I want to go a place where I belong

Weekend was great. It's been a long time since I felt such feelings of comfort, warmth, friendship and just overall good company. When I said I wanted to sever all ties with the past, I didn't mean really forsaking all the good times we had in the past, but merely accepting the fact that things will not be like last time and learning to progress with them towards a vastly different future.
Class gathering was fun, but the highlight was the basketball game we had that was unfortunately cut short by the turning off of the floodlights. But during the 10 minutes when we played, it seemed like we were back in school again, playing basketball after PE. Sharon's netball style of shooting, boon seer's screaming, zhongwei's height helping him get all those easy under the net rebounds, shiming with his double handed overhead hard throws, enming and his funny style of dribbling, yangqi with his solo efforts etc. But yet there was something different as well, we were not in our PE kit, the sky was dark instead of a sweltering afternoon and the court was not as messed up as the one in buona vista.
I guess that moment when the old and new mixed together, I had no worries, no thoughts of the heavy week ahead, nothing. Just the singular mindset of playing ball. That fleeting feeling was something I haven't felt for long, and it felt so good.
And today, the time with the guys was good. The talk we had, the sobering feeling of "the future is upon us" came to me. No longer were we boys running around in our "tight white shorts", we were young adults, some of them already were taking their first steps to independent adulthood. Jun seng pointed out that our reunion 20 years from now will probably yield a pilot, a brigadier general, a high ranking official in MOE and many of us holding respectable positions. For once, in a long time, instead of envy and despair, I felt a great desire within me to work very hard and be up there with those high flyers. I remember Ben telling me the greatest motivation to him when he set up his company was that he didn't want to lose out to Ronald. I guess I feel the same way. I want to be the best I can be, because I can. I know I can soar with the eagles if I put my mind to it, and I want to be right up there with all of them.
Also, being healthy boys, we started discussing, well, girls. And well ed started telling the sushi story (BTW it seems I have a sushi story a saga seeds story and a flower story) which I had to correct. In any case, they said I was actually quite good, but it was the wrong person. Thinking back now, yeah they're right. A few weeks has cleared my mind, and with the benefit of clarity of thought I have managed to come up with unbiased and well thought out conclusions and deductions. In any case, my conclusion is that I have decided to use the rest of my army life to improve myself as a person. Sort of a solitary journey of self-discovery, minus the alcohol and cigars I guess. I want to be a better person, I want to be the person I think I am, I want to stop thinking I'm the person I want to be at this very moment as I still need to improve.
Side point: Why did I ever move out of pine grove? That place is like populated by pretty girls only....
Just another interesting saddened of my life. On Saturday morning, I took 167 home from camp and dropped in front of far east. There a TAGS girl cheerily accosted me asking me to donate some money, thrusting her can in my face. Well normally I'm rather reluctant to donate but that morning I was feeling a tad generous (and it didn't hurt that she was pretty as well :) ) but I had no spare change. So I promised her that I'll return once I got change and walked off. It was something that I said off-handedly, as a way to counter the embarrassment I felt. But as I opened up some distance between myself and her, I felt something twinge. I had fully intended just to walk away and go home, but I used the word "promised" so I felt that I was obliged to fufill that promise. In the end, I bought some bread from the wisma breadtalk and went back to the same spot and found the girl and gave her the change. The look of joy on her face brought a smile to mine too. If I was her in my heart I probably think that I'll just walk off and heck care her, but I had unexpectedly come back. Having done flag days before, I know how it feels to stand out in the sun with a can with people running away from you or saying curt and rude "nos" to you.
I don't intend to sound big headed or anything, but I hope I made that girl feel something for a while, be it happiness, astonishment that I returned, or maybe even believe in humanity again. I know it's nothing to crow about, but somehow I think if it had happened to me, it would have definitely made my day.

I want to go to a place where I belong,
where the flowers bloom for you and me,
where an eternity is never too long,
and fields of hope are all I see.

Warm glow of the sun,
the soft tug of the wind in my hair,
children having fun,
without a worry or a care.

Sincere smiles all around,
opened palms instead of balled fists,
no fight for that elusive crown,
no more of that dreaded red mist.

No more knives in the back,
no more skulking around in the dark.
Nothing we shall lack,
what was lost shall come back.

I want to go to a place where I belong,
where you'll be waiting for me,
singing that same old song,
for no one but that same flawed person you only see.

Seems I haven't lost my touch, it just got rusty that's all.