Bloody Hell

They never do it the easy way, and that makes them so endearing yet infuriating at the same time.
When all seemed lost, they triumphed against the odds.
This time, I did not lose faith. Yes I wavered, I had despaired, but I cheered them, urged them on, hoping they understand that their dalliance with destiny was within their own hands, all they needed to do was to take it.
And they did, in the most imporbable of comebacks, made possible by not flair, but sheer will and that stubborn attitude not to say die.
Only they can give me such a rollercoaster of emotions. Only they can sink me into the dark abyess of despair, only to show me that brilliant radiance of their spirit.
Truly, the stuff of Champions.
Glory, Glory, Man Utd.

Such effortless elan

Was a funny day. Woke up at 2 to watch the champions league semi-final, prior to that couldn't get to sleep at all. Felt all sorts of emotions throughout the match, elation, despair, hope then euphoria. Man Utd never do it the easy way, hence the rollercoaster ride of emotions. Now to finish the job in italy.
Went to sleep thereafter, but the adrenaline kept me up for a while longer than I liked. Then smsed my boss whether I had to report for an assignment at 11 am, just for the heck f it. Was quite sure it was cancelled as no email was sent about it, but it was still on. Dragged my sleep deprived body up and got ready in double quick time to get to the office to share the cab to the school.
Done with one, had to cross the island to get to the second one, at least I was prepared for this one. Afraid of being late, I took a cab instead of trying my luck with the buses, and as it turned out I was earlier than my colleague.
By this time the lack of sleep was catching with me, so I was running on adrenaline only. Endured the 3 hours, before catching an extremely slow 16 home.
For those who have the time, go watch the blind date videos on STOMP. I only watched the ones with the youngest couple in it, as the girl was pretty for a 19 year old (shallow reason I know) and found her easy going personality the way she gamely took the unfamiliar task of fine dining quite appealing (the less shallow reason). It's quite interesting as you can see and feel the dynamics of their relationship unfolding. Unskilled labourers like myself can learn a thing or too from the videos as well.
The lack of sleep is catching up with him, so this is the time I start typing nonsense. But I guess it's ok since only a few people know about this blog and even so many have stopped patronising this place. And seriously hope none of my colleagues or my bosses patronise this place, to my colleagues if you're reading this now, hi, I love all of you, to my bosses, err hi, don't sack me as I don't think I have brought the company into disrepute.
This blog officially celebrated its 4th birthday 18 days ago. Seems a long way to come, 500 posts plus plus, and I still find the time, energy and reason to post here. When I read my older posts now, I practically shudder and wonder why was I so blinkered and angsty in the past. Some things I fretted a lot about really seem insignificant now. The benefit of hindsight at its best.
So the dwindling or now non-existent readership doesn't really bother me. Like I said before, this is just some small corner of the cyberworld just for me, a place to tell it as it is, albeit in a less rabid and more lucid manner nowadays. No more self-righteous rants about me against the world.
Am meeting up with an old friend this weekend, and I teased her by telling her not to be late, as she had a reputation back in school for being late. She replied back, and I could feel the indignance in her MSN reply, "I've changed".
Which is true. Not only my friend, we all have changed. I've seen great changes in my peers, some so drastic that the old image I had of them in school no longer fits. I myself too have changed (I like to think so), so I constantly remind myself to give others a chance to change for the better as well too.
Why do we change? I know I strived to change as many a good friend pointed out some personality flaws, and I accepted their criticism, and worked to improve in those areas. And for once, I felt a need to follow through with the change.
I don't wish to give a reason on behalf for other people, so I shall just leave their motivation to change open for debate. But the fact remains that there is obvious and discernible change in life. And on a very unrelated note, one friend moaned that he has been the "case study" for a typical single guy until he is sick of it already. Also please don't go playing near canals, drive carefully for all and the evening lightning storm around my home area shorted out a 4 way junction's traffic lights, leaving me to turn right very cautiously while sending my grandparents home.
Ok I think I've rambled on too long again. I think I shall leave you guys with a very interesting thing I heard while matching the Man Utd vs AC Milan match, as spoken by the commentator while he was talking about the milan experienced and ageing defensive duo of Nesta and Maldini. The way he said it, it was like he wrote it down somewhere prior to the match and was itching to say it as soon as the match started.
"What they (Maldini and Nesta) don't know about defending, isn't worth knowing."

All things visceral

A good friend called from USA yesterday. Was driving when I got the call, was wondering who was that American accented bugger while trying to navigate a turn. Had a nice chat with him, which lasted 45 mins, realised that I missed having him around to talk cock to. Even if he did give cock advice on how to jio girls that only worked for him as he is handsome. :)
I can't help but realise that I'm being surrounded by them. I seriously wonder if this is a sign.
Was talking to a new friend online about how I am living my life now. I told her that "I'm doing what I want because I what to." Sort of like personal preference maximisation. And I added, "on good days I know what I want to do, on bad days I'm hopelessly lost."
Wonder if I'm having a bad patch now then. I reflect on today, and am not really pleased with myself. Was late for work, and think I was punished for it in a subtle way, may have hurt a friend's feelings unknowingly as well. Oh well. Do better tomorrow then.
Was at the Night Safari on friday night, spent a fair bit of time being lost trying to drive there. Couldn't remember the last time I went there, but I must say it was a very nice place to go to. I guess I'm just a simple guy revisiting my childhood, where my parents used to bring me to the zoo every week. Loved the open concept of the place, turned around at one point and saw a yawning hyena behind me. Also saw a very breathtaking sight of a quiet lake next to the giraffe exhibit, which made me stand there for a while taking it in. Really liked the place.
Campfire was rather ok to me, but didn't go down too well with the guys, so they adjourned to my place to watch 300 (again!) and the Man Utd vs boro match. Bit my right index finger nail off till it bled, that was how tense and disappointed I was. Good thing Newcastle chaopiahed and held chelski, was watching that match as well and was bored to tears, was only happy about the result.
At the end of the day, I place my faith in all things visceral, those that are discernible to me and mean something to me. If it does seem like me attempting to just take all the complexities of the world and disregard all that I feel is not important, I must admit that there is an element of that involved. Maybe I'm just stubborn, headstrong and too proud, but I relish control over my own life far too much, without it, I think this life would be meaningless. Wanting to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, to maximise my personal preferences, to make your own decisions and to be responsible for them, that's the life I want.

Why, you ask?
Because, I want to.

My Annus Mirabilis

No, this has nothing to do with my anus.
Been sometime I wrote anything here, and I do have a lot of thoughts swirling in my head. A few months ago when I was still wearing green, I may have tried to pen them down, and fail miserably due to the rustiness of my language skills, but now I think it's coming back to me slowly. The old acerbic wit has shown itself in a few situations to (I hope!) great effect.
Was at a sec school for 3 days last week. Was quite fruitful, but it was darn far away from my house, all the way in Bukit Gombak, thus I have to wake up very early to get there. And I didn't get there on time at all for all 3 days. Oops. Somehow did not hear the alarm clock on friday, woke up only at 0650, rushed and took a cab there in the end.
Interacting with the students was very interesting as usual, as every bunch is different, plus this time I had no colleague to back me up, so I had to fly solo many a time. The students were a nice group, but they had the usual baggage which I hoped I had helped to clear.
Some interesting incidents. A girl shared to me that she felt her male platonic friend was becoming distant and she was very concerned about this. I was about to give her some standard advice regarding relationships between friends, and then she told me he was her ex-relief teacher, and started to bring in her ex-boyfriend and other stuff, I called time-out and asked my female colleague who was taking the other group to talk to her. I sort of deduced she just wanted someone to talk to, so best I get a girl to talk to her. Don't really feel like revealing too much here online, suffice to say the situation was rather convoluted.
It got me thinking about 2 things. One, she really was thinking too much. She says his short smses that he sends are an indication of him being distant to her, but I beg to differ. Maybe he's just lazy? But my point is we shouldn't really read too much into things.
Secondly, someone will probably castigate me for this, but I think it'll be easy to just acquire a partner. All you have to do is just prey on a person's insecurities, show mock concern, impress him/her with some gifts, and chances are it can be done. I'm not saying that girls are easy, far from it, but what I believe is that it is possible. Which led me to think that if we define the word partner loosely, it can be spilt into 2 parts, the physical discernible part, which is the person you go out on dates with, and the emotional part, in other words he/she is the person you feel more for than other people. So, if you remove the emotional parts, ceteris paribus, you technically still have a partner. But this kind of relationship kind of sucks right?
Was celebrating Fabian's birthday at a chalet in Sentosa, went around the island's beaches in the dark with nick and another guy. The island is indeed nicer, shall make it a point to watch the new musical fountain show, I hope they got rid of that pointless green monkey. The Sentosa Express was a pleasant ride as well, although it's still very expensive to go to the place. At least the best places to be, the beaches, are still free and it was nice to just sit there and feel the breeze and take in the sights.
Spent the weekend studying the backlog of Japanese lessons, 10 in all. Managed to finish all 10 lessons in 2 days and completed all the homework that was due last week.
Man Utd is still crushing opposition, despite losing defender after defender. Hope some of them come back and be available soon. Still, the amount of joy they bring me is just immeasurable.
Read the news about the shooter in Virginia. Just feel it's damn sad, and my first reaction was, "Do I have any friends there?". It's depressing to know that such pointless violence is occurring. With just a few pulls of the trigger, he made a whole nation feel ashamed, created 30 odd grieving families and countless other friends and schoolmates terrorised and scarred for life. Seeing the faces of those who were killed, some cut down brutally at the cusp of adulthood, you can't help but feel a sense of waste. I'd tell my students, if I get the chance to do so, that while you're here bemoaning your life, think of those slain students, never given a chance to blossom into adults, and I hope it triggers a reaction in them.
Did a DISC test on myself, and I think I screwed it up as I mixed my responses as I did not stick to one situation. But I could discern that my outward personality is now I/S, but my inward personality is still S/C. Not a bad combination I guess. It just means I'm more people oriented when I'm with others, garrulous and revel in the company of others, but by myself I still am the anal retentive obsessively compulsive person who enjoys simple pleasures and avoid conflicts I have been for quite some time.
Embarking on the first phase of my "Checking out Singapore before I leave" plan soon. The idea behind it is to check out some places in my fair island that one would not normally visit. This was inspired by Neil Humphreys books on Singapore, and I think it'd nice to just go sightseeing in a place I have come to take for granted for 21 years of my life.
Hmm, this has been a long and disjointed post. Somehow I have been of a good mood for the week, some things happened to me that only I would be happy about, so it is pointless to divulge any details. Campfire this weekend, coupled with a football session that I'll probably be breathless after 15 mins, Hong Kong in a week's time, Spider-Man 3 opening soon, things are looking good.
I like being contented and happy.

Belief

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. At the time when they needed me the most, I wavered. I doubted them. I set myself up for disappointment, prepared my heart for it. I forsook them at their darkest hour, I placed my well being over them, yet they still played the game of their lives. They raised their game, they stood 2 metres tall, they played with their hearts. So while I celebrate and revel in this victory, I feel ashamed as well, for I had doubted them, didn't render the support they demand.
7-1. This was a team that had players like Fletcher and O'Shea, whom I frequently condemn for not being good enough to be a Man Utd player. 2 goals from Carrick, who perhaps with the absence of Scholes, was able to step up and hit those sweet long shots, his second was just a beauty, unsaveable. Giggs played those passes that I remember he could do ages ago, including that grounder banana pass for Ronaldo's second, the last time I saw that was way back when he set up Andy Cole's 4th goal for a 5-1 win over Newcastle. Ronaldo, what can I say, everytime he touches the ball there's this air of excitement and expectation that crackles around the ground, and I think he revels in it. Player of the season for me so far no doubt. And Smith, after his horror injury, deserves his goal. I missed the sight of him harrying defenders, snapping at their heels.
Dreams are made of this. I had already told myself, the only way they can win this is that the players play their best, and they sure did. I had this silly grin pasted on my face for the work at work. And given some stuff that have been happening in my life, it looks like my fortunes are somehow tied to my favourite club for 12 years.
Glory, glory, Man Utd.

Fever Pitch

Been reading the aforementioned book for the last few days, and I must say it's great. Bear with me, those who read it long ago, I have always wanted to read it but never got down to doing so, finally got a chance to do so after borrowing it from the library. Any football fan should read it. I just like to reproduce a excerpt from the book, which more or less sums up the feeling of a football fan.
Football teams are extraordinarily inventive in the ways they find to cause their supporters sorrow. They lead at Wembley and then throw it away; they go top of the First Division and then drop dead; they draw the difficult away game and lose the home replay; they beat Liverpool one week and lose to Scunthorpe the next; they seduce you, halfway through the season, into believing that they are promotion candidates and then go the other way... always, when you think you have anticipated the worst that can happen, they come up with something new.
When I read this paragraph I can't help but nod in agreement and smile. I remember having to endure cock ups like taibi and barthez, defensive errors aplenty, that agonising FA cup final in 2005, when Man Utd dominated the whole match but lost, 4-3 against Real at home but still out, and many more sad moments.
Didn't really feel that well today, thanks to a major screw up on my part on sun. It did not help that Man Utd lost in a very frankly, pathetic way. I just hope now they roll up their socks and finish the job they started way back when the season started.

Sunset Horizons

Relief teaching has come to an end. Had an option to continue for another week, but didn't take it up. Decided to go back to my old job, as there were a plethora of assignments lined up for me for that week, hence would pay better than relief.
That relief teaching stint sure taught me some stuff, like students really take their school for granted. Last tues' assembly was about a bunch of 60 year old old boys and their teachers coming to school to promote their book of stories about how life was like during their time. Sitting there in the new hall on the teachers' chairs, you can't help but wonder amidst the chuckling of the current students at the humorous anecdotes, did they really understand why these men of such advanced ages would decide to do something of this great scale, 4 decades after leaving school? What is special about the school that inspires this in them?
I used this example of these old boys in a civics and moral education lesson which I was reliefing to sec 2 boys. They claimed they liked my lessons as I would just ramble on and on with story after story, but that's another point. When I brought up the case of those old boys, one boy stood up said that, he feels that sometimes all the school is concerned with is their reputation and nothing else.
In the times I was in school, I may have agreed with him. But hindsight gave me rose tinted glasses. I told the class, that you as students are very very privileged to be studying in this school, where there are opportunities abound for you to excel in, where the teachers and admin staff are supportive and genuinely care for the students, where many before you have go through those hallowed gates and became men of great repute. To be part of this great institution, one has the responsibility to those before and after him to uphold its good name many hold in high regard. For it is only the things we feel the strongest for are the ones we will protect with vigour.
A bit melodramatic I know, hence my afterthought for that day is that I may like hearing my own voice too much, but those words just came. I think many an old boy would agree with him, for it was in white we became and still are good friends, it was there we went from boyhood shorts to adult long pants, and despite leaving, we irrevocably return.
I may been romanticising this, but I feel that way. It is very easy to just get into a daily grind of things, but once I took those necessary steps back and viewed my school, I did not see walls of soulless stone mortar and brick, I feel that unique sense of belonging, a feeling that I was always going to be a son of this place, a place of yes stone mortar and brick, at the mercy of rain wind and demolishers, but its unremovable mark it left on many cannot be erased.
To those who currently walk those hallowed halls, remember those who came before you, but more importantly, remember why they return.

Birth by Sleep

It's been some week for me. Week 2 of relief teaching brought more headaches and a very bad throat. Started feeling very lousy during monday's japanese class, and the general feeling of being ill continued throughout the week. Queasy stomach, running nose and the works. Still am not feeling totally 100%, but have been irrigating myself with water and vitamin C for the last few days so I think I'm on the road to recovery.
It's nigh impossible to get my students to hand up homework. Somehow perversely I like marking so I make them hand up their work, and half the class doesn't. I give up. No point collecting if only less the class hands in. However, sometimes their answers make me laugh out loud. Like this student's suggestion on how to control the burgeoning rabbit population in Australia was to bomb the burrows. Very ACME. Also, started this idea of giving sweets to those who do well in my class. Those sweets are actually left over from CNY when only a few guests came to my place. It's akin to feeding sealions pieces of fish when they perform their tricks, in my opinion. And for their last lesson last week, there were supposed to view onion cells in the bio lab. Sec 1s and fragile lab equipment really don't go well. I leave the lab for 1 min to get the lab tech and someone breaks a bottle of iodine solution.
Actually had more to say, but Blogger ate my post. Argh. Oh well, shall leave that for another day.