P18
Went to support the med fac production at DBS arts centre. They may have changed the concept a bit, but the essence of it was still there and the general feeling was it was a great success.
Thinking back on the time I was panicking about the lack of a script, trying to produce one from my brain as I grappled unsuccessfully with my common tests, then jen's script came along and one look I knew it was quality. After the initial hiccups and misgivings, they triumphed in Dramafeste, and then were invited to perform for the open public.
Never did I expect this. I am just so very happy for all of them, the cast and the crew, and especially jen, who overcame her own self-doubt to make this play a winner.
It just goes to show, one just has to work hard enough to make things happen.
And on a slightly more sombre note, the sight of P18 left me with a heavy heart, and a sigh of resignation....
Saturday, August 30, 2003
Wednesday, August 27, 2003
Backing off from a confrontation
Well, after a long drought of interesting things to blog about, today was worth blogging about, in a sense.
The bio test was really easy, inge gifted us 8 marks, but I'm not sure of them. Should have studied a bit harder, and I would have gotten an A easily, as it is looking at most for a pass.
Maths test the day before was quite fun, as I had practised the night before and I am quite confident of a better grade than my failing grade for common test.
Fencing today was a rather quiet affair, with the absence of many people, leaving myself, yangqi, kenneth teh, andrew, jie feng, bingrui and the 3 girls to rotate among ourselves the 2 fighting areas. Fought 5 times, the 1st was just a warm up against yangqi, bested andrew 15-10 later, then a rather off-colour joshua by the same score, got rammed into submission by kenneth 10-9, then beat andrew 10-5 again. I felt sharper, felt I moved faster, with my parries faster and my hand movements smaller. Hopefully Team 01 can put up a good showing for the competition on sunday.
On an interesting sidenote, joshua was entertaining us by telling us stories of his experiences workign with the SRT crew.
well, after training, myself and 2 other people, whose names I will withhold until I get their permission to allow me to put their names here, went to the supermarket to get a drink. While there, we put our large bags in front of a potato chip shelf, which was near the canned drinks section. I didn't want a canned drink, so I went to the dairy products section to grab a milk carton. I came back to look after the bags, while the other 2 went to get their drinks from the same dairy counter. When they came back, I realised their drink was cheaper, and went back to exchange it. 1 of us went to pay up, the other stayed behind to look after the bags.
When I got back, I left the drink with the guy paying up, and went back to grab my bag. At this time, a middle-aged man wearing a cyan shirt, let's call him A, came up to us and said the following
"You shouldn't put your bags here."
A tad embarrassed, I muttered an apology and moved our bags.
A, however, started complaining loudly, saying something like, "People want to look at stuff, you put your bags there etc. blah blah blah"
My friend, let's call him B, is normally very mild-tempered, was quite annoyed and pointed the middle finger at him rather discretely (i think), which I told him to cease that. We went to where my other friend was, let's call him C, and waited for our turn in the queue.
Then I realised B was staring at someone. A was standing at the queue opposite us. B was still quite annoyed so he just stared at A, then A moved our queue and the following unpleasant conversation unfolded.
A: "What are you looking at?"
B: "Nothing." (looks at me) "Was I nothing anything wrong?"
A: (pointing) "You think you're damm garang is it? You wait outside later."
At thsi point I came in to defuse the situation, saying sorry to A and asking B to pipe down. We stood in uncomfortable silence as the couple in front of us was taking darn long. C, the slightly hot-tempered one, wanted to call the other fencers back in clementi for back-up. In the end, we left the supermarket under his glare, but at least I averted a confrontation.
Well, I don't know what got to Bs head, normally he is very mild-mannered and not a hothead. I've known him for 4 years and this was the first time he behaved that way. And C was not helping by wanting to call in reinforcements.
In the end, like C said, after he cooled down, that only I would have defused that situation that way, and he pointed out jokingly if rayner kong was there it would have been a fight, no buts about it.
Well, like the time I encountered those machamic skateboarders, I’m not going to see that idiot's face again, so hell I don't mind swallowing my pride and apologising a bit if I can prevent anything nasty from happening, so yeah I know I did the right thing.
Hopefully there are no repercussions. But still, now I know B is no pushover.
Well, after a long drought of interesting things to blog about, today was worth blogging about, in a sense.
The bio test was really easy, inge gifted us 8 marks, but I'm not sure of them. Should have studied a bit harder, and I would have gotten an A easily, as it is looking at most for a pass.
Maths test the day before was quite fun, as I had practised the night before and I am quite confident of a better grade than my failing grade for common test.
Fencing today was a rather quiet affair, with the absence of many people, leaving myself, yangqi, kenneth teh, andrew, jie feng, bingrui and the 3 girls to rotate among ourselves the 2 fighting areas. Fought 5 times, the 1st was just a warm up against yangqi, bested andrew 15-10 later, then a rather off-colour joshua by the same score, got rammed into submission by kenneth 10-9, then beat andrew 10-5 again. I felt sharper, felt I moved faster, with my parries faster and my hand movements smaller. Hopefully Team 01 can put up a good showing for the competition on sunday.
On an interesting sidenote, joshua was entertaining us by telling us stories of his experiences workign with the SRT crew.
well, after training, myself and 2 other people, whose names I will withhold until I get their permission to allow me to put their names here, went to the supermarket to get a drink. While there, we put our large bags in front of a potato chip shelf, which was near the canned drinks section. I didn't want a canned drink, so I went to the dairy products section to grab a milk carton. I came back to look after the bags, while the other 2 went to get their drinks from the same dairy counter. When they came back, I realised their drink was cheaper, and went back to exchange it. 1 of us went to pay up, the other stayed behind to look after the bags.
When I got back, I left the drink with the guy paying up, and went back to grab my bag. At this time, a middle-aged man wearing a cyan shirt, let's call him A, came up to us and said the following
"You shouldn't put your bags here."
A tad embarrassed, I muttered an apology and moved our bags.
A, however, started complaining loudly, saying something like, "People want to look at stuff, you put your bags there etc. blah blah blah"
My friend, let's call him B, is normally very mild-tempered, was quite annoyed and pointed the middle finger at him rather discretely (i think), which I told him to cease that. We went to where my other friend was, let's call him C, and waited for our turn in the queue.
Then I realised B was staring at someone. A was standing at the queue opposite us. B was still quite annoyed so he just stared at A, then A moved our queue and the following unpleasant conversation unfolded.
A: "What are you looking at?"
B: "Nothing." (looks at me) "Was I nothing anything wrong?"
A: (pointing) "You think you're damm garang is it? You wait outside later."
At thsi point I came in to defuse the situation, saying sorry to A and asking B to pipe down. We stood in uncomfortable silence as the couple in front of us was taking darn long. C, the slightly hot-tempered one, wanted to call the other fencers back in clementi for back-up. In the end, we left the supermarket under his glare, but at least I averted a confrontation.
Well, I don't know what got to Bs head, normally he is very mild-mannered and not a hothead. I've known him for 4 years and this was the first time he behaved that way. And C was not helping by wanting to call in reinforcements.
In the end, like C said, after he cooled down, that only I would have defused that situation that way, and he pointed out jokingly if rayner kong was there it would have been a fight, no buts about it.
Well, like the time I encountered those machamic skateboarders, I’m not going to see that idiot's face again, so hell I don't mind swallowing my pride and apologising a bit if I can prevent anything nasty from happening, so yeah I know I did the right thing.
Hopefully there are no repercussions. But still, now I know B is no pushover.
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
Bright Lights
Baby, baby, baby
When all your love is gone
Who will save me
From all I'm up against out in this world
Maybe, maybe, maybe
You'll find something
That's enough to please you
But if the bright lights don't receive you
You can turn yourself around
And come on home
Yeah, come on home. Soon I hope.
Baby, baby, baby
When all your love is gone
Who will save me
From all I'm up against out in this world
Maybe, maybe, maybe
You'll find something
That's enough to please you
But if the bright lights don't receive you
You can turn yourself around
And come on home
Yeah, come on home. Soon I hope.
Altrustic
Mind is very groogy now, eyes are fighting to close.
Shall make this quick.
Well, all I can say is I hope I don't hurt myself anymore before the competition this sun.
Oh yah, let me write out what I told jun seng on the train sometime back.
Skew lines can be projected to intersect on another plane.
Go figure.
Mind is very groogy now, eyes are fighting to close.
Shall make this quick.
Well, all I can say is I hope I don't hurt myself anymore before the competition this sun.
Oh yah, let me write out what I told jun seng on the train sometime back.
Skew lines can be projected to intersect on another plane.
Go figure.
Monday, August 25, 2003
Hearing voices in my head
For some reason, I decided to sit down and watch What Women What with my mother, instead of hitting the bio notes...
Erm, all I can say it really wasn't a family movie, with many sexual innuendoes, which didn't make for a good family movie.
In any case, somehow after movie I want to be struck by lightning and be able to read womens' (girls') minds...
Seriously they are quite hard to fanthom, and i think I could use all the help I can get.
But then, you become a person who is more or less like a doormat, aiming to please everyone else.
I don't want to be like that. I want to be my own person.
But then, I must admit it is very useful to know what is in their minds so I can choose the correct things to say.
That would make life much easier.
I think.
For some reason, I decided to sit down and watch What Women What with my mother, instead of hitting the bio notes...
Erm, all I can say it really wasn't a family movie, with many sexual innuendoes, which didn't make for a good family movie.
In any case, somehow after movie I want to be struck by lightning and be able to read womens' (girls') minds...
Seriously they are quite hard to fanthom, and i think I could use all the help I can get.
But then, you become a person who is more or less like a doormat, aiming to please everyone else.
I don't want to be like that. I want to be my own person.
But then, I must admit it is very useful to know what is in their minds so I can choose the correct things to say.
That would make life much easier.
I think.
Saturday, August 23, 2003
Friday, August 22, 2003
Anti-parrallel thoughts
When you go and watch a movie, you see the hero overcome all the odds and save the world, often getting the girl and saving everyone.
Well, I always believe that such an ending is so implausible.
In war, there has to be some collateral damage.
And I cringe everytime the hero surrenders to save a small group of people.
Isn't that compromising the mission?
A commando is trained to be brutal, ruthless, and emotionless. In short, a cold blooded machine.
If one is blinded by emotions, he will never be able to carry out such a complicated and important job.
My challenge is to write a story about the absolute anti-hero, one who is drastically different from the archetypal self-sacrificing, honourable hero. I want him to fight dirty, not be confined by the beliefs of honour, able to accept that collateral damage is necessary, and if he needs to sacrifice a small number of people for the greater good, he would. In short, he would be the most efficient hero.
I have only written two chapters of my ambitious 23 chapter epic, but will most likely never see the light of day.
The anti-hero is more real than any of the hollywood heroes.
They are around us.
They are the SAF.
When you go and watch a movie, you see the hero overcome all the odds and save the world, often getting the girl and saving everyone.
Well, I always believe that such an ending is so implausible.
In war, there has to be some collateral damage.
And I cringe everytime the hero surrenders to save a small group of people.
Isn't that compromising the mission?
A commando is trained to be brutal, ruthless, and emotionless. In short, a cold blooded machine.
If one is blinded by emotions, he will never be able to carry out such a complicated and important job.
My challenge is to write a story about the absolute anti-hero, one who is drastically different from the archetypal self-sacrificing, honourable hero. I want him to fight dirty, not be confined by the beliefs of honour, able to accept that collateral damage is necessary, and if he needs to sacrifice a small number of people for the greater good, he would. In short, he would be the most efficient hero.
I have only written two chapters of my ambitious 23 chapter epic, but will most likely never see the light of day.
The anti-hero is more real than any of the hollywood heroes.
They are around us.
They are the SAF.
Thursday, August 21, 2003
Emotional inertia
I feel slightly sick now, what with my siblings down with flu, home is like TTSH now. Just have to watch out for germs...
Still struggling to come to terms with my studies, good thing I have very supportive tutors like ms Lui who stayed back to help hopeless students like me...
Still trying to squeeze some time out to read a book, any book.
Still wondering if Optimus Prime will die in issue #6 of War And Peace.
Still.....haha you thought this was some introspective entry right?
By right, I have no right to complain.
Things are going for me now.
So i shall just give a short summary of what has been going on.
Been studying very hard, by my standards....
Been hurting myself again, pulling my calf on weds and getting stabbed by yangqi...
Hmmz...
Nothing else worth mentioning...
Boring?
Not really.
Things will really heat up after promos.
But first must do well for that.
Then the fun starts.
Live like the rays.
I feel slightly sick now, what with my siblings down with flu, home is like TTSH now. Just have to watch out for germs...
Still struggling to come to terms with my studies, good thing I have very supportive tutors like ms Lui who stayed back to help hopeless students like me...
Still trying to squeeze some time out to read a book, any book.
Still wondering if Optimus Prime will die in issue #6 of War And Peace.
Still.....haha you thought this was some introspective entry right?
By right, I have no right to complain.
Things are going for me now.
So i shall just give a short summary of what has been going on.
Been studying very hard, by my standards....
Been hurting myself again, pulling my calf on weds and getting stabbed by yangqi...
Hmmz...
Nothing else worth mentioning...
Boring?
Not really.
Things will really heat up after promos.
But first must do well for that.
Then the fun starts.
Live like the rays.
Wednesday, August 20, 2003
Some demons grab on to you and never let go... no matter how hard you run, you can't just run away from them...
Looking down from far above
Ain’t it a beautiful sight,
The twinkle of the city lights below,
Cars roaring with mechanical might,
People getting caught in life’s undertow.
You stand on a knife’s edge,
The point of no return,
A mind filled with pain, a heart caged,
To knock on heaven’s door, a right earned.
You laugh at the absurdity of the situation,
The unshakable feeling of helplessness and apathy,
Step after step, closer and closer, the bright lights beneath you catch your attention,
You had to time this right, and not be too hasty.
How you want to see their faces,
When all this becomes irreversible history,
How dead certain she was that they would not slow their paces,
How none of them will not even feel sorry.
So simple, isn’t it?
Just one more step,
And the lights will no longer be lit,
And you shall leave your physical trap.
Go ahead, take the easy way out,
Watch the cold asphalt inch towards your pretty face,
The world needs more leaders with more clout,
Maybe, where you end up is your rightful place.
Ng Zhao Yang
19/8/03 10.11 p.m.
My fingers felt itchy, my mind felt inspirational. Creative criticism welcomed.
Looking down from far above
Ain’t it a beautiful sight,
The twinkle of the city lights below,
Cars roaring with mechanical might,
People getting caught in life’s undertow.
You stand on a knife’s edge,
The point of no return,
A mind filled with pain, a heart caged,
To knock on heaven’s door, a right earned.
You laugh at the absurdity of the situation,
The unshakable feeling of helplessness and apathy,
Step after step, closer and closer, the bright lights beneath you catch your attention,
You had to time this right, and not be too hasty.
How you want to see their faces,
When all this becomes irreversible history,
How dead certain she was that they would not slow their paces,
How none of them will not even feel sorry.
So simple, isn’t it?
Just one more step,
And the lights will no longer be lit,
And you shall leave your physical trap.
Go ahead, take the easy way out,
Watch the cold asphalt inch towards your pretty face,
The world needs more leaders with more clout,
Maybe, where you end up is your rightful place.
Ng Zhao Yang
19/8/03 10.11 p.m.
My fingers felt itchy, my mind felt inspirational. Creative criticism welcomed.
Sunday, August 17, 2003
At the threshold of an era
Haha. Just to inform you I was merely musing when I penned the last 2 entries...must be my mood swings or tiredness.
I guess everything to going fine now, I am in O-Team, something I wanted to do, and slowly but steadily my studies are getting back to shape, and my project work is really a joy to do, finally Man Utd have a great team and it is an absolute joy to watch them play.
I am contended.
But I know, the road ahead is not easy. I shall face every difficulty with courage, and take them on and overcome them.
I can liken any experience to a hike, when you are in the middle of a hike, you feel lousy, but when you finally complete it, you take away a lot and feel like you have grown as a person.
The most important thing is that I am doing what I want to do.
Not doing it because someone else wants me to do it.
I have chosen my own path.
Now let me walk it.
Haha. Just to inform you I was merely musing when I penned the last 2 entries...must be my mood swings or tiredness.
I guess everything to going fine now, I am in O-Team, something I wanted to do, and slowly but steadily my studies are getting back to shape, and my project work is really a joy to do, finally Man Utd have a great team and it is an absolute joy to watch them play.
I am contended.
But I know, the road ahead is not easy. I shall face every difficulty with courage, and take them on and overcome them.
I can liken any experience to a hike, when you are in the middle of a hike, you feel lousy, but when you finally complete it, you take away a lot and feel like you have grown as a person.
The most important thing is that I am doing what I want to do.
Not doing it because someone else wants me to do it.
I have chosen my own path.
Now let me walk it.
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
Wanting too much too fast
There is so much I don't like about myself.
Yet there is so much to like about myself.
I wish I knew when to give up the fight, or when to say this is not what I want and go all out and change the situation.
I am not good at accepting the situation, especially when I feel very aggrieved. That is why I really despise red-tape.
And sometimes, my hot-headedness gets me into trouble with other people.
I used to think I need to do something to prove to other people how good I am.
Now I know how foolish that seems.
However, it's hard to live to only your expectations.
You get stressed seeing other people doing way better you.
I only have to look at ronald and see how small I am compared to him.
STL, double PSA, I wish I was half as good as he was.
Yet, I like being me.
I don't know where I stand in this world yet.
Maybe I will just be the atypical working class person.
Maybe the exact opposite will happen.
Who knows?
My wishes as a person are so simple.
All I want is for you to accompany me through my existence.
Argh.
This "you" again.
I am really muddled.
My heart and mind are always at conflict.
Should I listen to my heart, or my mind?
Hell.
Can I plan something?
Maybe that will take my mind of the questions I can never answer.
Or I wish not to answer them.
Because I am afraid of getting them wrong.
There is so much I don't like about myself.
Yet there is so much to like about myself.
I wish I knew when to give up the fight, or when to say this is not what I want and go all out and change the situation.
I am not good at accepting the situation, especially when I feel very aggrieved. That is why I really despise red-tape.
And sometimes, my hot-headedness gets me into trouble with other people.
I used to think I need to do something to prove to other people how good I am.
Now I know how foolish that seems.
However, it's hard to live to only your expectations.
You get stressed seeing other people doing way better you.
I only have to look at ronald and see how small I am compared to him.
STL, double PSA, I wish I was half as good as he was.
Yet, I like being me.
I don't know where I stand in this world yet.
Maybe I will just be the atypical working class person.
Maybe the exact opposite will happen.
Who knows?
My wishes as a person are so simple.
All I want is for you to accompany me through my existence.
Argh.
This "you" again.
I am really muddled.
My heart and mind are always at conflict.
Should I listen to my heart, or my mind?
Hell.
Can I plan something?
Maybe that will take my mind of the questions I can never answer.
Or I wish not to answer them.
Because I am afraid of getting them wrong.
Being myself, i think
Well, if that is any consolation, i have managed to curb my self-destructive tendencies for now. Hope it stays that way.
Just feeling a bit off colour, knowing that a CJ girl committed suicide, and 8 people lost their lives in traffic accidents over the national day weekend. Really put a more somber note on my monday. Add that to the deaths of jimmy davis and my family's chick, it was rather gloomy for me on monday, but I shrugged it off in my usual cold and insensitive way.
Speaking of the family chick, here's a story worth telling. A year ago in june, my whole family except me went to the lim chu kang quail farm, and they came back with 2 chicks. I was very concerned as I knew that my sister vivien was the one who wanted them, and was afraid she could not take it when they die. I predicted they would not last for 2 weeks, and I was rather right as the weaker one of the 2 died the very next day. Strangely, my sis didn't cry, as she promised mum not to do so in the event of this. Then as time went on, the other chick, which was named Dotty by my sis because she had a dot on her head, lived for a year and 3 months, providing us with many quail eggs along the way. I grew to like the bird, and it was a delight to watch it prance around the cardboard box which was its home. But eventually, my sis lost interest in her, and didn't shed a tear when she died. I guess we are all rather fickle about such things.
I remember some funny things that happened when she was around, like my maid mixing powdered panadol into its water to cure it of its "headache", and adding rheumatism medicine to cure it of its walking problem. Also, the time when she escaped and my grandma almost sat on it.
The final word about her was what my mum told me, that she admired her for her fighting attitude to life, and that is why for the first time she admired an animal.
Isn't that what life is about?
Had a very good conversation with adrian and junseng last night. The gist of it was about scholars, which somehow shifted to how does one live your life. Like what I said, live your life the way you want it, not how others want you to live it. But in reality, this is hard to achieve as you are affected by other people's opinions of you, and also by the fact we are living in society, and we must accept the existence of other people.
Like an example I gave adrian last week. We can all sing in public, but because we sing badly or out of tune, we hold back and don’t sing in public places. Adrian said lousy singers should keep quiet, but my take is that everyone has the right to sing in public, whether the public likes it is another thing. So one can either conform to society’s expectations, or strike it out alone and win no friends. I guess this is the dilemma most of us face each day.
Life ain’t perfect.
Something I learnt a long time ago.
We can only make the best out of it and live it to the fullest.
To anyone contemplating suicide, don’t.
The world is far too beautiful to give up. Sure sometimes it really seems bleak but that does not give you any right to cause grief to all those who care for you.
I’m rambling again.
Sheesh.
I feel wiser from all my experiences over the past 7 months.
Final thought of the day.
I’m happy with the situation now, and I don’t intend to change it as it maybe for the better, but if it changes for the worse it would be catastrophic. What if my indecision allowed someone else the chance at the coveted prize, and he wins it?
Then, I guess, regret would be an option.
I am in a conundrum.
I’m still myself, whoever he may be.
I still want to feel the early morning breeze at Kranji Reservoir Park.
Or have breakfast in a sleepy morning coffeeshop.
Or enjoy the view on top of Mt. Faber, watching the city lights.
Or musing at West Coast Park.
Or sitting on top of the breakwater at East Coast park watching the waves.
Or fragging with the guys, shouting vulgarities at the top of our voices.
Or doing PT in the wee hours of the morning because of a flash flood.
I want to walk down Seletar Reservir Dam at 1800h, enjoying the breeze and the quietness.
I want to do all that with you.
Whoever you may be.
I’m still waiting for you.
Well, if that is any consolation, i have managed to curb my self-destructive tendencies for now. Hope it stays that way.
Just feeling a bit off colour, knowing that a CJ girl committed suicide, and 8 people lost their lives in traffic accidents over the national day weekend. Really put a more somber note on my monday. Add that to the deaths of jimmy davis and my family's chick, it was rather gloomy for me on monday, but I shrugged it off in my usual cold and insensitive way.
Speaking of the family chick, here's a story worth telling. A year ago in june, my whole family except me went to the lim chu kang quail farm, and they came back with 2 chicks. I was very concerned as I knew that my sister vivien was the one who wanted them, and was afraid she could not take it when they die. I predicted they would not last for 2 weeks, and I was rather right as the weaker one of the 2 died the very next day. Strangely, my sis didn't cry, as she promised mum not to do so in the event of this. Then as time went on, the other chick, which was named Dotty by my sis because she had a dot on her head, lived for a year and 3 months, providing us with many quail eggs along the way. I grew to like the bird, and it was a delight to watch it prance around the cardboard box which was its home. But eventually, my sis lost interest in her, and didn't shed a tear when she died. I guess we are all rather fickle about such things.
I remember some funny things that happened when she was around, like my maid mixing powdered panadol into its water to cure it of its "headache", and adding rheumatism medicine to cure it of its walking problem. Also, the time when she escaped and my grandma almost sat on it.
The final word about her was what my mum told me, that she admired her for her fighting attitude to life, and that is why for the first time she admired an animal.
Isn't that what life is about?
Had a very good conversation with adrian and junseng last night. The gist of it was about scholars, which somehow shifted to how does one live your life. Like what I said, live your life the way you want it, not how others want you to live it. But in reality, this is hard to achieve as you are affected by other people's opinions of you, and also by the fact we are living in society, and we must accept the existence of other people.
Like an example I gave adrian last week. We can all sing in public, but because we sing badly or out of tune, we hold back and don’t sing in public places. Adrian said lousy singers should keep quiet, but my take is that everyone has the right to sing in public, whether the public likes it is another thing. So one can either conform to society’s expectations, or strike it out alone and win no friends. I guess this is the dilemma most of us face each day.
Life ain’t perfect.
Something I learnt a long time ago.
We can only make the best out of it and live it to the fullest.
To anyone contemplating suicide, don’t.
The world is far too beautiful to give up. Sure sometimes it really seems bleak but that does not give you any right to cause grief to all those who care for you.
I’m rambling again.
Sheesh.
I feel wiser from all my experiences over the past 7 months.
Final thought of the day.
I’m happy with the situation now, and I don’t intend to change it as it maybe for the better, but if it changes for the worse it would be catastrophic. What if my indecision allowed someone else the chance at the coveted prize, and he wins it?
Then, I guess, regret would be an option.
I am in a conundrum.
I’m still myself, whoever he may be.
I still want to feel the early morning breeze at Kranji Reservoir Park.
Or have breakfast in a sleepy morning coffeeshop.
Or enjoy the view on top of Mt. Faber, watching the city lights.
Or musing at West Coast Park.
Or sitting on top of the breakwater at East Coast park watching the waves.
Or fragging with the guys, shouting vulgarities at the top of our voices.
Or doing PT in the wee hours of the morning because of a flash flood.
I want to walk down Seletar Reservir Dam at 1800h, enjoying the breeze and the quietness.
I want to do all that with you.
Whoever you may be.
I’m still waiting for you.
Monday, August 11, 2003
Clear Skies
Really addicted to jay chou's ye hui mei, been playing it so much that I didn't even listen to 1 of the FFX soundtrack discs I borrowed from ben. Every song is a gem in itself, wiht the trademark jay chou meaningful or rather nonsensical lyrics, depending on which song. I really like qing tian, the lyrics are what I feel sometimes, but I guess as time goes on, I am getting better and better at surpressing such emotions.
As stupid Blogger cannot show chinese, here's a rather crudely translated version, which I hope can pass adrian's high standards.
Clear Skies
That windy day,
i tried to hold your hand,
but maddeningly,
the rain steadily became heavier,
till I couldn't see you at all.
How long more must I wait,
till I can be by your side again.
I'll wait for the day the skies are clear again,
maybe then I'll feel a little better.
A long time ago,
someone secretly loved you for a long time,
but maddeningly,
the gale that blew,
blew us far apart.
Finally,
I can love again,
but the end of the story is you saying goodbye.
Really addicted to jay chou's ye hui mei, been playing it so much that I didn't even listen to 1 of the FFX soundtrack discs I borrowed from ben. Every song is a gem in itself, wiht the trademark jay chou meaningful or rather nonsensical lyrics, depending on which song. I really like qing tian, the lyrics are what I feel sometimes, but I guess as time goes on, I am getting better and better at surpressing such emotions.
As stupid Blogger cannot show chinese, here's a rather crudely translated version, which I hope can pass adrian's high standards.
Clear Skies
That windy day,
i tried to hold your hand,
but maddeningly,
the rain steadily became heavier,
till I couldn't see you at all.
How long more must I wait,
till I can be by your side again.
I'll wait for the day the skies are clear again,
maybe then I'll feel a little better.
A long time ago,
someone secretly loved you for a long time,
but maddeningly,
the gale that blew,
blew us far apart.
Finally,
I can love again,
but the end of the story is you saying goodbye.
Saturday, August 09, 2003
Quiet contemplation
Just read on soccernet that Jimmy Davis died in a car crash. If you do not know who he is, he is a young man utd striker who was on loan to watford. I too feel the loss as much as his next of kin.
Had a crazy 7 hour meeting today, never knew I had the stamina to hold out for so long. Basically went through the projects for the anniversary year. Looks like next year will be very exciting for 01.
Didn't watch the parade as I was doing homework, trying to clear a lot of back load...
Happy national day guys...
Highlight of the day: June Kiat talking about "terrorists"...
Some fast facts about the campfire, which we realised from watching the video:
When Darren came up to whisper to quanhan about the scene change which was scripted, mogilan was the one who said it not quanhan.
Quite a number of the GC members are obessesed with the "venture cord"
Edwin is pissed with Cong Han for filming more scouts than guides and not filming his interview with a very chio st nick's guide.
The two guides who gave me the flowers were very chio. Haha.
The guide I asked to sing along with me was so taken aback that she fell, dragging 2 of her friends down with her.
Cong Han didn't film Jay's singing. Boo.
Cong Han can't film.
Somehow, "terrorist" appeared a lot of times on our video.
Ronald was shouting "oh my god, zhao yang, oh my god" when he saw the guides give me the flowers.
Mogilan was saying at the end of the campfire, "we would like to thank the following people who without the campfire was a success" The best part was he mentioned "terrorist"
"Venture Cord"was quite chio, I admit.
Argh, the only thing I regret is not asking pong to film the campfire instead of cong han, or why didn't I bring more digital tapes.
I hope I can continue to be your bridge over troubled water.
Haha.
Just read on soccernet that Jimmy Davis died in a car crash. If you do not know who he is, he is a young man utd striker who was on loan to watford. I too feel the loss as much as his next of kin.
Had a crazy 7 hour meeting today, never knew I had the stamina to hold out for so long. Basically went through the projects for the anniversary year. Looks like next year will be very exciting for 01.
Didn't watch the parade as I was doing homework, trying to clear a lot of back load...
Happy national day guys...
Highlight of the day: June Kiat talking about "terrorists"...
Some fast facts about the campfire, which we realised from watching the video:
When Darren came up to whisper to quanhan about the scene change which was scripted, mogilan was the one who said it not quanhan.
Quite a number of the GC members are obessesed with the "venture cord"
Edwin is pissed with Cong Han for filming more scouts than guides and not filming his interview with a very chio st nick's guide.
The two guides who gave me the flowers were very chio. Haha.
The guide I asked to sing along with me was so taken aback that she fell, dragging 2 of her friends down with her.
Cong Han didn't film Jay's singing. Boo.
Cong Han can't film.
Somehow, "terrorist" appeared a lot of times on our video.
Ronald was shouting "oh my god, zhao yang, oh my god" when he saw the guides give me the flowers.
Mogilan was saying at the end of the campfire, "we would like to thank the following people who without the campfire was a success" The best part was he mentioned "terrorist"
"Venture Cord"was quite chio, I admit.
Argh, the only thing I regret is not asking pong to film the campfire instead of cong han, or why didn't I bring more digital tapes.
I hope I can continue to be your bridge over troubled water.
Haha.
Friday, August 08, 2003
An exercise in futility
National day celebrations was a real facade, or debacle, whatever way you want to look at it.
Shall not go into too much details, but it is safe to say that half of the school mysteriously disappeared from the specs gal after a while. I was bored to tears. Enough said. Not that the programme was good, but to quote mrs perry, "you are not catering to the lowest common demoninator".
Went to queensway to buy a pair of $69 presto shoes, which were incidentally the same colour and design as edwin's shoes. And the backlash from that after I joined the Guys TM for lanning was, well, let's just say I did not do good arguments a service.
Lanned for a while, did not swear once, surprisingly. Trooped off to adrian's posh, big, extravagant, luxurious, magnificent and crazily expensive house after that to watch the CF video, which brought out a lot of laughs, no doubt.
Went to watch kenneth and alvin engage in a mind-numbing game of button mashing on Dynasty Warriors 3, then we all went for dinner at KFC.
Dragged myself home to ready myself mentally for the meeting tommorrow.
Sighz.
Hopefully tommorrow will not be an exercise in futility.
National day celebrations was a real facade, or debacle, whatever way you want to look at it.
Shall not go into too much details, but it is safe to say that half of the school mysteriously disappeared from the specs gal after a while. I was bored to tears. Enough said. Not that the programme was good, but to quote mrs perry, "you are not catering to the lowest common demoninator".
Went to queensway to buy a pair of $69 presto shoes, which were incidentally the same colour and design as edwin's shoes. And the backlash from that after I joined the Guys TM for lanning was, well, let's just say I did not do good arguments a service.
Lanned for a while, did not swear once, surprisingly. Trooped off to adrian's posh, big, extravagant, luxurious, magnificent and crazily expensive house after that to watch the CF video, which brought out a lot of laughs, no doubt.
Went to watch kenneth and alvin engage in a mind-numbing game of button mashing on Dynasty Warriors 3, then we all went for dinner at KFC.
Dragged myself home to ready myself mentally for the meeting tommorrow.
Sighz.
Hopefully tommorrow will not be an exercise in futility.
Thursday, August 07, 2003
In the name of the Father
The last few days been rather uneventful, like I said, after campfire, I seem to have lost some direction... anyway things were interesting in spurts...
Almost got blinded. Literally saw the light as the gleaming blade went horribly close to my right eye.
Team Battle. Team 01 beat Team No Name (according to yangqi) 45-41, and we won only 2 bouts out of 9. Adrian took the last 11 points to win, this kind of skill of course makes him our team's anchor. I beat Pei Yi for 8 points, winning the only other bout we won.
Realised my right arm is growing bigger than my left...
Still trying to catch up with work, can't help but feel dread each time a tutorial approaches as I will feel so dumb...
Went to sim lim with adrian today, he bought a swanky 300 dollars discman that is only 13.7 mm thick. He used 200 from his nets and borrowed my 100. I kind of envy him. I don't have that much disposable income. Also, it was rather fun to see how the shopkeepers were trying to butter up to him by saying things like "I don't sell bad stuff blah blah blah". 2 shopkeepers used the same line. The best part, after much contemplation, he bought the discman, and the first thing adrian said when he left the shop was, "I feel cheated"
Another piece of irony was the fact that his ultra-slim discman could not be stuffed into his bag.
Been listening to Ye Hui Mei like crazy, jay is damn good.
Tommorrow is the national day celebrations... sighz, still need to but my shoes, hope they don't conclude the sale too soon.
Had my o-team interview. Let's hope I get in.
Can't think of a good quote to end this entry.
So let's end it with one of my specials.
Plagiarise that.
The last few days been rather uneventful, like I said, after campfire, I seem to have lost some direction... anyway things were interesting in spurts...
Almost got blinded. Literally saw the light as the gleaming blade went horribly close to my right eye.
Team Battle. Team 01 beat Team No Name (according to yangqi) 45-41, and we won only 2 bouts out of 9. Adrian took the last 11 points to win, this kind of skill of course makes him our team's anchor. I beat Pei Yi for 8 points, winning the only other bout we won.
Realised my right arm is growing bigger than my left...
Still trying to catch up with work, can't help but feel dread each time a tutorial approaches as I will feel so dumb...
Went to sim lim with adrian today, he bought a swanky 300 dollars discman that is only 13.7 mm thick. He used 200 from his nets and borrowed my 100. I kind of envy him. I don't have that much disposable income. Also, it was rather fun to see how the shopkeepers were trying to butter up to him by saying things like "I don't sell bad stuff blah blah blah". 2 shopkeepers used the same line. The best part, after much contemplation, he bought the discman, and the first thing adrian said when he left the shop was, "I feel cheated"
Another piece of irony was the fact that his ultra-slim discman could not be stuffed into his bag.
Been listening to Ye Hui Mei like crazy, jay is damn good.
Tommorrow is the national day celebrations... sighz, still need to but my shoes, hope they don't conclude the sale too soon.
Had my o-team interview. Let's hope I get in.
Can't think of a good quote to end this entry.
So let's end it with one of my specials.
Plagiarise that.
Tuesday, August 05, 2003
Self-destructive tendencies
Well, as I expected, am feeling quite hard to come back to earth after the euphoria of campfire, somehow I feel like I have to do something, then I remind myself most of commitments have coem to a very satisfactory end.
Got jabbed very close to my right eye today by adrian. I was, in hindsight, very lucky, as his blade merely struck my cheekbone and bounced away from my eye. Furthermore, I still had the presence of mind to drop to the floor to avoid futher damage. I was quite shaken after that, considering that I almost lost my sight. Fortunately, all I got was a bruise under my eye.
Today's record. Lost to adrian 15-8, pei yi 15-9. Beat steph 15-7.
Must curb my self-destructive tendencies, spending far too much time on the computer...
Sighz, hope that I can get a good rest over the national day weekend are dashed.
About another thing, as a rule of thumb, I respect all teachers, unless they prove unworthy of my respect. Teacher or not, if you are screwed up, you are screwed up. No buts around it. Earn my respect if you want me to respect you. And trust me, that is something rather easy to do.
If a teacher does read this, know that i am only refering to a few bad eggs that pollute the basket.
Ye Hui Mei is damn nice.
Haven't watched the campfire video.
Need to pull myself together.
Wish someone can do it for me.
At the end of the day, the echoes of a great campfire has gone, the lights, the sounds are now consigned to memory, yet I feel, somewhat lost, somewhat confused, somewhat perplexed, somewhat puzzled.
I need a direction, a pointer to tell me to go here or there.
I treat school to be a challenge, a challenge that I have been consistently been failing to live up to.
Sighz.
Now i'm rambling.
Really wish someone would clear up the messed up me.
Unfortunately no one would.
I have to do it myself.
And only by myself.
Well, as I expected, am feeling quite hard to come back to earth after the euphoria of campfire, somehow I feel like I have to do something, then I remind myself most of commitments have coem to a very satisfactory end.
Got jabbed very close to my right eye today by adrian. I was, in hindsight, very lucky, as his blade merely struck my cheekbone and bounced away from my eye. Furthermore, I still had the presence of mind to drop to the floor to avoid futher damage. I was quite shaken after that, considering that I almost lost my sight. Fortunately, all I got was a bruise under my eye.
Today's record. Lost to adrian 15-8, pei yi 15-9. Beat steph 15-7.
Must curb my self-destructive tendencies, spending far too much time on the computer...
Sighz, hope that I can get a good rest over the national day weekend are dashed.
About another thing, as a rule of thumb, I respect all teachers, unless they prove unworthy of my respect. Teacher or not, if you are screwed up, you are screwed up. No buts around it. Earn my respect if you want me to respect you. And trust me, that is something rather easy to do.
If a teacher does read this, know that i am only refering to a few bad eggs that pollute the basket.
Ye Hui Mei is damn nice.
Haven't watched the campfire video.
Need to pull myself together.
Wish someone can do it for me.
At the end of the day, the echoes of a great campfire has gone, the lights, the sounds are now consigned to memory, yet I feel, somewhat lost, somewhat confused, somewhat perplexed, somewhat puzzled.
I need a direction, a pointer to tell me to go here or there.
I treat school to be a challenge, a challenge that I have been consistently been failing to live up to.
Sighz.
Now i'm rambling.
Really wish someone would clear up the messed up me.
Unfortunately no one would.
I have to do it myself.
And only by myself.
Sunday, August 03, 2003
By far, our finest hour
We did it.
01 Annual Campfire 2003 was a rousing success.
Whoever thought that the small and congested atrium could hold 600 people?
It was surely a night to remember. It all started with the disappointment of 2 of my videos not working, then we started to get anxious as the groups were slowly trickling in, and we had to push back the start to 1930h.
But when it began, it was the start of a magical 2 hours. With aaron's magnificant launch video, then the countdown video, the opening items began. The hours of hardwork really showed, the sec1s were fluid in their dance moves, the long quan people really looked like punks, and adrian was really giving the gangster thing a real go. Bhangra was the best, bringing the house down with the spinning moves.
The Amazing Race video segments apparently went well with the audience, although they were slightly muted. Mr Court and Mr Sithuraj commented on the refreshingness of the concept and clarity in the picture. Looks like the time spent filming was not wasted, still have to thank all the actors for a great job.
Then it was the idols segment. Edwin was the shuai ge host, who was lubbed by a certain sarah after the campfire, brandon the overly emotional judge, fabian and his spikes, plus his lines about finding keys and alvin, well being simon, or himself or whichever way you look at it. Chin nam was lubbed by stage crashers wanting to grab his stomach, sergius was good as PCK and had authentic yellow boots, kenny was great despite his bout of stage fright. When it was my turn to get on stage and act as clay aiken, I just thought, heck, just whack it since I know i'm going to get booed anyway. So I just sang into the mic that was switched off, and acted like a singer, with the spotlight shining into my eyes at all time. And edwin and I only came up with the introduction 2 minutes before I was supposed to get on. "What do you get when you mix mud, water and a little singing talent?" Damn corny in hindsight.
Before anyone thinks this is some big ego trip, I REALLY didn't expect to win. Anyway, I just looked pathetic when alvin and fabian was suaning me, like it says in the script. Then when edwin asked me to say somehting, I just said whatever came to mind. Vaguely, I think it was "Tonight, I came to sing and touch your hearts, although I don't think I touched Simon's heart, but I hoped I touched all of yours. I hope that I can always be your bridge over troubled water. I love you SIngapore!" Something along those lines.
Oh yah, during the performance, a guide and a scout came up to give me the flowers that were supposed to be use for voting. And yah apparently I received 4 more votes than my closest competitor, who was kenny.
(Shit, this really sounds like an ego trip. I shall stop now.)
Oh yah, adrian and albert's double bill, adrian singing shi jie mo ri and albert playing the piano was really great. 3 groups of girls were shouting "jie lun wo ai ni!" darn loudly. A guide later commented to me that her favourite segment was adrian singing. Then the screams went to a higher level when he took off his jacket and threw it to....edwin, not the crowd. He said he wanted his jacket back, haha.
After idols, was the sec 3 item, then the finale of the amazing race. Somehow it all worked out, and apparently chin yu got a note and a girl's phone number on it when he was leaving the stage after his dance. Reminds me of what happened to me during sec 3 campfire.
At the end, we just cheered unite and 01 till I almost went hoarse, the albatross on my neck was finally gone, and I could only feel a great sense of reflief and happiness.
Then, finally, the J1s did a proper whoosh, with me in it. Haha
Fast CF facts:
72 Transformations was used as an item 3 times. what is the probability of that?
The commercial video was not shown. a pity
I won idols. (just for the record ok?)
Fabian passed a sheet of paper to edwin with the words, "ed, we don't want ZY to win!"
I would like to thank all the j1s, nick especially for all his sleepless nights, the SU for being cooperative, TAR actors, ms lui for being understanding enough to know how much campfire means to me, and all those who voted for me. Haha.
And now, it's back to reality.
But I will always remember the static electricity I felt in my pants, the energy of 600 odd people in that small atrium, watching us put up a show for them.
I'll never forget that.
01 Annual Campfire 2003.
Channel 01.
Television like you've never experienced it.
It sure was.
We did it.
01 Annual Campfire 2003 was a rousing success.
Whoever thought that the small and congested atrium could hold 600 people?
It was surely a night to remember. It all started with the disappointment of 2 of my videos not working, then we started to get anxious as the groups were slowly trickling in, and we had to push back the start to 1930h.
But when it began, it was the start of a magical 2 hours. With aaron's magnificant launch video, then the countdown video, the opening items began. The hours of hardwork really showed, the sec1s were fluid in their dance moves, the long quan people really looked like punks, and adrian was really giving the gangster thing a real go. Bhangra was the best, bringing the house down with the spinning moves.
The Amazing Race video segments apparently went well with the audience, although they were slightly muted. Mr Court and Mr Sithuraj commented on the refreshingness of the concept and clarity in the picture. Looks like the time spent filming was not wasted, still have to thank all the actors for a great job.
Then it was the idols segment. Edwin was the shuai ge host, who was lubbed by a certain sarah after the campfire, brandon the overly emotional judge, fabian and his spikes, plus his lines about finding keys and alvin, well being simon, or himself or whichever way you look at it. Chin nam was lubbed by stage crashers wanting to grab his stomach, sergius was good as PCK and had authentic yellow boots, kenny was great despite his bout of stage fright. When it was my turn to get on stage and act as clay aiken, I just thought, heck, just whack it since I know i'm going to get booed anyway. So I just sang into the mic that was switched off, and acted like a singer, with the spotlight shining into my eyes at all time. And edwin and I only came up with the introduction 2 minutes before I was supposed to get on. "What do you get when you mix mud, water and a little singing talent?" Damn corny in hindsight.
Before anyone thinks this is some big ego trip, I REALLY didn't expect to win. Anyway, I just looked pathetic when alvin and fabian was suaning me, like it says in the script. Then when edwin asked me to say somehting, I just said whatever came to mind. Vaguely, I think it was "Tonight, I came to sing and touch your hearts, although I don't think I touched Simon's heart, but I hoped I touched all of yours. I hope that I can always be your bridge over troubled water. I love you SIngapore!" Something along those lines.
Oh yah, during the performance, a guide and a scout came up to give me the flowers that were supposed to be use for voting. And yah apparently I received 4 more votes than my closest competitor, who was kenny.
(Shit, this really sounds like an ego trip. I shall stop now.)
Oh yah, adrian and albert's double bill, adrian singing shi jie mo ri and albert playing the piano was really great. 3 groups of girls were shouting "jie lun wo ai ni!" darn loudly. A guide later commented to me that her favourite segment was adrian singing. Then the screams went to a higher level when he took off his jacket and threw it to....edwin, not the crowd. He said he wanted his jacket back, haha.
After idols, was the sec 3 item, then the finale of the amazing race. Somehow it all worked out, and apparently chin yu got a note and a girl's phone number on it when he was leaving the stage after his dance. Reminds me of what happened to me during sec 3 campfire.
At the end, we just cheered unite and 01 till I almost went hoarse, the albatross on my neck was finally gone, and I could only feel a great sense of reflief and happiness.
Then, finally, the J1s did a proper whoosh, with me in it. Haha
Fast CF facts:
72 Transformations was used as an item 3 times. what is the probability of that?
The commercial video was not shown. a pity
I won idols. (just for the record ok?)
Fabian passed a sheet of paper to edwin with the words, "ed, we don't want ZY to win!"
I would like to thank all the j1s, nick especially for all his sleepless nights, the SU for being cooperative, TAR actors, ms lui for being understanding enough to know how much campfire means to me, and all those who voted for me. Haha.
And now, it's back to reality.
But I will always remember the static electricity I felt in my pants, the energy of 600 odd people in that small atrium, watching us put up a show for them.
I'll never forget that.
01 Annual Campfire 2003.
Channel 01.
Television like you've never experienced it.
It sure was.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)