The answer to life, universe, everything
I'm asking this question on behalf of a good friend. This question has been plaguing him I guess for about 2 years and 4 months already. He has been actively seeking for an answer but has been unsucessful for various reasons. It is just simply, what does a girl you know for about 3-4 days only mean when she hugs you before she gets off the MRT train for home?
Sure brings back old memories...
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Friday, May 26, 2006
Departure
I read about her death in the papers.
It shouldn't have come as a shock. I knew mentally a long time she didn't had much time left.
So the news didn't strike me hard. It was more of a sense of finality, like it was going to happen, and now that it did, perhaps she would have a sense of release.
Still the facts are laid bear for all to see. A young woman, on the cusp of adulthood, cruelly cut down after only a mere 20 years.
I guess she made me realise that the scale of my problems and grievances with the world in general are very superficial. Here I was griping about unimportant things while she was there fighting cancer.
Over the course of my ambulance attachment I had a case of one guy who tried to commit suicide by cutting his wrist. Thinking back now, I would grabbed the guy by the collar and shouted in his face that he should cherish his life as there are many others out there who want to live very badly.
I never really knew her very well.
Thus, I didn't cry.
Perhaps there was no need to cry, for she had moved on to a place where the pain and suffering of the flesh are gone. A place reserved for people who faced death with such bravery and grace.
I used to think there's no such thing as dying in dignity. Death is death, the final answer. There is no more.
I still believe so. She may have left us, her death yet another statistic of a human being who has succumbed to cancer, yet she left an undying legacy.
She taught us, especially those who had forgotten how to so, like me, how to live life.
Joan, rest in peace.
I read about her death in the papers.
It shouldn't have come as a shock. I knew mentally a long time she didn't had much time left.
So the news didn't strike me hard. It was more of a sense of finality, like it was going to happen, and now that it did, perhaps she would have a sense of release.
Still the facts are laid bear for all to see. A young woman, on the cusp of adulthood, cruelly cut down after only a mere 20 years.
I guess she made me realise that the scale of my problems and grievances with the world in general are very superficial. Here I was griping about unimportant things while she was there fighting cancer.
Over the course of my ambulance attachment I had a case of one guy who tried to commit suicide by cutting his wrist. Thinking back now, I would grabbed the guy by the collar and shouted in his face that he should cherish his life as there are many others out there who want to live very badly.
I never really knew her very well.
Thus, I didn't cry.
Perhaps there was no need to cry, for she had moved on to a place where the pain and suffering of the flesh are gone. A place reserved for people who faced death with such bravery and grace.
I used to think there's no such thing as dying in dignity. Death is death, the final answer. There is no more.
I still believe so. She may have left us, her death yet another statistic of a human being who has succumbed to cancer, yet she left an undying legacy.
She taught us, especially those who had forgotten how to so, like me, how to live life.
Joan, rest in peace.
Santa Fe
By Angela Aki
He spoke my language in this foreign land
Familiar secrets shared in a sinful bed
Imagination flowing through his ancient hands
He painted just my fantasy in red, bright red
I call him Santa Fe’
Someone to dance with on a rainy day
He will bring me all the empty reasons to be
Sure of what I’m only not so sure about
So can he just be my illusion
That I created with confusion?
He wears a tall top-hat filled with secrets of our souls
He’ll pull them out as he pulls you in through the secret hole
I call him Santa Fe’
Someone to bleed with on this lovely day
He will bring me all the empty reasons to be
Sure of what I’m only not so sure about
Will he take this grand delusion
Add his love to make his own conclusion?
True or false can you feel his pulse?
The warmth he carries really varies
With the name of the game
He will bring me all the empty reasons to be
Sore of what I’m only nt so sure about
In the end it leads to sudden madness when he
Takes these reasons breaths some sanity into them
So can he just be my illusion
I created with confusion
Will he take this grand delusion
Add his love to make his own conclusion
I love this song. The lyrics mirror the movie lost in translation.
By Angela Aki
He spoke my language in this foreign land
Familiar secrets shared in a sinful bed
Imagination flowing through his ancient hands
He painted just my fantasy in red, bright red
I call him Santa Fe’
Someone to dance with on a rainy day
He will bring me all the empty reasons to be
Sure of what I’m only not so sure about
So can he just be my illusion
That I created with confusion?
He wears a tall top-hat filled with secrets of our souls
He’ll pull them out as he pulls you in through the secret hole
I call him Santa Fe’
Someone to bleed with on this lovely day
He will bring me all the empty reasons to be
Sure of what I’m only not so sure about
Will he take this grand delusion
Add his love to make his own conclusion?
True or false can you feel his pulse?
The warmth he carries really varies
With the name of the game
He will bring me all the empty reasons to be
Sore of what I’m only nt so sure about
In the end it leads to sudden madness when he
Takes these reasons breaths some sanity into them
So can he just be my illusion
I created with confusion
Will he take this grand delusion
Add his love to make his own conclusion
I love this song. The lyrics mirror the movie lost in translation.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Someone to bleed with on this lovely day..
They used to say that, if you had nothing good to say, just shut up and keep quiet. For my case, it's more of if you can't think of anything interesting to write about, don't blog. Or it could be just a nice way of saying I'm lazy. Or it could just mean I'm no longer the ZY who had an opinion about everything and anything. In short I have become an apathetic person who just goes with the flow.
And yet another side effect of army is seen.
Reading Jin's blog reminds me about those long lost JC times. Times where I was foolhardy and enthusiatic about anything. While I was waiting to pick my sis up from her school, I stood outside the school gates and observed the students going about their activities, once again I feel so old. Like some castaway from a forgotten era, a mere dustspot in history.
But yet, the feeling was not as bad as it was. As my sis came out and I gripped the steering wheel of the car, I realised that perhaps finally I can let go of that longing to return to school and move forward into my future.
After a long and ardous journey filled with many disappointments, I finally got my driver's license. And when I heard the magic words "you passed" I just felt a great sense of relief and happiness come over me. Relief as I finally managed to pass, happiness as my hard work had finally seen fruition.
Also I'm now a level 2 paramedic as my course had ended last week.
Now that these two are out of the way, it's time to move on to more achievements in my life. 5 months to ORD, this is the time to plan for my post ORD life.
On another sidenote, I do realise I have been thinking less about relationships. Maybe it's due to the lack of targets, or the fact I have piled myself up with distractors that prevent me from wallowing in loneliness or what nots, it seems that a calm has come over my emotional being. Maybe i'm just getting ready to be hurt again :)
They used to say that, if you had nothing good to say, just shut up and keep quiet. For my case, it's more of if you can't think of anything interesting to write about, don't blog. Or it could be just a nice way of saying I'm lazy. Or it could just mean I'm no longer the ZY who had an opinion about everything and anything. In short I have become an apathetic person who just goes with the flow.
And yet another side effect of army is seen.
Reading Jin's blog reminds me about those long lost JC times. Times where I was foolhardy and enthusiatic about anything. While I was waiting to pick my sis up from her school, I stood outside the school gates and observed the students going about their activities, once again I feel so old. Like some castaway from a forgotten era, a mere dustspot in history.
But yet, the feeling was not as bad as it was. As my sis came out and I gripped the steering wheel of the car, I realised that perhaps finally I can let go of that longing to return to school and move forward into my future.
After a long and ardous journey filled with many disappointments, I finally got my driver's license. And when I heard the magic words "you passed" I just felt a great sense of relief and happiness come over me. Relief as I finally managed to pass, happiness as my hard work had finally seen fruition.
Also I'm now a level 2 paramedic as my course had ended last week.
Now that these two are out of the way, it's time to move on to more achievements in my life. 5 months to ORD, this is the time to plan for my post ORD life.
On another sidenote, I do realise I have been thinking less about relationships. Maybe it's due to the lack of targets, or the fact I have piled myself up with distractors that prevent me from wallowing in loneliness or what nots, it seems that a calm has come over my emotional being. Maybe i'm just getting ready to be hurt again :)
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Long weekend
Next week is the last week of my 9 week course, but field camp awaits tommorrow. If you purists can actually consider it as a field camp that is, it being a 2 day 1 night thing, but I know I can forget about sleeping for that night. It promises to be a night of turn outs galore.
Watched Mi3 with the guys on vesak day night, interestingly the 1st movie I watched for 2006. A great show of restraint no? Indeed, it was one of the better action movies I've watched before, with the action coming to you fast and furious and in your face. But i laughed at the part tom cruise's character's wife revived him using CPR only. The chance of that happening is extremely low.
After the movie, some went home, we were only left with brandon js adrian edwin and myself. Went to clarke quay for 2 jugs of beer, admittedly we should have gotten a tower instead and talked cock. Jim had to leave as he was going for a uber powerful reccee with maran leading (they were told to wear boots and jeans).
The four of us stoned by the quayside for a while, before brandon suggested we go to his house to finish up the chivas he managed to kope from his company chalet. Thus we cabbed there, but before we stayed awhile next to a open field where a bunch of people were playing with motorised kites decorated with luminous lights.
I downed 2 glasses of chivas with copious amounts of pokka green tea to go with it while watching man in the iron mask on axn, before crashing in don's room till the next day, where we went for breakfast at redhill.
I love long weekends.
Next week is the last week of my 9 week course, but field camp awaits tommorrow. If you purists can actually consider it as a field camp that is, it being a 2 day 1 night thing, but I know I can forget about sleeping for that night. It promises to be a night of turn outs galore.
Watched Mi3 with the guys on vesak day night, interestingly the 1st movie I watched for 2006. A great show of restraint no? Indeed, it was one of the better action movies I've watched before, with the action coming to you fast and furious and in your face. But i laughed at the part tom cruise's character's wife revived him using CPR only. The chance of that happening is extremely low.
After the movie, some went home, we were only left with brandon js adrian edwin and myself. Went to clarke quay for 2 jugs of beer, admittedly we should have gotten a tower instead and talked cock. Jim had to leave as he was going for a uber powerful reccee with maran leading (they were told to wear boots and jeans).
The four of us stoned by the quayside for a while, before brandon suggested we go to his house to finish up the chivas he managed to kope from his company chalet. Thus we cabbed there, but before we stayed awhile next to a open field where a bunch of people were playing with motorised kites decorated with luminous lights.
I downed 2 glasses of chivas with copious amounts of pokka green tea to go with it while watching man in the iron mask on axn, before crashing in don's room till the next day, where we went for breakfast at redhill.
I love long weekends.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Betwixt and Between
Was totally wasted in camp last tuesday after that crazy weekend. Slept throughout the whole of tuesday, had the usual feeling of someone just please end my suffering my knocking me out with a heavy blow to the head. Worst still we were doing stores till late and I was practically zombie-ing by then. BCS deployment was ok in my opinion, but our course commander thought it was lousy. What do you expect from people who have either never done deployment before or have only deployed once which was during their course?
Was highly intrigued by the Kong Hui batteries I came across when we went to Stagmont for a signal package. I liken it to going on an excursion during those school days long forgetten.
Hmm, I seem to lack interesting things to write about. Nick your requests for more "novel-like" stories will be entertained in good time, once I get the necessary inspiration. My life is a more mundane shade of green nowadays compared to back in JC, the creative juices aren't flowing as a result.
Jin told me that I should just blog anyway, just post anything, be it song lyrics or those quizs you can link to your blog. I think I'll just restrict this place to my thoughts, besides I don't have any lofty ambitions about this blog, besides with such poor readership it's quite pointless. It'll be just a corner of cyberspace for myself.
Anyway, just to sum up how my life is now:
Currently liking:
Music:
High and Mighty Color (great J-rock band, they did the themes for Bleach and Seed Destiny)
Anime songs from anime I've watched
Eyes on me by Angela Aki (a nice alternative to the faye wong's version, more emphasis on the piano, made me like a old song all over again)
FFXII theme Kiss me goodbye (what can I say, FFXII will take the ORD period by storm when it comes out in august hopefully)
Games:
Kingdom Hearts 2 (a great game not because of its plot or anything like that, it just makes you WANT to drop everything else and play it)
Nothing else as I want to stop playing games for a while once I get over KH2
Shows:
The usual anime, Bleach is getting awfully boring though
Reading:
Been borrowing random novels from the library on weekends, too much free time after RO
Catching up on my 3 magazines (TIME, Newsweek and Forbes)
Borrowed MAR from adrian
Well, 2 more weeks to pass out. After the topo this week it's Mi3 with the guys, and of course there's yet another long weekend to look forward to. Cheers people!
Was totally wasted in camp last tuesday after that crazy weekend. Slept throughout the whole of tuesday, had the usual feeling of someone just please end my suffering my knocking me out with a heavy blow to the head. Worst still we were doing stores till late and I was practically zombie-ing by then. BCS deployment was ok in my opinion, but our course commander thought it was lousy. What do you expect from people who have either never done deployment before or have only deployed once which was during their course?
Was highly intrigued by the Kong Hui batteries I came across when we went to Stagmont for a signal package. I liken it to going on an excursion during those school days long forgetten.
Hmm, I seem to lack interesting things to write about. Nick your requests for more "novel-like" stories will be entertained in good time, once I get the necessary inspiration. My life is a more mundane shade of green nowadays compared to back in JC, the creative juices aren't flowing as a result.
Jin told me that I should just blog anyway, just post anything, be it song lyrics or those quizs you can link to your blog. I think I'll just restrict this place to my thoughts, besides I don't have any lofty ambitions about this blog, besides with such poor readership it's quite pointless. It'll be just a corner of cyberspace for myself.
Anyway, just to sum up how my life is now:
Currently liking:
Music:
High and Mighty Color (great J-rock band, they did the themes for Bleach and Seed Destiny)
Anime songs from anime I've watched
Eyes on me by Angela Aki (a nice alternative to the faye wong's version, more emphasis on the piano, made me like a old song all over again)
FFXII theme Kiss me goodbye (what can I say, FFXII will take the ORD period by storm when it comes out in august hopefully)
Games:
Kingdom Hearts 2 (a great game not because of its plot or anything like that, it just makes you WANT to drop everything else and play it)
Nothing else as I want to stop playing games for a while once I get over KH2
Shows:
The usual anime, Bleach is getting awfully boring though
Reading:
Been borrowing random novels from the library on weekends, too much free time after RO
Catching up on my 3 magazines (TIME, Newsweek and Forbes)
Borrowed MAR from adrian
Well, 2 more weeks to pass out. After the topo this week it's Mi3 with the guys, and of course there's yet another long weekend to look forward to. Cheers people!
Monday, May 01, 2006
Crash and burn
What an exhausting weekend. Spent friday doing guard duty which was only given to me on thursday, played mahjong at jay's house on sat night, spent the better half of today out with either the fencers or the Guys celebrating the return of the prodigal son edwin. All that and a lot of sleeping in between.
Slow life these days. Course will be ending in 3 weeks, passed all my tests and practicals without actually working too hard, my residual knowledge of biology and smokebomb after smokebomb thrown to wayang in front of my testers proved to be suffice.
Attachment to Alexandra fire station and hospital proved to be a real eye opener. Saw a suicide attempt by the slashing of wrist, 2 asthma cases, 1 case of bad myocardial infarction ie heart attack, plus observed many a medical procedure in AH.
Actually being a SCDF paramedic during your NSF time is quite meaningful and good. For starters, you work either 2 day or night shifts in a row then get 2 days off. Your CPL pay is 600. You get meal allowance of 4 bucks a meal. You are really actually doing something useful other than just wayanging. The medics were bantering with their superiors in a very simple atmosphere, no semblance of office politcs seen. Plus you get to go and visit the civilian world all the time when you go out on calls. You get the chance to chat up the NYP nurses while at the hospital haha.
Oh well, had a very brief thought of signing on to be a paramedic, but that thought died very quickly.
Looks like I can't disrupt. That means I'm facing a period of 8 months of dead time before I enter university. Time to scout for a job to make sure those 8 months or so are spent meaningfully.
Am horrified by my duties when I return to the medical centre. Still hope things will settle down once our acute manpower shortage is solved.
I actually managed to run 7 km last week, albeit very slowly. Time to train for that now very elusive IPPT silver.
Haiz, don't really feel like turning in, even though my eyelids are very heavy. Once slumber gets me the next thing i'll know is that I'll be heading back to camp.
I really want more structure in my life. At least in JC the overarching goal was to get 4As so if I was ever in doubt I just realign everything according to that goal, but now the goal is just to ORD as soon as possible. How does one work towards that?
What an exhausting weekend. Spent friday doing guard duty which was only given to me on thursday, played mahjong at jay's house on sat night, spent the better half of today out with either the fencers or the Guys celebrating the return of the prodigal son edwin. All that and a lot of sleeping in between.
Slow life these days. Course will be ending in 3 weeks, passed all my tests and practicals without actually working too hard, my residual knowledge of biology and smokebomb after smokebomb thrown to wayang in front of my testers proved to be suffice.
Attachment to Alexandra fire station and hospital proved to be a real eye opener. Saw a suicide attempt by the slashing of wrist, 2 asthma cases, 1 case of bad myocardial infarction ie heart attack, plus observed many a medical procedure in AH.
Actually being a SCDF paramedic during your NSF time is quite meaningful and good. For starters, you work either 2 day or night shifts in a row then get 2 days off. Your CPL pay is 600. You get meal allowance of 4 bucks a meal. You are really actually doing something useful other than just wayanging. The medics were bantering with their superiors in a very simple atmosphere, no semblance of office politcs seen. Plus you get to go and visit the civilian world all the time when you go out on calls. You get the chance to chat up the NYP nurses while at the hospital haha.
Oh well, had a very brief thought of signing on to be a paramedic, but that thought died very quickly.
Looks like I can't disrupt. That means I'm facing a period of 8 months of dead time before I enter university. Time to scout for a job to make sure those 8 months or so are spent meaningfully.
Am horrified by my duties when I return to the medical centre. Still hope things will settle down once our acute manpower shortage is solved.
I actually managed to run 7 km last week, albeit very slowly. Time to train for that now very elusive IPPT silver.
Haiz, don't really feel like turning in, even though my eyelids are very heavy. Once slumber gets me the next thing i'll know is that I'll be heading back to camp.
I really want more structure in my life. At least in JC the overarching goal was to get 4As so if I was ever in doubt I just realign everything according to that goal, but now the goal is just to ORD as soon as possible. How does one work towards that?
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