Unspoken

I dug this out of my computer. Must have saved it in the wrong folder. I wrote this after watching a show where the guy writes to the girl whom he likes but he can't be with her due to various reasons. So i decided to do my own adaptation. Note this was done in 2004 so I guess my angry emo self was very much in control then so please forgive any over sappiness or angst.

Dear XXX,

Happy birthday. Hope you liked the present I got you, and that the A's were fine.
There has been something I always wanted to say, but never got the chance nor courage to do so. In a sense, the fact I'm doing this by a letter shows I still lack the latter.
I like you.
I think you may know that too, I would think the other girls would have said something. The first time I saw you, I don't know why, like a jolt of lightning, my heart could feel something different, something special about you. I can't really describe it, it just hit me like a bolt out of the blue, but deep down, my gut feeling told me you were someone exceptional.
Slowly, that gut feeling became admiration, then liking. You were not like the other girls, you were different, as you could be feminine yet tough at the same time. Plus your easy going attitude, sunshine personality save for the occasional bad mood, and just plain niceness attracted me.
And yet, that is all. I can only "like" you, and no more. You're just that, a friend, one whom I studied with, or used to study with to be exact. Nothing more, nothing less. I wish I had gotten to know you better.
I know I did a lot of stupid things, all in the misguided view of wanting to be nice to you. I guess most of them backfired badly.
In truth, when I wrote this, I really don't know what purpose will this letter serve. Perhaps it is just me trying to be an idiot in front of you for one last time. I guess when we graduate, we'll never see each other again. We'll go our separate ways, and the words stuck in me will stay with me forever. Maybe this is just my very last chance to tell you what I really feel about you.
Although things did not end up the way I want them to, I'll always cherish this friendship and the fun times we had. And to me, you'll always that special girl. Goodbye.

Yours sincerely,
YYY

When everything's over, just remember me as the idiot....