Tuesday, December 30, 2003

Ode to a soldier

And when he goes to heaven,
to Saint Peter he will tell,
"Just another soldier reporting Sir,
I've served my time in hell."


TIME Magazine

Friday, December 26, 2003

The time of the year...

Another festive season was upon us. And it came and went. Like the rest of them.
Spent christmas eve watching ROTK, felt it was TTT was better as ROTK in my opinion had uneven pacing, there was no real climax, but the final parts when gollum and frodo were fighting over the ring was magnificent. ANd yah, woke up at 0830 hours, much to my dismay, as the show starts at 9. The circumstances in which this happened was very much laughable, to the point I was laughing ironically, much to my dad's ire as he had to send me to junction 8 anyway. There, I still had to wait for esther who was later than me, and we entered the show 15 minutes late, only to be greeted with a scene of a snowflake landing on a reindeer. Which led me to question the people behind me if we had entered brother bear instead of ROTK, but I was mistaken, and as we took our seats the movie promptly started. Thank the advertisors for wanting to gain more exposure by putting more ads on this popular movie. (Shelob was not scary at all, yet my jacket arm got the full brunt of it)
After that, spent some time hogging the class booth at xmas fun until crystal told me (kindly) to stop hogging it. Then went to blast a bit of TC3, before finally meeting up with the new J1s for lunch, listening to them talk crap.
Relaxed at home for a while, before going for the usual xmas eve dinner.
Christmas day. Woke up at 11, jolly. Went over to mama's house for the usual xmas fare of mee siam. Delicious as usual, although my appetite wasn't really on form. Opened presents, got only a $25 borders book card and some money. As you grow older the presents you get become lesser and smaller, not that I would complain. Call it part of the maturing process.
Went to great world city with neil to play TC2, loss to him by 2 credits and at least 90000 points. Crap. Didn't help that the gun I was using had a jammed trigger. Went back and slept, the late nights are doing me in.
Sighz, last night the xmas lights were beckoning me as I looked at them from my window, causing me to have a profound sense of loneliness in this world.
I remember Christmas at the old grange road, where the tree was really taller, my grandparents in better health, presents aplenty for all those small children and we would pester the adults to let us open the presnts as soon as possible. Now, the little one has grown up, the old tree has been discarded in favour of one shorter than me, presents have become smaller and lesser exponentially, and I have grown to tire of xmas.
Maybe, just maybe, there's some more left in this weary soul of mine...

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

Musings

Some stuff I dug up from my hard drive.

The sigh of the times

Ng Zhao Yang 1SO3E

As I prepared to write this article, I was wondering, what topics really pertain to us JC students anyway? In terms of wants and needs, we are more or less fulfilled, our parents provide us with everything, food, clothes, money etc. Compared with the people in poorer countries, we are far more well-off and comfortable. As a result, the desperation of poverty and living in squalid conditions do not strike a chord with us pampered youths. Therefore I struck out writing about poverty and suffering.
Moving on, I resolved to write about politics and comment on the current affairs. However, I realised that these too do not really seem to be something JC students are preoccupied with. They are more interested about why appeasement failed and why Hitler committed military hari-kiri when he delayed Operation Barbarossa, rather than in the dull rhetorical and jingoistic speeches of George W. Bush pushing for war. Make no mistake about it, we students seem to be more interested in what is coming out for the next test than bother about the world. Even if something were to interest us, it would have to be college gossip, about who is going out with whom and who was just dumped by the guy in 1SO7Z. As a result, I drew a big fat line and went down my list again.
I thought about writing about the failing Singapore economy, but decided not to. Despite the economic slowdown, with war cries resounding everywhere by the government to tighten our belts and roll up our socks, we youths seem to be immune to such buffeting winds of change. A deluge of RJC students fills Holland Village every night, each spending a small fortune on food and drinks. Not that I condemn such acts, but their lavishness almost disguises the fact that Singapore is in a recession. We are either totally oblivious, or downright ignorant. The intricacies of penny-pinching and saving for a rainy day have been washed out.
With politics and the economy struck out, I moved on to the social aspect of life. There seemed to be a deluge of topics for me to write about, but I stopped short of doing so. Does anyone of us care about parents placing children in 24-hour care centres? What about whether the Sengkang LRT will function smoothly? These topics are as dry as firewood, and we view them as the other peopleĆ¢€™s problems, or worse, potential GP questions. Only then they will grudgingly force some points of futile argument in their heads just in case their GP teachers scold them for not keeping up with the current affairs.
By now, my list was down to its bare bones and filled with unsightly red cancel marks. The remaining topics were fashion, sports, music, entertainment etc. To my dismay, I found out that these topics were covered widely in commercial teen magazines, such as Teenage or Seventeen, which is far more value for money than my magazine. Faced with such great competition, and knowing that it was a hopeless battle as I knew nuts about how to choosing the right shirt to go with this pants, I crushed the piece of paper in my possession into a ball of paper.
Essay undone, my faith shakened, I walked to the living room to read the papers. Amid all the tabloids, the gossip, the looming clouds of war, a lone article stood out. A student, our age, was now somewhere in Cambodia, helping needy children in a village to build a school.
Sometimes the process is more important then the end result.
Seaons' greetings from SquareEnix



Monday, December 22, 2003

The story ends...

*Spoilers galore. You have been warned.*

Just completed FFX today. Watched the great ending, again felt the same profound feeling of sadness I never fail to feel everytime I watch it. An interesting note is that, in the japanese version, after yuna runs through tidus and gets up again, she says thank you, but in the international version she says i love you. In my opinion, there is no need to spell it out, a thank you would have more impact than i love you as their love is so strongly implied there is no need to proclaim it.
The ending got me thinking a bit. I realised, that all the 7 characters are flawed in one way or another. Which sort of contradicts the usual invincible hero stereotype.
Tidus is a headstrong guy who hates his father, who was a crybaby when young. All throughout the story, he was not working towards saving the world, he was trying to save yuna from being sacrificed for the final summoning. He couldn't care less about the yevon teachings or all the nonsense, he only wanted to protect yuna as a guardian.
Yuna, I always found irritating as she was always saying spastic things like help me etc, but as the game got on I understand the reason for her behaviour. Living up to her father's name, having her faith in yevon shattered, then finding out that sin is jecht would caused anyone to crumble, more so an apprentice summoner of only 17, whose world is only in a small island before she set off on her pilgramage. She also did rely on Lulu too much, but as the game got on she did become stronger, but she suffered the ultimate loss in the end. The irony is not lost on me, that tidus, in order to save yuna, ended up sacrificing himself instead.
Kimahri is a ronso outcast, because of his broken horn. It can be said that he being an outcast from the ronso tribe caused him to protect yuna with great zeal, as in a sense, it was the only purpose he had.
Auron, the disgraced warrior monk, the unsent, has the most luggage. The guilt of sending braska and jecht to their deaths as he had no guts to do anything haunts him, now all he wants is to fufil jecht's wishes. His desire to do so is so strong that he becomes an unsent. When it all ends, he tells the rest, "it's your world now." showing that he thinks that he is just a living ghost, and when he completed his pact with jecht, he leaves, finally at peace. But before that, he had to endure 10 years of reculsive living, tormmented with his guilt.
Lulu, her fiery character can be attributed to many factors, the death of chappu, the death of the 1st summoner she guarded. She seems to block out all emotions, choosing to blame everything on wakka, and was distrustful of tidus at first as she was very protective of yuna. It can be infered that she si now very afraid of losing people close to her due to the events mentioned above.
Wakka, well he maybe cheery and such, but deep down he has this inferiority complex, maybe cultivated after years and years of losing in blitzball. Also, he is so devout that he refuses to acknowledge the failings and the lies of yevon until much later.
Rikku, apart from the obvious flaw as she is terrified of lightning, is very much a girl who wants to make people see past the fact that she is al bhed, and the stigma that comes with it. The fact that she is an al bhed causes her to feel like an outcast, and a loathing for the "yevonites" as she puts it, shows.
In summary, it seems that a rag-tag army of misfits and infidels saved the world.
All the character traits were an integral part of making this game enjoyable, which seriously could be made into a movie.
Huh, non-ffx fans would be advised against reading this.
Anyway, till next time.
I know it's selfish, but this is my story!

Just a few more days to christmas, then to the new year.
Time really flies, to re-use an old cliche.
I think I shall leave the melancholy out of this psot, romantism is dead, pragmantism replaces it, time that has past cannot be reclaimed, stupid things done cannot be undone, bridges burnt cannot be mended, in short, I chose my own path. It wasn't pretty, at times it was helplessly hopeless, at times it was blindingly euphoric. I'm glad the good times outnumbered the bad, but every unhappy experience was just another lesson to learn, costly or not, I drew something from my myriad of encounters.
2004. A new year dawns on us, yet the future is as murky as it can get. Who thought, at the brink of 2003, that a disease would send us all into a panic, to the extent schools will be closed and people adhored all human contact?
Whatever comes next year, I'll be there to face it.
The A's, coupled with my natural desire for not studying and penchant for just scrapping through. No S papers, meaning unlikely any scholarship, the incentive to work hard is greater, yet that is far from the truth.
Orientation. Those who know me, you know what I am like. There is this part of me which needs to change, and badly, and through this I'll get the opportunity to try and change.
There are plenty more I feel apprehensive about, but I'll take things 1 at a time.
I refuse to use the word hope.
To hope is to say to a higher being, "here's my life, plot its chart for me."
That is a very irresponsible way of living to me.
We are all masters of our own fate.
Hope is just the denial of reality.
I choose my own path.
Gives a whole new meaning to "show him the view from the top"

Thursday, December 18, 2003

Life for rent, takers anyone?

I'm back from Thailand, loyal readers of my blog, which has withered down to a small number.
I must say I was quite unhappy with the standard of the tour, but after asking my mum what is the purpose of us having a holiday, I can't really complain much. She said it doesn't matter where we go, as long we go as a family, so I guess how lousy the tour guide was, we fulfilled the purpose, and the trip was a success after all.
Bought a lot of stuff, i think 6 pairs of pants, 8 shirts, 1 windbreaker, 1 pair of shoes. For the first time in my life I was quite enthusiatic about shopping, but this was like a "shopping window" for me, otherwise back in s'pore I would never buy anything. Got my Ruud Van Nistelrooy jersey, a genuine fake.
Experienced parasailing and jetskiing, riding in a very bumpy boat, think ubin boat ride, 3 times faster, sea 4 times choppier. Saw mogilan as well, had a nice chat with him during lunch.
Was a bit pissed about the fact all the hotels i went to had no paper for me to write on, in the end, this is the watered down version of my thoughts in my mind during those 5 days.
Will post some pictures once I find someone kind enough to host them.
Till you read again.

Thursday, December 11, 2003

This is my story.

Tidus: Yuna, I have to go.
Yuna nods "no".
Tidus: I'm sorry I couldn't show you Zanarkand. Goodbye!
Tidus is about to jump off the airship.
Wakka: Hey!
Rikku: We're gonna see you again...?
Yuna runs after Tidus.
Kimahri: Yuna!
Yuna tried to hold on to Tidus, but she went through and fell down. Tidus is disappearing. Yuna gets up.
Yuna: I love you.
Tidus gave Yuna a hug although she can't feel him. Then Tidus is about to jump and the group started waving goodbye. Tidus jumps off the airship, and we see Jecht, Auron, and Braska. Jecht reunites with Tidus. Later in Luca, Yuna tried the whistle blow with fingers, but it is no use, as we know Tidus is gone.

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

Theory of existence

Sorry for my long hiatus, my loyal readers (if there are any), just didn't feel the desire to blog. Each day seems a carbon copy of another, activities are fun no doubt, but as I go on I find I have lesser and lesser time for myself and ultimately away from the maddening crowd.
Ever felt this feeling before? You feel lonely even if you're in a middle of a crowded street. People stream pass you, cars honk, shopping malls lights flare, a hundred thousand voices resonate, yet all you want to hide in some corner, where you can live your own life and not worry about others.
I admit sometimes I have these moments. Where I want to run away from the sea of familiar yet unfamiliar faces around me, run away from all my responsibilities, commitments, basically leaving this world. Akin to death I guess. A living ghost.
Today was one of those days.
I dont know why must I be placed in such a situation. Aren't we all friends, working towards a common goal? Sure, our views differ, but at the end of the day we are still friends right?
Maybe I'm living in this utopic world where friends stay together forever and trade old war stories 10 years from now when we come together with our wives and children. Maybe I'm blind to the fact that such a world is impossible.
The worse part was the fact I have to choose sides. How can I? Both are my friends after all, how does one choose between good friends?
Argh, it is unfair.
Now all I'm doing is just running away, something I swore never to do again, ever since those dark sec 1 days.
But now, it seems like it starting again...

Friday, December 05, 2003

This is the end. There is no more.

GTC 2003.
With its closure, a chapter of life closes.
It seemed just like yesterday I was in that horseshoe doing the push ups.
I don't think any of the trainees or the Guys TM saw me cry.
It has been a rollercoaster ride of a year.
To the ventures, we leave the group in your hands.
Make all of us proud.
My only regret, is joining late.
01 Raffles.
Forever.