Afraid
Amid those flashing lights and blaring sounds, he felt a sense of epiphany, a sense of otherworldliness, a touch of uncertainty. It frightened him immensely, but somehow he wonders if there was anything to be afraid of.
Still, when the lights dimmed and the sounds faded, he wonders if he was true to himself.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
You Needed Me
by Anne Murray
I cried a tear
You wiped it dry
I was confused
You cleared my mind
I sold my soul
You bought it back for me
And held me up and gave me dignity
Somehow you needed me.
Chorus
You gave me strength
To stand alone again
To face the world
Out on my own again
You put me high upon a pedestal
So high that I could almost see eternity
You needed me
You needed me
And I can't believe it's you I can't believe it's true
I needed you and you were there
And I'll never leave, why should I leave
I'd be a fool
'Cause I've finally found someone who really cares
You held my hand
When it was cold
When I was lost
You took me home
You gave me hope
When I was at the end
And turned my lies
Back into truth again
You even called me friend
Repeat Chorus
You needed me
You needed me
You know sometimes your player plays a song that you haven't heard in ages, and somehow once it ends, you want to hear it again, then again, and again. This song is just that. It's the Boyzone cover version though, but still it's a lovely song. I bought the Boyzone greatest hits album about 8 years ago and never transfered the songs to the computer until lately. I remember 8 years ago reading the lyrics of this song I wondered why a person can "need" a person, who, as the song goes, cries, was confused, and sold his soul. The me then didn't understand it, and the me now understands a little, I guess, but still not enough. I guess what the song is trying to say that, even the person who can do anything and everything, still needs someone to validate his/her existence.
The philosophical mumbo-jumbo aside, I think I've just found another song for the night.
by Anne Murray
I cried a tear
You wiped it dry
I was confused
You cleared my mind
I sold my soul
You bought it back for me
And held me up and gave me dignity
Somehow you needed me.
Chorus
You gave me strength
To stand alone again
To face the world
Out on my own again
You put me high upon a pedestal
So high that I could almost see eternity
You needed me
You needed me
And I can't believe it's you I can't believe it's true
I needed you and you were there
And I'll never leave, why should I leave
I'd be a fool
'Cause I've finally found someone who really cares
You held my hand
When it was cold
When I was lost
You took me home
You gave me hope
When I was at the end
And turned my lies
Back into truth again
You even called me friend
Repeat Chorus
You needed me
You needed me
You know sometimes your player plays a song that you haven't heard in ages, and somehow once it ends, you want to hear it again, then again, and again. This song is just that. It's the Boyzone cover version though, but still it's a lovely song. I bought the Boyzone greatest hits album about 8 years ago and never transfered the songs to the computer until lately. I remember 8 years ago reading the lyrics of this song I wondered why a person can "need" a person, who, as the song goes, cries, was confused, and sold his soul. The me then didn't understand it, and the me now understands a little, I guess, but still not enough. I guess what the song is trying to say that, even the person who can do anything and everything, still needs someone to validate his/her existence.
The philosophical mumbo-jumbo aside, I think I've just found another song for the night.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
No Shaking Throne
Rain, again. My roof leaks, at the same two places, again.
It's been a rather balmy Christmas period. Christmas was as usual, a visit to my Grandma's place for lunch and dinner and banter among relatives. After lunch my parents disappeared to buy new furniture for the new house, I disappeared to Taka for a spot of Christmas shopping, albeit belatedly.
Boxing day the heavens poured forth, but I braved the rain with my sis and mum to go for another round of Christmas shopping. I would just follow them to their destination, then tell them I'll be going to the men's section and hide there till they call me on the phone to come back and look for them.
A few observations include that these sales are really tempting, which can really cause you buy the stuff you don't need. Picked up a few stuff that I felt my wardrobe was lacking, then spent the rest of the day salvaging my room, reading Bleach 25 which was boring compared to 24 (bought 25 as a Christmas present to Adrian for always borrowing his manga), and watching Reading hold chelski and Man Utd beat Wigan to go 4 points clear. Cashley cole, I love you.
Today was supposed to report to the office, but the boss was not feeling well so he cancelled the session. Thus spent the day lazing away, reading, watching the bleach episodes I have backlogged, wondering why the internet was so lagged and playing the ps2.
Something has been bugging me for a while. On 933 radio station there's a segment which is a radio play, basically "A typical Singaporean schoolgirl's diary". There was once I was listening to a segment, and when it ended the writer of the programme came on and asked for input from the listeners. Basically she asked a very interesting question, which was "How do you know when you like somebody?" Responses included, from my memory, so may not be very accurate, "you get jealous when you see the person with another guy/girl", "when you're with the person you're unable to think properly, when you're not with the person you think of him/her for no rhyme or reason", "you feel happy because he/she feels happy, you feel sad because he/she feels sad."
Just to put things into perspective, the show is geared towards the younger listeners, maybe 12-18 year olds, so most of the responses I guess would come from them. Somehow, when I listened to those responses, I can't help but chuckle. Those were very cliched responses, but I guess they're still the most likely indicators. Still I wonder, does experiencing all those feelings mean you like the person in question? I believe that it's something far far more complicated than I can comprehend at the moment.
Anyway, my immediate answer to the question when it was raised was "When you start feeling the great need to act like an idiot in front of that person, yup that means you're a goner."
Rain, again. My roof leaks, at the same two places, again.
It's been a rather balmy Christmas period. Christmas was as usual, a visit to my Grandma's place for lunch and dinner and banter among relatives. After lunch my parents disappeared to buy new furniture for the new house, I disappeared to Taka for a spot of Christmas shopping, albeit belatedly.
Boxing day the heavens poured forth, but I braved the rain with my sis and mum to go for another round of Christmas shopping. I would just follow them to their destination, then tell them I'll be going to the men's section and hide there till they call me on the phone to come back and look for them.
A few observations include that these sales are really tempting, which can really cause you buy the stuff you don't need. Picked up a few stuff that I felt my wardrobe was lacking, then spent the rest of the day salvaging my room, reading Bleach 25 which was boring compared to 24 (bought 25 as a Christmas present to Adrian for always borrowing his manga), and watching Reading hold chelski and Man Utd beat Wigan to go 4 points clear. Cashley cole, I love you.
Today was supposed to report to the office, but the boss was not feeling well so he cancelled the session. Thus spent the day lazing away, reading, watching the bleach episodes I have backlogged, wondering why the internet was so lagged and playing the ps2.
Something has been bugging me for a while. On 933 radio station there's a segment which is a radio play, basically "A typical Singaporean schoolgirl's diary". There was once I was listening to a segment, and when it ended the writer of the programme came on and asked for input from the listeners. Basically she asked a very interesting question, which was "How do you know when you like somebody?" Responses included, from my memory, so may not be very accurate, "you get jealous when you see the person with another guy/girl", "when you're with the person you're unable to think properly, when you're not with the person you think of him/her for no rhyme or reason", "you feel happy because he/she feels happy, you feel sad because he/she feels sad."
Just to put things into perspective, the show is geared towards the younger listeners, maybe 12-18 year olds, so most of the responses I guess would come from them. Somehow, when I listened to those responses, I can't help but chuckle. Those were very cliched responses, but I guess they're still the most likely indicators. Still I wonder, does experiencing all those feelings mean you like the person in question? I believe that it's something far far more complicated than I can comprehend at the moment.
Anyway, my immediate answer to the question when it was raised was "When you start feeling the great need to act like an idiot in front of that person, yup that means you're a goner."
Monday, December 25, 2006
There's nothing either good or bad, but thinking it makes it so
Nope, it's not that I suddenly became very interested in the bard's works, but this quote was from the Final Fantasy Versus XIII trailer, which by the way, was pure coolness. Makes me want it a lot, and I have yet to finish FFXII for that matter.
It was a more restful week, as I didn't have to report to the office at all for the whole week. Spent it mostly trying to prevent my room from flooding due to the crazy storm on tues, had dinner with friends and watched Flyboys with the flyboy brandon who had returned from Australia. The movie was surprisingly good, but riddled with cliches and fabian and I had a fun time guessing which character will die next and predicting what happens next in the movie. Spent the whole night out though, and watched chelski undeservingly win at wigan.
Along the way I felt a bit down due to some events, but I realised I let myself feel down, and not that the event itself making me feel down. It took me a day to straighten out my thoughts, so I guess I feel better now.
It's early Christmas morning. I think I have to get up early later in the morning as I have to ferry some stuff to my grandmother's house for the lunch we normally have during Christmas. We would have very nice mee siam and open presents, but I doubt I'll be doing any opening this year as I think most people would prefer to give money nowadays, not that I mind.
The movie Love Actually just finished showing on Channel 5. I must say it's one of my favourite yet hated movies. I remember showing it as part of a med fac event back in J2, and the sight of the many twosomes in the school hall was something that stuck in my mind. In any case, I like the show as well it's good and funny and heartwarming, but bad as it never fails to remind me that Christmas is the most miserable time for those who are single, but only if you let yourself feel that way. I'm not letting myself feel that way though, as I slept through christmas eve anyway.
Here's wishing everyone happy holidays, next week will be the post-christmas sales and work for me. Thanks to all those who gave me cards or presents, really appreciate it. Have a good time everyone!
Nope, it's not that I suddenly became very interested in the bard's works, but this quote was from the Final Fantasy Versus XIII trailer, which by the way, was pure coolness. Makes me want it a lot, and I have yet to finish FFXII for that matter.
It was a more restful week, as I didn't have to report to the office at all for the whole week. Spent it mostly trying to prevent my room from flooding due to the crazy storm on tues, had dinner with friends and watched Flyboys with the flyboy brandon who had returned from Australia. The movie was surprisingly good, but riddled with cliches and fabian and I had a fun time guessing which character will die next and predicting what happens next in the movie. Spent the whole night out though, and watched chelski undeservingly win at wigan.
Along the way I felt a bit down due to some events, but I realised I let myself feel down, and not that the event itself making me feel down. It took me a day to straighten out my thoughts, so I guess I feel better now.
It's early Christmas morning. I think I have to get up early later in the morning as I have to ferry some stuff to my grandmother's house for the lunch we normally have during Christmas. We would have very nice mee siam and open presents, but I doubt I'll be doing any opening this year as I think most people would prefer to give money nowadays, not that I mind.
The movie Love Actually just finished showing on Channel 5. I must say it's one of my favourite yet hated movies. I remember showing it as part of a med fac event back in J2, and the sight of the many twosomes in the school hall was something that stuck in my mind. In any case, I like the show as well it's good and funny and heartwarming, but bad as it never fails to remind me that Christmas is the most miserable time for those who are single, but only if you let yourself feel that way. I'm not letting myself feel that way though, as I slept through christmas eve anyway.
Here's wishing everyone happy holidays, next week will be the post-christmas sales and work for me. Thanks to all those who gave me cards or presents, really appreciate it. Have a good time everyone!
Friday, December 22, 2006
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Washed out
Can someone tell me how is it scientifically possible for it to rain 1 whole day? And at the intensity it had been for the whole day. Good thing I didn't plan on going out today, or I'll either be totally drenched or stuck in a horrible traffic jam due to flooded roads or fallen trees or traffic accidents.
My first post since I moved to my new house. Still some running repairs required, like patching my leaking roof. Have been sleeping on a mattress for the past week, as my new bed only came today. Loads of things not up yet, like the overhead projector, computer network system etc. Still life goes on.
Still being a handyman about the house, albeit more for myself. Cleaned and repacked my bookshelves, organised my wardrobe, koped the old desk and standing fan for my writing corner, plus the old hi fi to make a nice room for myself. Well, it's the first time in my 20 years i got my own room, so it's something new to me. Previously was sharing a room with 2 of my brothers.
Less than a week to Christmas. Don't really feel it this time around, must be the craziness of moving made me forget about it until it slowly creeped up on me this year. Not that I have any presents to look forward to.
It seems that the rain stopped, for now at least. After the lung bursting pace life was over the last few days, I had some respite in the form of the rain soaked today. And I just spoke too soon. The rain started again.
Can someone tell me how is it scientifically possible for it to rain 1 whole day? And at the intensity it had been for the whole day. Good thing I didn't plan on going out today, or I'll either be totally drenched or stuck in a horrible traffic jam due to flooded roads or fallen trees or traffic accidents.
My first post since I moved to my new house. Still some running repairs required, like patching my leaking roof. Have been sleeping on a mattress for the past week, as my new bed only came today. Loads of things not up yet, like the overhead projector, computer network system etc. Still life goes on.
Still being a handyman about the house, albeit more for myself. Cleaned and repacked my bookshelves, organised my wardrobe, koped the old desk and standing fan for my writing corner, plus the old hi fi to make a nice room for myself. Well, it's the first time in my 20 years i got my own room, so it's something new to me. Previously was sharing a room with 2 of my brothers.
Less than a week to Christmas. Don't really feel it this time around, must be the craziness of moving made me forget about it until it slowly creeped up on me this year. Not that I have any presents to look forward to.
It seems that the rain stopped, for now at least. After the lung bursting pace life was over the last few days, I had some respite in the form of the rain soaked today. And I just spoke too soon. The rain started again.
Friday, December 08, 2006
Unspoken
I dug this out of my computer. Must have saved it in the wrong folder. I wrote this after watching a show where the guy writes to the girl whom he likes but he can't be with her due to various reasons. So i decided to do my own adaptation. Note this was done in 2004 so I guess my angry emo self was very much in control then so please forgive any over sappiness or angst.
Dear XXX,
Happy birthday. Hope you liked the present I got you, and that the A's were fine.
There has been something I always wanted to say, but never got the chance nor courage to do so. In a sense, the fact I'm doing this by a letter shows I still lack the latter.
I like you.
I think you may know that too, I would think the other girls would have said something. The first time I saw you, I don't know why, like a jolt of lightning, my heart could feel something different, something special about you. I can't really describe it, it just hit me like a bolt out of the blue, but deep down, my gut feeling told me you were someone exceptional.
Slowly, that gut feeling became admiration, then liking. You were not like the other girls, you were different, as you could be feminine yet tough at the same time. Plus your easy going attitude, sunshine personality save for the occasional bad mood, and just plain niceness attracted me.
And yet, that is all. I can only "like" you, and no more. You're just that, a friend, one whom I studied with, or used to study with to be exact. Nothing more, nothing less. I wish I had gotten to know you better.
I know I did a lot of stupid things, all in the misguided view of wanting to be nice to you. I guess most of them backfired badly.
In truth, when I wrote this, I really don't know what purpose will this letter serve. Perhaps it is just me trying to be an idiot in front of you for one last time. I guess when we graduate, we'll never see each other again. We'll go our separate ways, and the words stuck in me will stay with me forever. Maybe this is just my very last chance to tell you what I really feel about you.
Although things did not end up the way I want them to, I'll always cherish this friendship and the fun times we had. And to me, you'll always that special girl. Goodbye.
Yours sincerely,
YYY
When everything's over, just remember me as the idiot....
I dug this out of my computer. Must have saved it in the wrong folder. I wrote this after watching a show where the guy writes to the girl whom he likes but he can't be with her due to various reasons. So i decided to do my own adaptation. Note this was done in 2004 so I guess my angry emo self was very much in control then so please forgive any over sappiness or angst.
Dear XXX,
Happy birthday. Hope you liked the present I got you, and that the A's were fine.
There has been something I always wanted to say, but never got the chance nor courage to do so. In a sense, the fact I'm doing this by a letter shows I still lack the latter.
I like you.
I think you may know that too, I would think the other girls would have said something. The first time I saw you, I don't know why, like a jolt of lightning, my heart could feel something different, something special about you. I can't really describe it, it just hit me like a bolt out of the blue, but deep down, my gut feeling told me you were someone exceptional.
Slowly, that gut feeling became admiration, then liking. You were not like the other girls, you were different, as you could be feminine yet tough at the same time. Plus your easy going attitude, sunshine personality save for the occasional bad mood, and just plain niceness attracted me.
And yet, that is all. I can only "like" you, and no more. You're just that, a friend, one whom I studied with, or used to study with to be exact. Nothing more, nothing less. I wish I had gotten to know you better.
I know I did a lot of stupid things, all in the misguided view of wanting to be nice to you. I guess most of them backfired badly.
In truth, when I wrote this, I really don't know what purpose will this letter serve. Perhaps it is just me trying to be an idiot in front of you for one last time. I guess when we graduate, we'll never see each other again. We'll go our separate ways, and the words stuck in me will stay with me forever. Maybe this is just my very last chance to tell you what I really feel about you.
Although things did not end up the way I want them to, I'll always cherish this friendship and the fun times we had. And to me, you'll always that special girl. Goodbye.
Yours sincerely,
YYY
When everything's over, just remember me as the idiot....
Moving On
Well this is my second last night in the old house. Won't be able to blog tomorrow as I'll dismantle the computer and ship it over the new house come tomorrow afternoon.
I feel excited yet unsure over this new change in my life. I was rather reluctant to leave, but slowly I realised that we as a family have outgrown this place already. It's time to move on to a better future. Also, these few days have been a blur of packing, moving stuff to the new house, cleaning the new house, being the handyman about the new house (installing shower curtains, fixing the air conditioner controllers etc.) that I'll be glad for sat to come and end so I can get my life back! Haven't gone out since I came back from Thailand save for that trek to Punggol park where I begged adrian to send me home as it was already 2 am and I didn't want to take a cab.
On a side note, I was tasked to do some form of ice breakers for teens/young adults aged 20 to 23, mostly uni students. I had like 30 mins to think about it, and frankly I couldn't think of anything good to do, save for the alliteration names. (eg. Zany Zhao Yang) But a flash of inspiration came to me, so when I was asked to conduct the ice breakers, I asked them to come up with an alliteration for their names and tell us what was their favourite youtube video. And hey, it worked! It was a bit of a hail mary pass, but I was pleasantly surprised. We started discussing about all the funny videos (like the japanese toilet pranks) Will definitely use this idea again.
Christmas is coming again. I guess because I have regained my freedom, things don't look so bleak for me (no xmas/new year/cny duties!) as they did last year. I always maintained that christmas is the most miserable time of the year as those who are alone will feel it more acutely than on normal occasions. But hey, I'm riding a wave of optimism for my future, so I guess it'll mute those bothersome feelings. Will be looking forward to Christmas this year, as it is an opportunity to pick up much needed $$. If there's one thing I miss it is a regular income for doing particularly nothing.
Hoping to meet up with people soon, especially with the Guys, once adrian and nick return from their respective trips and I finish moving house. My hands are itching for more mahjong as well. Fabian if you're reading this are you done with the thailand photos?
There are many things I want to do, and I feel pumped to do them. Full steam ahead!
Well this is my second last night in the old house. Won't be able to blog tomorrow as I'll dismantle the computer and ship it over the new house come tomorrow afternoon.
I feel excited yet unsure over this new change in my life. I was rather reluctant to leave, but slowly I realised that we as a family have outgrown this place already. It's time to move on to a better future. Also, these few days have been a blur of packing, moving stuff to the new house, cleaning the new house, being the handyman about the new house (installing shower curtains, fixing the air conditioner controllers etc.) that I'll be glad for sat to come and end so I can get my life back! Haven't gone out since I came back from Thailand save for that trek to Punggol park where I begged adrian to send me home as it was already 2 am and I didn't want to take a cab.
On a side note, I was tasked to do some form of ice breakers for teens/young adults aged 20 to 23, mostly uni students. I had like 30 mins to think about it, and frankly I couldn't think of anything good to do, save for the alliteration names. (eg. Zany Zhao Yang) But a flash of inspiration came to me, so when I was asked to conduct the ice breakers, I asked them to come up with an alliteration for their names and tell us what was their favourite youtube video. And hey, it worked! It was a bit of a hail mary pass, but I was pleasantly surprised. We started discussing about all the funny videos (like the japanese toilet pranks) Will definitely use this idea again.
Christmas is coming again. I guess because I have regained my freedom, things don't look so bleak for me (no xmas/new year/cny duties!) as they did last year. I always maintained that christmas is the most miserable time of the year as those who are alone will feel it more acutely than on normal occasions. But hey, I'm riding a wave of optimism for my future, so I guess it'll mute those bothersome feelings. Will be looking forward to Christmas this year, as it is an opportunity to pick up much needed $$. If there's one thing I miss it is a regular income for doing particularly nothing.
Hoping to meet up with people soon, especially with the Guys, once adrian and nick return from their respective trips and I finish moving house. My hands are itching for more mahjong as well. Fabian if you're reading this are you done with the thailand photos?
There are many things I want to do, and I feel pumped to do them. Full steam ahead!
Monday, December 04, 2006
This could be your love song...
Your Love Song
By Angela Aki
Open your eyes, wake up my love
This is the calm I am speaking of
Empty and cold I am torn apart
You enter the beats back in my heart
I have arrived much too soon
I'm waiting for you to enter my room
This could be your love song
This could be your love song
I lie awake,
this moonless night
Knowing our timing isn't right
Shadows of dreams cast from my soul
Without your light
I'll never be whole
I have arrived much too soon
I'm waiting for you to enter my room
This could be your love song
This could be your love song..
I love this song... I love the piano in the background, the simple lyrics, the soulful voice that sings it, and then its wordless end to the song... A nice song for all those quiet late nights, like this one..
Your Love Song
By Angela Aki
Open your eyes, wake up my love
This is the calm I am speaking of
Empty and cold I am torn apart
You enter the beats back in my heart
I have arrived much too soon
I'm waiting for you to enter my room
This could be your love song
This could be your love song
I lie awake,
this moonless night
Knowing our timing isn't right
Shadows of dreams cast from my soul
Without your light
I'll never be whole
I have arrived much too soon
I'm waiting for you to enter my room
This could be your love song
This could be your love song..
I love this song... I love the piano in the background, the simple lyrics, the soulful voice that sings it, and then its wordless end to the song... A nice song for all those quiet late nights, like this one..
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