Emotional inertia

Hello from Sembawang Medical Centre. Using the I-net terminal there as i'm supposed to stay in for this whole week. Don't grieve, as I have this I-net terminal, a TV, a playstation to keep me company lest I get bored. Did i also forgrt to mention that the whole place is air-conditioned? 2 days in here already and my skin started feeling dry..
I have come to the conclusion that I'm just not suited to anyone, and I have been denying this fact for a long time. Boon kwan once said i was a neither here nor there person, thus no one can really classify me into a type thus it is impossible to identify the type of person who would click with me. Plus my star sign is capricorn, and the horrorscope says that people with this star sign have few friends but the few are very good friends. Another piece of evidence is that I left a trail of bile in my last 2 army camps, something I'm not very proud of.
Anyway I have more less resigned myself to a quiet life for the rest of my 2 years. it's getting harder and harder to meet my friends from JC as they all have their own lives to lead, the guys either in different camps and vocations from me and the ladies busy with work travel play and soon uni. It's time to stop living in the past and face the present. Army has made me longed for the carefree school days where the only thing you worried about was grades, (a great source of worry though) still I know now that those days are memories and nothing else. Attending ms lui's wedding, I felt so out of place, the profound feeling of "i don't belong here" just came over me. And I don't think I could go back to being the cock person i was. Army has opened my eyes for better or worse, and I have become more jaded, and look back at some of the things I did in JC and wonder about the value of it.
Past is past. I have been desperately holding on to it, using it as some form of leverage against the army's corrupting influence, now I've decided to leave it behind for good. From now on I'll use the future to act as my anchor, my outlet to the madness in uniform. And if I have to do that alone, so be it. I can't always be looking for someone to share my sadness with, no one is that foolish to do that, and most definately won't do it for me. It's time I got used to the fact that, for the time being at least, i'll be alone.