Diverging viewpoints

Here I am again, at the end of another book out, at the threshold of another week in the school of military medicine. Somehow, the pre book in depression is somehwat lesser than last week's, maybe it was the nice unexpected chat I had with edwin in the morning, or that there is a night out on wed and a book out on thurs for a scholarship interview to look forward to.
A few thoughts to share. Thursday I'm going to MOE for an interview about the teaching scholarship. Do I really want to be a teacher? Sure, in my little utopic world if i ever become a teacher i'll end up teaching bright young kids with a thrist for knowledge and being able to employ all sorts of unorthodox methods of teaching. But sadly reality is a sorry state of affairs. I'll probably end up quite the contary, then what happens? Mum and I are the same, we cannot suffer any fools, and as I quote kenneth, if any non-teaching problems crop up with the students, like smoking in the toilet etc. "they don't pay me enough to deal with this" Essentially I wouldn't like that kind of life.
Listening to ed enthuse (i kid not) about life in OCS, I wince and felt a pang of envy, crazily and bizzarely enough. As i said in my previous post, I sometimes feel that I'm shortchanging myself yet AGAIN by comforting myself that I'm happy with what I am. Crazily enough I want to go and face the same challenges as they do, and finally overcome them. Ed says it's not that we're in different leagues, it's just that we have different paths. That's correct, I admit, but still a bit hollow, can't shake that nagging feeling that I've underachieved again.
Which brings me to another point, what drives me to think in such a weird way? People are crazy enough to rub cigarette ash into their eyes to get 3 days attend c while I'll balk at such a thought. For most of the 01 people, we know the dictum that a certain person once told us, "if you want to do soemthing, either you do it well or you don't bother doing it at all" I do subscribe to this, and follow it to the T. What I cannot understand is that why people sometimes are happy with mediocrity? Are they merely easily satisfied? I always strive towards the best possible outcome in all I do, maybe raffles indoctrined in me the "nothing but the best, anything else is nothing" mindset, so much so that now I can't see pass the tree for the forest.
I just can't stand the way some of the people say the name of my alma mater with contempt. There are times I feel like losing my temper and saying stuff I know i'll immediately regret later. I love my school. If I hear any disparaging or unfair remarks about her, I'll defend her. There seems to be many myths about my alma mater, so much so that they have a very skewed view of what we really are.
And I really want to physcially severely hurt a person, who is a mega asshole, but I can't. All I can say is, the guy upstairs doesn't really take care of those who believe in him the most. You know the feeling when someone you care for is suffering silently and greatly but there's nothing you can do but give hollow words of comforting nature? That's exactly how I feel, and a lot of anger. Anger at that sorry excuse for a guy, angry at myself for indirectly contributing to her woes, and most of all, angry with myself for being to do absolutely nothing but to stay by the side and watch her live the year with glazed lifeless eyes, monotone voice and her wasted youth. I really wish I could do more.
The week beckons. Maybe it'll be a better day. For someone else at least.