You don't have to fear this love...

A week of change, if I was asked to describe the last week, those words can't be more apt. In this one week I had been shot a major arrow which effectively makes me a CO PA, made and cancelled my first day surgery appointment, and had my first AH duty yesterday.
Was quite trying at times, especially regarding that major arrow. I fear it may affect my off/leave plans, but it seems things wasn't as bad as I had imagined it. Still it isn't a walk in the park and looks like my intention of just quietly living out my 5 months left to ORD while pursuing my other goals outside national service faded faster than mist in the sun.
Yesterday's AH duty was boring, as the patients weren't really serious and they all looked stable and fine to me. Spent most of the time sitting on the comfy chairs either reading or catching forty winks in awkward angles. The female senior medic who was on duty with me brought vcds of idol dramas, which meant I had no chance to watch anything anyway as she monopolised the television.
Am currently listening to Angela Aki's This Love. Those who watch the anime Blood+ would know it as the 3rd ending song of the series. I had been a fan of Angela Aki since I heard her sing the theme for FFXII Kiss Me Goodbye and the absolutely wonderful Santa Fe, both songs I have recommended on this blog and posted the lyrics to the two songs here as well. Well I think she has managed to outdo herself this time. A very moving and powerful ballad, it has the rare distinction of being a song I fell in love with the very first time I heard it. The powerful vocals, married with the piano and violin, form a moving combination. I can feel the intense emotion as she sings every note, despite the fact that the song is mostly in japanese save for one line.
But strangely, perhaps the reason why this song gives me the chills everytime I play it, is that this song reminds me of her. Not precisely her per se, but those long forgotten and forsaken feelings associated with her. It is just a bunch of random images or sounds, like her standing in front of me, the sound of her laugh, her screwing up her face in concentration as she tackles yet another math problem, or her sweet voice chiding me to work harder.
I can't really explain why. Maybe it was due to the boredom I felt while on duty yesterday. Or perhaps the stress of the new work assignment caused me to dredge up past memories that I wanted to stay buried.
Whatever the case, I couldn't help but feel that the only english lines in this song described what transpired far too well. They were "you don't have to fear this love..."
Haha, I was so wrong then. It was always wishful thinking on my part, therefore I always felt those memories are not worth remembering, as it was one-sided.
Sometimes when the day's madness gets me down real bad, I subconsciously yearn for someone to be by my side to help me through these difficult times. Sometimes I feel like I'm about to breakdown from all the stress. But somehow I always managed to pull through. The good part of being well adjusted. Despite any changes in a situation, you would still be able to pull through in the end. Initially it'll be tough, but you'll get over it soon and be back to your old self.
In this time and age where secondary school kids are already dating at ages as young as 14, when I see them in public or in the MRT trains I feel like a voyeuristic dinosaur. I don't quite understand, I'm only 20 yet I feel so jaded. Wasn't I young like them last time? And that "last time" was just a mere 2 years ago? It seemed like an eternity ago...
I do realise I have just rambled on and on pointlessly. There's really no point going on to explain further, as in the end the answer I want will never come out. Best is to deal with it the way I have been dealing with it for the last half a year or so.
By not thinking about it.