That time of the year again

As i stoned away in paya lebar air base waiting for my turn to take my annual medic profiency test, I perused today's papers and ended up with the urban section. In there they had a valentine's day special about 4 guys who are supposedly very eligible bachelors and why they are single this valentine's day. It was a rather interesting read, and it stirred up some old emotions and made me think.
As I approach the 20th valentine's day of my life again dateless (no surprise there), I can't help but feel pensive about my lack of a love life. It's not because I'm yearning for a relationship, I believe I have gone past that point, where now I see that being in a relationship is no panecea, no miracle drug that will make you feel better. A relationship requires effort and time, and sometimes once the rose tinted glasses go off, it ends in tears or quiet resignation.
It's not that I've turned my back to love either. I believe it's an emotion that will keep us going, an emotion similar to hope, with love comes purpose, one's will be strengthened by wanting to protect the ones he love, provide them with a good life etc.
Perhaps I have ended up in an emotional crossroad, where I don't know where can I go from this point. No more schoolboy crushes, no more doing stupid things in the hope of getting her attention, I grimace when I think of my past deeds.
I do believe that the other person that you think love is just a body of thoughts, like i said in my previous post, a person you think that once you get into a relationship with the person, you get rid of your miseries and have fufilled all your desires. To a certain extent it's true, but it brings with you more problems as well.
I don't know if you can classify me as being fatigued, confused, or a loser who's just lamenting over his lack of ability to get a date and trying to act all philosphical to try and cover up that fact.
On the 14th I have volunteered to do duties for most of my campmates as most of them are attached, my doctor who had a RT cover on that day changed his to a later date, and when he informed us medics about it, he inserted this line into his email, "hey aren't you glad I'm not going to drag one of you with me on the 14th to sulk with me? of course it wouldn't matter for zhao yang anyway.. :)"
There was one ocassion where my campmates were all gathering around discussing the plans they have for valentine's day, one said he's taking his girlfriend to walk around the esplanade area, one's said he's taking her to mount faber to see stars, one was getting ideas from the ideas. Then, inevitably, the conversation veered towards poking fun at the perpetually dateless me, the only girlfriend-less person in the camp. As usual I'll just smile and laugh off their comments, but one of them asked me a question that set me thinking, "zhao yang, surely you like some girls or are good friends with them, just get one of them to be your girlfriend la!" or something to that effect.
Indeed why not? I must confess there are times I felt this way about some of my friends, but thank the heavens I have never acted on such reckless impulses. I think that just getting anyone, any person to be in a relationship with you is just irresponsible. I know if I did that it'll be just to fill that void in my heart and nothign else. That is totally selfish I feel. In such a relationship nothing good can come out of it and once the honeymoon period is over, all you're left with is just bittersweet memories. But they countered, "you're not marrying her!" and "consider such stuff after you're in a relationship".
Well, both points are valid I guess, but still maybe I'm just too cowardly to go and create those bittersweet memories. This post will most likely make you think I'm an idiot who thinks too much or an absoulte loser who's trying to justify why he can't get a girlfriend and comforting himself by coming up with an elaborate and convulated theory about it.
Come 14th feb, I'll be glad to be in camp, away from the lovey dovey couples in esplanade or mount faber gazing at stars or what nots, away from the sights of affection, away from the candle lit resturants, away from the ubiquitious roses, and yet, the desire to join in with them will not go away.