tickets, so I called every one of the guys, but NONE of them could make it. In the end 3 tickets were wasted. As it was part of an event to promote Shaw Tower (the company that owns the place was the one who organised the movie screening), there was a structure with black cloth over it which served as a reception of sorts. There was free food, but wasn't really hungry and was busy calling the guys. There, to go along with the theme of magic, there were a few amateur magicians performing tricks, and one of them at the behest of my friend did tricks on me. However, let's just say his tricks were so obvious that he makes Fabian and Adrian look good.
The movie was ok, but wouldn't justify a $9.50 price tag if I had paid that much. Well, one can't argue too much since it was free.
Just to end off, penning down what you feel with a silver pen on black paper is fine, but I think I have tired of all this, let me find my own way.

Friday, July 13, 2007

No.
It should be,
"I must have done something right to have these friends."
Never again.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Maths

I just got reminded of a very amusing incident that happened a few weeks back when I went to a school for another assignment.
That day, I was the I/C, ie I was the most senior guy there thus had to ensure that all the saikang was done properly. One of which was to count the number of people who attended the workshop for billing purposes and write it down on the receipt for the teacher in charge to sign. I finished doing that, then I used my handphone's calculator function to total the number of students up. I got the number 327, but I didn't write it down first, as I wanted to be very sure, as any mistake would mean having to rewrite everything on a fresh sheet. Having had to do that a few times, I was keen to avoid making the same mistake. Thus I passed the sheet to a new colleague of mine, asking her to help me check the total, before shifting my attention to something else for a while.
I settled the minor matter, and turned my attention back to the receipt. I was shocked to see my new colleague just staring at the sheet for a while, before passing it back to me with a confident "Yup, it's 327.". I was a bit flabbergasted, as I wholly expected her to use her phone's calculator as well to tabulate, but didn't want to waste time by questioning her, so I just took the paper back and redid the calculations using my phone's calculator. Satisfied that the number was indeed 327, I hurried to get the teacher to sign it and thus finish my duties.
When all that was done and dusted, we sat down and started to talk amongst ourselves. I heard my new colleague tell another colleague that she's doing Maths in NUS, and then it hit me. Again, it was one of those mouth move faster than brain moments, I dumbly blurted out "Oh that's why you didn't use a calculator!"
Good thing she found the good humor in my boo boo.
And during our monthly meeting last mon, we were supposed to guess what were each other's hobbies when we were 15. For her, I said confidently, "Abacus."

Friday, July 06, 2007

Charge of the Light Brigade

By a quick rough calculation, I reckon I have spent $715 on comics since I started buying them 4 years ago, way back in J1. Hope they are worth way more decades down the road.
Was mightily relieved when my visa got cleared. Was fretting about it as I had to sign a form stating that I had not produced all the documents, when all I did was to give the guy who was attending to me (who, on hindsight, I feel was inexperienced in his job thus maybe he erred on the side of caution) alternative forms instead of the recommended ones. When I went to get my passport, I was given a A4 brown envelope sealed tight, felt like I was collecting my A level results again.
Tuesday's dinner was nice, as I managed to see many familiar faces again after so long. Andrew as usual provided most of the humor.
Watched the Girl who Leapt through Time today, and am quite happy to say I think I managed to understand about 50% of what was spoken without reading the subtitles. Granted the 50% consisted of mostly sentences which had a maximum of 6 terms in it, but improvement is improvement. Also am loving the 10% discount I get nowadays, the ticket only cost me $6.75.
Been a slow week of sorts, the anxiety has more or less gone away for a while, as my visa application went through well in the end.
My classmate in my Japanese class was speaking to me about her experience teaching NA students in a secondary school, she only started work this monday and she had so much to tell me already. And, all the things she said about her students, I have experienced or seen before in my job. As she spoke of students having tatoos, sneaking into clubs, not wanting to study etc, I felt a bit of world weariness come over me. I wonder if this will ever change, thanks to the efforts of the members of my company, but tit's hard to see past that when all one hears are stories of such.
But still, as long as we help one, that'd good enough for that one. And that one can affect another one, and hopefully those ones will make a many.
Hopeful, but for the sake of my future children, I really hope so.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Evidently you lack a childhood

I had someone ask me why is the sleek yellow sports car called Bumblebee.
Am I really that old?

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Perhaps i found the capacity to love again

Today, I got a piece of paper filled with nice stuff about me.
One of the things that was written about me was, "Though I didn't know you for a long time, I can sense and know how much love you have for the youths."
I didn't plan on staying for the whole meeting, but I'm glad I did. It reminded me on why I do what I've been doing for a while, but seemed to have lost the zest for it recently.
Although I find the word love a bit weird to use on in our jobs, but I think it's rather apt. We do need a big heart to do our jobs, to forgive the student's transgressions and to constantly want to reach out to them.
It's rather hard to explain, but for someone who can talk a lot of nonsense but would just be a mess when it comes to anything that has to do with emotions, it's just a weird feeling that makes me feel like I'm willing to go for my dreams again, to be the person I want to be. It's the same feeling akin to listening to a Corrine May song, pardon the bizarre comparison.
That capacity to love, perhaps has been exhausted and drained by a few unpleasant incidents, but I think it's back now.
To love is to be hurt and to be disappointed. But fearing hurt and disappointment shouldn't stop a person from loving. And although being loved is much easier, to love is probably more fulfilling.

"Your quiet nature doesn't hide the fact that you're a very reliable and focused person"
In these shoes

There was a boy who wanted badly a pair of shoes that he liked. It was a pair of branded white leather sneakers, limited edition, which would set him back by a cool $160 dollars. The boy badly wanted that pair of sneakers, so much so he wouldn't even entertain the thought of buying another pair of shoes. But the problem was, he had a measly $50 in his savings, and his parents were very unwilling to finance him.
The boy was normally a meek and quiet person, who in group situations would just go along with the flow and disliked to speak to strangers. But despite this, his desire to want that pair of shoes was so great, that he managed to summon up the courage to speak to the manager of the store to ask him to hold that pair of shoes for him until he had enough money to buy it.
The manager initially didn't want to do so, as it was a limited edition and he knew that there were many people who had the ability to buy it and it was a bestseller. But he was swayed by the boy's earnest pleas and decided to hold the shoes for 2 weeks, and asked the boy to have the money by then.
The boy, buoyed by his success at being able to persuade the manager, came up with a plan to raise the $110 difference. He next approached his uncle, who ran a shop, and asked for a loan. His uncle agreed, on the condition he would pay it off by tending to his shop for him. Although he loathed the idea of having to talk to strangers, he agreed as he badly wanted those shoes.
The boy took the money and bought the shoes. Everyday he tended to his uncle's shop from 7 to 10 pm for a month to pay off his loan.
Slowly, the boy changed. Wearing those shoes, he felt confident and assured. He managed to muster up the courage to speak to the girl he sees every morning at the bus stop and became friends with her. As it turned out, she noticed him too, but was too shy to speak to him.
The boy also spoke more in class, and surprised everyone with his measured and well thought out comments. His teachers who were worried about his constant silence, were relieved. His classmates who thought he was a weirdo for not talking much, involved him in their conversations and activities now.
The boy as a a result, became more confident, more assured of himself, spoke up more and became a good friend to many and a good boyfriend to the girl at the bus stop. He went on to be very successful in his life.
When asked how this change came about 10 years, he said, in seriousness, "It was all due to this pair of shoes." And he would hold up that same pair he bought 10 years ago, now old and worn, but still full of significance to him.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Celebrate the fact you had a childhood

Thanks Jim, for that treat on tuesday, albeit it was through fabian the proxy. Hope you liked the presents we got for your birthday, especially the all powerful cash sale receipt book. We had loads of fun singing our lungs out in that dark room, and doing spastic actions along with the singing. Happy 21st my friend, welcome to adulthood, and all the unfortunate responsibilities that come along with it.
Returned to the "Organisation" for the first time since last november. When I stepped through the front door of my old stomping ground, the smell of the place hit me and all the feelings associated with the 2 years I spent came flooding back to me. I wasn't really looking forward to my 2 day stint, but in the end it was quite a farce. We were told to report back at 8, and after registration which ended at 9 we had a briefing till 0930h, and then we were told were free to do anything we wanted until 1330h where we were to go to another place down the road for our CPR recertification. That lasted a mere 2 hours, and we left for home at 1530h.
I thought that timing would be hard to beat, but I was wrong again. The second day we did our morning portion by 12, then we had a 2hour lunch break till 1400h. I just rotted away in the mess. Once we gathered again at 1400h, we had a quick theory test before we were dismissed at 1500h.
An amusing anecdote was on the second day, I wanted to change my ID, so the guard handed me the green form to fill up, which is for those who have not finished their 2 years of service. When I was given the green form, I opened my wallet and pointed to my IC, then he sheepishly took back the green form and passed me the white form, for those who have completed their service. I don't blame him, as many of those who are still serving are surprised to find out that I've finished serving, was the youngest person amongst those who were called up for the 2 day refresher course.
Wednesday night was spent having dinner with my parents with their friends. I tagged along only for the food and for the fact that I was supposed to drive the car as my parents would be drinking. I cut a quite lonely figure, as there were only adults there, so I didn't have anyone to talk to. But what scared me, was that the topics the adults talked about. They were constantly discussing about heavy stuff like the economy, their jobs, the government etc. It scares me to think that when we grow up we'll inevitably end up talking about such stuff as well. Conversation would be so boring then.
Thursday night was another birthday, this time Jieming's. Was nice to see my sec 4 classmates as well, as usual SR was made fun of for being the only guy still serving, plus many other humorous incidents involving luah and seah. As Jieming said later, it's really nice to know we're still seeing each other after so long.
I must admit that sometimes for my sec 4 class I don't put in so much effort in it as I would for the Guys, but now I realise that this group of friends are just as important to me as well, with people I've known for 6 years in it.
Friday was the day I waited 4 years for. I just sat in my seat with a silly grin on my face and just became a fawning fanboy at the best moments. I'm sure I said "Oh man!" or "Oh my god!" at least 20 times when Optimus Prime first transformed. It was like your childhood dream had come true. And it was chock full of inside jokes and easter eggs for the hardcore fan like me, which I took great delight in pointing out. I was rather disappointed at some parts though, but I didn't want to nitpick. This movie should be a hit, and since the ending left it open for a sequel, let's hope the next one takes it to the next level, especially if the prodcuers make good their promise to bring in the Dinobots and the Constructicons for ultimate ownage. And let's put it this way, I who has never and would never have had the urge to do so watched a movie a second time in the movie theatre when it's still out, want to do so now, you know the movie is a hit. So just check your brain at the door, and let your childhood take you over.
Finally, just to end with something Janki Tamilselvan taught us all way back in sec 2. I remember once she gathered the whole batch and gave us all a dressing down for, of all things, sitting on the back seats instead of the front seat when our parents send us to school. I remember thinking, what does it matter? But now I know, it's only respectful to do so, as sitting at the back when the front seat is empty is like treating the person driving as a driver only. Saturday, as I drove some of my friends, that happened, and I did not feel very good about it, but I let it slide due to some other reasons. But it still didn't feel that good. So please give the driver a measure of respect by sitting in the front.
This is the season for those who have gone overseas to study to return and meet up with those stuck in Singapore. Hoping to catch up with as many friends as I can before I depart myself.