Vestige

I've come to realise I don't blog.
I rant.
And I used to type in a font size which is very unfriendly to one's eyes.
Neither did I exercise liberal paragraphing for easier reading.
Like so.
As a result, I've decided to revamp the place, increased the font size, got rid of the fanboyish skin (freedom is gone anyway), and used a default template.
Better right?
Now on to the blog post itself.
What shoudl have been a quiet week for me being able to go home everyday turned sour at the end, but it was good while it lasted. Points worth taking note of are the fact I'm now dragged to become a MOPA. A ton of work awaits me then, plus I'll be at the mercy of the doctors. Hopefully I can pick their brain and perhaps gain enough brownie points to allow me to use them as expert medical witnesses if necessary.
The NKF incident. Well, my sentiments are just that something isn't quite right about this whole affair. Why would the chairman, who was trained in law, decided to pursue the case when he obviously knew that all the facts would turn up in court. Facts hardly tell the truth, but they are open to interpretation and thus very lethal. Plus SPH had the ability to skew the story in their favour, seeing that all printed news is under their control save for today. The fact that he was cross-examined to death so easily in court is fishy. For all you know he may have been the fall guy for the whole incident. And for the record, 25 000 for a CEO's pay, some may think it's too high, but I think it's necessary to be high as he doesn't earn rent only, he has to have a salary at least matching his second best alternative job to ensure he stays. In short, high salaries are the only way to attract people to work in companies, even ones that are just charities.
Vestiges of my life. A bit here, a bit there, some recorded, some forgotten. In my feverish throes on tuesday night I dreamt of a casualty on the beach, no pulse no breathing, history of asthma. I started to do CPR and woke up. In cold sweat.
After what happened then, I wonder if I would ever have the courage to do my duty. Just monday, my sergeant tried to pep talk us into working harder, telling us that although a lot of things we do are not recognised, we should still work hard as our job is very important, and he hopes that by doing so we would get some self-esteem. I told him pointedly that self-esteem doesn't fill my stomach, which he had no answer to. How can you get someone so unmotivated to try and save the life of a person? I may have said those words, but to me if a person is dying in my hands I'll try my best to revive him, nothing else matters then. But would that be the case to other medics? "They don't pay me enough to warrant me staying back an extra hour to top up the stores in the emergency trolley" And maybe because of a capsule of adrenaline, the patient dies. This is a highly possible scenario. We medics are like a timebomb, waiting to go off. Not saying we cannot handle the patients, whether we'll be motivated to do so. We as a rule are motivated by disincentive rather than incentive, like do this or you'll get confinement.
In any case, if it comes to down to saving a patient's life, I won't hesitate to help him, but whether I'll be stunned out of my wits when I see the patient is another thing. That's why I chose to be a lawyer not a doctor, I rather ruin lives than save them.
Life goes on as usual. Everyone has their lives to lead, mine just rolls on as well. Maybe someday I'll make an attempt to snap out of this inertia, but now, I'm not precisely enjoying it, but I don't mind it.